Author's notes: Hola, and welcome to the third installment of The "We're Screwed" Chronicles! In this installment, much will happen. Maybe. At least there will be zaniness. I know that much. Actually, the first few paragraphs of this chapter seems a little more serious to me. Perhaps I shouldn't watch "Grave of The Fireflies" while trying to write a humor fic. I don't know if any of you have seen it, but you should. You'll cry.

Also, I would like to thank all those wonderful people who read and reviewed my story! You guys rock my socks!

You know, I actually had to wipe the dust off my keyboard before starting this. Interesting, no?


Achenar bounded out of the tram with a little boy's enthusiasm. Sirrus stumbled out clutching his stomach, looking as green as the grass on Myst Island.

"Oh brother, wasn't that fun?" Recieving no reply, he decided to continue. "Want to ride again?!" Sirrus visibly paled and rushed around to the side of the tram, a corner carved out into the rock. Achenar watched his brother expend the contents of his stomach onto the rough sandstone with a mild glee. Sirrus slowly straightened up at the sound of his brother's giggling at his expense.

"You..." Sirrus stopped abruptly, holding his hand out to the wall in front of him.

"I what, brother?" Achenar baited. He wanted this game to continue; it was not often he got the better of Sirrus. Sirrus, however, ignored him and continued to focus on the wall. Achenar jumped over to see what had captured his brother's attention. Set into the stone was a sphere about the size of a fist with an eye painted onto it. Sirrus pushed it, and it rolled itself around to reveal some writing on the other side.

"A numeral," muttered Sirrus.

"How can you tell?"

"It looks like the numerals that were used in some of Father's ages." Achenar grimaced as Sirrus said this. Why did his brother have to be such a know-it-all? "Well," Sirrus said, stretching, "On we go." Sirrus quickly walked away from the tram and his previous humiliation, eager to leave it behind him. Achenar stalked after him, following him into the cave and up the stairs, briefly turning around to cast one last glance at the stone corner. It was then he realized that the mouth of the cave possessed a very distinctive shape.

"Froggie?"questioned Achenar, cocking his head to one side. He felt a hand grasp his shoulder and spin him around.

"If you're done..."

"I'm coming, I'm coming." The two trudged onwards, up the stairs and out of the cave until they reached a fork in the pathway; one set of stairs up, one set downwards.

"Well, well, dear brother, which way shall we go?" Achenar paused, then brightened, beginning to sing.

"You take the high road, and I'll take the low road, and I'll get to Grandfather before ye!" Still singing, he bounded down the staircase. "Doo doo doo de da dum doo de..." With that, Achenar was gone from sight. Sirrus regarded his brother for a moment, before heading up the other stairs to his right.

"Completely insane. Absolutely and completely bonkers." He crossed a rope bridge and came to a forked path. Looking carefully both ways, he took a right and came to another fork. Taking the right again, he looked down the hole to see a mine cart. A lever waited on the side. "Perhaps I should show dear brother the new ride..." Sirrus grinned evilly thinking of all the places that a mine cart in the middle of a decimated forest could lead....a furnace? A chipper? A very deep pit? All the possiblities were enthralling. He vowed to tell his brother of this as soon as they met up again.

For now, Sirrus contented himself with thoughts of destroyed Achenar as the took the path which lead deeper into the forest. As he passed through the gate, he noticed a gold beetle on the door frame. Raising a hand, he smashed it with a simple swipe. "Loathsome insect."


Achenar walked down the stairs until the rock walls parted to reveal a sunlit cove. Two large animals lay on rocks in the center of the cove. Achenar's eyes widened; he yanked a dagger from his shoe. Letting out a war cry-alerting the animals to his presence-he dashed towards them, diving over rocks, and one inordiantely tall palm tree, in the process. The two animals, Sunners, shuffled their way off the rocks in an attempt to escape the rampaging hairy man.

Achenar stumbled across the sand and sloshed through the water. He scrambled up the rock in time to grab the tail of one of the Sunners....and get pulled off into the ocean.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!"


Sirrus walked away from the eyeball-shaped sphere implated in the rock beneath the giant dagger. The second he'd found. Those obviously had some kind of importance; whether or not it would matter would be seen later. He continued down the path through the forest, entering a tree trunk and coming to yet another fork. Deciding to go right one more time, he headed down the path in front of him until he came to a giant idol of a beast.

"Same beast as in the temple where I found the gold..." Sirrus paused. His jaw clenched as he thought of his gold, just laying there unguarded. He had no secret place to put in it as he'd possessed in Mechanical. "I must scour this island for a safe place to put it!" With that, Sirrus turned and fled from the idol and ran back the way he had came, taking the quickest path out of the forest-going over the lava.

When he reached the gate, he swung it open and was greeted by a loud siren. He looked up; there, in a tower, was a man. He was dressed in the same guard's uniform as the first man they'd met on the island. After sounding the alarm, he disappeared into the lower half of the tower. He had a feeling he wouldn't be meeting any of his mother's relatives.

As he mused on long-lost relatives that he could exploit, he realized that he was actually quite hungry. There had to be food somewhere on this island. Food and a gold-hiding place. Yes.


"Stop!" wailed Achenar as the Sunner flipped around in the shallow water, trying to shake the man from him. "I can't kill you when you're moving around like thi...hey, leggo!" The Sunner clamped its jaw down on Achenar's knife and pulled. "That's mine! Give...It...Back!" Achenar attempted to regain his grasp on the knife.

The Sunner tugged on the other end.

Achenar tugged.

The Sunner tugged.

And Achenar tugged.

As did the Sunner.


Sirrus continued on through a cave until he reached what appeared to be the village. As he walked down the dock, he saw a child playing up ahead. Obviously someone hadn't got the message to go hide. A woman dashed around the corner, grabbed the child, glared down in Sirrus' direction, and ran away. Sirrus continued to follow the path until he came to a set of ladders which he proceeded to climb. At the top, he found a spherical hut with a small door. The door had a star-knocker, and since he had nothing better to do, and he had not yet found a sufficient gold-hiding area, he knocked on the door.

Nothing.

Knock.

Nothing.

Knock.

Nothing.

Knock.

Nothing.

Knock.

A small peephole on the door flew open and a woman peered out.

"Excuse me, but I require some food..." the small peephole slammed shut in his face. Sirrus' eyes blazed, no one slammed a door in his face. He knocked again.

Nothing.

Knock.

Nothing.

Knock.

Nothing.

Knock.

Nothing.

Knock.

The peephole swung open again and the same woman looked out, a irritated look on her face.

"Now you listen here, nobody slams a door in my face! I demand food, peon!" The woman muttered something in a incoherent manner and Sirrus angrily thrust his hand through the peephole in an attempt to force his way in. Sirrus then howled in pain, because the woman had slammed the door shut on his hand, crushing precious tissues and, quite possibly, a few bones in the process.


"There! Done!" Achenar held up a large vest made of a tough, leathery material. To his right lay a gigantic, deformed piece of flesh that previously was a Sunner, although one couldn't be sure as the skin had been hacked away. Achenar flipped the vest around, appraising it. Satisfied, he put it on. Grinning manically, he plunged his hands into the creature's blood.


Sirrus stumbled onto the rock plateau, clutching his hand to his chest. Looking around, he found nothing even vaguely resembling medicine, or even a brace. He kissed his hand; it hurt. A lot.

This was all Achenar's fault. If he hadn't destroyed the Ages, then they wouldn't have had to go to Father, and then they wouldn't have had to come here, and then he wouldn't have gotten his hand smashed by one of those pathetic natives.

"I hope it leads to a really, really deep pit," muttered Sirrus, thinking about the mine cart. Looking around, he saw a giant contraption resting on the side of the cliff. Walking up to it, he noticed a large lever. He pulled it, and it descended to the water below. "A submarine," he mused. "I'll have to get in." Suddenly, Sirrus' train of thought was interrupted by a loud bellowing from below. A figure approached the submarine from below, and Sirrus craned his neck around to see who it was, although he already knew who it most likely was. His brother never did anything without a war cry of some kind. No sense of appropriate ceremony at all.

Looking over the edge Sirrus saw a man climb down to the sub. He was wearing a shiny vest and his arms and head weree covered in a thick red glop-it looked much like dried blood.

"Achenar!" Sirrus yelled. "Achenar! Who did you kill now?" The man in question looked upwards and waved enthusiastically; his face and hands were also covered.

"Oh, hello brother! Do you like my war paint?" Achenar balanced himself over the entrance of the sub and called upwards. Sirrus shook his head disparagingly. "Oh? You don't? Well, you never did appreciate art!" he huffed, crossing his blood-coated arms angrily.

"I just hope you didn't make a mess."

"Oh no, I just left the remains on the beach!" Achenar said brightly. "I had quite a feast!" Sirrus paled and grew slightly green again.

"You ate it raw?"

"Of course!" Achenar paused. "Oh, that's right, you can't stand uncooked meat. It makes you sick doesn't it, brother?" Achenar grinned. "Perhaps you would like some! It's still on the beach. I'm sure the sun's cooked it a little!" Sirrus fought back the bile rising in his throat as Achenar continued. "And the bacteria probably hasn't even gotten to it yet!" Sirrus spun away from his brother, clutching his stomach painfully. He didn't have much of an appetite anymore.

But wait! The mine cart!

"Achenar!" Sirrus called. "Achenar, I found another ride! This one looks like a lot of fun!"

"Really?" Achenar smiled, then climbed down into the submarine. "I think I'll try this one first! You have fun though, brother!"

"No, Achenar! Achenar!" Sirrus yelled futilely as Achenar closed the hatch and rode off in the sub. Sirrus kicked the gold altar at his side in frustration, then grasped his toe in pain, hopping up and down on one foot. "Damn Achenar," he muttered, trudging back to the forest.

When he got there, he looked down warily into the mine cart. There was nothing left for him to do on this island, and Father's journal stated quite clearly that this world, Riven, was crumbling. It could mean death to delay at all.

But going down there could also mean death. Sirrus now cringed at the possibilities he had previously relished. A furnace.

Melted Sirrus. Sirrus stew.

A chipper.

Shredded Sirrus over salad.

A really, really deep pit.

Sirrus pancakes with wood syrup.

Honestly, life wasn't fair. He climbed down into the cart and tentatively pulled the lever. As he did, it hit him. This was Achenar's plan.

He knew about the gold and wanted it for himself. He knew. He knew! And he had fallen right into his dear brother's trap!

"Damn you, Achenar!" yelled Sirrus as the cart screeched off into the underground cave.


Achenar popped his head out of the sub hatch, looking around. He could have sworn he heard someone call his name. "Oh well," he muttered, and disappeared back into the sub.


And that is installment number three! I hope you all loved it. Sorry for the long wait, I've been having some troubles with story organization and timing. But I think I've got it all fixed now. As always, review and tell me what you thought! Thank you!