Disclaimer: I now have a very cool pirate T-shirt that I bought at the Flogging Molly concert, but still no assassins. Quotes were found in various sources that I don't want to name, might be taken out of context.

Review, you don't want to make the pygmies cry do you?

Chapter 3: Homonia (fuckbuddies)

"closer then friends"

Well, karma is obviously out to get me. Yoji is avoiding me, Momoe-san is back but she refuses to work with Ken so I had to switch shifts with him which means I'm working mornings with Omi and Momoe-san instead of afternoons with Yoji, and as icing on this delicious shit cake, not only have Ken and Omi made up, but they decided that since Yoji is now in on the secret they no longer need to hide their disgustingly cute relationship.

*most unfortunately, not a dramatization*

KEN: Omi-koi, I am so glad we stopped fighting.

OMI: Me too Ken. I missed you horribly.

KEN: Oh Omi, have I ever told you how adorable you are when you are mad at me? The entire time we were fighting it took all my self control not to jump you.

OMI: Oh Ken that's so sweet. You know, you're pretty cute when you're looking at me with that confused look trying to figure out what you did wrong.

KEN: You know you're also pretty cute when you wake up after we have sex and you wrinkle your nose all confused about where you are and what that sticky stuff is that's all over your body.

OMI: Ken you're terrible.

KEN: It's incredibly sexy. You are incredibly sexy. Especially your tight little ass.

OMI: Your hands are sexy.

KEN: Your thighs are sexy. (Ken gives Omi a tonsil massage with his tongue)

RAN: You know, I'm still in the room.

KEN: No one's making you stay.

RAN: (Evil glare) I have to make sure you don't de-sanitize the kitchen.

OMI: (blush) Aya-kun...

KEN: Honestly Aya, no need to be crude

RAN: (You've-got-to-be-joking look)

OMI: Come on Ken, I want to show you something in our room.

I swear I've died and gone to hell. I do not need those two hormone ridden sex-machines schmoozing up to each other right in front of me in light of my failed attempts with Yoji.

Speaking of which...

Desperate times call for desperate measures, so plan C involves porn.

I have decided that before I proceed with my wooing, I need to show Yoji that I am gay. It's only fair and it might make him loosen up a little bit. This is going to be tricky though, I can't make myself look like a pervert.

Not wanting witnesses to my humiliation, I sent Ken and Omi away for the weekend. Yoji is going clubbing as usual, and as usual, he leaves the number of where he's going to be in case there's an emergency. Mwa ha ha ha ha.

First things first, I need porn. I only have one pornographic video, and I only bought it because the guy looks a little like Yoji, but that's a little obvious for my purposes today. Besides, I don't think the way to ease him into homosexuality is to show him pictures of himself strapped to a bed and getting it up the ass from a red head in a dominatrix suit with a wide collection of dildos and clamps in all different sizes. I'll just save that one for later.

I went and snagged one from Ken's vast collection instead. All of his movies have the same star, Shindou[1] something. I've never seen any of them, but Omi has no complaints about Ken's perverted ness, so it can't be too bad.

Getting Yoji to come home early was the tricky part. I couldn't call because that would ruin the whole plan, which was to have him come home early and see me watching gay porn. If I called he would know I knew he was coming home.

I had Omi call him from the hotel. The excuse was calling was quite brilliant. I told him to call Yoji and say he and Ken had gotten to the hotel only to realize they had forgotten Omi's credit card on the dresser. They needed Yoji to go home, get the card, and read them the number because I wasn't picking up and the hotel people won't let them in. Then Omi hung up and paid for the room using my credit card.

It was perfect. Yoji would come straight home to help.

I turned on the porn and went to the kitchen to make popcorn. (I needed something to do with my hands, I certainly wasn't going to be doing normal porn watching activities when I was planning to be caught.

I walked into the living room and about died. Yoji was there all ready, his face white and shocked looking, watching the screen intently. It wasn't 'this is hot, I can't stop watching' scare it was a look of pure horror. But not because it was gay porn. It was kiddie porn. Well, that's not fair. It wasn't actually kiddie porn, but it might as well have been because it was Omi. Omi topping the exact same blond actor that in this movie looked a great deal like Yoji. I was in shock for a few minutes wondering why Ken would want a video of Omi screwing Yoji when I realized that this was why Omi didn't object to Shindou's movies. He looked almost exactly like Omi if you ignored the pink hair and eyes that were more purple then blue.

RAN: (turns off TV) Huh, Ken must have been watching some pay-per-view porn before he left, that's his preferred actor. (there is no way I'm taking credit for that)

YOJI: Yeah I guess so. (stands there staring stupidly at the blank screen then leaves, probably to find an adult woman to bang)

I'm fast running out of brilliant ideas.

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Sorry, shortish chapter.

----------------------- [1] Guess who? sorry, I just always thought it would be hilarious if Shuichi from Gravitation was a porn star. I think I might write a fic about it