Chapter the 19
"Do you see that?"
Keith's face scrunched in concentration.
Nathan followed the out-flung hand and his eyebrows shot up.
"Crazy!"
"I'd have to agree with you." Keith cleared his throat. "So, you ready to take me?"
"Any time, old man."
"Really? You've never seen my stuff in action!" Keith stretched, flexing his arms with gusto.
"Gotta get er all warmed up. Like greasing the bolts."
"I don't really follow the garage mechanic idioms."
"That's because you're too worried about keeping the hands all clean and white." Keith grew serious. "A man should want to get down to the earth occasionally."
"Becoming a grease monkey isn't my idea of masculine success."
"Works for Lucas." Keith focused on the misty horizon. "I don't know, just saying." He shrugged. "I mean, Dan never took to it or anything..."
Nathan frowned, interest piqued. "So...my dad wasn't any good at that sort of thing?"
"Hey, I'm just saying he never tried it."
"I don't think it would be very high on his accomplishments meter."
"I still say he couldn't cut it." Keith poked Nathan in the arm.
"Yeah." Nathan seemed to be in deep concentration. "Now that you mention it-"
Keith paused in his ablutions. "Yes?" A little too eagerly.
"The time my sock sort of went into the wrong chute."
Keith's smile faded. "Not following."
"You know. The toilet."
"Aah."
"I mean, everybody does that at one time or another-" he waited for Keith's affirmation.
"Really? Oh, yes, okay."
"Well, it took two days for the plumber to come. "
Keith coughed. "Appreciating the pathos here, but don't you have like two dozen bathrooms?"
Nathan looked serious. "There's only three and a half on that floor."
"Oh." Keith nodded. "Yeah. Three and a half."
"Well, it could've been worse," his nephew added, earnestly.
"Oh, yes."
Missing the sarcasm altogether, Nathan shook his head. "I watched the plumber when he fixed it."
"And?"
"He didn't even bother to look at it. His assistant just poked a wire thingie in and pulled it out. With his hand. I mean, couldn't I have done that?"
"Nathan, I'm sure the guy had gloves."
His nephew looked disgusted. "Fine. Could we get started?"
"After you."
Keith blinked up into the rain. "Careful getting off this rock. Stay close." He patted Nathan across the back.
It was Nathan who seemed worried-about him. "Sure." He climbed down, turned to wait for his uncle when Keith fell into the water beside him with a splash.
"Ow!"[]
"Got to find the binocs." Dan's voice was weak, hoarse.
He started to crawl over Lucas, down the stretch of beach.
"He's okay."
"Got to get him out of here..."
Luke let his head fall back down. It was an effort, just moving his lips. "Nathan's alright."
Dan turned on him, at him, all in one movement. "You don't know that!"
Luke opened his eyes. "He's with Keith," he said, simply.
Dan took the blow to his pride silently.
"Big brother isn't the start all end all."
Lucas didn't bother to look at him. "He is to me."
"Oh, wow. Like everyone in town doesn't know that. My family is the topic for dinner conversation."
Silence lengthened after that comment. Shadows, fleeting, low-lying clouds...Lucas stared up wards, wrapped up in the storm.
Dan quietly studied his son's profile. The dark bruise all along one side of his face.
"I never did say thanks."
Luke barely shifted his gaze.
"For what?"
"Not making me choose. On the cliff."
"You wouldn't be making a choice. There was no choice to make."
"That's supposed to mean?"
Lucas rolled over and sat up. Hugged his knees.
"I did have to make a choice, Lucas. It wasn't what you think. I couldn't just automatically decide to let you die."
"Thanks."
"I know that doesn't sound like much, but what would you expect me to say? You know me too well to fall for anything other than the truth."
He waited for a response, but his light haired son only nodded.
"I said I'm sorry."
"Why does it always have to be a decision?"
Dan abruptly retraced his tracks.
Luke didn't look at him. "I mean, lots of people have four or five kids. And they manage to make them all feel like they belong. Don't they?"
"Danny's" eyes narrowed. He had no idea where this conversation was going. In a way, Lucas was uncannily identical to Keith. You couldn't form the smooth, standard replies when awkward questions jumped out of nowhere.
"Lucas, is all of this heading for the 'daddy doesn't love me' line? Because I have heard enough from you about me and all my failings and how much you dislike me, and my son, and my treatment of Karen and stuff that would take a bulldozer to uncover. Why do you constantly dig up the past?"
Lucas's voice was barely audible. "Because maybe I live in it."
Dan pretended not to hear him, searching for two figures across the windswept ocean. In reality, he was straining to catch every word.
"And maybe I want out, but I can't. I can't get out."
Clenching and unclenching his fingers, in irritation. The former athlete strode down the beach, kicked at the scuttling gulls.
Carefully watched the motionless figure out of the corner of his eye.
No one was around. No one. Just the two of them. No secrets to hide, no tongues to gossip.
Lucas had dropped his head onto his arms, out of exhaustion, no doubt.
Dan pressed the image into his memory. Because tomorrow, they would all be back to normal. And normal-he admitted-hurt sometimes.
He softly moved over the sand, till he was just over his eldest son. The one with heart, whether he himself approved of it or not... it was still nice to see...sometimes. To be around someone with heart. He could never forget the way Karen made him feel, whether his love for her was erased or not. Then again- he dropped down onto the sand-had he ever had real love to give to her?
The answer made him ashamed.
He touched Lucas's shoulder. So very gently. Afraid.
Lucas looked up, hair tousled, that wild animal look in his eyes...half angry, half crazy, half frightened...on defense.
But Dan knew how to act around wild animals. Or had used to .
He brushed some of the sand off Lucas's cheek and offered a weak smile.
"Sometimes, I do care. But not around people. I can't."
"Don't offer me something you can never show me again." Lucas's cold tone couldn't quite hide the tremble in his voice.
"You've always had Keith. I knew you would be okay."
"I don't want to be just okay." Luke pulled away.
Dan followed the curve of his son's features as he struggled to retain a mask of indifference.
Threw patience aside. And reasoning. That wasn't Dan Scott. Impulsively pulled Lucas against him in an engulfing hug.
Before Lucas's dazed mind could even piece together what was going on, Dan was gone.
He wiped a hand across his eyes. He'd rubbed sand into them.
Didn't leave.
He didn't want to rejoin the real world.
This one was infinitely better. He wanted to stay, while the others passed through.
Because only he would know what he was missing out there.[]
"Do you see that?"
Keith's face scrunched in concentration.
Nathan followed the out-flung hand and his eyebrows shot up.
"Crazy!"
"I'd have to agree with you." Keith cleared his throat. "So, you ready to take me?"
"Any time, old man."
"Really? You've never seen my stuff in action!" Keith stretched, flexing his arms with gusto.
"Gotta get er all warmed up. Like greasing the bolts."
"I don't really follow the garage mechanic idioms."
"That's because you're too worried about keeping the hands all clean and white." Keith grew serious. "A man should want to get down to the earth occasionally."
"Becoming a grease monkey isn't my idea of masculine success."
"Works for Lucas." Keith focused on the misty horizon. "I don't know, just saying." He shrugged. "I mean, Dan never took to it or anything..."
Nathan frowned, interest piqued. "So...my dad wasn't any good at that sort of thing?"
"Hey, I'm just saying he never tried it."
"I don't think it would be very high on his accomplishments meter."
"I still say he couldn't cut it." Keith poked Nathan in the arm.
"Yeah." Nathan seemed to be in deep concentration. "Now that you mention it-"
Keith paused in his ablutions. "Yes?" A little too eagerly.
"The time my sock sort of went into the wrong chute."
Keith's smile faded. "Not following."
"You know. The toilet."
"Aah."
"I mean, everybody does that at one time or another-" he waited for Keith's affirmation.
"Really? Oh, yes, okay."
"Well, it took two days for the plumber to come. "
Keith coughed. "Appreciating the pathos here, but don't you have like two dozen bathrooms?"
Nathan looked serious. "There's only three and a half on that floor."
"Oh." Keith nodded. "Yeah. Three and a half."
"Well, it could've been worse," his nephew added, earnestly.
"Oh, yes."
Missing the sarcasm altogether, Nathan shook his head. "I watched the plumber when he fixed it."
"And?"
"He didn't even bother to look at it. His assistant just poked a wire thingie in and pulled it out. With his hand. I mean, couldn't I have done that?"
"Nathan, I'm sure the guy had gloves."
His nephew looked disgusted. "Fine. Could we get started?"
"After you."
Keith blinked up into the rain. "Careful getting off this rock. Stay close." He patted Nathan across the back.
It was Nathan who seemed worried-about him. "Sure." He climbed down, turned to wait for his uncle when Keith fell into the water beside him with a splash.
"Ow!"[]
"Got to find the binocs." Dan's voice was weak, hoarse.
He started to crawl over Lucas, down the stretch of beach.
"He's okay."
"Got to get him out of here..."
Luke let his head fall back down. It was an effort, just moving his lips. "Nathan's alright."
Dan turned on him, at him, all in one movement. "You don't know that!"
Luke opened his eyes. "He's with Keith," he said, simply.
Dan took the blow to his pride silently.
"Big brother isn't the start all end all."
Lucas didn't bother to look at him. "He is to me."
"Oh, wow. Like everyone in town doesn't know that. My family is the topic for dinner conversation."
Silence lengthened after that comment. Shadows, fleeting, low-lying clouds...Lucas stared up wards, wrapped up in the storm.
Dan quietly studied his son's profile. The dark bruise all along one side of his face.
"I never did say thanks."
Luke barely shifted his gaze.
"For what?"
"Not making me choose. On the cliff."
"You wouldn't be making a choice. There was no choice to make."
"That's supposed to mean?"
Lucas rolled over and sat up. Hugged his knees.
"I did have to make a choice, Lucas. It wasn't what you think. I couldn't just automatically decide to let you die."
"Thanks."
"I know that doesn't sound like much, but what would you expect me to say? You know me too well to fall for anything other than the truth."
He waited for a response, but his light haired son only nodded.
"I said I'm sorry."
"Why does it always have to be a decision?"
Dan abruptly retraced his tracks.
Luke didn't look at him. "I mean, lots of people have four or five kids. And they manage to make them all feel like they belong. Don't they?"
"Danny's" eyes narrowed. He had no idea where this conversation was going. In a way, Lucas was uncannily identical to Keith. You couldn't form the smooth, standard replies when awkward questions jumped out of nowhere.
"Lucas, is all of this heading for the 'daddy doesn't love me' line? Because I have heard enough from you about me and all my failings and how much you dislike me, and my son, and my treatment of Karen and stuff that would take a bulldozer to uncover. Why do you constantly dig up the past?"
Lucas's voice was barely audible. "Because maybe I live in it."
Dan pretended not to hear him, searching for two figures across the windswept ocean. In reality, he was straining to catch every word.
"And maybe I want out, but I can't. I can't get out."
Clenching and unclenching his fingers, in irritation. The former athlete strode down the beach, kicked at the scuttling gulls.
Carefully watched the motionless figure out of the corner of his eye.
No one was around. No one. Just the two of them. No secrets to hide, no tongues to gossip.
Lucas had dropped his head onto his arms, out of exhaustion, no doubt.
Dan pressed the image into his memory. Because tomorrow, they would all be back to normal. And normal-he admitted-hurt sometimes.
He softly moved over the sand, till he was just over his eldest son. The one with heart, whether he himself approved of it or not... it was still nice to see...sometimes. To be around someone with heart. He could never forget the way Karen made him feel, whether his love for her was erased or not. Then again- he dropped down onto the sand-had he ever had real love to give to her?
The answer made him ashamed.
He touched Lucas's shoulder. So very gently. Afraid.
Lucas looked up, hair tousled, that wild animal look in his eyes...half angry, half crazy, half frightened...on defense.
But Dan knew how to act around wild animals. Or had used to .
He brushed some of the sand off Lucas's cheek and offered a weak smile.
"Sometimes, I do care. But not around people. I can't."
"Don't offer me something you can never show me again." Lucas's cold tone couldn't quite hide the tremble in his voice.
"You've always had Keith. I knew you would be okay."
"I don't want to be just okay." Luke pulled away.
Dan followed the curve of his son's features as he struggled to retain a mask of indifference.
Threw patience aside. And reasoning. That wasn't Dan Scott. Impulsively pulled Lucas against him in an engulfing hug.
Before Lucas's dazed mind could even piece together what was going on, Dan was gone.
He wiped a hand across his eyes. He'd rubbed sand into them.
Didn't leave.
He didn't want to rejoin the real world.
This one was infinitely better. He wanted to stay, while the others passed through.
Because only he would know what he was missing out there.[]
