Chapter Four *Nothing's What It Seems*

"Johnson ... Johnson ..." Hermione mumbled to herself, squinting at the computer screen. She was determined to find Clara's biological mother but she wasn't expecting this many results.

"How's the search going?" Lavender asked, coming up behind her and peering at the computer. Hermione had bought it over a year ago and despite Hermione's patient instructions, Lavender still didn't know how to use the muggle contraption.

Hermione sighed and moved her sore neck in a slow circle. "There are over a hundred Johnson's in London alone and almost half of them are named Marie," she told her friend.

"Ask Harry to help you search for her. You know he'd be able to find her," Lavender suggested but Hermione shook her head.

"No, I don't want to bother him. He already has his teams watching Anthony and looking out for Voldemort. On top of that, he keeps worrying about me. Saying that I don't get enough sleep and that the reappearance of Anthony is bothering me more than I'm letting on."

"Well? Is that true?"

She bit her bottom lip and turned her face away from Lavender to stare at a teenage boy who seemed to be arguing with his parents.

"Hermione ..."

"Yes, it's true. I still have those horrid nightmares that seem so real, I feel like I'm reliving those times all over again. All I see when I close my eyes is Anthony getting ready to ... you know ... or Anthony killing Harry ... or, well, you get the picture. The reappearance of Anthony terrifies me but I don't want to bother Harry. I'm scared Anthony will find me and that he'll put me through what I've spent more than three years trying to forget. But I won't ever be able to forget. Besides, I can't tell -"

"Excuse me. Can you please tell me where I may be able to find Dr. Granger?"

The two women turned to see a woman about a few years older than them, with short, brown hair, and large blue eyes, standing in the doorway of Hermione's office.

Hermione thought she looked vaguely familiar but she couldn't place the woman's face. She stood up and walked over to her with a smile on her face. Holding out her hand, she said, "Hello. I'm Dr. Granger. May I help you?"

"I'm Marie Johnson, Clara's mother. I understand you've been looking for me."



"Hey, love," Harry said, coming up behind Hermione, sliding his arms around her waist, and kissing the spot just below her ear, smiling when he felt her shiver. "Are you ready to go?"

They were going to have lunch together since their break fell around the same time. Hermione nodded and turned around in his arms, smiling up at him. Reaching up on her tip toes, she brushed her lips against his then pulled away. "Come on, let's go."

"I hate it when you do that!" Harry whined, following her out of her office. "You're just seducing me, that's what it is. Barely kissing me but touching me enough so all I want to do is snog you senseless, then you pull away!"

Hermione laughed and reached an arm behind her, smiling when she felt Harry's warm hand close around hers. Touching him like that and just knowing he was there gave her comfort that she didn't even know she needed. "So where are we going?"

"I was thinking we go have a picnic in the park. Ron helped me pack up some food and I brought a blanket for us," he said, smiling sweetly at her.

"Ooh, that sounds great. I don't know what I would do without you, babe. You know exactly when I just need to relax."

"Is everything all right?" Harry asked, instantly concerned.

"Yes, and no. I'll tell you everything when we get to the park."

Harry nodded and tightened his grip on her hand. They walked out of the hospital and apparated to the park in silence. Once they were settled, Harry pulled out the food he knew Hermione loved.

"Mmm! I love peanut butter sandwiches! And you even cut off the crust. Aren't you the sweetest!" Hermione laughed, she took a bite out of the sandwich and shut her eyes, clearly enjoying it.

Harry laughed as he watched her, biting into his own sandwich. "I don't how you eat that," he wrinkled up his nose at her. "I don't find it very tasty."

"I could say the same thing about your own sandwich. Turkey, cheese, avocados, tomatoes, lettuce, mayonnaise, and mustard? Yuck!"

"Okay, so we're even," he laughed again. After finishing off the sandwich in a few bites and gulping down his pumpkin juice, he laid down on his back, using his hands as a pillow. He watched as Hermione nibbled on a cookie, staring off at nothing.

"'Mione, love, are you okay?" he asked, smiling slightly as she jumped when his voice cut through her thoughts.

She looked down at him and sighed. Putting down the half-eaten cookie she laid down next to him, resting her head on his chest. She listened to the steady beat of his heartbeat for a moment before speaking. "You know how I've been searching for Clara's biological mother?"

Harry just nodded, playing with a strand of her hair. His other arm came around her waist, protectively.

"Well, you won't believe who showed up at the hospital today."

"Marie Johnson?" Harry questioned, remembering the name from many of the conversations he'd had with Hermione about her. He felt her nod her head, then she sighed again. "It does seem a bit weird, doesn't it? I mean, after three years, she suddenly appears out of nowhere? Where was she when her daughter needed her the most?" he said, reading Hermione's mind.

She shifted her position so she was facing him, her head resting on her hand. "I don't know how you can read my mind like that but I love you for it," she told him, then sighed again. "It does seem weird but maybe I'm just being paranoid. I just wish I could see Clara's face when she sees her mother again. They look so much alike. "

"When will they meet?"

"Well, she told me she was going to visit Clara this afternoon," Hermione said, shrugging.

Though Harry didn't say anything, he didn't exactly like the fact that Marie Johnson appeared so suddenly after three years. Something wasn't right but he didn't know what it was that made his heart squeeze tightly inside his chest. Surely, Clara's mother wasn't dangerous? He was about to say something, though hesitant, but Hermione spoke before he could open his mouth.

"I, um, actually have a confession," she began, clearing her throat.

She looked so uncomfortable that Harry was beginning to worry. He sat up on his elbow and urged her to go on.

"You know how you told me once that I'm more worried about Anthony's appearance than I'm letting on and I told you I was fine with it? Well, I lied. I'm terrified, Harry. I'm scared he'll reappear and do the things that I'm still trying so hard to forget," here, fear crawled into her eyes and Harry reached out to hold her.

He didn't reply but waited for her to continue.

"Do you think I'll ever be able to forget about him and what he did? It's been three years, Harry. Why do I still wake up every night with his face burned into my mind so I can't do anything but shake and sob? Why does my heart pound so painfully when I hear his name? Memories still flash in my head so often I'm afraid I might go mad with all the ugly emotions that run through me. What's wrong with me? Why can't I just forget? And why do I still feel so ashamed that I'm always afraid you won't want to be with me?" tears had filled her eyes and spilled over onto her cheeks.

Harry ran his finger across her cheek, wiping away the salty droplets. He pulled her towards him and held her tightly. "First of all, there is nothing wrong with you, baby girl. In fact, I don't know how you hold yourself together so well after what he did to you. And there is nothing in this world that would make me never want to be with you. "Do you know how I feel when I'm not with you? Like I'm lost and a part of me is missing. Then you're next to me and I feel complete again. I never knew this type of love existed in real life. I've always read about it in books and seen it in movies but I never thought it was possible to love you as much as I do. I love you more and more as each day passes and I don't where it's all coming from. Please don't feel ashamed because you didn't do anything wrong," he felt Hermione squeeze him tighter. He lifted her face up so she would look at him.

"Why can't I just forget about it?" she whispered, looking at him sadly.

How did they go from happy to sad? Harry wondered, as he looked at her. The thing about their relationship was that they could feel what the other was feeling and right now her pain was almost consuming him. He knew she had felt that way but he didn't know she was having such a hard time.

He just shook his head not knowing the right answer. She buried her face back into his chest and he hugged her, trying to calm her down. He didn't know how she had held all that in for three years but he thought it was time to do something about it. He wanted to kill Anthony with his bare hands but for now all he could do was listen to Hermione and try to help her the best way he could. Maybe she needed to talk to a professional.

Hermione pressed her face into his chest, letting the comfort of his heartbeat take over her. She was being a drama queen, she thought, but this fear of Anthony was beginning to take it's toll on her. Maybe she needed to talk to a professional. Harry was great and she didn't know what she would have done without him but she needed to talk to someone who could help her analyze her feelings. Maybe a shrink would help?

So you finally confessed that you're crazy and you need to get help, she thought to herself.

"You're not crazy," she heard Harry mumble into her hair and she burst out in laugher.

"How do you do that!"

Harry just smiled mysteriously at her. "That's for me to know and for you to find out," he said, making her laugh harder.

Her recent dilemma was pushed from her mind, if only for a little while.



"Doesn't November fourteen seem so far off?" Lavender asked Ron, as they lay on the couch in a tangle of arms and legs.

He nodded, running his finger up and down her arm. "But it'll whiz by, don't worry. I just can't believe how fast the years have gone. One day I'm trying to get up my nerve to ask you out to Hogsmead and the next thing I know, we're going to get married in five months. Amazing ..."

"I know. It feels like you proposed to me just yesterday. Boy was I surprised ... one minute you're telling me you never want to get married then the next you're down on one knee holding out a ring," Lavender laughed at the memory.

"That was part of my brilliant plan," Ron informed her smiling smugly.

"Fred and George's idea, am I right?"

"Yes, pretty much," Ron admitted, smiling sheepishly at her.

Lavender laughed and snuggled closer to him. After a moment of silence she turned towards him. "Hey, Ron? Do you think Hermione's all right?"

His face became serious and he shook his head. "I don't know. One minute she's happy, the next she's lost in her own thoughts. I still see how frightened she gets when that bastard's name is said," Ron said, angrily.

"Ron!" Lavender cried, shaking her head at his word of choice. Then sighing, she said, "But you're right, she seems terrified. And she is. She told me this afternoon at the hospital. She was about to say something else but we were interrupted."

Ron just nodded, biting his bottom lip. He was beginning to get worried about her and he was sure Harry knew what was going on. But maybe Hermione needed help?

"We should go to bed," Lavender whispered, cutting through his thoughts.

He nodded and they climbed up the stairs, checking to see how Hermione was doing. Seeing that she was sleeping peacefully, they headed into their own room, each of them lost in their own thoughts.



"Stay away from me!" Hermione cried, taking large steps backwards, her wand clenched tightly in front of her.

Anthony smiled cruelly at her. "Aw, what's the matter, babe? Don't you love me anymore?" he asked, licking his lips.

Her heart seemed to slip down into her stomach and terrible dread engulfed her. "Don't come any closer, or else!" she yelled, trying hard to keep her wand hand from shaking.

Anthony let out a loud guffaw. "Or else what?" he sneered, only a couple of feet away from her.

"Harry won't let you get away with this!" she screeched, hoping beyond all hope that he would come to her rescue any minute now.

Anthony let out another laugh, stopping abruptly. "This was his idea! He doesn't want you anymore, Hermione. He's found someone else better than a filthy mudblood!"

Tears sprang into her eyes at the words but she shook her head. "Liar!" she spat. "Harry loves me."

"Whatever gave you that idea?" a familiar deep voice asked, making Hermione spin around.

"Harry! Oh thank God ..."

"He's right, Hermione. This was my idea and I've found someone else. You were just a replacement until I found someone worth being with. I've gotten bored with you," Harry sneered, looking at her disdainfully.

"W-what?"

"You heard me. I don't love you, never have. It's a little word called pretend or acting, if you prefer. Anthony, get rid of her. I don't want to see her grotesque face again," with a wave of his hand he was gone and the last thing she saw was Harry's cold green eyes leering at her.

She shook her head from side to side. "No, no, no, no ..."

"Yes, yes, yes," Anthony responded, coming closer so he was only inches away.

Hermione seemed rooted to the ground, Harry's unfamiliar face floating in front of her. "I don't love you, never have ..." his words swam through her head and she felt tears sliding down her face.

Though she didn't want to give in, a terrified scream escaped her throat as she saw Anthony advancing on her.



Harry locked the door behind him and trudged up the stairs. Work had gone on longer than expected and he was exhausted. Not only did they have no sign of Voldemort's whereabouts but Parzatti seemed to have disappeared as well.

"No, no, no!"

He recognized the familiar cry and sprinted towards his room, pushing open the door. His heart still beating at an unhealthy speed, he went over to a sleeping Hermione, who was throwing her head from side to side, a painful expression on her face.

"Hermione, love ... wake up," he whispered, shaking her shoulders gently as he tried to kiss her forehead.

Hermione jolted awake and recoiled at the sight of Harry. "No ..."

Harry looked at her, confused and hurt. "It's me, love, Harry. You were just having a bad dream. You're safe now," he tried to reassure her, sighing with relief when she threw herself into his arms.

"Oh, Harry ... you and Anthony ... so cruel ... don't love ..." was all he understood through her sobbing. He held her close, rubbing her back gently.

"Shh, it's over now," he whispered into her hair. Finally, her sobbing stopped and he felt her relax in his arms. He lowered her back onto the bed slowly, and kissed her softly on the lips. "All better?" he asked with a smile.

Hermione smiled up at him and nodded. Not letting go of his neck, she pulled him down to her face, catching his lips with her own. She just wanted to forget the nightmare that had filled her with dread, and this was the best way to do it. "I've missed you ..." she whispered, pulling away slightly to look at him.

He smiled lazily at her then bent down to kiss her again. "Missed you too," he whispered in between light kisses on her neck.

Harry shifted into a more comfortable position and moved his lips back to Hermione's. They both groaned simultaneously and sunk deeper into the mattress.

In a tangle of sheets, arms, and legs, and the feel of Harry, Hermione forgot about the awful nightmare and relaxed into the much enjoyable activity that was taking place, much to the disappointment of a certain evil wizard.



A.N: Another chapter down. Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it. I put a Ron and Lavender scene in there for R/L fans but I don't think it went very well -- oh well, I'll try again later :) Also, November 14 is my birthday that's why I used it for Ron and Lavender's wedding.

A big hug to all my wonderful reviewers! You guys are what keep me going (along with all the ideas buzzing in my head)!

Witchangel: I want to thank you for your VERY enthusiastic review!! It made my day -- thanks so much!!!

Please review!

Twisted*Angel