Wasteland

By spheeris1

Pairing: Saionji/Touga

Warnings/notes: See Author's Note

***

They were walking along the edge of the forest.

And the roses were in full bloom, all varieties of color: orange, blue, yellow, violet…

But it was the red one that a hand pulled up and placed on his chest.

Lips kissed him on the cheek.

Arms encircled him.

And a voice of someone he did not know spoke in his ear.

'You are my pretty little puppet…'

Kyouichi could not pay attention.

Every class became a blur. Every day merged with the next.

And his indigo eyes acted as a mask.

He no longer met Touga for kendo in the mornings. Instead, Kyouichi spent most of his time sitting by the side of the road…just staring and trying to erase the feeling of someone in his body. He did not watch the other boy in school. He avoided him…most of the time…until he could not, until Kyouichi found himself going to that house again.

Walking in the door and lighting up.

Leaning against the wall, hearing muted groans and curses somewhere upstairs.

In this place, Kyouichi did not mind tossing a wasted cigarette butt onto the floor. It looked right there.

Kyouichi could not answer the questions in his own mind anymore.

Why come here again?

Why take the steps slowly to watch men he did not know fuck?

Why was Touga here? Why will Touga not tell him of the reasons for this secret life? Why…couldn't it be just the two of them…even here, even here in this filth and on some stained mattress…why did Kyouichi have to let faceless men inside him just to obtain one damn kiss from Touga?

*

Then, as Kyouichi shut down these thoughts, it faded into some messed-up form of reality.

Get home around three or four in the morning. Fall to sleep and dream of the forest, of the roses, of a nameless man--all the nameless men. Sit and watch traffic, wishing he had the courage to step out and get hit. Make it through the day, ignoring the academic bullshit…it did not matter much anymore. Walking to the house and going in. Smoking and leaning and staring at nothing. Hearing Touga reel another man in, murmuring honey-coated lies and showing off flashes of skin--didn't they get it yet? They would never get a chance with him!

Touga did not fuck them. Touga was not fucked.

And Kyouichi knew others had to work here, but he never saw them…he could hear them, somewhere above, somewhere hidden in shadow…

Touga was like Helen of Troy, the face that launched a thousand ships--or in this case, the face that made almost every guy cream his pants.

Kyouichi included.

There was no point in denying that fact anymore either.

He came here and let it happen, just to be near the other boy. The thought of Touga could twist any emotion Kyouichi had--turn lust to pain, turn desire to anger, turn love to despair.

And the other boy knew it, Kyouichi was sure of that as well.

The way Touga would grin at him from the doorway, always this slow lift of the right side until it bloomed into a full smile…always happiest when Kyouichi was chosen to be a top by a customer, always content to watch and grin and never get too close to get dirty.

'You are a natural, Saionji…' Touga said to him one day, pulling off his shirt and dropping it to the floor. And Kyouichi gazed at Touga's chest--how smooth, how perfectly cut and crafted it was…

He wanted nothing more than to grab Touga and have his way with him.

The thought had been there, but now…Kyouichi was getting a glimpse of that which he could never have. The carrot to the rabbit--always fucking out of reach.

Then Touga tossed money to the floor and laughed.

Nothing kills a need more than realizing you are just a fucking whore.

***

TBC