Title: Bad Days Are Coming
Chapter 3
*****
"You don't mind, do you Speed?"
I do, actually.
"No," I shrug. "I gotta eat, right?"
Calleigh's car is in the shop, so I gave her a ride home. On the way, she wanted to stop at a Chinese place and grab dinner. That was all fine. I even ordered something for myself. But now, she wants me to stay at her place and eat with her.
Don't get me wrong. I like Calleigh. But I'd rather go home and sit in a dark corner.
Delko says I'm antisocial. He's probably right. In fact, he's definitely right. But I think I've got plenty of good reasons to justify my being that way. I've lost most everyone I've ever cared about, so I've learned not to care.
Recently, I broke my own rule, and I got emotionally involved with a witness. This kid, Wally. He was lonely and depressed and scared to live his life. I don't know. Maybe I saw myself in him.
The point is, though, I let him in. And he killed himself.
Calleigh holds her front door open so I can carry the food to the table. "I'm glad you're staying," she says. "I really don't want to be alone."
For a moment, I think about telling her that Delko would be better company, but I don't. As much as I'd rather be alone thinking about how much my life sucks, Calleigh needs me.
"This case has you shook up, huh?" I ask.
She nods. "I guess." Walking over to her refrigerator, Calleigh pulls out a couple cans of iced tea. "This all right?" She asks.
"Yeah," I nod. "That's fine. Do you have real silverware?"
"Don't do chopsticks?" She asks, with a knowing grin.
"Not quite," I say.
"There in the left-hand drawer."
"Did you know him well?" I ask.
"Matt? I sort of knew him. I went to something at someone's house about a year ago, and I remember I met his wife." Calleigh sits down and starts rifling through the bags, pulling out food. "I worked some cases with him."
I nod. "I worked a couple. I didn't talk to him much."
"Well, you don't talk to anyone much," she says matter-of-factly.
I frown. "I'm talking to you."
"Yeah," she concedes. "But how many times have you and I been out socially?"
"Going out socially and talking to someone are two different things."
She lets out a long-suffering sigh. "Well, my point was that you keep people at arms length."
I shrug.
She licks her lips. "Speed, I'm sorry I spaced out on you at the scene today."
"You don't have to apologize," I say.
"I just don't know what came over me." She takes a sip of iced tea. "This isn't the first time I've worked a case where the db is someone I know."
I swallow a mouthful of noodles. "Sometimes you don't know what's going to affect you," I say. "I mean, sometimes it's the weirdest stuff."
"I guess you're right," she says.
I take a long look at Calleigh. If I had to guess what's really bothering her, I'd guess she's worried that her spell at the crime scene made her look weak. Calleigh seems to think she has to be superhuman or people won't like her.
"Look, Cal," I say. "You got dizzy." I pause and then add, "Eric and I do stupid stuff. When you start acting like us, then you have a problem."
Calleigh smiles. She's got a pretty smile. "Thanks, Speed," she says.
We eat in silence for about a minute. Then she wants to talk again. "So," she says. "What do you usually do after work?"
"What do you mean?"
She shovels a spoonful of rice into her mouth, and holds a finger up to tell me she'll talk after she swallows. "Okay," she says finally. "What was I saying? Oh, what do you do when you're not at work? Do you go out?"
Not if I can help it.
"Not really," I say.
She narrows her eyes. "Well, what do you do? Just sit at home alone?"
I nod. "Mostly."
"And I thought I had a lousy social life."
I smile. "So I'm the high point of your social life?"
"Pretty much," she grins.
"Well," I say. "Then maybe you do have a problem."
She cocks her head and stares at me like she's trying to figure something out. Finally, she leans forward and asks, "Do you have a girlfriend?"
I stare at her. This is getting way too personal.
Laughing, she says, "It's just a question."
"No, Calleigh," I say wearily. "I don't have a girlfriend."
She doesn't say anything, so I return to my noodles and fried crab.
"Do you have any hobbies?"
I glance up. Hobbies? Is she kidding?
"Calleigh," I say, a little too shortly. "I go to work. I come home. I eat. I sit on the floor in the corner of my living room, in the dark, and listen to music and brood about life until I'm ready to go to bed. That's my life."
She opens her mouth like she's about to say something, but she doesn't. Turning her attention back to her food, she quietly starts to eat her last egg roll.
