Chapter Thirteen: News Of A Journey
"Déagol was far shyer with me than I was with him – inexperienced, I was eager to know the things I had missed. I wanted him to be my teacher, to bestow upon me the art of pleasure and bliss. But in that first week before the journey he was a suitor around me: shy, questioning each move, wanting permission. We met in his room every night and every night I went to bed, aroused and unfulfilled. I tried to undo his breeches once; he pushed my hand away and I did not try again.
"For the first time, I realized my advantage as the fifth child in the family. My two older brothers were married with at four sons between them, and it was not my role to marry and ensure the success of the family line. I was free to love as I pleased…discreetly, of course. Déagol could live in my house and sleep in my bed, but it was very poor manners to mention the latter in public. The family and some close friends would know the true nature of our relationship, but never speak of it. Déagol's role as healer to my grandmother had already earned his acceptance.
"Before long, the rest of the family recognized us in subtle ways. My aunts always put our plates next to each other at dinner; my great-uncle inquired as to what time "your Déagol" would be returning home from shopping for a winter cloak; my mother made no more mention to Iris of Déagol's potential as a husband.
"By late autumn, my grandmother's health was no longer an issue. 'Ah, but we're a large family,' she said to Déagol at the close of her first week out of bed. 'No doubt someone else will come down sick and you'll be needed again. Besides, I've been inquiring as to your family, and it seems that your mother is my brother's son's daughter.' She leaned in towards both of us. 'So you're cousins as well as lovers, lads, and that's the way it ought to be kept in well-bred families.' In her old age, my grandmother had begun to disregard a few of the rules of manners.
"Sometime during her recovery Déagol had mentioned to her that I was curious about Elves, and she decided that I ought to travel down the river and see them in Lórien. 'You two have had enough of work for a while,' she said. 'Take a boat – and Sméagol, teach him how to swim! I know it's late in the year, but all signs say it'll be a mild winter, and you can stay until late spring or early summer if you like.'"
