Chapter Fifteen: The Bank of Anduin
"The first few days we spoke little, concentrating on the pull of the oars and the current of the river. Yet at night when we camped on the banks, Déagol would lie beside me, his chest pressed against my back. I would wake in the morning to find his arm around my waist.
"On the fourth day his tongue was unleashed and he spoke to me more than he ever had before. We traveled less and rested more; suddenly the destination was secondary to the journey.
"'I wish we could remain like this,' he said one night after a supper of fried fish and honey bread. We had put our bedrolls together and were underneath a great birch tree some several yards from the current. 'Though physically I am working harder than ever before, somehow I feel at rest.'
"I understood him immediately. Away from the smial, from our families and the close quarters, I felt free to think what I pleased. The river, which ran slower than some, provided a soothing noise of flowing water that put my anxieties at ease. The work of rowing too was satisfying; I slept more soundly and longer after working all day. Yet one trouble still haunted my mind.
"I turned over so that I faced Déagol, and with one finger I began to trace the lines of his face. Hesitant to ask, I at first sighed.
"'What is it, my dear?' he asked, sensing my unrest as was his way.
"'Why will you not lie with me?' Every night my body ached for him. My dreams were of tender flesh, of caresses and unrestrained passion. His most innocuous gestured aroused me.
"He closed his eyes for almost a minute and then opened them. 'Because I am afraid.'
"I opened my mouth to speak, but he pressed two fingers over my lips. 'Always before I have been the learner,' he said. 'Please, do not expect me to know everything. I don't, not one bit.'
"'You will not disappoint me,' I said. 'And I am not so innocent, I know what can happen between two males.' I rested my head on his shoulder. 'Are you afraid of pain?'
"'Yes.'
"'We can go slowly,' I said. 'And I know of things that can be used to ease the way.'
"Suddenly, to my great surprise, he burst out laughing, a throaty and full sound. 'You,' he said, running one hand through my hair affectionately. 'I accuse you of not knowing me, but just when I think I understand you, I discover that you know far more than I gave you credit for.'
"'I told you I did,' I said.
"A smile still lingered on his face. 'And where did you learn of such things?'
"When I was twenty, I confided in my sister Iris that I preferred lads,' I said. 'She told me.' For the first time I saw the humor of the situation, and I began to smile too.
"'And where do you suppose she learned of it?'
"'I never asked.'
"'Probably it was better not to,' he said, wiping a tear from his eye. 'Bless her.'
"We slept curled together that night, for the weather was growing colder and the leaves were falling more quickly than before.
"Still he would not lie with me, but we spoke about it after our discussion under the tree, and at times we told each other our desires. Many were the same.
"'You,' I said in the late afternoon of the ninth day, 'need to learn to swim. It is not safe for you to navigate the river unless you can.'
"We found the calmest part of the river, and I taught him the rhythm of kicking and paddling, holding him around the waist as he did so. At first the water, I think, frightened him, and he did not listen to me, flailing madly as though he was about to drown. But when he listened he caught on fast and by the time the sun set he had the idea.
"We had no idea how far we had come, nor did we much care. The food was still in great supply, thanks in part to the berries we picked in the mornings. Warmth was our only concern. We had taken to wearing our coats in the mornings until the afternoon sun had melted the frost. On that ninth day, we discovered a small cave hidden in the rocks. There we slept that night, listening to the wind outside.
"'Sméagol,' he whispered in the morning. Out of habit I pulled the blanket up over my head and ignored him.
"'Sméagol, this is urgent, I need you to wake up.'
"I grunted and raised my head, realizing how cold it was.
"'It snowed overnight,' he said. 'The river is beginning to freeze over and the snow doesn't look like it will stop anytime soon. I think that we ought to stay here for a while; until spring, if that is how long it takes. It's bitterly cold outside.'"
