"Sidney, Father?" Colonel Potter glance up at the man before him, anxious to get back to the mountain of papers needing to be signed.
"Yes, if it's not too much trouble."
Colonel Potter sighed. "We're starting to really back up over here Father, I'm not sure if we have time to --"
"Please." Father Mulcahy looked across the desk, the most grave face he could muster plastered on. "Sir, I don't ask for much, and this is very important. I fear it may be the deciding factor between life and death."
Colonel Potter set his pen down, and leaned closer to where the other man stood. "That serious, huh?" Father Mulcahy just nodded, as the elder man leaned back to think.
"May I ask who for?"
"Well, I -- it was in confession, I don't think I can -- I want to but --"
"You can't." Colonel Potter nodded his understanding. After a moment's silence, he seemed to reach a decision. "I'll get Radar on the phone right away. You'll let me know if it works out fine?"
"Of course sir, I couldn't have you worrying." A pause, and then,"Thank you, Colonel."
"No need, Father. I worry about their souls just as much as the next priest."
Father Mulcahy smiled and quickly backed out of the office.
***
"A drink, Beej?"
BJ waved away the glass Hawkeye held out, his eyes staring intently at the paper before him. "Not right yet. I want to send this letter out with tomorrow's mail."
Hawkeye took a sip from the martini glass and peered over it's rim. "To Peg?"
"Of course."
"You just sent out a letter this morning. What could possibly have happened in one day to lead you to write a --" Hawkeye paused, counting, "-- three page letter?"
"Something came up."
"Something, yeah." Hawkeye muttered, and turned to his own bunk. Setting his glass down in favor of a pair of half-darned socks, he added, "Do I know what this something is?"
"I -- no." BJ paused, glancing over to where the younger man sat, socks in hand, "I wanted to talk to you about that, actually."
Hawkeye lowered the socks, an intent look on his face. "What is it Beej?"
BJ sighed, and dropped his pen. As he began to put away the letter, he replied, "I went to talk to Father Mulcahy this morning. He was really a help, even just listening. I --" BJ cut off, looking up to where Hawkeye sat, eyes filled with concern.
"Is everything okay? Is it Peg? Erin?"
"Everything's fine, don't worry I just --" BJ stopped, running a hand through his hair. "No, it's not fine, but it's not what you think. I think I have a problem, Hawkeye."
That said, Hawkeye abandoned all thoughts of darning socks, and quickly made his way over to BJ's cot. As he sat down next to him, he nodded. "Go on."
"I went to the Father today, because I don't want it to get worse. I don't want it to become a -- a habit." BJ turned away and began to roll up his sleeves, his back to Hawkeye. "It hasn't been long, so it's not too serious, but it is. It's -- oh, here." Taking a deep shuddering breath, he turned back around.
Hawkeye gasped, eyes widened at the sight of the bandages. "Beej what -- how did this -- who --"
BJ looked away from the puzzled gaze before him.
"You did it." Hawkeye sighed as understanding washed over him. "How long --"
"Over a month."
"Are they bad?"
"They'll heal just fine." BJ began to roll his sleeves down. "They're not suicidal. I just -- it helps. With the pain."
Hawkeye absentmindedly nodded. "We should get Sidney out here."
"He'll be here in a day or two."
"Colonel Potter know?"
"Just you and Father Mulcahy." Pointing to the letter, he added, "Peg, too."
Hawkeye stood up and made his way back to his cot, sinking into it. A moment's silence and then he snapped, "Are you stupid? How could you -- don't you realize what this could do to you? Not only the blood loss, but the infection and -- and just think of what it's doing to your mind! You -- why?"
BJ laid down, turning away from the accusing gaze Hawkeye held. "I -- it's like I wasn't there. I left my own mind, and watched someone else do it. I felt nothing and it was -- it was great. The pain, that pain that's in your gut and that guilt that weighs down your mind -- it was gone. Gone, Hawkeye. It felt so good. I could just shut off the pain, focus on something else for a change. I didn't even realize what I was doing while I was doing it. I never did. It wasn't until after --" BJ sighed a shuddering breath, and added, "I know what's wrong, Hawk. I know this is wrong. I went to Father Mulcahy to -- to stop. Sidney's coming to make me stop. I told you so you could help me. I don't want this to be something I can't get out of. I don't want to hurt myself this way, not anymore." BJ rolled back over, daring to catch a glimpse of Hawkeye's face.
To his surprise, Hawkeye was nodding, the softest expression he'd ever been seen with written in his eyes. After a moment he said, "I'm sorry. I just -- it scares me, Beej. I don't want you to take it so far you can't come back. I'll -- I'll do whatever you want me to."
"Be here. When I need you to, be here."
"Of course." Hawkeye managed to smile a weak smile before picking up the forgotten socks again.
