Grissom looked up from his desk as he caught a glimpse of someone walking past his office. His heart sank when he realized it wasn't the one person he wanted to see more than anything right now.
His whole world was falling apart around him and for the first time in his life he was lost. Sara's absence would forge more than an aching chasm in his heart; she would take the very essence from him that had made him the man he had become. Six months without her might as well be a lifetime, and he didn't know what to do.
Reaching up to remove his glasses, he rubbed his eyes tiredly as he fought to control his breathing. Had she thought about this before accepting? What had drove her to make such a rash decision? Sudden images of her smile invaded his mind and he felt the raw emotion surge up into his eyes. Then her smile faded away to bring more potent images to the fore, his seemingly constant capacity for causing her pain. At this moment in time his mind became clear and he suddenly realized he was the probable cause for her departure.
Outside in the corridor, Sara hesitated as she stepped closer to Grissom's office. She knew she should just walk right on by without giving him a second glance, but she couldn't do that, not to him. Despite everything he had done, every rejection, every ounce of pain he'd caused, she still loved him. Closing her eyes briefly she summoned every ounce of courage she could muster. She would need to be strong and meet her heart head on if she was going to purge him from her heart and mind. He had possessed every part of her over the years but now it was time to walk away and start over. She needed time to lick her wounds and repair the damage he had inflicted on her battered heart.
Stepping up closer to his door, she took a deep breath before she took the final step that brought her closer into the threshold that encased him. Sara watched him silently, unsure of her pounding heart as she watched him read through a file that lay open upon his desk. The mere sight of him always took her breath away and she was finding it more difficult to release herself from his clutches.
Calming her trembling body, she fought with every ounce of control she could muster and finally found the courage to speak. "You…uh…wanted to see me?"
Grissom's head snapped up and his pen fell from his fingers. "Sara…""Sorry, I had a message from Julie saying that you needed to see me, so here I am." She watched him as she spoke, careful to keep the emotion from spilling out into her words.
Grissom suddenly pushed his chair back and stood up to walk around the desk to her. Sara watched stunned as he pulled on her arm to propel her into his office only to close the door behind her.
For a moment they both eyed each other warily before Sara suddenly realized that his hand was still on her arm. Her eyes slipped down to his fingers, noting how soft his hand was upon her skin, and she found herself fighting to remind herself as to why she had to leave him.
Stepping back, she pulled her arm from his touch and swallowed down the burning tears that ached to release her of the burden she carried, but she couldn't do that. Not yet.
Grissom watched the myriad of emotions cascade in her eyes and felt himself slipping down the steep slippery slope that he had clawed his way up from. He was losing her because of his actions and as much as he tried to form a coherent sentence to reveal to her how important she was in his world, he couldn't.
"If it can wait until tomorrow, I should head home," she told him, surprised at the calm tone of her voice. She waited for him to respond to her voice but he seemed to be lost somewhere behind her. Taking a step towards the closed door, Sara reached for the handle and started to pull when she heard him.
"You're leaving."
Sara's heart thudded in her ears as her hands dropped from the handle to hang limply at her sides. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she slowly turned around to face him. "It's only six months."
"Six months is a long time," he whispered, his voice dropping as he fought to control his raging emotions. Grissom had felt many things in his life time, but a loss such as he was feeling right at this moment brought so many different sensations that he found himself entirely numb.
"It's an opportunity," Sara told him, hoping he couldn't hear the sadness in her voice. "I think we could both benefit from my absence."
"Benefit?" he asked incredulously, the sudden anger surprising him. "Benefit how?"
"Do we have to do this now?"
"Yes we do," he told her, his own voice scaring him as he careered out of control. "Explain to me how it would benefit us because I have been trying to figure that part out since Cavallo landed this on me."
Sara watched him with a mixture of hurt and anger and found her emotions rising. "You've wanted this for a long time and don't tell me you haven't because I can see it in your eyes."
"Want what?" he growled. "You think I want you to leave?"
"Yeah I do," she retorted, her voice low in her throat. "I can't seem to do anything right anymore and quite frankly, I'm tired of it."
"So this is about the respect thing again?" he asked angrily. "Okay, what have I done this time?"
Sara's mouth dropped open, his cutting words seeming to mock her. "You have done nothing Grissom," she told him, the pain in her voice dripping into every word.
"No tell me Sara. What do I have to do now to make you reconsider this action?" His anger was apparent, and it coursed through him like molted lava, burning a hateful path in its wake. "Maybe you should do us both a favour and stay wherever it is you're going and don't bother coming back…" the words erupted from his mouth before he had a chance to stop them and he saw her face pale. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"
Sara backed away from him, her eyes bright with tears as she pulled open the door to escape the burning realization that he didn't want her near him. She barely heard him call her name as she increased her pace, her need to be away from here fuelling her movements.
TBC
