Huge thanks to Marlou as always for beat-ing

Chapter Five

Grissom sank back down into his chair cursing himself for his mistakes. How could he speak the words that caused him more fear than anything else in his life? He was fighting with every ounce of control he could muster to resist her temptation that he craved on more than a daily basis, so why did he deliberately set out to hurt her?

His words and actions had been brutal, ripping her heart from her chest. He could see the raw emotions in her eyes every time he chanced a glance in her direction. Had he unconsciously hurt her in his quest to drive her away? If he didn't see her then he wouldn't be tempted right? Is that what he kept telling himself, because it wasn't working.

Pushing his chair back he leapt to his feet, the aching in his body commanding his movements. Sara's image dominated his mind and he knew what he had to do to take back the cruel words he had carved into her heart. She occupied his thoughts, her smile haunted his dreams and it was time she knew he could no longer keep up this barrage of lies that wove an intricate web around him. He needed her, he needed to love her and the time for resistance had to end.

Sara kept the burning tears from falling until she was in the safe sanctuary of her car. Slamming the door closed, she started the engine wasting no time in escaping from the one place that constantly caused her pain. One tear fell from her eyes to tumble down her cheek, its watery path creating a cascade of emotion to follow in its tracks until she could no longer see through the veil of pain. Sniffing back the tears, she drove her car out of the car park, her need to be free overpowering her tattered senses. Tears fell down her cheeks as she drove. The pain in her heart burning shuddering sobs through her body. Everything over the last few years had been a lie. The hidden glances, the innocent touches and his beautiful smile, lies, all of them.

This exchange couldn't happen quick enough as far as she was concerned. She needed to be free from him, his powerful bonds slowly squeezing every last drop of emotion from her, and she needed to go away, to leave. Maybe his words had been spoken in anger when he told her she should go away for good, maybe he didn't mean them, but he spoke them all the same.

Turning down the road that led to her apartment block, she drove on autopilot. Her life was in a shambles; everything she had based such a large part of her existence on had crumbled around her in a shattered heap. Grissom's stinging words had all but stripped the boundaries away to leave her broken inside. It was time to move on and try to salvage what little she could from this chapter in her life.

Stopping her car outside her apartment, she took a few moments to try to regain her composure before opening the door to climb out. The ground beneath her feet felt unsteady and unfamiliar now. Maybe she was seeing things clearly for the first time in many years. With her tears still flowing and a heavy ache in her heart, she walked towards her apartment, silently seeking the solace within the four walls. That's all she had right now.

Opening her door slowly, she heard her phone ringing only to click onto the answer machine. Closing the door quietly, she heard her own voice, the happy twang casting an empty eeriness inside her. Had she really been so happy here once?

As the beep sounded she listened, holding her breath while she waited for the caller to respond, but all she heard was silence, as if someone was fighting to speak.

"Sara…I…please forgive me, I didn't mean to say it. I really am sorry…are you there…? Sara…?"

Sara fell back against the door, her breath coming in rasping sobs as she slid down the hard wood to sit in a crumpled heap on the floor. Wrapping her arms around her bended legs, she buried her head into her knees, his voice haunting her.

"Okay…I'll call you again in an hour. Are you sure you're not home?" Grissom's voice died away softly and she could hear him draw in a haggard breath. "Bye."

Silence echoed around the room casting a lonely solitude that encased Sara as she sat on the floor, her back resting against the closed door. She couldn't seem to move from the doorway, the silent wooden door providing a covering screen of sorts, shielding her from all the pain that seeped from the cracks in her heart. Why did he have to call her? He'd never called her at home, never, not once.

Taking a deep breath she started to move, her joints aching as if they were lined in lead. Everything hurt; her body, her heart, her soul. No part of her remained untouched by Grissom's repetitive torture and she was tired of it all.

Lifting her body off the floor, she pushed herself up to stand on shaking legs. Her eyes lingered over the red blinking on her answer phone, its innocent alert casting uncertain gloom around her. Closing her eyes, she tried to focus on the weeks and months ahead, knowing that the break she needed to recover from the wreck of her life was awaiting,(;) new faces, new air to breathe, and no Grissom. That last thought struck an emotional chord inside her, bringing a fresh onslaught of tears to her eyes. No Grissom. It seemed so final, so desolate. Even though she knew she had to leave to repair the damage he had caused, she couldn't stop her wavering heartache.

Sudden anger flared through her body, her inner pain rearing itself higher to spark a simmering light into a burning, angry flame. Her hands ripped at her shirt, stripping it off of her body only to throw it against the couch as she made her way towards the bathroom.

"Damn him," she seethed. "Damn him for making me fall in love with him."

Walking into the bathroom, she inserted the plug and turned on the taps until the burning steam had started to filter around the room. Thoughts of Grissom invaded her mind, determined to wreak havoc with her already crumbling defenses. She pushed him away, every thought, every memory, banished from every region of her mind. Tomorrow, she would show everyone the new Sara Sidle. The new Sara would not cry over something that could never be. The new Sara would erect a wiser, stronger barrier around her heart to protect her from further heartache.

But the new Sara was slowly sinking back into the Sara of the now. Tomorrow hadn't arrived yet, and as memories of the past flooded her eyes, Sara unleashed the final onslaught of tears that she would ever spill over a man who didn't want her.

Removing the rest of her clothes, she allowed her sobs to overtake her body as she stepped into the hot water in the tub. The more she cried, the more hopeless she became until every last tear had escaped her to leave her exhausted. Lying back in the tub, she closed her eyes to let the heat of the water cleanse her tired body and erase the pain that seemed endless in its torment. As fresh new tears formed inside her closed lids, she felt them leak down over her face. And for the umpteenth time since this whole nightmare began, she wished for the pain to finally end.

TBC