Huge thanks to Marlou and Burked for beta-ing for me.
Chapter Seven
Grissom closed the door once Sara was safely inside, his eyes glowing with something unreadable.
Taking a deep breath, Sara opened her mouth to speak but her words remained tangled inside her throat, unable to release her torment from the heavy burden within her. She knew he was struggling to speak just as much as she was, but right now, she couldn't ease his pain, or tell him what he obviously needed to hear.
"I've spoken to Cavallo," he told her, his voice croaking out from his throat in a graveled whisper. Moving away from her, he walked unsteadily over towards his desk and sank down into his chair.
His slumped figure brought a wave of painful guilt rushing through her heart, she knew he was hurting, and though some tiny part of her wanted to tell him he deserved this agony, the other part of her ached to go to him and enfold him in her protective embrace. Burning emotion crept into her eyes; the stinging tears building to create overflowing pools. "I'm sorry," she whispered painfully, and she was sorry, so desperately sorry for letting herself fall for a man who couldn't love her.
Grissom's head snapped up, his own eyes showing a ragged edge of their own. He knew he had pushed her away one too many times, and she had warned him, she had told him that one day he would be too late. Had that day come back to haunt him yet again? His words that fateful day already kept him awake at night, haunting his dreams in chaos as he tried to hold on to her only to watch her walk away. "I…" he stopped, closed his eyes before carefully choosing his words. "I'm sorry too. I didn't…what I said to you yesterday was totally unforgivable…I was surprised… and… I want you to know that you will be missed here."
For a heartbeat Sara almost saw the light filtering in through a small clearance, as if Grissom's stone wall defenses had finally started to crumble, but the moment he met her eyes, she knew it had only been a tiny fragment in a lifetime of disappointments.
"The lab will miss your expertise," he added, shattering what could have been a precious moment and before he realized his mistake, he saw her eyes mask over with unbearable pain. "Sara…"
"Grissom," she muttered, pulling herself up straight so she could face him with dignity. "I'm sure the lab will survive quite well without me. I am only one person and I'm expendable, just like everyone else."
Grissom watched her tough mask return to her soft features and he found himself mourning for the loss of the Sara he so desperately wanted to return. It seemed every time he opened his mouth he hurt her, and he wished he could erase the past year to start afresh, but real life wasn't like that.
"I will be sorry to lose you," he told her carefully, every word guarded against another bruising remark. The last thing he wanted was to drive her away forever.
"Thanks," she nodded, swallowing down the lump in her throat. "It's for the best."
"You keep saying that," he sighed, his eyes closing against the burning anguish inside him. "I don't see how you leaving is best for us."
"Us?" she whispered sadly, avoiding his eyes as she tried to find the courage inside her to look at him. She churned his words over inside her mind and sudden realization crept into her thoughts. "You will all be fine without me."
"Sara…"
"Look, I haven't told the others yet, but I'd rather tell Nick and Warrick the news myself." Stepping over towards the door, she looked down towards her hand on the door handle. "You can tell Catherine. I'm sure she'll be overjoyed with my departure."
Grissom drew in a deep breath, her last sentence cutting sharply into the truth surrounding him. He had witnessed the hostility of late but as always, he had done nothing to prevent it, or to defuse the situation. This was just another mark of regret to add to his ever-growing list. "Sara. Listen…I"
"No, it's okay Grissom, really," pulling open the door she turned to catch his eyes in the briefest of glances. "Shift has started, maybe you should give out assignments."
"Yes, maybe I should," he nodded sadly, knowing that he was running out of precious time with her. Taking a cleansing breath, he vowed to himself that he would make the most of his time with her, keeping her close until she left him behind, maybe this time for good.
When she returned to the break room, Sara took her seat beside Nick, his warm smile bringing a certain amount of courage to her battered defenses. He leaned in closer to her side, offering his closeness as a barrier to whatever was causing her pain.
"You okay?" he asked softly, keeping his voice low in his throat as he spoke.
Lifting her eyes to his, she reached out to squeeze his hand, drawing as much of his strength as she could. His dark eyes bored into hers as if he was trying to fathom her every thought. "I'm fine," she lied, her voice airing a confidence that she didn't feel any more, but she knew it would be enough for now.
"Sara, I know this rape case is important to you. I'll do everything I can to find the creep that did this to her."
"It's not for me," she whispered shakily, her voice breaking as she met his eyes once more. "I wanted to put him away to help Suzanne. I needed to do this for her."
Warrick came in through the doorway, lingering for a moment before approaching to sit down opposite them, the worry in his eyes furrowing his brow as he reached out to take her other hand from across the table. "How you doing girl?"
The warmth that surrounded her seemed to lift her spirits higher, banishing the darkness away for a blessed eternity. Sara's eyes traveled down to Warrick's fingers as they softly stroked her knuckles. Leaving these two men would break her heart, and maybe leave a void in their lives too, but she had to do this before she lost herself completely.
"I have something to tell you," she whispered, looking to both of them in turn. "To tell both of you."
"I don't like the sound of this," Warrick started, his soulful voice filling the air around them.
"You know I love you both," she whispered, her eyes seeking first Nick's and then Warrick's. "You two are the best friends a girl could ever want."
"Hey, you're not too bad yourself there Sar," Nick grinned, squeezing her hand a little tighter in reassurance.
"You're gonna hear something pretty soon, and I wanted to tell you myself before someone else does." Sara had been unprepared for the amount of emotion that suddenly bombarded her body with sorrow, but she held back the tears that ached to flow. "I've decided to take the director up on his offer about the exchange program."
Both men stared at her for a moment, the shock registering plainly in their eyes. Suddenly, Nick moved forward to wrap his arms around her tightly, keeping her close to him as he tried to understand the implications of what she had just told them. Warrick released her hand from across the table and pushed back his chair to walk around to crouch down the other side of her.
"God Sar, Nick whispered mournfully. "Why?" Pulling back, he held onto her hand, his eyes pleading with her to make him understand.
"I need space," she whispered, her words failing to hide the anguish as she tried to keep the tears at bay.
"Dang girl," Warrick muttered as he placed one of his large hands on her shoulder, unable to think of anything supportive to say apart from how much she would be missed. But his eyes held the same sorrow- filled expression as Nick's, and he found himself unable to form the words.
"It's only for six months," she told them quickly as if the time span would soften the blow of her departure. "You can call, and we'll email, hey I'll even IM you both." She tried to smile through the lump forming in her throat, but nothing would take the ache away from her heart. "Support me…please?"
A strangled sigh emerged from Warrick's throat as he lunged forward, engulfing her in his arms only to rock her from side to side. "Always," he whispered, his breath fanning the flailing strands of her hair that refused to lay flat. "Always girl."
His arms loosened around her and she sat back to smile down into his sad face. Lifting her hand, she stroked his cheek gently before dropping her hand back down into her lap before turning to face Nick who was uncharacteristically quiet. "Talk to me," she whispered quietly. "I need you to understand."
Nick's dark eyes met hers, unable to hide the sadness as he reached forward to pull her into a tight embrace. "I understand Sara," he whispered, his voice cracking as he tried to keep his emotions from surfacing. His eyes closed tightly to prevent the wetness from reaching them, but the thought of losing someone who had become like a sister to him hurt like a thousand stakes driven through his heart. Pulling back suddenly, he held her hands in his lap, stroking her skin as he tried to smile. "You'd better write."
"I will," she nodded, fighting the tears that fought to control her.
"And you'd better call too," Warrick added calmly as he stood to his feet to walk back around to the other side of the table.
"I will," she told them, "I promise."
"Okay," Warrick sighed, regaining his composure to send a warm smile in her direction.
"Where are they sending you?" Nick asked her, still not convinced that he totally agreed with this turn of events.
"Brunswick, Maine," she stated, "I've been there once but it was a long time ago."
"We'll find it," Nick nodded as his lips curled up into a smile.
Sara was suddenly overcome with the urge to pull these two men to her and hold them forever, but she settled for reaching out across the table to take Warrick's hand, much like he had done earlier. Nick still held one of hers firmly in his grasp, and she found that now she could allow herself to draw from their strength.
From the corridor, Catherine's voice filtered through the silence and Sara reluctantly released their hands as she sat back in her seat before both Catherine and Grissom walked into the room.
"Nick, Catherine," Grissom stated, his voice strictly business, "how far are you with your case?"
"Brass is arranging a warrant for us today," Nick told him, his eagerness to please apparent in his voice. Turning quickly, he nodded a silent promise to the woman beside him, reading her brown eyes as they registered sorrow for more than just this case. "He'll pay," he whispered.
Grissom nodded, the whispered exchange between the two younger CSI's not going unnoticed before turning to Warrick. "Anything new on the Henderson case?"
"Not yet," Warrick shook his head. "I've got the prints that we found yesterday in Trace."
"Okay," Looking back towards Sara, Grissom kept his voice leveled as he spoke. "How are you coming with your case?"
Sara sat herself up straighter in her seat. "I wrote the final case notes up last night. Evidence and case are closed."
All eyes turned to her and she felt herself shrink down slightly under the scrutiny. Grissom nodded, his eyes hinting at the pride he felt. "Good, then you are with me."
"Oh…okay," she muttered, her heart protesting with what she knew would be a torturous event.
Grissom watched as Warrick looked across the room, his gaze lingering over the brunette for a fraction longer than usual before smiling slightly. Turning away, he walked out of the door soon to be followed by Catherine. Nick pushed his chair back and grinned down at Sara as he squeezed her shoulder in reassurance. She smiled back up at him, something that was not lost on Grissom, and he felt the stirrings of something he thought long gone begin to awaken.
"Grab your stuff," he muttered, walking out of the room before Nick reached the door.
"See you later," Nick told her, offering her a sympathetic smile.
"Yeah," she sighed as she stood to her feet. "Later."
As soon as she was once again alone inside the break room, she felt the gloom start to smother her, choking every last ounce of exhilaration out of her. Walking towards the door, she swallowed what was left of her pride and made her way to the locker room and awaited for the new wave of depression to reach her. She knew everything would be gone the second Grissom made an entrance.
He was waiting for her when she emerged, and she braced herself for the start of his tirade, but it never came. Sara watched him as he smiled softly, his friendliness throwing her off balance and creating havoc within her. Silently, she followed him, knowing that her time left in Vegas wouldn't pass quickly.
TBC
