10.00 am the following morning, Sara sat in the departure lounge awaiting the call for her flight. Surprisingly she had managed to sleep for an hour before her taxi arrived to bring her here. Her heart ached with sadness as she remembered the last time she had arrived here, her excitement at the time causing her body to ooze with excited energy.
When she had arrived here three years ago, she was on her way to see the man who had caused her heart to leap into a rhythm all of its own. The very thought of him had excited her, his memory bringing her body to an almost feverish pitch. But, back then she was naïve, her feelings for him influencing her actions. Back then she would have done everything in her power to race to his side, his telephone call to her sparking years of adoration into a powerful burst of need. Little did she know that nearly three and a half years later she would be running away from him; the very man who had brought her here had now all but driven her away. She shouldn't love him, she knew that. Her heart should have cast him out a long time ago, but how do you suddenly stop loving someone who has been your entire world for so many years?
"Flight 139, departing 10.30 am, please make your way to gate number 2. Thank you"Sara looked up as soon as she heard her call and gathered up her bags. With a final look behind her, she drew in a heavy breath as the words to the song 'Leaving Las Vegas' sprang into her mind. Making her way to gate number 2 she suddenly felt something release the pressure inside her. Her heart was crying, screaming for her to reconsider and call a halt to this absurd idea, but she forced the image of Gil Grissom away from her mind. This was a new beginning, one that would consist of an empty existence at first, but one that would be emotionally safe.
Smiling at the stewardess who checked her ticket, she walked calmly along with the other people who were boarding the same flight, surprised by the decreasing numbness that had possessed her for so long. Every step released a little more of the heavy burden until she was convinced she had made the right decision to leave.
The second she stepped onto the plane and sat down in her seat it hit her. A sudden thunderbolt that brought a guilty possession crashed down into her heart. She was leaving, she had chosen to walk away from the only people she cared for, and it was killing her.
Sitting back in her seat, she swallowed the aching pain, trying to repress it with everything she possessed. Only now, when the faces of her co-workers projected into her mind did she regret not being able to tell them the truth of her sudden departure. Nick would probably be the most affected, but Nick being Nick, he wouldn't show it. A small smile crept to her lips as she thought of her friend. He was someone very special, someone with the unique qualities that she had always searched for in another human being, but never thought she would ever find. Would he hate her for this? Would he ever forgive her for not saying goodbye face to face? Biting down on her bottom lip, she closed her eyes to stop the stinging tears in her eyes from spilling over onto her cheeks.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the seat next to her dipping slightly as someone took up residency beside her. She tried to ignore it, too wrapped up in her own turmoil to make small talk with some stranger. Opening her eyes, she directed her gaze out of the small window to her side, her eyes scanning the outline of Las Vegas, a place that had once offered her a promise, but had only succeeded in breaking her heart.
Grissom's face burst into her mind to take her breath away along with it. She would miss him most of all. His tendency to conceal his feelings from everyone, including her, only caused her more heartache. She knew he and Catherine had a special relationship, and his ease with her had always been a force to reckon with. But dreams were precious, and those dreams of an existence where she was the person he confided in had sustained her for so long. Her thoughts drifted to the book she had returned to him, along with the letter she had secured inside the envelope.
The book of sonnets had been a treasured memory, something he had given to her as a gift almost nearly six years ago. To part with it had broken her heart almost as much as leaving him, but it was the only thing she could think of to give him that had any meaning. She just hoped that as soon as he saw the book and read the enclosed letter that he would understand that he had already succeeded in capturing her soul. Even if her love was unwanted, even if it was not returned, she would live with the consequences of finally admitting the truth to him. If he could never forgive her for stepping over the line, she always had the option of staying on at her new position, or move on and push him away forever.
The throbbing ache inside her had cast a somnolent weariness to surround her. She could almost feel the pull of sleep tighten around her, but she had promised herself that she would watch the disappearing Las Vegas horizon from the clouds, just to convince herself that this was all real and not some surreal dream that had forced itself into her consciousness.
The signs for seatbelts clicked on above her head, followed by the pilot's voice welcoming the passengers aboard his flight. His voice was effervescent, the cheeriness an act to calm those panicky travellers that had already started to grip their seats and look around nervously. Sara had always found this behaviour odd at times. Sitting back in the seat, she closed her eyes as the roar of the engines powering up took all coherent thoughts from her mind. Turning to the window, she watched in silent misery as the scenery started to flitter away outside the window until the only thing she could see was increasing cloud. Leaning her head to the side, all thoughts of watching the evaporating horizon disappeared. Suddenly, as raw emotion reared up into her eyes, she didn't want to witness the separation anymore.
Almost seven hours later, Sara's connecting flight landed in Bangor, Maine. The journey itself had been tiresome, even though she was doing none of the piloting actions. Images had haunted her mind from the second she boarded her first flight, only to increase in their guilty power as soon as she stepped foot into the second plane that would bring her here. She knew she shouldn't feel this way, after all, they all knew she was leaving anyway. But still, she felt the stinging guilt leap up into her heart and almost swallow her whole.
Once she had picked up her luggage, she walked over to the main entrance and looked around at the other people who were busy making their own personal transitions. Her legs felt like lead as she moved out of the main doors and walked over to a nearby wall where one of her new colleagues had arranged to meet her.
With the quietness surrounding her, she pulled out her cell phone, knowing that Nick would be asleep. Dialling in his number, she held the phone to her ear and closed her eyes as the connection clicked over and his voice mail answered. Her breath caught in her throat as she waited for the beep so she could leave him a message. "It's me, Sara," she sighed sadly. "I'm in Maine, I… I'm sorry I couldn't tell you I was leaving, I really wanted to. Please forgive me. I…um…I miss you. Tell Warrick I'm sorry." Her voice caught on a sob as she tried to choke out the last word. "Goodbye."
Shutting the phone off, she shoved it back into her pocket and tried to regain her composure. She'd finally done it. She was free at last. So why wasn't she smiling?
A beeping of a car horn interrupted her thoughts. Looking up, she watched curiously as a dark haired man jumped out and walked over towards her. "Sara Sidle?" he asked with a smile.
Sara couldn't help herself, his warming smile seemed to ease her trembling nerves and she heard herself introduce herself to him.
"Hi I'm Treyson Barrett," he beamed, shoving out a hand to introduce himself. "Pleasure to meet you."
"You too," she grinned.
"Come on, I'll take you over to Jared's place so you can settle in. You must be exhausted." Reaching down, he picked up her suitcase before she had a chance to stop him.
"Thank you," she told him, her voice losing some of its tension. She hoped the rest of her colleagues would be just as welcoming. "Actually, if you wouldn't mind, could you take me to the lab once I drop off my bags? I'd like to acquaint myself with the surroundings before I start officially tomorrow."
"Of course," he grinned. "The guys can't wait to meet you."
"Uh…guys?" she asked nervously, her mind picturing a long line of men with pearly white smiles ogling her.
"Yeah, there's Joe Wilson. He's a lot like me, just don't let him fool you into thinking he's cool." He met her eyes and winked mischievously. "There's also Mason Patterson, he can be a little above himself at times, but he's basically a good guy."
"Sounds okay," she nodded confidently, her smile becoming more relaxed as she climbed into the passenger seat beside him.
Offering her a beaming smile, he started the engine and drove them away from the airport and launched her into a new chapter in her life.
Back in Las Vegas a few hours later, Grissom arrived in his office two hours before the start of shift. He'd been unable to sleep, the unsettling distance he'd forged between himself and Sara causing him to merely toss and turn.
Walking over to his desk, he saw a stack of mail vying for his attention, but he paid it little interest as he pulled out his chair and sat down. His mind refused to let him rest, its unrelented accusations provoking his consciousness. With a heavy sigh, he looked down to the envelopes on his desk, his eyes drawn to a small brown jiffy bag that was poking out from beneath the pile.
Reaching down, he picked it up and studied the writing on the front, recognizing instantly the unique scrawl. His heart began to thud loudly inside his chest as he slid a finger beneath the seal and pulled it open.
TBC
