Title: No Way To Say
Pairing: Harry/Hermione
Song: PS II (powder snow 2)
Artist: Ayumi Hamasaki
Author: Nanja
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, etc. That's
J.K. Rowling's brilliant masterpiece and I thank her again for her brilliant work!
A/N: I'm so sorry for the slow updates.. I was
ill and all... This chapter is dedicated to all my internet-buddies and
reviewers!
Hence the lyrics in this one. The song is a sequal to the song used in the
previous chapter, so there's some similarity here and there.
The next morning was the
first day of Christmas and Hermione awoke from a very short night sleep. The
end of her bed was packed with parcels. Still half-asleep, she took one and
opened it.
It was a small, golden-coloured wristband with the name 'Hermione Granger' written on it in a deep red colour, changing from shape every 10 seconds. That gift had been from Ginny. She smiled as she put it on. Another small parcel, an orange one this time. She opened it to find a piece of Cherrybite Chocolate. It had been from Ron. Grinning, she opened the next one, which was from Molly: a sweater.
She unwrapped some other random gifts and ended up staring at Harry's gift, still wrapped.
Trembling she put it in front of her, crossed her legs and stared at it. An eerie feeling entered her heart as she touched the parcel with the tips of her fingers. Her heart was beating at such a quick pace, she couldn't hear anything else.
Suddenly she sat up straight and withdrew her hand. What was she doing? She had to get over it. Harry had been a good friend of her from the beginning and just because she was feeling something for him, didn't mean he would sent her a romantic gift. It would be just a christmas gift, with no intentions.
She shook her head as if to convince herself. When did she started acting like this? This was not the Hermione she knew, the Hermione other people knew, and it was getting on her nerves.
But the problem was, she couldn't remember how she was before she fell in love with him.
~If there were a trip
to look back on the past~
She laughed. She laughed out loud. This was ludicrous! In her mind she imagined Harry's expression if she told him she couldn't remember her life without him. She imagined his laughter and his reply, amazed, questioning maybe doubtfull or noiseless ... But he would ask why she couldn't remember.
~surely you'd have
said something about it~
Anyway, she'd be stuck.
But she was stuck already.
The parcel, it was still fully wrapped and mysterious, lying in front of her. It had a strange attraction and she couldn't turn her eyes from it, but she couldn't open it either.
Finally she got herself into opening it.
Inside the parcel were a letter and a book, titled 'Congentital and Erroneously Wizarding Gifts'.
The book had been on her list-to-buy for a long time, but she did not even take her time to flip through it. She hastily opened the letter that accompanied it.
Her eyes flew through the words. He had written a dozen unimportant things, he was rambling about Hogwarts, about the Weasleys and about ... Cho.
At that point her heart stopped beating and silence fell.
~The only things left are
the words on this paper~
This could not be true.
This could not be happening.
Not to her.
But it was true and it was happening to her; Harry and Cho were a couple.
Tears escaped from her wide, bemused eyes as she folded the letter, her hands trembling and her heart beating compulsory, out of tact.
~"Can I cry just because I want to? Until my tears wither away"~
Like an echo, the letter repeated itself in her head. Over and over again.
She stood up, sat down, stood up again and completely forgot about Christmas as her tears streamed down her face and she entered the common room, not even taking the effort to wipe them away.
~"Can I cry just because I want to? Until my tears wither away"~
The common room was not empty nor abandoned as she had hoped it would be.
Harry, Ron, Ginny and Neville were sitting by the fireplace, all of them talking loudly and showing their gifts to one another. Untill she entered.
"Hey, Hermione! Merry Christmas!" said Harry cheerfull, not having the slightest idea that she loved him.
Ginny and Ron stared at eachother and then back to Hermione. Neville smiled at her. Harry held up a bag of Chocolate Frogs, "Want one?" he asked.
Hermione stared at them, with dried up trails of tears on her cheeks and her hands forced into fists. "No. Thank you," she managed to say through clenched teeth.
"Is something wrong?" Harry asked, still in his utterly good, unharry-like, mood.
"Err, I think Hermione and I need a little chat, don't we, Hermione?" Ginny stood up quickly and pulled Hermione into one of the dorms.
"Gin, don't both-" Hermione started, but was cut off.
"I know about Cho and Harry, he told us. Me and Ron," she paused and shook her head "but I don't think he's serious about it-" Hermione sighed and wanted to turn away, but Ginny grabbed her by the shoulders "Listen! I know you. I know Harry. I know you both more than any of you two can. There is no such thing as love, when it comes to Harry and Cho, alright? You need to understand that, because one of you two need to realise it," Ginny said.
"One of us? You mean,.. wait, I can't keep up with you," Hermione stared at her, half-confused, half-convinced she knew exactly what this was about.
"Look, you are a sane person and sane persons never act the way you're acting now, I've seen that. It's clear you are in love with him. But you are not the only one in love, Harry is in love with you-" Hermione sighed again, but Ginny continued "and there is NO ONE who can tell me the opposite," she paused. Hermione wanted to reply, but Ginny didn't give her a chance. "Harry is using Cho, to see if he can push his feelings aside."
Hermione nodded slowly, frowning. "But why, why would he want to push his feelings aside?" she asked.
"Because he is afraid he might hurt you," Ginny answered simply. "If the two of you are in love, more people will know. More people, including Draco, including the Death Eaters, including Voldemort. Harry doesn't want to take that risk."
Hermione frowned at her. Ginny's imagination and sanity were tangled together once again.
~If there was something you'd take on this trip,
it's your powers of memory and imagination, right?~
"I'm sure of it!" Ginny told her, nodding at her.
"We'll see about that," Hermione decided, walking back into the common room.
Before Hermione could do anything to prevent it, Ginny pulled Ron into the other room, "Neville, come over here! Ron and I need to show you something! Right, Ron?" Ginny shouted.
"Eh? OH! Right!" Ron assured.
Neville raised his eyebrows, as did Harry. "What is it then?" Neville asked, before walking over.
"Ron got a ... Pluto Plant from dad, he wants to see if you know something about it," Ginny made up, while grabbing the Pluto Plant one of the other students had got for Christmas.
Harry stared at Hermione, who sat down and stared into the fire. It moved and made noises, relaxing noises, making her want to fall asleep. She had just closed her eyes, when Harry suddenly started talking.
"There is something wrong, isn't there?" he asked, his happy mood fading as snow on a sunny day.
Hermione nodded against her will, not taking her eyes off of the fire.
"And I have to do with it, am I right?" Harry replied, now folding his hand together in his lap.
Hermione nodded again and cast her eyes down to the floor. She heard Harry sigh and shift in his chair. "I think it's better not to tell you," she said, feeling uncomfortable and heavy.
"Because it might ruin something?" Harry replied and now it was Hermione's turn to sigh.
Because our friendship is already ruined, she thought, because I am just fooling myself I can be 'just friends' again... but she replied with a nod.
~You arranged the search for the fragment
from sometime that was already lost~
She stood up, gave Harry a concerned look and shook her head. "It's better not to talk about it, you have more important problems to deal with at the moment, I'm sure," with that she left the room.
"Merry Christmas to you too," Harry whispered, feeling guilty he had started the conversation.
Hermione ran down one of the corridors and entered an empty classroom. "Because it might ruin something..." his words echoed in her head as she leaned against the wall and closed her eyes. Had Ginny been true? Was he really in love with her, but too concerned about her to admit? Or had she been wrong and was Harry just afraid they might lose their friendship?
She moaned and screwed her face up. A headache, just what she needed at the moment.
~"Can I yell loudly? Until my voice withers away"~
"It's better not to talk about it," she had told him. Better not to talk about it! She thought. It would have been better if she had talked about it and had told him the truth. Then he could judge, wheter their friendship was ruined or not.
"Damnit," she said out loud and immediately closed it again. That was not really like her, to say things out loud. She shook her head and sighed.
"Damnit, I love you!" she screamed as she burst out in tears, making fists and slamming them against the wall.
~"Can I yell loudly? Until my voice withers away"
Can you hear me?
Can I cry just because I want to?
Until my tears wither away.
Can I yell loudly?
Until my voice withers away.
Can I cry just because I want to?
Can I yell loudly?
Time has passed..~
Sorry for the slow updates, I was ill and away! But there's only one more chapter to go... please review! - Nanja
