The drive to his hotel was made in relative silence, only Grissom breaking it every now and then to keep her talking. She knew what he was trying to do, and part of her was bathing in joyous revelations, but the other part of her, the part that couldn't get past the hurt and rejection, wouldn't let her make the same mistakes again.
Turning down a street that led to his hotel, Sara kept her eyes on the road as she spoke, unwilling to let him see the confusion in her eyes. "I have to get some sleep. Why don't you check in and then if you still want, I can drop you off at the lab."
Grissom turned to her, his heart thudding painfully in his chest as he realized that somewhere along this journey she had used their silence to rethink everything she had only moments ago agreed to. His body protested with the strain upon him, and he knew he should have expected this. He had said and done things that were unforgivable, he couldn't even forgive himself, so how could he expect her to do so? With an understanding nod, he tried to calm his voice as he spoke to her, keeping his tone soft. "Of course. If you want to go home to sleep I can make my own way to the lab."
She cast him a quick glance and swallowed hard. "Don't you want me to come with you?"
"I thought you were tired."
Realizing what she had said, she shook herself out of the stumbling block that seemed to constantly keep her tripping over her own words. "What I meant was, don't you want me to take you?"
"Oh," he nodded, smiling inwardly as he longed to answer her first question but bit his tongue quickly before he could. The impulse to touch her was becoming almost impossible to resist and he found his hand reach out to her arm once again. He could feel her skin prickle into goose bumps beneath his touch and he knew she still had the same reactions to him. She had such a power over him too, and fighting her seemed to be the last thing on his mind right now. "I would," he smiled, answering her question softly. "But only if you are not too tired. You have been working all night."
Spotting his hotel, she decided not to answer his question, fearing that her voice would catch in her throat and he would know how she was still unsure of herself. Driving slowly along the road, Sara pulled up outside of his hotel and stopped the car. "I'll wait here for you while you're checking in," she told him, his presence and his touch infiltrating her senses and causing havoc with her pulse rate.
"Sara, come inside with me, this may take a while."
"I'm okay," she told him quickly, biting down the aching words that wanted to pour from somewhere deep inside her heart. She chanced a look in his direction only to be caught in his deep blue depths and found herself increasingly drawn to him.
"Sara," he insisted, his voice coming out as a sigh as he tried to convince her that he wasn't here to hurt her. "Please come inside with me, at least until I have put my bag into my room."
Sara was lost, her emotions holding her to ransom as her heart continued to argue profusely with her mind. The time when she had used to trust him completely had all but gone, his bluntness shattering her soul into thousands of tiny pieces. She may never be able to trust him with her heart again, but maybe she should try and open up what little trust she still clung to where he was concerned. Nodding slowly, she watched as his eyes melted into relief and waited until he had pushed open the car door and climbed out. Only then did she allow herself to breathe.
Turning off the engine, she opened her own door and tried to control her racing heart. He was only here to talk her out of staying, that's all. He needed to convince her enough that she was needed in Las Vegas, she knew that. There were no personal reasons for him to be here, he didn't want her and he certainly didn't care about her anymore. But as she turned to face him and caught the burning desire in his eyes when he looked at her, she found herself fighting to hold onto those negative beliefs. As long as she didn't succumb to him and fall in love with him even more than she already had, then she could survive this encounter.
Grissom could see the war that raged inside of her and he cursed himself again for doing this to her. There was a time once when he could look into her eyes and know instantly what she was thinking. And many times more when he could feel her presence without seeing her. He wished more than ever that he could turn back the clock and erase the last few months. Go back to where they began where there was no Hank, no Lady Heather and no regrets. Given the chance over, he would have accepted her dinner invitation, he would have lowered his defences and let her explore her promise of keeping his heart safe. She was already deeper inside him than any other woman had ever been.
He watched her silently as he waited for her to step up beside him, his own feelings battering down his walls, causing them to crumble and fall. As she stepped up beside him, close enough to feel her body heat, only then did he allow his heart to beat again.
"You okay?" he asked quietly when she started to walk beside him.
She turned to him briefly only to look away again a second later. "Yeah," she lied. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"I…I'm…I just wanted to make sure that's all," he told her carefully as he pushed open the door to the hotel and stepped inside to hold it open for her.
Sara had vowed to herself that she wouldn't fall for this again, that his presence and his closeness would no longer have the effect over her that they once had, but as she brushed against him while he held open the door for her, she couldn't help but feel the spark of love ignite inside her once again.
Grissom too had felt it, the unmistakable heat that started in the pit of his stomach to reach every part of his body. She was everywhere, her presence, her essence, she possessed him with a power that he longed to succumb to. Steadying his breathing, he moved to stand beside her at the front desk where a young woman was watching them.
"Hi I'm Gil Grissom, I have a reservation."
The woman started tapping the keys on her keyboard and looked up towards him and then Sara. Instantly picking up on a problem, Sara stepped closer to the desk, standing against Grissom's shoulder as she leaned closer towards the desk. "Is there a problem?"
"I'm sorry, but we only have a reservation for one." Looking up at Grissom, the woman watched as his confusion suddenly started to melt away.
"Oh…Um" he started, his voice catching as he tried to swallow down the heat burning over his face.
Stepping closer, Sara saved him from embarrassment as she smiled acidly at the woman. "He's on his own. I'm just waiting for him."
"Oh," she said brightly, sitting forward as she offered him a bright smile. "Well in that case Mr. Grissom, here's your key." Turning around, the young woman picked up a lone key and passed it over towards him, her fingers catching his hand gently as she smiled.
Sara hadn't missed the interaction, and suddenly moved forward to pull Grissom by the arm. "Why don't you go up and put your things in your room and I'll wait here for you?"
Grissom seemed unaware of the silent exchange that crackled between the two women, their eyes locked in secret deliberations. Looking back at Sara, he touched her arm quickly to break her eye contact with the other woman. "I'll be two minutes okay?"
Usually Sara would just nod briefly and just simply wait for him, but this time she smiled warmly. "Okay."
Grissom nodded, his own smile lingering over his face as he watched her curiously. Then suddenly his confusion drifted away like the sun peeking out from behind the clouds, and he finally understood what was actually going on. Something inside him snapped, and he decided to use this moment to his advantage. Leaning closer to Sara, he took hold of her hand, ignoring her sudden intake of breath. "Honey why don't you come up with me for a few minutes?"
Sara's eyes snapped up to his, quickly coming to her senses as his smile reached through the fog that had encased her in sudden possessiveness. She knew she should pull away from him, but his touch was intoxicating. The heat from his hand seeped into her skin and she could feel his touch spreading warmth throughout her body. As he pulled on her hand, she followed slowly, shock still keeping her joined to him.
When they walked through the double doors that led to the corridor towards the hotel rooms, he still hadn't released her hand and she had made no attempt to remove it either. Both seemed silently content to bask in each other, their lingering closeness healing some tiny part of the past.
Sara was fighting with everything she had inside her. After all of her sacrifices, after every single one of her self promises, she had still succeeded to ignore each and every one. Now as Grissom released her hand as they reached his hotel door, she came to her senses and shoved both of her hands in her pockets. He had already breached her armoured defences without having to work hard to do so. Stepping back, she focussed on the patterned carpet that lined the floor, anything to regain some of the composure she'd had before he came here.
"You coming inside?" His voice broke through her inner musings, causing her to snap her head up to see a warm smile on his lips.
"Sorry?" she asked quietly, a little nervous that he could still render her into a jibbering wreck.
"I asked if you were going to come inside." His smile lingered over his lips as he watched her curiously before gesturing with his hands towards the open door.
"Uh…" Her heart rate doubled when she realized he was gazing at her with an odd expression in his eyes. "I'll wait here."
"You sure?"
"Yeah. I mean, maybe another time when you don't have to go to the lab. Um…sorry." She dropped her eyes from his and looked back down towards the floor again. This was embarrassing enough without her falling apart now.
Grissom's whole body was aching. He could see how she was still, even now, backing away from him and who could blame her? He missed the old days when they used to be so close that they could hear each others thoughts. He wanted those days back, if only she would let him make it up to her. Making an instant decision, he closed the distance between them and encircled her arm in his hand and gently pulled her towards him.
Her head snapped up, fully intending to fight him, but the second she met his eyes she lost all the power that had held her strength. "Grissom," she whispered worriedly, trying to keep herself grounded. "I'll stay here, it's okay really." Pulling her arm from his grasp, she shifted back against the wall and watched as the hurt flashed across his eyes. "You'll only be a couple of minutes right? You might want to change or something and…"
"Sara," he whispered softly as he once again reached for her arm.
"…You like your privacy, I know that. I'll…" Her voice broke off suddenly when she felt his fingers once again tenderly reach out for her again.
"Please come inside for a few minutes. I promise all I am going to do is throw a different shirt on and then I'll be ready to go to the lab with you." He could see her resolve starting to slowly crack as she gradually stepped a little closer towards him.
"Two minutes?" She asked in reassurance.
"Yes, I promise."
"Okay," she sighed, silently cursing her treacherous emotions for abandoning her when she most needed the strength. Following him inside the room, she kept her eyes diverted from the single bed that stood out in the centre of the room, and turned away from him completely when he started to rifle through his bag for a clean shirt. Going over towards the window, she gazed outside into the evening sky to count the few twinkling stars that had suddenly appeared in the atmosphere.
The bathroom door closed and she finally let out the breath she hadn't realized she was holding. Yesterday she had been in control of her emotions. Yesterday she had been content with trying to live her life and get by without feeling anything. Today, she had been thrust into the lions den, immersed in feelings that she hadn't yet come to terms with, and now she was back to square one, totally confused and fighting to breathe. Gil Grissom was a force to be reckoned with, and she knew that where he was concerned she had a weakness, and he knew it.
The bathroom door opened again and she found herself compelled to turn around and face him. He looked up at her as she turned, his lingering smile causing her heart to flip and do summersaults inside her chest.
The shirt he had changed into was his midnight blue one, her personal favourite. If she had been a betting woman, she would have been sure that he wore that one just for her. Taking a deep breath, she forced her emotions down inside her chest and walked back over towards the door to wait for him.
"I'm about ready," he told her, sensing her need to escape the confines of this small room.
"Okay," she muttered, pulling open the door as quickly as she could to step outside into the hallway again.
As he locked the door, Grissom could almost feel her eyes boring into the back of him, and as much as he tried to stop it, he could still feel her lingering touch from only a few minutes ago. Turning around to face her, he watched her cautiously before stepping closer towards her. "I'm ready if you are."
"Great," she whispered, gazing up into his eyes, mesmerized by the rising emotion she could see in his sapphire eyes. His ability to render her powerless had always scared her, but this terrified her. Stepping back quickly, she swallowed the lump rising in her throat and drew in a shaky breath. "We should go."
Nodding reluctantly, he watched her turn away from him and quickly started to follow her down the corridor.
The woman behind the desk looked up as first Sara and then Grissom walked towards the main doors. Grissom turned around quickly and nodded to her, offering her a courteous smile before following Sara out of the doors and over towards her waiting car. He had four days here and he would not let them go to waste. If he had to change everything to be with her then that's what he was prepared to do. Climbing into the car beside her, he made a silent vow to himself that this was the moment in his life when he knew for the first time just exactly what he needed to do. Looking towards her, he returned her offered smile, and sat back in his seat as she started the car and drove them towards the lab.
TBC
