I promise that this whole story won't be gross and "the joys of puberty"-ish.
Chapter 2
Lorelai came rushing through the doors of Luke's pulling Rory by the hand behind her. They took a seat at the counter and waited for Luke to emerge from the kitchen. When he saw them at the counter he mumbled a slight "oh man" to himself before walking over to them.
"Hi Duke," Lorelai said with a devious smile on her face.
"I know you know my name is Luke. For God's sake it says Luke's all over everything in here," he sounded as he said this, lifting up menus to show his name.
"Now that you mention it, all this does seem a little egotistical.
"Hi Rory," Luke said finally choosing to ignore Lorelai. "What do you two have planned for today?
Before Rory could respond Lorelai already jumped in, "We're going pre-puberty shopping." Both Luke and Rory cringed. "I'm sorry. I won't use that word anymore.
Luke cleared his throat, "UmÉ I'm going to goÉback to the kitchen.
"Mom, you scared Luke away before getting us coffee," Rory said in an accusatory tone.
"Well I'm pretty sure he'll be back there until we leave soÉ" Lorelai said mischievously as she went behind the counter and filled two to-go cups with coffee.
Luke's muffled voice shouted from the kitchen, "Coffee is going to stunt her growth!
"That's all a lie. I've been drinking coffee since the womb and I'm 5'9''" Lorelai shouted back, not caring that she had been caught red-handed.
"Bah, suit yourself.
"Bye Duke," Lorelai threw some money on the counter and she and Rory went back to their car.
Inside the car, Rory turned to her mother with a determined face, "Ok. I have some guidelines for this trip.
"I'm all ears.
"One, if you say the word period or any of its synonyms, I am leaving. Two, if you try to pretend that the previous topic is Ôbeautiful' or Ônatural', I am leaving. And Three, if I get even the slightest hint of a pedantic tone in your voice, I am leaving. Got it?
"Yup. I would never dream of breaking rule one because nobody likes having that conversation except those people at schools with the pamphlets. Also, I would never try and break rule two because it would be a lie. There is nothing beautiful about any of it. It's horrible and disgusting and we'll cross that bridge when we get there. Also, when have you ever heard of me being pedantic?
"I don't know. I'm just making sure. Ok. We're good. Let's get shopping," Rory said with a slightly relieved expression on her face. She tucked her knees up to her chest and reached for the radio.
"You know, you don't need to keep covering your chesticles like that. I think we've established we are beyond that by now.
"Did you just say chesticles?" Rory said, not even noticing that she had lowered her arms.
"Yeah, I thought it was the appropriate term for the semi-boobs that hurt like a bitch," Lorelai turned to her daughter, "And without sounding pedantic, I will tell you now that the pain will go away. One day soon you'll just wake up and say Ôwow'. Similarly, you will forget what it was like to not have boobs.
"How is it possible to just forget like that?
"Oh it's easy. It's the same way you'll forget what it was like to be short. It just happens. Soon I'll be the only one who remembers when you were tiny and I'll cry into my pillow at night.
"Pull it together woman," Rory said with a smile on her face.
A little while later they were in a store looking for a bra with bags of already purchased pants hanging on their arms. From a distance Lorelai could see a sales woman ready to pounce on Rory with a tape measurer and she quickly leapt to the rescue.
"Rory get back," she hissed. "Hi we're just looking for any 32 AA's you might have.
"Are you sure that's her size? I could measure," the enthusiastic sales woman said as she went towards Rory.
"No. No! I think we'll be fine without the groping thank you," Lorelai quickly said while Rory cowered behind her.
"Oh, fine. I'll go look in the back for you size then," the slightly dejected sales woman responded as she walked away.
"Sorry, I forgot to mention sales people's tendencies to grope unsuspecting customers," Lorelai said in response to Rory's horror stricken face.
"Well thanks for saving me.
"What else am I here for?
"I have no idea," Rory said with a smile as they headed for the cashier.
Sometime later, they were sitting at a table in the food court of the mall with a dish from every stand.
"Ok. So we've got new pants, new bras, and new shoes, what else do we need?" Lorelai asked as she glanced over their purchases.
"Nothing! Are we finished yet?" and exhausted Rory replied.
"I guess soÉ Oh! How are you in the hairy leg department?
"Mom!
"What? Hairiness should be a crime. Ok, so we'll pick up some more razors and then we'll head home for pizza.
"Aren't parents supposed to be against letting their children shave their legs?
"I really don't know why. It's not like you're wearing floozy make-up. It's simply another aspect of grooming yourself. It makes life much more comfortable too. There is nothing quite like a smooth leg.
"Such magnificent words of wisdom.
"Yes, it's true. We have officially found the title for my autobiography: ÔThere is nothing quite like a smooth leg'.
"I think it'll be a bestseller. I know I'll read it.
"Now I feel special.
"As well you should my dear mother. As well you should.
