The drive back to the hotel was made in virtual silence, both of them uncomfortable with the situation they had found themselves in. Sara's knuckles were white with tension as she held the steering wheel in a death grip. His touch in the locker room had sent shards of passion through her igniting something inside of her, but she was still hiding behind a wall of fear, one which he alone had created.
"Sara…" he started, his voice breaking the silence. He swallowed hard as he fought to find something to say, anything that would break the thick atmosphere around them. "I'm sorry if I pushed you. I never wanted to hurt you."
His words caused her heart to surge inside her chest and she fought for control as she pulled up outside of his hotel. Looking out of the window, she tried to find a tiny piece of hope to cling to before she turned around to face him. "You didn't push."
"What?" he asked quickly, his eyes snapping to hers as she regarded him with her dark doe eyes.
"I said you didn't push me Grissom." Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes briefly before she could trust her voice again. When she finally met his worried gaze she felt another piece of ice melt away from her heart. "I don't know what to feel anymore. I don't know if I even know how to feel at the moment."
Grissom's guilt leapt up to grip an icy hand around his heart and he become acutely conscious with sudden clarity that he had broken her spirit and left her a mere shell of who she was. This painful realization surged through his senses to wash a veil of pain to his eyes. "Do you hate me?" he whispered painfully, his words aching with remorse.
The pain in his voice brought tears to Sara's eyes and she fought with her own emotions that endeavoured to claim her, but she blinked them away. He had hurt her, yes. He had caused her more emotional pain than any other man had ever inflicted upon her, but he had also given her so much more. Now, as she turned to him slowly she could see how much his actions were haunting him, and something broke inside her.
Her hand trembled as she reached for his own that rested on his thigh. He was dangerous, she knew that, but at the same time she had never loved any man in the way she loved him. He'd come all the way out here and maybe deep down inside he felt something for her too.
When her hand touched his, his eyes snapped to hers, their emotion causing her to take a breath. He was battling with his own demons and the glistening sheen in his eyes only made her love him more. She tightened her fingers, squeezing his hand in a gesture that she hoped would indicate that he still held her heart, no matter how many times he had chipped and battered it.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered, his voice shaking under the intense emotions that were coursing through his body. "If I could change it all, I would. I really would."
Sara's whole body shook as her pooling tears welled up in her eyes. She wanted so much to believe him. But this was too much too soon, he had only been here a few hours and already he was causing her to falter and surrender to him. She couldn't do it, not yet.
Giving his hand one final squeeze, she let him go to pull away from him. "I don't hate you," she whispered, her voice so soft he almost didn't hear her. She gave him no time to respond, her tone so soft as she broke through the haze as she spoke again. "What time are you going in tomorrow?"
"I can suit myself," he told her softly, his whole body aching in defeat. "There's no time scale," he whispered sadly, her separation causing his body to shake.
"Then," she started, her own voice unsteady as she fought to control her raging emotions. "Do you want to have dinner…" her voice faltered and she took a breath to steady her nerves. "Some time… I mean." Swallowing hard she added, "…with me?"
He looked at her with hopeful surprise in his eyes and reached out to wipe a single tear away from her cheek. "I would love to," he whispered.
For a few seconds Sara stared at him, her mind reeling with his answer. Part of her had expected another rejection, but his answer had all but set her senses ablaze.
"When?" he asked quickly before she took back her invitation.
"When what?" she asked softly, her eyes still dazed as if the last few minutes had been a blissful dream.
"Dinner," he smiled, his own heart racing as he realized that he had just fallen in love with her all over again. He watched her in total adoration, her dark brown eyes slowly comprehending the situation and a small blush started to rise up into onto her cheeks.
"Oh," she smiled shyly, averting her eyes until she could trust herself to look at him. Everything about this encounter seemed to be dreamlike, throwing her off balance and into total confusion.
"Sara?" he asked softly as he fought with the urge to reach for her again. "It doesn't have to be here…if that's not what you want."
"Huh?" she asked quietly, lifting her eyes to his to capture his sadness in her gaze. With sudden understanding she sat up a little straighter in her seat and moved to comb her fingers apprehensively through her hair. "I…" she muttered, her voice faltering as she turned to face him. Lowering her hands, she turned to him and watched him carefully. "When do you want to go?"
Grissom was taken by surprise by her answer and knew that the ball was firmly back in his court. His mouth suddenly felt very dry and he couldn't shake the nervous tension that surrounded him. "Tomorrow?"
She stared at him in a daze, her eyes focussing on his mouth as she waited for him to say something else. When it became apparent that he wouldn't, she snatched her eyes away, causing herself to jump back into reality, and she heard herself answering before she had a time to think. "Okay."
"Okay," Grissom nodded, his voice filtering out with a sigh of relief. "Are you working tomorrow?"
To anyone else this conversation might appear bizarre. The sight of two people who had known each other for many years, were now dancing around each other like nervous teenagers on a first date. Sara shook herself out of her daze and tried to smile, unsure if she had made the right choice. Tomorrow was a long way away, and it gave her enough time to cancel if she couldn't go through with it. His question from a few moments ago still hung in the air and she had to fight through the fog in her brain to remember the answer.
"Yes," she told him, her voice causing him to jump when she broke the silence. His tentative smile brought a bright one of her own to her lips, and she couldn't help but find the situation so incredibly cute, not to mention the most intimate they had ever been with each other. This moment between them may not have meant a lot to someone else, but to her, it was beautiful.
"Are there many places to eat?" he asked quietly, unsure of himself under her scrutinizing gaze.
"Um…" she thought for a moment, but she couldn't think of anywhere, except one place. "I could cook," she suggested softly, her voice shaking with anticipation.
His eyes met hers and answered with their own endearing gaze. Smiling, he nodded slowly, hoping that she understood how much he wanted to be with her. Her movements jarred his senses and he watched her turn sideways in her seat to face him. "I'll pick you up tomorrow," she told him quickly before she could change her mind. "6.30 okay?"
"Fine," he nodded, his heart leaping up into his throat when she smiled.
"Okay," she nodded, her voice shaking as she watched him reach for the door handle.
"I'll…see you tomorrow," he told her as he tried to bite down his own nervous butterflies that occupied his stomach.
"Tomorrow," she smiled, nodding earnestly as he exited the car slowly. Her eyes stayed with him while he closed the car door and poked his head down to the window to offer her a parting nod, and then he turned away. Sara couldn't seem to tear her eyes from him, watching entranced until he disappeared into the hotel foyer.
With a heavy sigh, she started the engine and silently berated herself for losing what little control she had over her turbulent emotions. Once again he had enticed feelings inside her that she had tried to bury so deep so they could never be found, but he had unearthed them with a simple smile. Taking one last longing glance behind her towards the hotel doors, she sighed heavily before turning back to the road and drove away.
TBC
