A/N: I lurve all u reviewers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jupiter's Light: u r me FAVOURITE revieeeeeeeeewwwwweeerrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!glad u like it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jackoholic's li'l bro: u r CRAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Chapter 4: Spring Clean I stood and watched Jack for several minutes as he swayed – more than usual – on the spot. It didn't take long for the not-quite-rum to take its effects. Jack toppled to the floor in a state of unconsciousness.

"Told you it wasn't rum," my grin now resembled a Cheshire cat's as I looked across at Gibbs, who had a noodle hanging out of his mouth, and appeared to be in a state of shock at what I'd just done.

A/N: Jackoholic: Ok, Legolas, you can come out now!!!

Legolas: Are y-you sure the n-nasty p-pirate w-won't hurt m-me?

Jackoholic: Yes, Legolas. Now, don't you have things to do?

Legolas: Y-yes.

Jackoholic: Then go an' do them!!!

Legolas: Ok.*makes as if to walk through a door that is kinda hanging in mid-air, sorta like a visible version of the windows in "His Dark Materials"*

Jackoholic: *puts on sweet, innocent voice* Legolas? You don't happen to be doing anything later, do you? Coz I was wondering if you wanted to meet up sometime...?

Jackoholic's li'l bro: Oh, stop flirting, big sis.*in Tarzan voice* He. Elf. You. Human. It. No. Work. Between. You. Savvy?

Jack:*temporarily wakes up* What is it with you people an' stealin' MY word?

Jackoholic: Oh, go jump off the back of a ship. *hits him over the head with a saucepan that has magically appeared from nowhere*

Jack: Not sure I deserved that. *collapses – again*

Jackoholic's li'l bro: Kissy, kissy, smoochy, smoochy... dat's wot u do wiv Legolas...AND Jack – 2TIMA!!!

Jackoholic: Helllllllllooooooooooo?! U 4got Will an' Orli!!! Honestly, li'l bruvas. Can't live wiv 'em, could live perfectly well wivout 'em. Only jokin', luv ya really!!!!!!! Ya plank!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jackoholic's li'l bro: Nehu, how did I get in2 this loada crap?! I'm off.... For now... DUHN,DUHN,DUUUUUUUUHHHNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Remember! Kissy, kissy,smoochy,smoochy! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jackoholic:*shouts in2 disance* good riddance!!!!!!!!

Legolas: *pokes his head through window* Actually, he's got a point. How DID he get in2 this loada crap?

Jackoholic:*whilst throttling li'l bro* 1.dis is MY story, so stop interrupting me. 2.It is NOT, repeat, NOT a loada crap, sav- whoops, wouldn't wanna get Jack annoyed again, now would we? *shouts* SAVVY???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nehu, back 2 de story – apologies for my li'l bro. I'll have 2 do sumting about him, won't I, guys an' gals?*gives li'l bro evil glare*

Rite, here ya go!!!!!!!!!!!!

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"While he's out of it, I think I'll give his cabin a spring clean," I said to myself, "God knows it could do with one!"

"He's not gonna like this. He's not gonna like this at all," Gibbs sighed.

"Helllllloooooooooo?! That is the whole idea," I said in response. *Where is everyone? I thought ships had really big crews.* "Right, ALL HANDS ON DECK," I yelled.

About 20 pirates came rushing up to my feet. "While Jack's out cold, I want dinner made...on second thoughts, I'll make dinner, and you lot can tidy Jack's cabin."

I went on to tell them where to put everything, and, satisfied that they were scared enough of me to do as I said, I made my way down to the ship's galley (that's kitchen for all of you terribly ignorant couldn't-ever-be-a- pirate people). I'd done my cookery badge at Guides (or Girl Scouts – whatever) and so knew how to throw a few random ingredients together.

Just as I was putting the final touches to a dish that looked surprisingly edible, I heard a cry of distress from above. I grinned. Jack had woken up and walked into his cabin to find it spotless.

"What's wrong?" I asked innocently, as I kicked open the door, with Jack's dinner in my hands.

"My...my cabin!!!My...lovely...messy...cabin!!! Where in Satan's name IS everything?!"

"Well, your clothes are there, your stationery there, your effects here, and we threw the rum overboard," I finished, wondering what effect my last words would have on the drunk pirate captain.

"My rum. My lovely rum. All gone," his face dropped. Suddenly he got angry. "Why? WHY IS THE RUM GONE?! Honestly, what is it with women and getting rid of my rum? First Lizzie an' now you! Well, I hope YOU won't marry a eunuch!!!"

"Jack, calm down. It's under your bed."

"It is? IT IS?!" He knelt down by his bed, and pulled out two bottles of rum.

"Please don't tell me you intend to drink TWO WHOLE BOTTLES of that stuff in ONE GO?!?!?!?!"

"'Course not, luv. One's for you," he threw the rum to me and I caught it perfectly.

"Ta, Capt'n. Here's to piracy," I drank the whole bottle in one go – having 3 bottles of alcohol every night at Destiny, my local night-club, had helped in making sure I didn't get drunk easily. Jack watched me the whole time in amazement as I downed his rum faster than him.

"You like it then? You hold yer rum better than any other lass I've met. Yer full o' surprises, Lottie."

"There are a lot of things you don't know about me, Jack."

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A/N: Well, waddya think? A bit shorter than Chap. 3, I know, but hey! Keep reviewing, and I'll keep writing, savvy? Oh, an' I'll try an' get me li'l bro 2 stay AWAY from the keyboard 2!