Author's Note: I have gotten a few more reviews and I deemed that they were worthy of a response. So I shall respond:
Kasey22: Thank you. The reason I don't always add a little narrative after each character has spoken is because it all starts to sound somewhat redundant you know, "Lorelai said", "Rory said", "she exclaimed", yada, yada, I also think that in certain cases not having narrative is more freeing of the reader's imagination. I'll try to work with this though. Sometimes it gets confusing as to who's speaking and I'm sorry for that. I just don't want to sound stupid, but according to some reviewers, I have already failed at that.
Melissa Larkin: Thank you for liking my story and I know about the weird end quote thing. It's not me. It's something in the uploading process. I don't know how to fix it. I just hope it doesn't make reading this complicated.
Someone5: Let me just take a moment to say that I really like your stories. Good. Now that I've done that let me just say how totally cool it is that you say breasticles. I really feel that life would be better if every word ended with Ðicles.
Jessijavajunkie and Lnkz: Thanks. I don't know how many chapters this story will have. This may be the last. I don't quite know.
Netherfield: Thank you so much for your review. Until I got yours I was thinking about just deleting the whole story because people seemed to think it was really strange and generally sucky. But I changed my mind with your review. I understand that most people come to ff.net to read about the characters they want getting together. I like those stories too. I just wanted something a little different.
Becks1 and Lozzyonline: Ok. Your opinions. If you don't like it, don't read it. I've never felt inclined to read any of your stuff so I guess we're even.
It seems that my little note got a somewhat lengthy. So I'll just get on with the story.
Chapter 4
By nine o'clock Lorelai and Rory had inhaled every piece of pizza and had come to rest on the couch with their newly shaved legs dangling across the coffee table.
"I need coffee," Rory stated without making any move to stand up.
"Me too. Let's go get some," Lorelai responded without moving.
"In seven seconds we're going to get off the couch, put on some clothes, and go to Luke's," Rory said with a determined voice, but still, not moving.
"Sounds like a plan.
"I don't want to put on clothes. I have smooth legs," Rory moaned while standing up because the clock in her head had counted to seven.
"Aha! I knew you liked the smoothness!" Lorelai said with a point of her finger as she stood up. "Why don't we wear skirts? Small skirts. It is warm outside after all.
"Ok. Meet back here in five minutes fully dressed and ready to go," Rory ordered while walking in the direction of her room.
"Yes mother-Rory," Lorelai mumbled as she trudged up the stairs.
Six minutes later Lorelai came prancing down the stairs in a light blue tank-top, black mini-skirt, and a pair of black, strappy, high heeled sandals to find a frowning Rory in a white wife-beater (with bra straps visibly poking out of the straps of the shirt), a relatively short denim skirt, and a pair of black, converse low-tops.
"You're late," Rory said.
"How would you know? You don't wear a watch," Lorelai replied.
"Neither do you.
"I know. That's why I'm late," Lorelai stated as though this made perfect sense. Rory's blank stare informed her otherwise. "Anyway, how do I look?" She said while twirling.
"Like a hooker," Rory responded without the slightest hint of animosity.
"How would you know what a hooker looks like?" Lorelai countered, somewhat offended.
"Duh! Pretty Woman.
"Oh. Well at least I'm a Julia Roberts hooker and not a genuinely skanky ho-bag," Lorelai decided. "Do you think the shoes are too much?
"Yeah, go put on some flip-flops.
Twenty minutes later they came crashing through the door to a relatively empty Luke's making the bell franticly jingle. Luke didn't even need to look up from the counter he was wiping down to know who had entered. Lorelai and Rory had only been living in Stars Hollow for two years, but somehow they had managed to become an important part of the town in that short time.
"Duke!" Lorelai shouted as they took a seat at a table in the middle of the diner.
"Luke!" He shouted back.
"Lorelai, " She said while extending her hand towards Luke. "Nice to meet you. Have you met Rory?
"Hey Rory," Luke said choosing to ignore the psycho with her hand still waiting to be shaken.
"Hi Luke. We need coffee," Rory said while unconsciously rubbing her calves together under the table.
"You need it because caffeine is a drug and you're addicted. Lorelai, you've made your daughter a drug addict," He said in an accusatory tone turning towards the woman who had put her unshaken hand down by that point.
"Well that would make you our drug dealer," Lorelai replied as she pointed a finger at Luke.
"Oh man," He mumbled as he wandered off to get them their drug of choice.
"I wonder what's wrong with Grumpy McFlannel?" Lorelai asked innocently.
"Perhaps he would feel better if he shaved his legs," Rory mused. After a pause for reflection the two girls burst into hysterics at the idea of Luke shaving his legs.
"See? Girls get to shave their legs. That's a definite plus," Lorelai said to her daughter.
"Well men get shave their faces," Rory retorted.
"From the looks of Mr. Perpetual Five O'Clock Shadow over there I would say that face shaving isn't as fun as leg shaving," Lorelai said with a nod in Luke's direction.
"Just how many delightful epithets am I going to receive this evening?" Luke asked while placing two mugs of coffee on the table.
"These things can't be predicted. We go where our muse leads us," Lorelai replied as she took a big sip of her coffee. Luke shook his head and began to walk away when he was stopped by a question from Lorelai. "Hey Luke? What's it like to have a penis?" She asked without any embarrassment and at a fairly loud volume. Luke and Rory both cringed and turned red.
"Mom! I can't believe you just asked that!" Rory whispered franticly as though whispering would make her disappear.
"What? I'm just trying to prove to you that being a girl is good and what better way to do that than to tackle the penis subject? Oh that sounded dirty. Let's not says tackle and penis in the same sentence from now on. I want to address the subject. Yes address is a much better word." Lorelai said the first part to her daughter and then sort of ended up rambling to herself, but still managed to finish the entire spiel with a smile in the direction of Luke, who still stood there blushing and frozen with embarrassment. Lorelai looked at Luke for a moment before turning back to Rory. "From Mr. Silent Tomato's response to my rather simple questions I am going to say that having a penis isn't as great as the media leads you to believe," She finished matter-of-factly.
"Can you please stop saying the word penis?!?!" Rory hissed at her mother as quietly as she could.
"Why? Am I making you uncomfortable?" Lorelai asked calmly.
At this point Kirk, who had been blatantly listening to their conversation interjected, "Lorelai, I think I can safely say that you have made everyone in this diner except Miss Patty completely uncomfortable." He gestured to Miss Patty and the now silent couple in the booth near the window to emphasize his point.
Luke, still furiously blushing, but trying to look purely angry recovered enough to jump back into the conversation. "Yes. Lorelai could you please not frighten my customers!
"I'll admit that you, Kirk, and that guy over there are frightened, but I truly believe that all the women here are just waiting for an answer to my question," Lorelai said and she ended her comment with a raise of her eyebrows to prompt Luke into answering.
"Oh man," Luke mumbled as he stalked off to hide in the kitchen.
"Alright Kirk, the question has been passed to you. Care to grace us with your opinion on the matter?" Lorelai asked while turning to Kirk.
"Sure. Quite frankly, it's all very anti-climactic. But maybe that's because I never get any action," Kirk responded serenely.
"Woah. Woah. Woah," Lorelai shouted while reaching to cover Rory's ears. "That was so far beyond too much information that you'd need to take a spaceship to get back. There is a child here." Rory waved slightly to Kirk to remind him of her presence. Lorelai removed her hands from her daughter's head and shook her own head in Kirk's direction.
"Yeah, Kirk, honey you have just stolen the position of Person-Making-People-In-The-Diner-Uncomfortable form Lorelai," Miss Patty interpolated.
"Oh, pardon me. I suppose I should leave now. My mother was probably worrying anyway," Kirk mumbled in a flustered manner as he rushed from the diner.
"Hey, Guy-I-Don't-Know, you're the only man left," Lorelai said with a grin as she turned to the man in the booth only to see him rush from the diner moments later with his girlfriend in tow. She looked around and stuck her bottom lip out in mock sadness. "I've finally done it. I've scared all the men away," Lorelai said. And then, with a shrug of her shoulders she added, "Oh well. Hey! Duke! Come back! You don't need to answer that question anymore! I guess girls just aren't supposed to know some things. Lucas! Come out come out wherever you are!" She said in a playful tone as she got up and began to sneak over to the kitchen door.
When she was about to open the door he came bursting out with a spatchula in hand. "Don't call me Lucas either!" He shouted and then realized that Lorelai was standing right next to him. With a start he exclaimed, "Holy crap woman! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?
"Right back at ya Crazy-Spatchula-Man!" Lorelai yelped with a hand over her heart.
"Go back to your seat Lorelai," Luke said with a stern look.
"Yes Mr. Danes," Lorelai mumbled while scurrying back to her chair where Rory was sitting trying to look disappointed with her mother, but had a small smile playing around the corners of her mouth. Lorelai sat down with a wounded expression on her face for a moment before her face lit up with a mischievous grin. "Wait! Luke! I have a question! I promise it's a different question!" she shouted to Luke who had gone back into the kitchen.
"What!" Luke shouted sticking his furrowed brow out of the doorway.
"Why on earth do men ride bicycles?
