I have reposted chapter 19 because I realized I had posted the unbetaed version. Sorry about that, he's the amended chapter 19. Chapter Nineteen

Sara couldn't sleep. Silent memories washed over her mind to occupy her every thought. Images of happier times bombarded her, bringing a wave of melancholic sadness along with them. She had left Las Vegas to escape the desolation, and the meagre existence that her life had become. She had always known that banishing Gil Grissom from her heart completely would be an almost impossible task, but she'd thought that in time she might have succeeded in combating her desires. As the months passed, she began to feel the pain ease a little more allowing her to breathe, until yesterday when he had returned to her life bringing chaos in his wake.

His presence had filled her with a sense of dread, her defensive walls instantly snapping up around her in emotional protection. But instead of causing her pain like she had expected, he had turned her whole world upside down once more with his words of regret, leaving her bathing and reeling in confusion.

Rolling onto her side, she looked over at the bedside clock to read the red LCD display. For a few seconds she tried to focus on the numbers, her eyes protesting as she moved closer to read 2.30 a.m. With a heavy sigh she rolled back onto her the pillows and cursed herself for not sleeping, but sleep had never been something that came easy to her.

Grissom's face drifted into her thoughts again, his constant presence bringing a wave of love and fear to her heart. She wanted to believe him so badly when he'd told her he was sorry for hurting her, but not everything could be smoothed over or forgotten so easily. He'd still hurt her incessantly; ignoring her anguish when others like Nick had quite clearly seen her turmoil. How could he insist on moving forward when she was still trapped in the past?

Sara could feel the heavy lumber of her emotions once again stinging in her eyes, making her painfully aware that no matter which way she tried to turn, all paths would eventually lead back to Grissom. She had moved hundreds of miles away to escape him only to find that he occupied her thoughts even more. Throwing back the duvet she swung her legs over the side of the mattress and sat up. Sleep would elude her once again tonight, which in some aspects was a blessing because she knew that he would haunt her in dreams as well.

Moving towards the bedroom door, she padded bare foot out into the kitchen and clicked on the cabinet lights, their soft glow instantly flooding the small room. When she had first moved in here three months ago, she'd instantly felt at home. She had thought that she would feel uncomfortable living in someone else's house, but by all accounts the apartment was ideal. Reaching over to the kettle, she clicked it on before reaching for a mug.

As she busied herself with preparing some coffee, she failed to hear the soft knock on her door. It was only when it sounded again, this time a little louder, that she heard it. For a few moments she contemplated on leaving her disruptive visitor on the doorstep, but the louder the knock sounded the more insistent it became.

"God, I don't believe this," she muttered as she walked over towards the door to look out of the spy hole.

"Sara, it's me. I need to talk to you."

For a split second Sara froze unable to unscramble the conflicting emotions inside her heart. The object of both her desire and fear was outside of her door imploring her to open it. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes to steady her nerves before unlocking the bolts. Standing back, she opened her door silently and waited for him to come inside.

The moment Grissom stepped into her apartment; he was drawn to the soft glowing lights that emanated from the small kitchen. His eyes drifted over the quaint living area to travel around the room to fall back onto Sara who was locking the door.

At first he took a moment to catch his breath when he caught sight of her. She was wearing pyjama shorts that showed a large expanse of her long legs, causing his heart rate to speed up a few beats. When she turned around to face him, he let his eyes linger over her bare shoulders to fall onto the spaghetti strap top which barely covered her. He could feel the warm flush rise up into his face but he was unable to turn away from her.

Sara watched him warily, for a moment wondering what had caused him to become so quiet until she rapidly became conscious of what little clothes she was wearing. With an audible gasp she moved backwards, edging towards the bedroom door all the while cursing herself.

"Sorry," she muttered, "I'll put some clothes on."

"It's my fault," he told her quickly as he tried to memorize her body before she covered it, hiding herself away from him.

"Make some coffee," she told him, waving her hand in the air towards the general direction of the kitchen. "I'll be right back."

Grissom's heart was thudding inside his chest. He couldn't remember a time when he had seen so much of her body, and the image she conjured up for him was still vividly imprinted inside his heart and mind. He stayed in the same place where she had left him, unable to move. He still didn't know what had spurred him on to come here tonight, all he knew was that seeing her again after so long had only heightened his feelings for her, making them almost impossible to ignore. Casting his mind back to a short time ago, he could still hear the uncertainty in Nick's voice when he had asked him for Sara's address.

"I don't know Griss," he'd said warily. "Sara would have told you if she'd wanted you to know."

Grissom had sighed slightly when he'd heard the worry in the younger man's voice, instantly feeling jealousy creep into his heart when he finally understood just how much Nick cared for her.

"I'm going to stop by to see her on my way back," he'd lied, hoping his voice had been steady.

"I don't think that's wise Griss. Maybe you should let me call her first, you know she did leave to put some distance between you two."

"How…?" His voice had broken then, the deep hurt rising up inside his chest as he'd tried to comprehend just how much Sara shared with her friends.

"I love her, she's my best friend. We share things that we wouldn't tell anyone else, just as you do with Catherine."

"Catherine?" he'd muttered, "What has she got to do with this?"

"Sara knows that Catherine was with you when you went to the hospital, she knows Grissom. Do you have any idea how much you hurt her?" There was a slight pause before Nick drew in a shaky breath. "Catherine made sure she knew. I like Catherine man but she deliberately set out to hurt Sara and I won't let you do the same."

"I promise I won't hurt her again Nick and I'll deal with Catherine when I get back." His voice had shook while he spoke, his mind and heart duelling with the other to make some sense of this whole mess. "Nick please tell me where she is."

"I won't let you hurt her, if you do Grissom I swear you'll be looking for two new CSI's. I won't stand by while you tear my friend apart."

"I won't Nick. I promise you I will fix this mess" He'd heard Nick's heavy sigh as his resolve slowly receded into surrender. In a few seconds he'd relayed her address only to once again reiterate his previous warning.

Sara watched him quietly as he stared out of the window, his mind lost in secret thoughts. While he was distracted, she let her eyes linger over his body, drinking in his presence. Whatever she had always felt for this man was still there, its lasting existence possessing her soul. She couldn't fight him anymore and she wasn't sure she even wanted to try.

Sensing her, he turned around to meet her eyes and lost himself in her. She had covered herself in a short towelling robe, but she still managed to make the simple garment look beautiful. His mouth was dry and his heart ached to spill out every thought and feeling she had always invoked within him. Stepping a little closer, his eyes lingered over her features. "Sara…"

"Grissom it's 2.30 in the morning, what are you doing here?"

"I needed…" he took another step towards her. "I wanted…to see you."

"I don't understand Grissom," she told him carefully, swallowing hard as he slowly approached her. "You're seeing me tomorrow…I mean today…for dinner remember?"

"Sara…" his voice drifted on a sigh, her name caressing his lips as he spoke. "It couldn't wait."

Sara stared up into his eyes helplessly as he came close enough to share her breath, causing her entire body to flare on high alert. When he slowly lifted a hand to her face she involuntarily closed her eyes with the tenderness of his touch.

"No words can ever express how much I regret the pain I've caused," he whispered softly lifting his other hand to frame her face. Taking another step closer, he could feel the heat from her body seeping into his and he willed her to open her eyes to witness for herself the change in him.

Sara's body was shaking, he was so close. His breath fanned her lips and she found herself torn between welcoming his invasion or turning to flee. Opening her eyes, she found his gaze and instantly saw the transformation in them.

Grissom saw a flash of understanding in her gaze, but with it also an underlying essence of fear, one that he had planted there, and allowed to grow. He knew he didn't deserve her and she would be totally justified if she sent him away now and told him to never darken her door again. "I'm sorry," he whispered softly, begging her to understand that he meant it.

Sara wanted to believe him, she needed this so badly. Lifting her hands up to his on her face she encased his fingers to pull away from his touch just as she had done earlier in the locker room. She saw his eyes cloud with regret when she took a step back and she could feel herself slipping into the chasm of his eyes. Lifting one of his hands back up to her face, she leaned against the palm as she encased his fingers with her own. All the while her eyes gazed into his, searching for the truth inside him.

"Sara…"

"Shhh," she whispered softly as she turned her face to place a soft kiss into his palm and then released his hand and stepped away. "I know you want me to fall back into the same pattern as always Grissom, but I'm not going to, not this time."

Grissom's eyes closed in sorrow as her words encased his heart with aching understanding. He had finally figured it out but true to her warning he was too late. "I'm so sorry."

"For what?" she asked softly, "you're just being you, this is who you are Grissom. I know that you're not prepared to sacrifice everything for me. I've known it all along, I guess it just took me longer to finally get it." Looking up into his eyes, she tried to smile but her emotions had started to overtake her body with aching numbness. "I get it now Grissom. I'm just really sorry I put you through it all."

Grissom looked at her in confusion as she spoke, he had no idea what she was talking about. "Sara, what are you apologising for?"

"Catherine was right," she whispered, swallowing hard against the tears that ached to claim her. "I know your career is your life and there'll never be any room for me in it. She said it would never work, and I should have known that before, but I guess I didn't want to see it."

"Sara … Catherine has her own reasons for saying what she did, but please don't believe her. She's my friend, but she doesn't know everything about me." Stepping closer he captured one of her hands and pulled her closer.

His warmth seeped into her body and she could feel the welling tears begin to trickle over onto her cheeks. As he stepped closer to encase her in his arms she knew she didn't have the strength to resist him. Her arms wound around his waist as she buried her face into his chest. Every tear she had shed for this man had only increased the pain, and now as he surrounded her with his tenderness it was as if the floodgates had opened to wash every ounce of sorrow from within her, allowing him to comfort her, and see the consequences of his torment for the first time. He pulled her closer, kissing her hair while her body shook with emotion, unleashing her sobs into him.

"It's okay," he whispered soothingly, his own emotions pricking his eyes as he held her. "Honey don't cry, it's okay."

His words caused her to sob harder and she tightened her arms around him. Looking around him, Grissom spotted the small couch and without hesitation moved to scoop her up into his arms and carry her towards it, sitting them both down so he could hold her while they both released the pain within.

TBC