Don't Tell My Heart
Chapter 3: The One Who Kicked Me


[Okay, here we go! I just have time to maybe get this one part done this weekend! Don't want to lose my inspiration now, do I? Okay, so let's just hope that I finish this part today! So don't be upset if it's short! By the way, just in case, Schuyler is pronounced the same as Skylar/Skyler, but I personally believe it is the best spelling! I hate Skylar, but I love Schuyler, even though it's the same name. LOL.]

Chandler asked. Are you ready?

I, I guess, she said. As ready as I can be.

This is gonna be okay, he told her. I'm sure that Schuyler's great, and then once we meet her, we can start to move on.

I hope it's that easy, Monica said. She got into the car and nervously played with her wedding ring. She had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. A feeling that told her she shouldn't be doing this.


They knocked on the door of the Williams' house. A moment later Allison pulled the door open.

Hi, Monica, Chandler, she said. Glad you made it. Come in, please, she said, gesturing to the hallway. Monica and Chandler followed her in.

So, do you want me to get Schuyler? Allison asked. No point in dragging it out, right?

Chandler agreed. Right, Mon?

Yeah, right, she said, her stomach tying in knots again. It was really about to happen.

(How WOULD someone named Schuyler spell Schuy? *Shrug*) Allison called up the stairs, playing with the knob on the banister. Come here, please. Monica could tell she was nervous as well. She was playing with the knob on the banister and shifting her weight from foot to foot as she waited for Schuyler to come down the stairs.

What, Mommy? the little girl asked, appearing halfway down the stairs.

Monica's breath caught in her throat. She had gorgeous blue eyes and dark brown hair. And her face....she could tell that she was her daughter in an instant. If she had ever had a doubt about all this before, now she knew that it was true.

There are people here to meet you, Allison said.

Why do they wanna meet me? she asked, looking at Monica and Chandler for a second, then shyly glancing away.

Well, they're friends of mine, and they've heard a lot about you, Allison said. This is Monica, and that's Chandler, she said. And Monica, Chandler, this is Schuyler.

Schuyler said.

Hi, Schuyler, Chandler said. It's great to finally meet you, he said.

Honey, Monica and Chandler knew you when you were a little baby, Allison added.

They DID? Schuyler asked.

Yeah, but they haven't seen you since then. That's why they're so excited to see how big and pretty you've gotten by now!

You really knew me when I was a baby? she asked, her blue eyes sparkling.

Well, yeah, we met you once, Monica said. You're so big now!

I'm four! she said, proudly.

Four already? Wow!

It was just my birthday, she added.

Happy Birthday, then, Monica said. I owe you a gift.

Nah, that's okay, she said. Mommy got me a new video game, and that was what I really really wanted! she added, excited.

That's great, Chandler said. Maybe I can borrow it sometime?

You play video games? she asked, flopping onto the couch.

Chandler said.

ALL the time, Monica added. He may as well be my kid.

Do you have any kids? Schuyler asked.

Well, yeah, actually, Monica said.

She's the same age as you, Chandler added.

Schuyler asked. We should play together!

Yeah, that would be nice, Chandler said.

You guys want to see my room? she asked.

That would be great, Monica said.

Okay, c'mon! Schuyler said. Monica started to follow her up the stairs.

You coming? she asked Chandler, looking into his eyes and saying everything.

he said. Yeah, I'm coming.


This is my new doll, Schuyler said. Daddy gave it to me for my birthday, she said. I don't like it all that much, though.

Why not? Chandler asked. She shrugged.

It's just boring. She doesn't even do anything. Schuyler quickly moved on. And this blanket on my bed, my Nana made that for me. And this is Mr. Bear, he was given to me the day I was born.

The- the day you were born, huh? Monica asked. It hit her the wrong way.

Yeah. That's why I love him so much. Daddy bought him for me that day.
That's very neat, Monica said. He's just as old as you.

Schuyler said. I sleep with him every night. If I lose him I can't sleep.

Better keep him in a safe spot, then, Chandler said.

I try to. But Nancy, my sister, she likes to hide him from me.

How old is she? Monica asked.

You don't know? Schuyler frowned. I thought you knew us when I was a baby?

Oh, well, I just, I'm not sure, exactly.

She's six now.

Ah, six. I was thinking seven.

Nope, six. And Micah's eight now.

Wow, you've all gotten so big, Monica said, trying to cover.

Schuyler said. And then this is my new Barbie.... she said, going back to the tour of her room.


I told you she looks remarkably like you, Allison said to Monica while Chandler and Schuyler were playing video games.

She really does, Monica said with a sigh. It really hurts me to see her.
Maybe this was a bad idea...

Oh, no, no! Monica said. I didn't mean it like that. I needed to see her sometime, she paused. And I know you need to see Autumn sometime, too, so, you know, you're welcome.

Only if you're ready and want me to see her, Allison said.

I do, Monica said. I really want you to see her.

Well, that's gonna take some preparing on my part, she said.
Oh, believe me, I understand that, Monica said. Just give me a call when you're ready.

Thanks, I will, she said. I still can't believe this happened. I mean, we're going through the motions of all of it, but it just-

Doesn't seem like it's real, I know, Monica said. I feel that way, too.
I'm torn. I feel guilty for being mad at the hospital for this. Like I'm upset that I have Schuyler.

I know, I feel that way, too.

I always noticed that Schuyler didn't look like either of us, or Nancy or Micah, our other kids, but I just never ever in a million years would have guessed this is why.

I always noticed Autumn didn't look like either of us, either, but I thought she'd start to look more like us when she got older. And I don't have any other children to compare her to. Yet, anyway.

Are you pregnant? Allison asked, guessing by her tone.

Three months, Monica said. Bad timing, huh?

No, not at all. That will help! Allison said.

You really think so?

Yeah, it will be something to keep your mind off this.

Well, true, Monica said. I don't know what hospital to have the baby at, she added.

I wouldn't choose Beth Israel. I had Micah and Nancy at St. Anne's. I had only Schuyler at Beth Israel, and that was because it was closer when I was in labor, and I was about to have her in the car...or, I guess, I was about to have Autumn in the car... she said, trailing off.

The one time you had a baby at that hospital, Monica said. I thought they had a great reputation, too.

Well, I guess everyone makes mistakes.

True. But this, this was a bad mistake.

Imagine if we had never even found out, Allison said. If I hadn't been getting divorced, we probably wouldn't have known. Maybe that would have been better?

I don't think so. I think it's better to know, Monica said. In the long run, anyway. And if either of them ever need medical care or anything, we know that they are biologically someone elses.

Michael doesn't even know yet, Allison said. That's my ex-husband.

Michael and Micah? Monica asked.


Yeah, instead of a Michael Jr, we did Micah.

Good idea, Monica said with a smile.

Allison said. And Nancy was after my mother, her middle name is Nancy. And Schuyler is after my best friend, and her middle name, Grace, is for Michael's mom.

And Madison?

Just because we liked it, Allison said with a smile. You remembered she had two middle names?

Yeah, because I hear when they told me that Autumn's footprints belonged to a Schuyler Grace Madison Williams over and over again in my head.

I'm sorry, Allison said.

It's not your fault, Monica said.

I know, but I'm sorry anyway.

Well, then, I'm sorry, too, Monica said.


So, that was good, right? Chandler asked in the car on the way home.

Yeah, that was good, Monica agreed. Then she said what neither of
them had yet brought up. God, she looked just like us, didn't she?

She really did, Chandler agreed. The eyes, your hair,

Her nose, her chin, her ears, Monica added what she had already committed to her memory. There's no doubt about it. And Autumn looks so much like Allison.

I know, Chandler added.

I told Allison that she was welcome to see Autumn, I hope that's okay, Monica said.

Of course it's okay, Chandler agreed. Besides, once she sees Autumn and we can go back to living our separate lives.

You mean, you, you don't want to be involved with Schuyler anymore?
Why, do you? Chandler asked.

Well, kinda, yeah. Not like, as our daughter, but I'd like to still have a relationship with her.

I don't think we can do that, Monica. What about when she's old enough to see that she looks like us and that Autumn looks like her mother?

So, we don't have to hide the fact that they were switched, do we?
Well, no, but wouldn't it be better if they didn't know?

I can't just forget about Schuyler, Chandler! Monica said. She looks just like us. We made her. I carried her for nine months. I spent fifteen hours in labor with her, and held her in my arms after she was born. I can't forget all that.

But Mon,

You remember the day that Autumn- well, Schuyler, kicked for the first time?

Chandler said.

And you felt those tiny little kicks?



That was Schuyler. That was her kicking me. I was connected to that baby that I carried for all that time! Of course, I thought it was Autumn for all these years. But now that I know it wasn't, I just....I want to still have a connection with that little girl.

But she's not ours, Mon. Not anymore.

So? Is Emma ours? She's our niece. We have a relationship with her. I'm not saying we try to be parents to Schuyler. That's Allison. Just as I would hate it if she tired to be another mother to Autumn all of a sudden. I just, I want to have a relationship with Schuyler as Allison's friend. That's all. Don't you want that?

Well, I guess. But wouldn't it be simpler if we just forgot all about this?
But we can't, Chandler! We can't! Autumn is ours, yes, but what if she needs something one day? And they ask about family history? Like with breast cancer or asthma, or anything. We can't just pretend she's ours and give them our family history. We're gonna need to go to Allison. Just as Allison will need to come to us if Schuyler needs anything like that.

Yeah, but that's different than having a whole relationship with the girl! I don't want to confuse her and screw up her life!

So what happens if she ever finds out then? And to know that everyone lied to her this whole time? Are you saying you don't want Autumn to ever know the truth?

Well, I hadn't really thought about it! he said. I just, I don't know.

We have to tell her one day. It's like not telling a child that they are adopted. She deserves to know! This wasn't her fault.

But it wasn't ours, either, Chandler said.


Night, Daddy! Autumn said, kissing her father on the head from her bed.
Night, Sweetie, he said. Sleep well.

she said, rolling over to her side and pulling the blankets up over her shoulders. Chandler turned out the light and made his way into his and Monica's room.

she said when he came in. I wanted to say sorry about the drive home, she added.

I'm not mad at you, if that's what you think, he said.

Well, I did kinda think you were, but still, I wanted to say sorry. It was just hard, to see Schuyler again. And know that she was the one I carried for nine months and gave birth to. You know? And then, the pregnancy hormones aren't helping, she added with a smile.

Well, I forgive you, he said. And I'm sorry, too. It's hard for me, too, you know. I was there the day she was born.

I know, she said.

But I don't have the pregnancy hormones as well. At least, I don't think, he said. She smiled.

You're such a dork, she said, giving him a kiss.

Takes one to know one, he said, kissing her again.

I love you, she said.

I love you, too, he replied.

How much longer until you think we can tell Autumn about the baby?

Well, we said we wanted to make sure everything was okay first....

I know, but I just....it would really take our minds off of everything else. That way we could start talking about it with her and getting ready and stuff.

You're right, he said. And it's already been three months, right?



So I say we tell her....tomorrow.

Monica asked. That soon?

You're the one who said you really wanted to tell her!

I know, but now I'm nervous, she said. He smiled at her.

What am I gonna do with you? he asked. She smiled.

I have an idea, she said, leaning in to kiss him.



Monica asked. She was sitting on the couch watching the TV.

Yeah, Mommy? she asked.

Daddy and I want to talk to you, she said.

she asked, wrinkling her nose.

We have something to tell you.

Am I in trouble?

No, Sweetie, Chandler said with a laugh. Not this time, at least.

Are we getting a dog?

Monica said.

A cat?

Chandler said.

Are we getting something?

Well, yeah, kind of, Chandler said, looking at Monica to continue.

Autumn, Sweetie, you're gonna be a big sister. Monica took over.

I'm gonna be a what? she asked.

A big sister, Chandler repeated.

You mean we're getting a baby?
Monica said.

When? Today?

No, Sweetie, Monica said.



No, Autumn. The baby's not gonna be here for a while still, Monica said.

About six months.

Six months! Autumn said. That's a long time to wait!

Well, yeah, it maybe, but we have a lot to do, still.

Like what?

We need to buy things for the baby, and set up the room, Chandler said.

And give it a name, Monica added.

Oh! Can we name it Summer? Autumn asked.

Monica said. Anything but that.

Winter? Or Spring?

How did she get so smart for a four-year-old? Chandler asked. Monica
smiled and shrugged. So, what do you think? he asked Autumn.

That's pretty good, she said. But what about the dog?


Monica answered the phone.

Monica? It's Allison, Allison's voice came across the phone.

Oh, hi. What's up?

I've thought a lot about Autumn, she said. And I'd really like to meet her now. I think I'm ready.

Are you sure? Monica asked, part of her hoping she would say no. She felt a little jealous every time she thought of Allison meeting Autumn.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure. I'm ready.

Okay. So, when do you want to meet her?

Anytime I can, Allison said. The sooner the better. I'm so nervous.

Monica asked. She couldn't believe that she was suggesting such a close date, but she knew how it felt to be nervous, and she didn't want Allison to have to go through that for longer than she had to.

That soon? she asked. Is that okay?

It's fine, Monica said, her stomach tying in knots, this time tighter than before. What if Allison wanted Autumn after all this? What was she letting happen?

Great. Tomorrow. Noon okay?

Noon is great.

I'll see you then,

Monica said, hanging up the phone.


Why did I suggest tomorrow? Monica asked Chandler that night as she got into bed. That's....tomorrow! So soon!

Well this way you only have to worry about it for one day, Chandler said. Not a week.

I guess, she said, getting under the covers. My stomach just hurts. (Ever had that feeling? Aaaah, it sucks!)

Mon, it's gonna be fine. She's not going to want to take Autumn away, or anything.

But how do we know that for sure? she asked.

Because she wouldn't want to lose Schuyler! And she knows if she tired to take Autumn she'd have to give us Schuyler.

I guess you're right, Monica said. But my stomach still hurts.
Maybe that's the morning sickness talking.

It's not morning, she noted.

Maybe it's coming early. Besides, last time you were sick all times of the day, not just morning.

But I don't feel like being sick, my stomach just hurts.

I promise, it will be fine, he said. Tomorrow night at this time you'll be relieved it's over.

I hope you're right.

Don't worry so much, he said, putting his arms around her. Everything will work out. And it's not good for the baby, he added, running his hands over her stomach.

Do you want a boy or a girl? she asked.

You know it doesn't matter to me, he said.

But really, what would you pick?

A girl.

Really? Even though we already have one?

Then I'm guessing you're going for a boy.

Why girl? she asked, ignoring him.

I don't want to say. It's just going to upset you.

Just tell me! she protested. Why a girl?

Well, because, he started, because I want a little girl who looks as much like you as Schuyler does.

Maybe you were right, Monica said, tears forming in her eyes. You shouldn't have told me.

I know I was right, he said. I knew that was going to upset you. I know you, Monica.

I'm fine, really, she said, her voice cracking.

No you aren't, he said, sitting up. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry!

I know, I know you didn't, she said, sniffling. And I'm not crying.

Yes you are.

I'm not.

I'm so sorry, Sweetie, he said. Forget I said it. I want a boy. So that we have one of each.

She smiled at his attempt to make her feel better and how worried and apologetic he was. No you don't, she said. You want a girl and that's okay.

Look, maybe we should stop talking about this, because if we have a boy now you're gonna think I'm disappointed, and I'm not. Or, I won't be. I mean-

She laughed at his confusion. I know what you mean.

Are you okay now? he asked, concerned.

I'm fine, she said.

What can I do to make it up to you? he asked.

she said. No matter what we have, a boy or a girl, we still want the other, right?

he asked, confused.

So, to make it up to me, you can practice with me. His face broke out into a grin.

Sure it won't make you cry? he asked. She smiled and hit him on the shoulder.

I can't make any promises, she joked, and he smiled as he leaned in to kiss her.