Chapter 46
Looking into Oneself
Tuesday, July 1st, 11 a.m.
Five days had past since Roshi had quietly left her to regain her composure there on the observation deck. It had been a lonely forty minutes that she had sat there thinking.
Ichigo had done a lot of thinking in those five days. Unfortunately patience was one virtue she was lacking. While Ichigo enjoyed a good mental challenge as much as any other intelligent inquisitive person, she did not like it when she failed to grasp a concept. Infact, in those times she liked to ponder deeply about as much as she had enjoyed Roshi ripping off her tail.
So she decided to attempt to distract herself anyway she could. She therefore, found herself and glaring out the window of her cabin. Outside the ship, the energy ribbons created by the slipstream played across the starscape. Ichigo sat at the small desk in her cabin and watched the pattern of the energy change as the ship slowed. With a slight shutter and barely noticeable shift in gravity the ship leapt out of the slipstream and almost literally slid to a stop. Outside the ship what had been a hardly noticeable change over was violently displayed in the collapsing fields of energy and the wash of plasma and light from the slowing ship.
It was an impressive display and one of the sights of the universe Ichigo never would have even thought about before her mission took her to Earth. Ships just worked, or they did not work. Now, however thanks to a exhausting several days of training with Slip in which the cyan haired girl never stopped blathering on about all the inane wonders of the ship, Ichigo couldn't help but think of some of the things Slip had talked about.
'I am not myself any-longer.' Ichigo thought to herself and she watched the last of the slipstream energy disperse in a blue swirl. 'My time on Earth has weakened my resolve.'
Outside the ship the Firbald Nebula hung in space like curls of red-maroon smoke. Bubbling waves of it churned as it pulsed back and forth as though it were living. It would have been a breathtaking site had it not held the ship that now blocked some of the Nebula from her view.
Ichigo leaned back in her chair and watched as the Phoenix slowly docked with Snow's ship. Ichigo fought at the cold prickle that wanted to travel down her spine. Only Changelings had ships like that and the sight of them normally meant death to those unfortunate enough to see them.
Even now, knowing that Snow was dead and only Goshu and Nail were on that ship, the sight of it evoked years of trained emotion. Emotion that Ichigo didn't want but was unable to suppress.
Ichigo reached over and closed the iris of the window. It circled closed and blocked her view of the universe outside the ship.
It had been a long trip for Ichigo, and she feared the worst was yet to come. Ever since what she had come to call her total nervous break down, Roshi had been treating her totally differently. Before she had wanted to kill him for being an ass. Now she wanted to kill him for coddling her like she was some delicate little porcelain doll or something. It infuriated her how he was suddenly being so extremely nice.
She stretched back and idly tapped in a few numbers on the stereo thing Roshi had given her. Beethoven's 9th started to play. Ichigo closed her eyes and listened to the melody of the symphony for several minutes before she got up to pace around her room.
Roshi had shut down the Gravity Room this morning and told everyone to go take a nap, or read a book, or just do something to relax. Ichigo did not relax. Relaxation before a battle was just not on her things to do list.
Ichigo sighed and flopped onto her bed. "This is pointless. How can anyone relax? Stupid idiot!" Ichigo continued trying to sound as much like Roshi as she could. "Ok everyone, we've gained as much from training as we are going to, so for the next few days just relax." Ichigo rubbed her face and spoke into her hands. "I am going to go insane and it is all the jerk's fault."
Ichigo reached over and grabbed the letter she had found with the stereo Saturday morning after training with Max and Slip.
Ichigo,
(Hmm, normally letters start with the word dear, but I don't want you to take this the wrong way.)
Anyway, I hope you don't mind the fact I was in your cabin to drop this stuff off. I am sorry about walking in on you and Kit yesterday, I just wanted to apologize and well, you know how that went.
I realized yesterday just how dissimilar we truly are. You come from a world I wish I could understand, but know I probably never will. I hope to try to understand it as best as I can before we get to Saiya. I only ask that you give me the chance.
One thing that I do know is that you do not have nearly the art or music on Saiya as we do on Earth. I had hoped to give this to you when we left Saiya as something to remember us by, but I think you might make better use of it now. Since you enjoyed Beethoven so much that is what is in the stereo now. Every song the man ever wrote played in several different styles and means. I think you will enjoy it. If you get sick of that the other box is a library of songs. It includes almost every song from every era performed in just about every way it could be.
Ichigo looked up at the rather small black box hooked to the stereo and shook her head. Slip had informed her that the quantum memory core Roshi had used for all that data was worth almost as much as the entire Phoenix. Slip seemed to think that Roshi had wasted a lot of his own inheritance on something Ichigo would never use.
'I wonder if Roshi knew what this gift of his would mean to me? I have nothing to give in return. At least, I have nothing to give at the moment. I did not even ask for his help, and still have not asked for their assistance.' Ichigo thought to herself. 'Such compassion is outside anything I would receive on Saiya. Not even my father would be so willing to give with nothing to gain from it.' Ichigo looked back at the letter.
Anyway, I know how much you probably think our conversation last night cost you. I want you to know I am sorry for whatever pains my ignorance has caused. I know you hold your pride and honor very highly and I just wanted to say that you have nothing to be ashamed of. Most of your fears are caused by ignorance, prejudice, and malice you do not deserve. When you came to Earth I had no choice but to remove your tail. I have read my family's histories and I knew it was not something that would be much liked by any Saiyan, but at the time that was not my concern.
Now however I truly am sorry that it plagues you so. If there were a way for us to get your tail back in the next few days before we landed on Saiya, you have to know we would do anything to do that.
Ichigo clenched her teeth and sucked on her lip. Slip had informed her of at least ten different ways she could have gotten her tail back. None of which were aptly available on the ship. 'Just my fate I guess.' Ichigo thought to herself as she recalled a conversation she had had with Kit.
In the end, all I can truly say to you on this matter is while you do not take credit for it; you saved me in our fight with Snow. Even in the fight with Banana you did what you needed to stop them and save lives. While you could not carry the full weight on your shoulders in any one moment, you carried more than your fair share of the weight.
I guess in part I am writing this down because I do not think I could say these things to your face. You have risked everything by trusting us. I made a choice to do the things I am doing, you however were not given any options. While Snow could have destroyed Earth and everything I know, I knew that in that event there would be a possibility of the Namekians wishing us back. Even if they say they wouldn't, they probably would. So in the end I was not risking nearly so much as you are.
Now as we head to your home world I leave behind my friends and family. But I know they will be safe. You were forced to leave without any such hope. I know when I get back Mariah, Niko, Carge, and others will be waiting for me. You have no idea if any of your people are even alive. You have shown more strength and resolve than I would ever care to know. In the task you have been given you have held the burden and more. Never doubt your convictions or your abilities Ichigo. Anyone who doubts you is a fool.
'No,' Ichigo thought to herself, 'not a fool, just a traditionalist. Regardless of what you may believe or what exists on your world Roshi, I cannot ignore tradition. The only thing that truly gives me any right to call myself Princess is tradition. If tradition were that easy to sweep aside so too would I be swept to the wayside.'
The rest of this I had intended to give you to read after all this is said and done. However, I think it would do you better to read it now.
In closing I wanted to leave you with a poem I read once:
To what ends do we measure a hero?
Must he merely save lives?
Must he take on all foes?
Must he smile bravely in the face of death?
What makes a hero?
Is it the struggle over fate?
Is it the vanquished evil?
Is it simply a chance of destiny?
What calls a hero?
Could it be the cry of their heart?
Could it be the passion of the battle?
Could it simply be the call of those they save?
I know not these things.
What do I know?
I know that heroes are real.
I know that heroes are only mortals.
I know that heroes can fail.
But I also know we need them.
For a world without heroes would be terrible.
With no one to save us.
With no one to hear us.
With no one to care for us.
So I watch for my heroes and I wait for my heroes and I call for my heroes.
And deep down, I hope to be someone's hero.
Kit told me that you did not know if you believed in heroes. Well I can tell you that I do. I do and I have seen one in action. Ichigo you may not wish to take credit for your actions but by choice or by fate you have changed lives and you will save your people whether they want it or not. You have the heart of a hero and knowing you has made my life better.
Ichigo stopped reading. It did not matter how many times she read the letter she always stopped reading there. She could not picture anyone on Saiya writing a letter such as this one and giving it to someone. It was more than just a good luck note or a note one normally found on a gift. It was in a way a pep talk. Part of Ichigo was infuriated that Roshi would think that she needed a pep talk. Part of her was abashed to realize that she had needed those words. The rest of her was just confused as to why Roshi would send her such a thing. Was there more to it than just the letter?
'I am normally fairly good at figuring people out. Everyone wants something. If I can surmise what they want I can understand what they want from me and why they are dealing with me.' Ichigo thought to herself.
"But the Jerk does not want anything!" She yelled at her ceiling.
Ichigo rolled her eyes. "I am acting like a petulant child having a tantrum." She said to herself as she rolled over onto her stomach and finished reading the letter.
Long after that stereo is broken and the music has stopped playing I hope you remember that. You have stood as one against the storm and weathered the gale. It was once said that only the greatest of people are chosen by fate to lead. I have no doubt that when you do become queen your lead will be followed and they will follow you to greatness.
Never forget that. Never doubt.
Son Roshi.
The letter bothered Ichigo in a way she could not understand. Every time she read it, the words chaffed at her mind, yet at the same time she found it to be exactly like Roshi to write something like that. It bothered her, as she did not understand how he could claim to see something within her that she herself could not see.
"Roshi calls me a leader, hmph, He could talk a sun into not shining if he so chose. The only thing that keeps him from being a most dangerous man is he does not know his own cunning."
Ichigo crumpled the letter up into a ball for the hundredth or so time and tossed it into a corner. She knew that before the day was up she would be carefully flattening it out again, but at the moment she didn't care. "I should just rip the thing up and be done with it." She told herself for what was probably also the hundredth or so time.
Ichigo rolled back onto her back and glared at the ceiling. "I just do not understand him. And the more I try the more confusing he gets."
Someplace in the back of her mind she knew that being so flustered over someone who was at most an ally and at least tool was rather un-princess like.
Ichigo shook her head. "I cannot believe I ever thought of Roshi as a tool to be used. I do not think anyone could get him to do anything he did not want to do. In his own way he is even more stubborn than I."
She bolted up into a sitting position. "He is even more stubborn than I am! Why had I missed this before? Roshi does not back down from his fights he just takes different positions. Even that letter is in a way trying to convince me that my people will follow me. While he has not directly approached evacuating Saiya he is still subtly working on getting me to approve the plan."
Ichigo almost got up to go find Roshi and beat a concession out of him when she realized that it really wasn't up to him whether they used that plan or not. Goshu would soon be onboard and then the real strategy sessions would begin.
Ichigo rolled out of bed and walked over to pick up the letter. However, a faded red book caught her eye. Ichigo frowned. The book in question was one of Pan's diaries. Ichigo had found it in the old house and discovered that it had never been used. The once brilliant red leather cover had dulled to a pinkish-brown. The blank pages were crisp and yellowed with aged. But all in all, the book was in good shape.
The sight of the book infuriated Ichigo. She was mad at herself for stealing the thing. 'Whimsical stupidity,' She thought to herself. Saiyans by nature didn't talk about their personal problems and they most certainly didn't write them down for anyone to find and read.
Yet at the same time, Ichigo understood just how valuable those journals and diaries must be to Roshi's family. The wealth of history and knowledge preserved for anyone in the family to read.
She had not realized until well after she had started reading them that She had been the first person outside the direct family to touch the old tomes. That knowledge made the theft of the unused diary even more stinging.
Ichigo knew why she had taken it. She just couldn't truly accept that she had. Digging into other people's personal lives and then stealing from them was definitely not behavior she had been raised for.
Ichigo almost turned around to leave, but the fact remained that Roshi had requested she and ordered everyone else to relax until his father was on the ship. With the noon meal only an hour away that meant the first real opportunity to do anything constructive would be after the meal.
Ichigo gave in and grabbed the diary. "I have a lot to think about. Perhaps this will help me sort my thoughts out." She said to herself in an effort to convince herself that she was right to be doing what she was about to do. "At least if I write about something other than Roshi I might get my mind off of his stupid letter for a few minutes."
Ichigo opened the diary, grabbed a pen and started to write.
The Thirtieth Day of the Month of Valor.
While I still ponder the wisdom of writing these thoughts down, I have claimed this unused diary as my own. If anyone seeks to find himself or herself a very quick and painful death, they may continue to read. These are my thoughts and they are for me alone.
Ichigo twirled the pen about her thumb for a few minutes while she gathered her thoughts. Finally, she began to write.
My father once said that fear was not the enemy. Fear reminds us that we are truly alive and that the challenges we face are real. He told me that only a leader who knew fear and had mastered it could truly judge the value of a choice.
My father is a great man and I truly miss his words of wisdom in these troubled times. Only now am I beginning to become aware of the quality of his character. He always told me that I was more than a warrior; I was destined to be a leader.
Warriors do not know fear. They cannot know fear. All my life I have struggled to be the best warrior I could be. However, now I know fear.
I wonder about my own abilities as a leader. I am not ready for this. Perhaps being aware that I am not ready is better than assuming I am, but at the same time it worries me. I doubt my father still lives, but for my sake I hope he does. I am not ready to lose him. He is the foundation upon which I find my strength. I did not realize how close we truly were until this trip, and I miss him terribly.
I miss Saiya. It seems odd to long for a place where I very well might meet my death, but Saiya is my home and nothing could ever change that and no one will ever take that from me.
I miss the crisp mornings. I miss the long nights and the longer days. I miss my friends. I wonder what Sakura will say when she sees me. She always did lag behind me in ability, but now I have passed her up by leaps and bounds. I wonder if she even still lives. She wanted so badly to be in the military, to fight as a warrior proud and true. She would not go down without a fight, but she would also throw herself into a hopeless battle just because it was a battle. She is so impetuous, so incorrigible, so much like me. If Blizzard has carried through with his threat to kill all above 10,000 than I hope she went down in a glorious fight.
Ume as well is most likely dead. I was never as close to her as I was to Sakura, but she was always there with her sharp tongue and implacable wit. She should have been a scientist. She is, no was so brilliant. I was always so guarded around her. It would have been interesting to watch her verbally spar with Slip. But Ume like her mother and her grandmother before her was a warrior born. She reached her majority two months before I left. She was in the Second Royal Guards, First Company. She would have been on the front lines when the Changelings attacked. I doubt I will ever see her again.
Ringo, however, is most likely still alive. I've always pitied Ringo. I do not truly know why I let myself. Pity is so unbecoming of an emotion. But what else is there for a young man with so much promise cut down so horribly. My father gave him a metal for saving those children. Pity no one could give him his eyes back. Momo was working with him. I've seen Roshi fight all of us while blindfolded and not get a scratch. Pity we have relied on scouters for so long that we have forgotten our own senses.
Momo, my aunt, what can I say about Momo? I wonder if the Namekians can teach their healing arts? She would be thrilled to learn such a skill. A healer of both body and soul and occasionally mind as well, she was my replacement mother. She knows secrets about me no one should know. I do hope she followed my advice. If she has been killed I do not know whom I would turn to when this is all over.
Fearing the inevitable is pointless, so I will move on. It would be nice to have Roshi's ability to believe in the impossible all the time, but I do not so I will not linger.
I have no idea what will be waiting for me once I get home. I only know that I have been away far too long. I miss it. I miss the echo of my feet on the stonework halls in the Palace. I miss the city and the gardens and the mountains beyond. I miss the gales of the Tasaln plains and the snows of the northern wastes. I miss the relentless need to prove myself and the few times I could escape it. I miss the Royal Gardens and the weeping umbrast tree. That garden was my sanctuary. For the most part only the gardeners ventured into those gardens, there hidden within the vines and leaves of the umbrast I could be alone.
It is rather odd. I am the Princess and other than my father no one could or would dare to catch my ire. Yet I had little or no true freedom. Now even with my privacy being invaded on by the likes of Roshi and others, I have more time to myself than I know what to do with. It feels odd. I miss wanting desperately to be able to just get away from it all. Now that I am away from it all I feel out of place.
I even miss the feigned respect of some of the guards. It gave me an edge, a hardness that I have lost.
I have changed while on this mission and I am not sure if I like what I have become. I think a large part of it is the way I have been treated while on Earth. I have never known the level of respect that I have received from Roshi and his family. However, it is not the type of respect I am owed by my position. They treat me as an equal. No one has ever treated me as an equal. People either feared me because of my position, or they shunned me because of my nature.
When I first met Roshi he beat me to the point of near-death. Then almost as suddenly he went from being an insurmountable adversary that watched me like a hawk, to something else. I still do not understand why he accepted me. But he did. I know I should have stood up to his father and him more when they first refused to treat me with any reverence. But at the time everything was so surreal and they were my only hope so I had to accept their terms. Now it is too late to regain what I have lost.
Ichigo put the pen down for a few moments.
But what have I truly lost? The saying that in time all things change holds true for people as well as it does for all other things. Is it such a terrible thing to realize that I liked being an equal? I worry for Ume and Sakura, but I was never their equal. There was always that wall of what was proper and what was not that kept us apart. Goshu and Roshi forced me to take down my walls. I did not realize it at the time, but those walls of distrust had hampered me. I have learned what it means to trust someone. On Saiya I can order people to do things and they do them or they are severely punished. But that is a totally different thing than trusting in someone to come through for you.
I have to trust Roshi and his family. They are all I have right now. And I find I do trust them even if I cannot understand why they do the things that they do. Why does Roshi treat me as an equal? He knows full well that by tradition he could claim the thrown. No one would stand in his way. Yet he has never lorded that power over me. He teases, and prods, and pushes me to accomplish more, but he doesn't lord over me.
I told him that he shamed me by his actions. On Saiya being beaten so thoroughly would definitely be shameful, but he does not shame me. I am ashamed not because I have been beaten, but because I doubt myself. I do not understand how he can be so calm and so collected all the time. I have only truly seen him angered a few times. He holds himself to strict standards that are beyond me. That is shameful.
Roshi is a bane and a boon rolled into one. His letter is so typical of him. It reads just like those letters that I found in the various diaries and journals. Yet it does not have the same intent.
I have never been comfortable around men. Perhaps it is just the way Saiya is or perhaps there is something else. I have always had to prove myself just as capable as any man to do a task and many times been forced to push myself harder to do better in order to be acknowledged as capable. Even now I get cold thinking about what Banana tried to do and why he tried it. Ever since Suikan's death there have been rumors as to who would eventually "get the right" to claim me. As if I were just something to possess.
I catch the glances people like Tee and Boxers give me. Those two are harmless as they are more afraid of me than they are of the Changelings, but it does not change the nature of the looks. It angers me that most of my own people have only seen me as a way to produce a new heir and nothing more. Such shallow desires pool in the hearts of many men.
That first night on Earth I was so humiliated. I did not know what to expect and then Roshi gave me that old gi so that I would not be so scandalously clad. He seemed more embarrassed to have seen me in such a state than lecherous, as I would have expected. Then he walked in on me, and just left.
Roshi treated me with respect and honor as a person, not as an object or a disappointment. I think besides my father and Meron he is the first male to ever do that. Perhaps it has to do with the way his heart is set on that human girl.
Love is such a wasted emotion. It is a pure and valiant and true emotion but it is so wasted. My father truly loved my mother and in her memory he has never remarried. Many of my people view that as a failure on his part to do his duty, as his first duty to his people is to leave a strong heir. His love has created much of my problems, but his love shows such honor and such strength.
I can understand what my father saw in my mother. What Roshi sees in that girl I cannot fathom. But whatever caused him to treat me with such respect as a person and not as a thing or not even as the Princess, I am grateful to him for. I just wish I understood what it is that makes him so different.
Whatever makes him so has shown me a new side to myself. A side that is not the Princess of all Saiyans, or the failure many think me to be, but the side that is simply Ichigo.
Is it so wrong to have grown to like being simply Ichigo?
Ichigo put the pen down again and massaged her fingers. She was not used to writing large amounts and she found her hands were cramping.
"Ichigo, is something wrong?" Max's voice suddenly sounded over a speaker. "You're late for dinner."
Ichigo looked at the clock and was surprised to see that it was already 12:30. A wave of hunger hit her and she realized just how hungry she was.
"I was lost in thought. I will be there shortly." She said back to the intercom.
Ichigo quickly capped the pen and then looked around for a place to stash the diary. She finally decided to hide it behind a stack of towels in the private bath that was connected to her cabin.
Ichigo practically flew down the corridors to the ship's galley and dining area.
Since the ship was set up as a hospital and rescue ship at the moment the galley was built to seat about 400 people and feed many more than that.
It seemed slightly out of place to have only one table being used by such a small group of people. It had been quite a shock to learn that the 30 or so Namekians they had taken aboard at Namek did not eat.
Ichigo stopped dead in her tracks. "You ate without me?" She gasped looking at the nearly empty food dishes. The impropriety and injustice of it all hit her in the face like a bucket of ice water on a warm day.
Roshi sucked a large mouthful of noodles down before he turned to look at her. "You know when meal time is. Don't act like you would have waited for us. Guess you will just have to fight me for this last little bowl of noodles." He said with a wink.
'Ohhhh, you think this is funny do you? You just wait jerk I will get you back. I do not know how yet, but I will get you back.'
"Now Roshi, what did we talk about earlier?" Max said as she walked past Ichigo and into the actual kitchen area.
Roshi almost choked. "Nothing, nothing at all. I was just teasing you Ichigo. Max always cooks twice as much as wee need anyway. There is a lot left for you."
Ichigo glared at Roshi and then Max. "There is definitely something going on here behind my back. I want in on the joke."
"Oh just calm down." Max said with a light air as she put down a huge platter of meatballs. "Roshi was just joking that we should eat all the food and make you go without. And I was just teasing him that that is no way to treat a lady."
Ichigo looked at Roshi to watch his reaction. He was definitely pale in the face, but he was also holding his breath. Whatever Max was saying was not the full truth. "Lady is not word on Saiya. From what I have seen of your culture I would not wish to be treated as one." She replied threateningly. 'There has been something going on between those two almost the entire trip. Max obviously knows something about Roshi that gives her some power over him. I have got to figure out what it is. He would be so much less flustering if I could get him to shut up more often.'
Max grabbed Ichigo around the shoulders in a show of informality that would never have been tolerated on Saiya and whispered in her ear. "I know, that's why it is funny. Roshi is so clueless and he gets flustered so easily when Slip, Kit and I start teasing him about nonsense."
Ichigo shrugged Max off of her and sat down. "If you say so."
Goshu passed her a bowl of sauce for on her meatballs, "I've heard this has been a rather eventful trip. Have you come to an agreement on a strategy for the liberation of Saiya?"
'Liberation? Not evacuation? At least Goshu shows tact.' Ichigo shook her head. "Not to be rude, but could I just eat now and talk later? Once we are all done with the meal we may discuss the problems I have with Roshi's plan."
Goshu nodded his agreement.
"If you don't mind my asking, what's been bothering you?" Roshi asked from the far end of the table where he sat.
Ichigo looked up sharply. "What do you mean? Nothing more or less than usual."
Roshi shook his head as he talked, "Ichigo don't give me that, you tend to suck on your lip when you are deep in thought. Your lip is chapped and practically bleeding."
Ichigo licked her lip and tasted the slight coppery flavor of blood. 'Why does he always have to notice everything?' Ichigo despaired. "I am anxious to get home, that is all." She replied. 'I cannot even get rid of one bad habit. If I were home now, my father would be forcing me to use that nasty wretched herbal lip ointment again. It takes weeks to get that taste out of my mouth.' Ichigo thought both winsomely and disappointedly.
The rest of them seemed to sense her detachment and no further conversation was attempted until after all the dishes had been cleared.
Goshu spoke first. "Roshi has filled me in fairly well on the conversation the two of you had last week. I believe I understand the problem but I would like to ask if you have anything you would like to share."
Ichigo was certain her eyes were bugging out as she swallowed the bile back down. Ichigo thought about how Roshi had threatened to turn the ship around. 'Does he want me to plead?' Ichigo thought suddenly. 'I will do no such thing.' Ichigo did not know what to say, but she knew she could not just sit there and gape at them though. "I have much to add, but I do not know what you need to know so I do not know where to start."
Goshu looked surprised. "Yes, I can see this is going to be a somber meeting." He said more to himself than anyone else. "Alright people, this will not do. Either find some sprit or I'll have to find it myself. I promise you that you will not enjoy my methods."
Max started laughing. "Oh yes wise sensei. Remember that time five years ago when you decided to play that prank on..."
"No, and neither do you." Goshu said firmly.
Ichigo had been rather turned off when Max had been able to master the Kaio-ken in just a few days of meditation with Roshi. Only then did they let it slip that Max had been one of Goshu's long-standing students.
Ichigo couldn't help but like the older woman. She always had that glint of mischief in her eyes. Yet at the same time she reminded her of Momo. Max had an odd kind of motherly type sense about her, even when she was causing mischief.
Tee didn't know when to let a subject drop. "Hey was that the time you held that exhibition match and..." He trailed off after seeing the look Goshu was giving him.
Max had filled them all in on the story. Supposedly Goshu had held an exhibition match in an effort to publicly shame a student who refused to heed his warnings. In the end the student had not shown and Goshu was left holding a four-hour public exhibition for no reason.
The student, who Max never named had come back and told Goshu off. Pointed out that public humiliation only works if the person accepts to be humiliated.
Given the way Goshu was glaring at Max, Ichigo surmised it was a sour spot with him.
"Ok, you made your point. We still have a lot of work to do, however, and if you all are going to act as though you are dead, then we will all be dead."
Goshu looked around. "Alright then, Slip has informed me that the Phoenix needs some work before she can actually use the skin cloak. We have launched a few probes through the wormhole and will be getting data back from them shortly. I suggest you all take the next few hours to meditate on why we are here. We will worry about the strategy meeting tonight."
Ichigo watched as everyone dispersed. Goshu grabbed Tee and Boxers and led them off, while Max went to clean the kitchen and Slip went to work on the ship. Kit grabbed Roshi and the two of them walked off talking about something dealing with high school. Ichigo didn't know what a high school was, but it obviously did not have anything to do with her.
The only other person left in the room was Nail. He was about half the room away from her sitting a few meters in the air deep in meditation.
"How is it you can produce such a high power level without eating?" She heard herself say.
Nail's eyes opened to slits. "Why is it you have such hair? It serves your body no purpose. Questioning the way of the universe is seldom revealing for the universe guards its secrets well."
'Good question,' thought Ichigo, "I have no answer. I will leave you to your meditation now." She said before turning to leave. 'I wonder if Roshi is just the universe's cosmic puzzle which has do way to solve it.'
Roshi and Kit's voices echoed slightly down the hall and she could hear them long before she could see them. Because of the nature of their mission, the Phoenix had been refurbished with panels that dampened ki. It annoyed Ichigo to no end after having become accustomed to knowing were everyone around her was. She couldn't quite pinpoint how far ahead of her Roshi and Kit were.
"Roshi I know how dangerous this is going to be. You have told me about a billion times. Just promise me this ok?" Kit asked.
"Why?" Roshi asked. "You know as well as I do that I won't have any real control over keeping or breaking that promise."
"I know, but I have never seen you ever willingly break a promise. Maybe it will give you that little bit more to fight for."
"Ok, fine then if it will make you happy." Roshi started as Ichigo came around a corner, "I ah, promise to do whatever I can to come back for your sake and for Mariah's sake. That good?"
"That will do." Kit deadpanned.
Ichigo stopped. "What happened to the no looking back I can beat anything attitude the two of you had earlier? You made that promise as though you do not believe."
"Well I... ah I don't like making a promise I don't know if I can keep or not. I've already broken too many promises to Mariah and I really hate to break another."
Ichigo shook her head. "Are you not the same Roshi that wrote that letter that had all the whens in it? You never said if once Roshi. Do not start doubting on me now."
Roshi nodded. "Last Friday I told my father that this might have turned into a one way trip. At the time I doubted your resolve. Ichigo I carried the weight on Earth, but you will have that weight on Saiya. Seeing you questioning me rather than yourself for once gives me a lot more hope than I had a few hours ago." Roshi smiled at her and then turned. "Come on Kit, let's go talk someplace else." He said to Kit as he started to walk down the hall.
Ichigo glared at his back. 'Jerk! You say something like that and then you just walk away?'
Ichigo walked back to her cabin thinking about how mad she was at Roshi.
When she got back she went directly to where she had hidden the diary and started to write again.
Roshi has got to be the most confusing person I have ever met. His words speak wisdom far beyond his years. He has compassion that defies understanding. He does not seem to want anything. What kind of a man wants nothing?
I think my biggest problem with him is something that I would have never thought of had Slip not mentioned it. Roshi has humility. He is humble. He is humble without being defeated. I have never known a humble that could be so certain, so unflinching, so very Roshi.
As much as he plagues my mind I will miss him. I think I will even miss Slip. I will definitely miss the watching Roshi tell her off. I could have laughed myself to death at the face she gave him when he called her paranoid about the ship. He said Vegeta would not take it easy on the ship, why should he? It could handle it.
Slip did not shut up until he shot a Kamahameha at her while Super Saiyan. It bounced around the room for a few moments and then was mostly absorbed by the energy fields. Nothing bad happened.
Slip is a different type of person. She has a passion for her science that goes beyond that of most warriors' passion for battle. No, I take that back it is her battle. A battle for knowledge. I can never forgive her for what she did to my tail. It was vile and disgusting and barbaric, but it was Slip.
She will stop at nothing to learn new things. I have to at the very least admire her drive.
As I sit here and think about my experience on this mission I know I have gained from it. It has cost me dearly, but I have gained.
Nighty comes to mind. She saw me before the launch and demanded that her monster pony give her a ride. She has such innocence about her, innocence that we would overlook or loose on Saiya.
Earth has known pain and struggle and hardship and war, but they also know peace. The knowledge of all these things is what creates the art that so enthralled me. While we have never been mercenaries, we have always fought the wars of our allies. Saiya has not known peace in generations. We have no time for artists to paint or compose. Those merchants who do such things receive little praise and no recognition.
Roshi tells me that painters and musicians can be world famous on Earth. They can even be glorified for their abilities.
I cannot say that Earth is better off than Saiya because of this art, but I do know that there is immense power behind it. This music that Roshi gave me for example is a treasure beyond words. Never have I heard such variety and never have I heard such moving living sound. I have never seen such beauty.
Perhaps I see something that the average warrior does not. That painting of my mother was my closest connection to her over the years. I know every brush stroke, every line. Perhaps I find value in similar things because of it. But I doubt any Saiyan could listen to Beethoven and not be moved. In our warrior nature we have forgotten things that would otherwise enrich our lives. I will miss the richness of the life I was able to live for such a short time on Earth. Roshi may never know the value of what he has given me, but I know I will cherish it.
I will miss the acceptance I found there.
I find myself torn. Is it not odd to long to go home to a place that was always home but never accepted me, and leave behind a place where I was accepted but did not belong?
I think that is a question for another time. When I get back home and see what and who is left to greet me.
In any case I know Roshi was right. I will have to lead once we are on Saiya. I am not ready, but perhaps I will be able to take from what I have learned and meld the things that have changed me these past months and help my people.
In two days my people will find either their salvation or their doom. Roshi does not like making promises he cannot keep. I believe in this endeavor we have all made a few vows that may be hard to keep.
The difficulty of the task matters not. We will not lose for we cannot lose. Whatever happens after that is immaterial.
Ichigo put the pen down. After staring what she had written for several minutes she got up and grabbed the crumpled letter.
Ichigo carefully flattened it back up and folded it neatly.
When she finally hid the diary she had claimed as her own, the letter had been placed within as a bookmark.
* * * * * *
Ok all that took longer than I had expected
Had a bad week…
Anyway please go to my favorite authors and then read Josav's fic. It is worth the read.
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