Chapter 14

It was early Sunday morning and Sonny had spent the night on his jet. Opening the door and setting his suitcase down he walked out to the balcony lifting his head breathing deeply the clean saltwater air. When he left Carnegie Hall he headed straight to Puerto Rico. Here he would find what he was looking for. He hoped. Closing his eyes he traveled back in time to one night...a night that was filled with magic.

"It's a beautiful view."

"Worth what I paid for it?"

"I doubt it."

He knew instantly what she meant. For Alexis it had never been about the money. She always centered on what lay between the lines. What he wasn't saying or couldn't say. But, somehow she always knew and she was always able to pull it out of him. Standing there he remembered how she looked at him. Without judgment, without criticism... just total acceptance and understanding for what his choices cost him. When her eyes pulled at him he willingly fell head long into their depths and for just that one moment he lost himself inside the idea of her and thought maybe... when she turned back to look at the view he let his eyes linger on her profile, and knew it was impossible. Alexis would never be anything more than a friend.

Walking back into the room Sonny again recalled how she had walked into the room self-consciously fingering the folds of the silk wrap.

He spied himself in the mirror that hung across the room next to the door and walked closer to it with her vision still before him.

"It's a gardenia... smells good. What do I do with it?"

"Well, sometimes the women out here, they put them in their hair."

"Ohhhh... I'm not the type of woman to wear a flower in my hair."

"I dare you."

With a little defiance and a lot of determination, she placed the flower in her hair. His heart stilled as he remembered how beautiful she looked.

Moments later he was walking through the empty casino as snatches of conversation assailed him.

"You took the house for 35,000 bucks."

"What if I had lost?"

"You don't lose."

Watching her dance with the two gentlemen she had been a bit self-conscious, but uncharacteristically embraced the new experience. At the look of appreciation she gave her first partner, he felt an instant moment of jealousy. And then as she was spun into his arms he smiled in triumph.

"My Turn."

She moved freely in his arms. The salsa was all about movement... a dance of seduction. She amazed him and set his blood on fire as she moved against him.

Her eyes were bright with anticipation and excitement. He wanted to give her anything... everything... all that she desired.

Stepping outside the casino he stood in front of the fountain. Taking a deep breath he remembered how she looked at him when he told her that whatever she wanted was hers. In that moment he looked at her as one who mattered to him. Now, as he looked back, he saw so much more. In adding the possibility of Alexis loving him, the look in her eyes took on so much more meaning. As she stared into his eyes he could now see that she was mentally questioning if she could actually have what she wanted. And she had wanted him, but was afraid to open herself up to the possibility. She wasn't willing to take the chance of possibly being rejected or worse, not have what she felt returned.

Returning to the suite, Sonny sat down to reflect on the quest he started the day before. The one thing he could say without reserve was that with Alexis he was a better man. There was light in his life when she was with him. Without Alexis around to reassure him that he wasn't worthless he gradually sank into the darkness that he had learned as a child was all that he deserved. Because he couldn't stop Deke, because he couldn't save his mother, or Lily, or his two children, or Alexis... he deserved the darkness. It was where he belonged.

Alexis was the only one who had been able to talk to him and bring him out of the darkness. She saw something in him worth saving and seeing himself through her eyes opened up the possibility that maybe there was something in him that was worth saving. That he did have worth. In traveling from place to place Sonny was able to grab onto enough of the essence of Alexis that the light of her was beginning to chase away the darkness that had festered in the recesses of his heart since walking away from her all those months ago.

Picking up the phone, Sonny called his pilot.

"Marco, let's go home."

Arriving back at the penthouse, Sonny went up stairs to shower and change for bed. It was a little early, but he was totally exhausted. Entering his bedroom, he looked toward his bed. Sitting down in the chair beside it he closed his eyes and relived every moment of that one night with Alexis. He had guided her upstairs and she followed willingly. There had only been one moment of hesitation.

"This is just... a little sudden."

"Not for me."

She accepted his response at face value and gave her all without restraint. Every woman he had ever been with gave him whatever he wanted, been whatever he needed at any particular moment. He was mesmerized by the intensity of Alexis' need of him. Love with Alexis was give and take. She gave what he needed and took from him what she needed. No emotion, no need, no want, no truth had been left untouched. She touched his heart, his mind... She touched him in ways that left no doubt in how much she cared for him. They both opened their soul and gave freely and completely. The laughter, the anger, the tears, the dance... it all culminated into one heartbreakingly exquisite moment. Alexis opened a part of his heart he never knew he possessed and he hadn't been able to find it again after that night. Staring at the bed, he slowlyreached his hand out and laid it down exactly where she had lain. Wanting more, he rose and knelt beside the bed and replaced his hand with his cheek.

"I think maybe you're right. Sometimes naming things, defining them, rationalizing them is basically pointless. Sometimes... You just feel what you feel."

She told him... in so many ways. He didn't have to hear it from Kristina. By her own actions, Alexis told him she loved him. Why didn't he see it for himself? Jason knew it. Johnny knew it. Kevin knew it. Even Ned and Jax had known it, while he himself did whatever he could to hide from it. He danced around it whenever the idea of it came up. He couldn't hide any longer. She gave him every part of herself and it had cost her. Now, it was his turn.

"Alexis, I do love you. I have loved you for so long. I need you to come home, Alexis. I need you to come home to me."