Yay! Chapter 2! Thanks for the review, spifferoonigirl!

Now for more caffeine and general loopiness!

"Have a bath," said Lindo as she pushed the protocol droid, C-3PO, into a vat of hydrochloric acid.

He sank in until the liquid was level with his neck, fizzing and bubbling. "It feels so good to have a—"

"SHUT UP!!" she snapped. "I HATE BABYSITTING, ESPECIALLY DROIDS, SO MAKE MY JOB EASIER AND STAY QUIET!!!"

Threepio stood in the vat silently.

Lindo turned to R2-D2, the astromech droid, and scowled at him.

All of Artoo's carbon scorings vanished without a trace. Threepio silently looked on in wonder.

She got down beside Artoo and found something stuck in a gear. She got a huge pair of pliers and began tugging at it.

Artoo tootled as it came loose, and a hologram suddenly appeared out of his projector. Lindo stared at the image of Vin Diesel.

"Who's that? He's got pastry stuck to his head."

Threepio remained silent.

"ANSWER ME, MECHANICAL SLAVE!!!!!"

"A person of some importance, I believe," he hurriedly replied. "I'm not sure, though. We were only passengers on the ship."

Only then did Lindo realize that the hologram of Vin Diesel was speaking. Or attempting to, anyway.

"So…uh…duh, help me out, duh…Jandalf…uh…Kenobi…duh…you're my only…duh…what's the word? Uh…oh yeah. Hope. You're my only hope." *static* "So…uh…duh, help me out, duh…Jandalf…uh…Kenobi…duh…you're my only…duh…what's the word? Uh…oh yeah. Hope. You're my only hope."

The image repeated this continually while Lindo stared at it.

"Cool. He's big and bald and stoopid. I wanna marry him."

Threepio tried to comprehend this prime example of absurd human behavior. "But, Mistress—"

"Don't call me Mistress. Call me sir."

"But, sir—"

"Heehee, I like that."

"But, sir—"

"Shut up."

Threepio remained silent.

Artoo beeped and whistled, and the recording vanished.

"Okee-dokee, I'm going to sleep now," said Lindo, and turned out the lights.

Next day, Lindo awoke to find she had absentmindedly fallen asleep without leaving the room that was the previous setting, and that she was lying in a little puddle of lubricant.

She glared at it. The puddle vaporized.

Lindo looked around for the two new droids. "Hey, where are you?"

Threepio activated in a corner.

"QUIT HIDING AND TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON!!!!!!" Lindo yelled at him.

His casing rattled as he quivered. "It wasn't my fault! He ran off because he felt like it—"

Lindo glared at Threepio, who cringed. "Great. Now I gotta look for him, or Uncle Gary won't let me have Death Crispies of DOOM for breakfast. Well, don't just stand there like a constipating bantha, go warm up the landspeeder."

Threepio hurried over to the speeder while Lindo packed rations of chocolate and her macrobinoculars.

Poor Artoo kept getting stuck in potholes and tripping over fallen lemurs. He calculated an ETA of fifteen minutes to his destination if he kept it up at this rate.

The above mentioned destination was around a corner five meters away.

Artoo tootled pitifully as he took another tumble over a lemur lying in the middle of the road.

POUNCE!!!! He was suddenly surrounded by thousands of Jawas. The lead Jawa immobilized him, and then the Jawas realized that they had already done this prior to the last scene, and disappeared into the bushes.

Artoo came to his senses (however droids do that) a few hours later, realized he had set a misleading ETA, tootled miserably, and began heading on his way again.

Lindo zoomed along in her landspeeder, Threepio exclaiming in terror as she hurtled by trees, missing them by a 152763rd  of a millimeter.

"FOUND 'IM!!!!!!!!" Lindo screeched, smashing into Artoo.

The astromech exploded and everyone in the universe died of a chain reaction.

LINDO!!!! YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO DO THAT!!!

"Awwwww…"

Lindo found Artoo and screeched to a halt right before she hit him—

"How can I screech to a halt when I'm in a landspeeder? They don't have wheels to make screechy noises."

Well…tough. You screeched to a halt anyway.

"Grumble mumble…"

Yeah, yeah. Okay. Artoo whistled at the close call, and tumbled over the nearest lemur.

Lindo got out and shoved him back up. "WHERE'D YOU THINK YOU WERE GOING???!!!???!!!!!???"

Artoo tootled at her, pointing his zapper thingie in the direction of his destination.

"DON'T CARE!!! WE'RE GOING BACK HOME NOW!!!!!!!"

The only problem that was caused by Lindo's yelling was the immediate attraction of the local Tusken Raiders, who were having a cocktail party in the locality. So Lindo went to go see, because this was a very rare event.

"You droids stay here and sing a song."

Threepio stood dumbly.

"SING!!!"

 Threepio's head blew up.

"Oh, sheet. I'll fix him later." So she went to watch the drunk Tusken Raiders from behind some dead bushes.

In the middle of the party was a person in bright orange robes handing out drinks to the Tuskens and getting them to play drinking games. She was very evidently trying hard not to laugh her head off.

Lindo was so confused at this, she ran into the middle of the clearing and yelled, "I'M A GORILLA!!!!!"

"No, you're not," responded Jandalf, who handed another Tusken a pina colada.

Lindo blinked. "Who're you?"

Jandalf rolled her eyes. "You're supposed to know that already."

"Oh, well. Who're you?"

"Jandalf Kenobi. I'd offer you a drink…but I don't think you need one."

"Why are you giving the Tusken Raiders drinks?"

"I'm taming them." Jandalf grinned. "They're perfectly harmless when they're drunk."

Lindo considered this, and shrugged. Then she remembered something. "Vin Diesel's looking for you. Or at least my droid is."

"Huh?"

"C'MERE, YOU LITTLE TRASH CAN!!!!" screamed Lindo.

Artoo wheeled in, tootling miserably.

"He thinks you own him," continued Lindo. "I really don't know how I know this, cuz the sheety one never told me, but I do anyways."

"Curious," said Jandalf. "I don't seem to recall owning a droid."

"Neither do I," responded Lindo.

Jandalf blinked. "But…that's your droid, right there."

"Oh. Yeah. I remember now."

Jandalf shook her head. "Can you just play the message? The droid, I mean."

Artoo obediently started up his holoprojector.

"Uh…duh…General Kenobi, years…um…ago you…uh…helped out my dad in the war…and stuff…uh…he kinda needs some more help…duh…doy…cuz the Empire's bein' stoopid again…uh…duh…So…uh…duh, help me out, duh…Jandalf…uh…Kenobi …duh…you're my only…duh…what's the word? Uh…oh yeah. Hope. You're my only hope."

The image vanished.

Lindo looked at Jandalf. "It didn't do that for me. STUPID GARBAGE CAN!!!" She kicked Artoo.

Jandalf's eyes were wide. "Wow. And I thought he was ugly as a baby."

Lindo stopped kicking Artoo. "You knew him as a baby? Ehhhh???" She began to get confused.

Jandalf shrugged. "I don't really know how it works either…but I've been around since before the Clone Wars."

"Huh?"

"Don't ask," Jandalf advised. "It's safer that way."

"…ummm…OK…"

"So," Jandalf mused, "we need to go to Alderaan."

"We? WHAT?!?!?!?"

"Contrary to the movie, I'm actually not too old to do this sort of thing…but since you need to be incorporated into the story, you've got to come with me."

Lindo was shocked. "And save the galaxy? What do you think I am, some sort of HERO??!!!????"

"Coulda fooled me."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

So after Lindo had lost her voice, Jandalf tried a rhyme-thingie to let her speak again…and it would have worked except for the fact that Lindo all of a sudden began to gag on a rubber chicken that had mysteriously appeared in her throat. After coughing it out, beating Jandalf with it and laughing hysterically, Lindo decided to go anyway, since she currently had nothing better to do.

Note to reader: if you are confused with the previous paragraph, about the rhyme-thingie and stuff appearing randomly, read Lord of the Clings, also by me, the Narrator. You may find the above-mentioned spoof on FanFiction.net where I am known as Tahl: Grand Admiral. I'm sure you should have no problem finding it if you know how to turn on your computer.

Anyway, on with the story.

They headed for Moss Eisley after some trouble getting Lindo's landspeeder started up again, since it had mysteriously been filled with rubber chickens.

"Mooooo," said Lindo.

"Mooooo," said Jandalf.

"Tootle-ootle-mooooo," said Artoo.

"Oh, my," said Threepio.

And they were off.

Yup, yup, yup.

Um...did I do a disclaimer yet?

...Oh, yeah. Yeah, I did. Sorry, I forgot.

Yeah.

Chapter 3 should come in sometime in the near future. Hey, I'm not like an online thingie that updates every week, you know.

TTFN