AAAANNNNNDDDD...here's Chapter Three!!!! Introducing our replacement for Han Solo and Chewbacca!!
Yes, you heard me right. Our replacement. That's singular.
Oh, yeah. A note to my readers. I mentioned LOTC in chapter 1. That's Lord of the Clings: the tale of the Queen of Saranwrap, also by me but under the name Tahl: Jedi Paradox.
READ IT!!!
Anyhoo, here we go again.
A rather interesting freighter landed at the Moss Eisley spaceport. It was called the Thousand Birdie. We don't really know what possessed the captain of the Thousand Birdie to name it that…but…oh, well. That's OK too.
Moss Eisley was named such because it was a city in a rainforest, and had moss plagues occasionally. Hopefully that explanation will clear up the name.
The Birdie landed with a few sputters and wheezed to a halt in the off-center middle of the bay.
The captain got off the boarding ramp and stretched and yawned.
"Gosh, what a trip."
"Hrrrrrnnnn."
"Shut up. I don't know why I listen to you."
The guards looked into the bay in surprise as the captain chatted with herself.
"Arf raauuuurrrr wwwarrrrrraaauuurrr."
"Quit talking so fast. I can't understand a thing you're saying."
"Auurrraur."
"Yeah, that cantina over there looks good."
"Urf."
The landspeeder slowed as it entered the city.
Well, it was supposed to slow. But Lindo was driving, and she didn't feel like slowing down. After mowing down a few Jawas and one Bith, the stormtroopers decided to check out what was going on.
"It's all right," said Jandalf as Lindo finally slowed down, stopping with a jerk. "I'll handle this."
The stormtrooper captain guy came up. "Where are you taking these droids?"
"That's none of your business," replied Jandalf, subtly waving her hand.
The stormtroopers all twitched simultaneously and the captain echoed dumbly, "None of our business."
"Go home," implied Jandalf.
The stormtroopers all gave another twitch as the captain turned to them and said, "We're going home now."
"And once you're home," Jandalf continued, "all of you must give yourselves a good long swirlie."
Twitch-twitch. "And once we're home, we all must give ourselves a good long swirlie." The captain nodded and marched off, the stormtroopers following him, still twitching.
Lindo stared at the stormtroopers. "I wanna do that."
"Later. Right now we have to find a way to get offplanet. We'll have to sell your landspeeder."
"But—"
"Do you want to go on adventure thingies or not?"
"Noooo—"
"Quit whining and sell the friggin' thing. Meet me in the cantina; I'll try to find a suitable captain."
Lindo sulked and thought of using the landspeeder money to buy herself a new computer.
"Absolutely not," said Jandalf, just taking a wild guess from the look on Lindo's face. "We're not spending that money on anything but a ride to Alderaan."
Lindo wondered what Alderaan was like. Probably stupid and boring. Oh, well. Maybe she could hijack the ship they were going to take and RULE THE GALAXY—
"I said no," Jandalf called from the entrance of the cantina.
Lindo pouted. She looked around, and saw a Jawa. "HEY YOU!! You want a landspeeder?"
The Jawa shook its head and babbled meaninglessly.
"You want to buy this landspeeder," said Lindo, waving her hand, trying out the mind trick.
The Jawa shook its head and babbled meaninglessly.
"SHEET YOU JAWAS!!!" Lindo screeched and took out a random rubber chicken. "I'M GONNA WHACK YOU WITH THIS UNTIL YOU BUY THIS LANDSPEEDER!!!"
The Jawa cowered and handed out a wad of credits.
"Nice doing business with ya," said Lindo, and headed into the cantina, the droids following her.
"WAIT OUTSIDE," she yelled at them.
Artoo burbled and posted himself by the door, Threepio nervously trying to hide behind his counterpart.
Lindo looked around inside the dingy cantina, and headed up to the bar for a drink.
"Iced tea," she ordered, and waited while it came.
An Aqualish burbled something at her, and a smallish humanoid translated. "He doesn't like you."
"I don't care," said Lindo, and received her iced tea.
The Aqualish and smallish humanoid blinked, both somewhat confused. The humanoid put in, "You're supposed to care! I have the death sentence in five systems!"
"So?" said Lindo, finished her iced tea. "What if I don't care?"
The pair got so extremely confused, they spontaneously combusted.
"Huh," said Lindo, not caring, and ordered another iced tea.
Jandalf tapped her shoulder. "C'mon. I got us a ride."
"Who cares?" said Lindo.
Jandalf glared at her. "Not you, but I happen not to care about the fact that you don't care. Come on."
Lindo grumbled, finished her iced tea, and reluctantly followed the bright orange robe that wove through the crowd.
Chelsegorn was arguing with herself at the table.
"I thought I told you last time never to pick up hitchhikers!"
"Arrrrfff rrrraur."
"I don't care how nice you think these ones are! We're not giving them a ride if they don't offer enough credits to get us out of the hole."
"Hurf."
"We have credits, you know," said Jandalf, sitting at the table. Lindo sat down also and stared at Chelsegorn.
"How much? No less than seventeen grand for the trip, and two thousand in advance."
"Okay," said Jandalf, laying a credit chip on the table.
"Oooh," said Chelsegorn. "You've got yourself a ship."
Lindo scowled. "That was a boring bargain. Couldn't you guys argue or something? I mean, honestly, that was probably the most boring deal I've ever witnessed."
Jandalf glared at her. "I don't care."
Sorry it was shorter this time. I ran out of sugar. More later.
WHEEEEE!!!!!!
