(kavamm) Oh, look, it's chapter four.
It's short…so sue me. Elf, hope you like your interactions. Heehee.
Prepare to face the brief insanity.
***
So after paying Chelsegorn with the credits they had acquired from selling Lindo's speeder, they followed her to the ship, which Lindo stared at as soon as it came within her view.
"What a hunk of junk! I could make something better out of the shrapnel of that sheety R5 unit that those Jawas tried to sell."
"Be nice to everyone and quit complaining," said an irritated Jandalf.
"I can't. It's against my programming." Lindo pouted all the way up the boarding ramp and into the Thousand Birdie.
Chelsegorn, still somewhat irritated with herself, suddenly stopped halfway to the cockpit, turned around, and stared at her passengers.
Lindo and Jandalf blinked simultaneously.
Then Chelsegorn screamed, "LET'S DO THE CHICKEN DANCE!!!!!!!!"
"YAY!!!!" screamed the other two, and they began doing the Chicken Dance.
Dunna-dunna-dunna-dun, dunna-dunna-dunna-dun, dunna-dunna-dunna-dun…DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO!!! Dunna-dunna-dunna-dun, dunna-dunna-dunna-dun, dunna-dunna-dunna-dun…DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO!!! Dunna-dunna-dunna-dun, dunna-dunna-dunna-dun, dunna-dunna-dunna-dun…DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO!!! Dunna-dunna-dunna-dun, dunna-dunna-dunna-dun, dunna-dunna-dunna-dun…DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO!!!
La-la-la-laaaa, la-laaaa, la-laaaa-laaaaa!! La-la-la-laaaa, la-laaaaaa, la-laaaaaa!!!!! La-la-la-laaaaa, la-laaaaa, la-laaaaa-laaaaaa…La-la-la-laaaa-laaaa, la-la-la-la!!!!! (doo-doo-doo-doo!!)
Dunna-dunna-dunna-dun, dunna-dunna-dunna-dun, dunna-dunna-dunna-dun…DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO!!! Dunna-dunna-dunna-dun, dunna-dunna-dunna-dun, dunna-dunna-dunna-dun…DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO!!! Dunna-dunna-dunna-dun, dunna-dunna-dunna-dun, dunna-dunna-dunna-dun…DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO!!! Dunna-dunna-dunna-dun, dunna-dunna-dunna-dun, dunna-dunna-dunna-dun…DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO!!!
So after three hours had passed, the trio of chicken dancers collapsed in the corridor, happily exhausted. For who could possibly resist the Chicken Dance?
***
Captain Bob the stormtrooper marched cautiously into Docking Bay 94 (you know, the one with a big "94" chiseled into the moss next to the door). This docking bay in particular was notorious for having repeatedly housed some of the worst…and most insane…criminals the galaxy had to offer. Not to mention Lord of the Clings characters…
But Captain Bob bravely suppressed a shiver of fear, posing as a model for the troopers following him in.
The boarding ramp was down, and the odd chicken-like music that had been emanating from inside the freighter all of a sudden cut off. He approached slowly, thinking it must be some sort of nasty trap that these fugitives had set up.
Now he was close enough to hear the whispered words that came from within: "Hey, guys, what rhymes with 'pie'?"
The answers came swiftly, as if the others were accustomed to doing this sort of thing.
"Buy."
"Guy."
"Tie."
"Kibbles," came a prissy electronic voice, then a loud thud, as if someone had kicked this droid in annoyance.
"All right…" came the first voice. "Uh…lessee…Kibbles To Buy, A Guy Eating A Tie, Appear In My Hand An Extra Large Cream Pie!"
*kavamm*
The last thing Captain Bob saw before getting pied was a flash of orange robes.
All the other stormtroopers screamed and ran away.
"TEACH YOU!!!!!" Lindo and Chelsegorn screamed after them, satisfied with the dastardly deed.
Jandalf rubbed her hands together in delight at the pathetic sight of a stormtrooper sprawled out on the ground, helmet covered in cream. "I bet he saw that one coming. Such slow reflexes. Right, then, let us away."
"TALLYHO!!!!" screeched Lindo as Chelsegorn raced for the cockpit.
And they were off.
***
Whizz-kazoo-whoop-voip-bang-poof-kavamm-noise-thingie-zoom!
Besides the Thousand Birdie being the weirdest sounding ship in the galaxy, it worked pretty well.
Considering.
Lindo and Jandalf screamed in terror and general insanity as Chelsegorn hurtled them out of the atmosphere in 2.5 seconds from takeoff. She then typed in a string of coordinates that left the keypad flaming, and yanked them into hyperspace:
Yoink-whoosh-bang-zoomie-thing-ma-bob-elongating-star-noise!
This new set of really stupid noises made them all laugh hysterically as they smashed into the back of the cockpit, and then began floating against all probability.
At the rate they were going, they reached Alderaan in five minutes, give or take one 152763rd of a second. They became excruciatingly confused at the fact that Alderaan was still there, because somehow they knew it wasn't supposed to be…
Jandalf shrugged. "I recommend not landing yet, and sending out a warning signal."
Chelsegorn stared at her. "But they'll think we're nuts."
"Too late."
"Hmm…good point." Chelsegorn sent out a warning signal to evacuate the planet.
"Also," continued Jandalf, "I recommend keeping our collective eyes peeled for the Death Star, its arrival being imminent and all."
Lindo pointed out of the cockpit. "Death Star."
They all looked. "Ooo, purty."
"Let's blow it up."
"Good idea."
***
Too bad the general populace of Alderaan hadn't listened; even insane people know what they're talking about sometimes.
VOIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Erm…in case you hadn't guessed, that was the sound of a planet being eradicated into generic tiny bits.
***
Aboard the Death Star…
"SHEET!!!!!!!!!" exclaimed the Vader who was Darth. "THAT WAS SO EVIL!!! LET'S DO THAT AGAIN!!!!!!!"
There was an Imperial Grand Moff standing beside him who was looking at him rather strangely. Grand Moff Éowyn Skywalker, to be precise, aka Elf with a Lightsaber. Yes, she was an Elf here, and yes, the lightsaber she had stolen from Luke still hung at her belt.
"We've already blown up Alderaan," she said patiently. "We can't do it again."
Vader somehow appeared to be flustered. "Erm…erm…well…I meant I wanted a replay."
"It wasn't recorded."
"Sheet."
"You're a big fat liar. MWAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!" Éowyn screamed. "BRING IN THE PRISONER!!!!!!!!"
"He's already here, sir," called an officer from the corner of the room.
"I knew that. I was just testing you." Éowyn turned to Princess Vin Diesel. "There you are."
Logic would have that someone like Vin Diesel wouldn't be that hard to find, him being so huge and all…but then, Vader's stupidness and Éowyn's confusion were mostly due to the massive improbability field that was currently fluctuating around the Death Star.
Diesel was currently standing there, vacantly staring off into space. "Uh…?"
"He's impossible to torture," muttered Vader. "The lights are on, but there's no one at home."
Éowyn blinked, and began giggling.
"LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH," shouted Jandalf, marching into the room.
Vader turned around, and became horribly horribly confused. "…What…?"
Éowyn smiled and waved. "Hi, Master, what's up?"
Jandalf stopped in her tracks. "Padawan? What are you doing here?"
"Oh, not much, really. Want some garlic?"
"NO!!!!" Jandalf pinched her nose immediately. "PUDT DHAT AWAY!!!"
Éowyn magically produced a Ziploc bag and dropped the garlic into it. "Now, where were we…oh, yeah…17'5 4 (0|\|5P1|24(`/!!!!!!!"
Vader scratched his helmet. "What?"
"Pbadawadn," Jandalf said, "some beoble don'dt udderstadd l33dt."
"Fine. IT'S A CONSPIRACY!!!!!!!!"
While Grand Moff Éowyn was screaming about conspiracies, Jandalf holding her nose in disgust, and Vader scratching his helmet in confusion, Lindo and Chelsegorn snuck around, put Vin Diesel on a skateboard, and wheeled him out.
When Vader finally thought to turn around and check on their prisoner…he was gone.
"OH NO!!!!!" howled the Sith lord. "HE EVAPORATED IN CONFUSION!! NOW WE CAN'T TORTURE HIM!!" He pointed accusingly at Jandalf, who was still holding her nose. "IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!! PREPARE TO DIE!!!!!"
Jandalf laughed, almost forgetting to keep her nose plugged. "I'mb alreddy dedd, you fool."
Flustered, Vader ignited his lightsaber and tried to go off after whoever had snuck away with Princess Diesel, but Jandalf jumped in front of him and held out her staff with one hand, the other still pinching her nose.
"YOU SHALL DNOTD PBASS!"
Grand Moff Éowyn had just stood there this entire time, grinning insanely and holding the bag of garlic. But by now she had forgotten why the garlic was in a bag, took it out, and ate it.
Jandalf's eyes widened. She could somehow smell it even though her nose was plugged, and she fainted.
Vader caught a whiff of the garlic through his filter, and promptly fainted.
Every single stormtrooper in the room fainted as well.
Éowyn caught a whiff of her own breath…and…come on, take a guess…fainted.
***
More to come…later, likely. Heh.
