Chapter 35

Entering the suite Johnny went in search of Alexis and found her leaning against the windowsill in the living room staring out lost in thought. Moving quietly toward her so as not to alarm her he leaned against the wall facing her and waited for her to acknowledge him.

"Johnny, have you ever had your heart ripped out?"

"Yes, and what are you up to? You been pushing yourself again, Lex?"

"No, but things just keep coming. I'm not making it happen... but I don't seem to be able to control it either."

"What or who are you remembering?"

"It's not so much who as it is what or maybe the feelings that are causing so much... I don't know... pain or hurt maybe. I can't quite put my finger on it. But, it goes so much deeper than anything I've ever felt before. I can feel that I have lost something that meant the world to me. I mean... I've never felt a loss this deep before except for when my mother died. And even that loss seems to pale a bit when I focus on the enormity of what seems to be lost now."

Alexis had never had problems before expressing herself. The words were always there when she needed them. But, trying to express what she was feeling now was proving to be arduous. There seemed to be no word adequate enough to express the feelings of loss she was experiencing. The magnitude of it scared her beyond belief and she was now beginning to understand the state of mind she must have been in to want to escape so badly that it landed her at Ferncliff fighting for her sanity.

"Alexis, I know this is hard on you. And I can see you're getting pretty worked up. But, remember you are safe here. You are safe with me. No one is going to hurt you again as long as I'm around. So, I propose that we just take a quiet walk and see if we can settle some of that anxiety. I know it won't stop what's going on inside that head of yours, but maybe we can slow it down a bit so you can rest easier. What do you say, partner?"

Allowing her gaze to leave the outdoors she brought her eyes up to meet Johnny's. The moment she connected with his eyes she felt a sense of peace come over her. The turmoil she was feeling abated to a degree and she smiled.

"Why couldn't it have been you I fell in love with? You would never have hurt me. It's not in you to hurt anyone. That's just my luck I guess. And yes, I think I would like to take a walk with you. I feel the need for some fresh air."

________________

Sonny left Kevin's office intent on going back to the penthouse to pack a bag and return to the sanitarium as soon as possible. But, once outside he couldn't resist the urge to linger for a moment at the bench where Alexis usually came during her time outside. He needed to regroup. So much had taken place over the past few hours and he was simply unaccustomed to dealing with so many emotional issues at one time. Business he could handle effortlessly, but matters of the heart left him drained. Business. He needed to call Jason. With things progressing with Alexis as fast as they were, he would have to depend on Jason to run the business for a while. Maybe the best course of action, given the current state of affairs, would be for him to disappear for a while anyway.

'...No one has ever put her first before...'

Kevin's words stung him and the truth of them tore at him. This time and for the rest of his life... Alexis would be the driving force behind his thoughts and actions. Her needs were paramount and first priority. As he sat there he turned his thoughts to her.

"Don't stay up all night brooding."

"I don't brood."

"Yea, You brood."

Sonny pulled his cell phone from his pocket and called Jason.

"Jason, you're going to have to take over for a while. Call Benny and have him go over all the financial bases with you. If you have any questions you can reach me by my cell."

"What's going on, Sonny? You know I don't know the business as well as you do. What are you up to?"

"Alexis, needs me here. I know you'll need time to catch up on things, but Benny knows everything and you'll do just fine. I won't argue the point with you, Jason. This is the way it's going to be for a while. If you have a problem with it, you need to let me know now."

"I don't have a problem with it, but don't you think I deserve a better explanation that what you're giving me. I'm supposed to take over a multi-million dollar organization by way of a phone call with no more explanation than that? Come on, Sonny. You owe me more than that. We're not just business associates, we're friends."

Wincing at the truth in Jason's words, brought about by the obvious lack of familiarity in his own, Sonny hung his head. 'Will I ever learn how to treat my friends?'

"You're right, Jason. You are a friend and deserve more. Alexis is starting to remember and is having trouble with the memories that are surfacing. She's remembering conversations we had, but she still doesn't remember me. She's pushing herself too hard and Kevin thinks that maybe if she and I start running into each other, maybe some of the good things we shared will come through and help her deal with the rest. So, I'm going to be moving in here for a while. And just so you know and have time to process it... from now on Alexis comes first. Before the organization... before the casinos... before everything. And buddy, that means you too. She comes first. Ok?"

"I understand. I'll get on the phone and start making the necessary calls. If anything major comes up, I'll call. I've got you covered on this end. See ya later."

"Thanks, Jason."

Just as Sonny put his phone back in his pocket, he saw Johnny and Alexis coming down the walk toward him. Trying not to seem to eager or excited at seeing her, he settled a look of impersonal welcome on his face just as Alexis drew to a standstill by the bench. Seeing an opportunity to engage her in conversation he stood and smiled at her.

"Good morning. I apologize for monopolizing your seat... I mean I've noticed you sitting here before a few times. It's a pretty great day, I thought I'd sit and enjoy it a while."

Alexis noticed the man sitting on the bench before he noticed her and she took the opportunity to study him as she and Johnny approached.

"It's not a problem. Please make yourself comfortable. Johnny and I were just out for a walk before lunch. In fact, we're headed back now. So please, don't let us interrupt you. Maybe we'll see you again later. I would like the opportunity to properly thank you for your assistance earlier... "

"No big deal. Please just forget it. You needed help; I just happened to be in the right place at the right time. Let it go. I have to be off myself now, so enjoy your lunch. Bye now."

Alexis watched as Sonny turned to go and lifted her hand to stop him. As she lowered it to rest on his arm she felt a tingle flow up her arm. It felt so familiar... as if her hand had lain there before. Noticing the awkward silence that had fallen at her touch, she instantly removed her hand.

"Wait... I mean, I don't even know your name."

Sonny looked at Johnny for help and saw him slightly shrug his shoulders. He was on his own with this one. Neither of them knew whether or not he should reveal his name. Gazing into her eyes, he found his answer. He would not lie to her, would not mislead her in any way if he could help it. If they were meant to be, they would survive all of this together.

"Just call me Sonny."

"It's nice to meet you, Sonny. My name is Alexis, in case we do run in to each other again sometime."

"Nice seein' ya again. Bye."

Johnny watched Sonny leave and focused on Alexis. She still didn't seem to recognize Sonny, but she was still watching him walk away with a frown on her face.

"What's wrong, Alexis?"

"I don't know. He talks as if he doesn't have a care in the world, but his eyes tell a different story. He's appears to be carrying quite a load and it looks like he's trying to bury it. Poor guy. I wonder if he has any one he can talk to. I know I wouldn't have made it as far as I have if it hadn't been for you. Maybe he needs a friend like mine."

Johnny became very hopeful at her words. This could possibly work.

"Maybe he does need somebody to talk to. You know... you've got a great pair of ears there yourself. Maybe you ought to put them back to work. Helping somebody else might help you clear things up faster for yourself since you won't have time to be constantly analyzing every thought that pops into that beautiful head of yours."

Laughing fully she turned around and slapped Johnny on the arm.

"Ok wise guy. You made your point. Now, I need some lunch. Let's go."

"Yeah. Hey, I have an idea. Why don't we grab Joy and we have a picnic for lunch. We can grab a few sandwiches, some drinks, a little chocolate and sit under a tree."

"Sounds fun. Let's go."

___________________

Sonny's heart jumped at her touch. It had been so long since they shared any physical contact between them. At her touch, it all came back to him once again. Everything in him wanted to take her in his arms... just to hold her, breathe deeply her scent. He remembered that scent and it filled him with want. It was all he could do to walk away without giving away what he felt for her. Patience had never been one of his stronger attributes. In fact he was downright lousy at it.

"I'm going to teach you how to wait."

Alexis had tried to explain Courtney's need for independence to him and he refused to even try to see any viewpoint other than his own. And it had cost him just as she said it would. He and Courtney barely saw each other now and when they did she let him know in no uncertain terms that she considered him just another obstacle to the kind of life she wanted. It tore at him that when he looked into her eyes all he saw was her need to get away from him as fast as possible. 'Why didn't I listen to Alexis? She was right and I refused to see it. All I wanted was my sister safe and I wanted a relationship with her, but instead of telling her what I wanted, I tried to force her to accept what I believed was best for her. And she ran, just like Alexis said she would.' Sonny honestly didn't know how to handle the situation now. But, Alexis would. If only he could talk to her about it now. Maybe he could. She didn't have to know him or Courtney in order to offer advice. Maybe this was one of those things that they could talk about and hopefully both benefit from it.

It took just over two hours for Sonny to pack a few things and get back to the sanitarium. He was away long enough for the familiar craving to see her begin to eat at him. He deposited his suitcase in the room that Kevin provided for him then ambled outside to wait for Johnny and Alexis to appear for their afternoon walk. Looking at his watch he saw that he had about an hour to wait. Choosing another bench along the walkway just a few yards from the one she enjoyed, he sat down to wait hoping he didn't seem too conspicuous in his intent.

As Sonny waited patiently outside, Alexis was inside trying to come up with a plausible excuse for wanting to take a walk alone. She adored both Joy and Johnny for taking such good care of her, but it was beginning to get on her nerves. She needed some time alone. Just to be alone.

"I can be alone. I do alone just fine."

The images she had been experiencing for the past couple of days were becoming more pronounced. She was even able to start piecing some of it together, but it still felt as if it was someone else's life she was remembering. It was very disconcerting and she was well aware of the importance of not forcing herself to remember. That fact alone was making it rather difficult to keep her mind occupied on anything other than herself. Ironically the gift, or curse whichever way you chose to view it, of having an analytical mind was detrimental to her mental health right now and she honestly didn't know how to combat that part of her temperament.

"Johnny, do you think there is any possible way I could ditch my bodyguard for a couple of hours so I can take a break from all of this mayhem?"

Johnny could see she needed some down time and he wanted to give it to her, but he didn't want her to get too far out of his sight in case something happened. He agreed with Kevin that he should stick close to her for the next few days, but reading her body language and seeing the plea in her eyes was enough for him to try a compromise.

"I think it's a great idea. But, I have a bit of a suggestion to put to you if you don't mind. Why don't you let Joy and I go just so far with you and then you can go your way and we'll go our way, but just far enough away so I can still keep an eye on you? Would that be satisfactory?"

"I think that would be fine as long as I don't feel like I'm being guarded, stalked or incessantly watched like a hawk. But, I don't think that will be a problem since Joy will be on your arm."

A few moments later the three of them headed out for their walk. Just as Alexis turned to let Johnny know which way she was headed she noticed Sonny sitting on a bench a few yards away. His head was leaned back and his eyes were closed. She could tell he was lost in thought. Laying a hand on Johnny's arm without taking her eyes off of the man a few yards away she told Johnny what her intention was.

"I think I'll take you up on your suggestion earlier and put my ears to use. You go ahead and take Joy for a nice walk and I'm going to ask my paper bag carrier if he minds a little company. Who knows, maybe it'll do the trick and take my mind off other things."

Johnny smiled widely and pulled her close for a quick hug.

"Sounds like a plan to me, counselor. I won't be far away if you need me. Just yell if you get into trouble and I'll come running."

Feeling like she had just been given a reprieve from her guardians she stepped closer and kissed them both on the cheek.

"Thank you both for understanding. See you in a bit."

Alexis left them standing there smiling after her and walked toward Sonny. Drawing to a standstill beside him she spoke very quietly and with a great deal of hesitation.

"Is this seat taken?"