Luke sat at the desk for a few moments thinking. No matter how he twisted it around in his head the whole thing still made no sense at all. Emperor Palpatine couldn't really want him to fill out sweepstake entry forms, could he? Why, he was the riches man in the entire galaxy! He could go wherever he wanted, buy what he wanted, and build all the Star Destroyers and Death Stars he wanted. He didn't need to win money from some contest.
Perhaps this was just a ploy, a trick of some kind. And he was certain that Darth Vader hadn't chased him across the galaxy just to fill out some stupid forms. Some flunky could do this, a brainless stormtrooper. After all, how hard could it really be?
Still holding the blue envelope in one hand, Luke turned around in his chair to peer where the Emperor had gone. He spotted him sitting in an over-stuffed chair on the other side of the living room. Palpatine was apparently talking to Vader, their voices too low for Luke to make out the words. He couldn't even hear the pop when Palpatine opened a bottle of some amber liquid and pored himself a drink. Turning back to the desk, Luke shook his head. "This is crazy. But I guess I better start filling out these forms. As long as he stays on the Death Star…"
Surely Han had that shield generator down by now. But if he did and the fleet was attacking, why was the Emperor just sitting there?
None of this made any sense at all!
Luke turned the envelope round and round, trying to figure out how to open the thing. There was a flap on the back but it seemed to be glued shut. Maybe if he stuck his fingernails under the flap. The first time he tried his fingernails just slid on the paper. And if he tried tearing it on one end he might damage the forms that were inside. With a Master Sith in the same room dreaming of all the big piles of money he was going to win that wouldn't be such a hot idea. Deciding to pry open the flap, Luke jammed his fingernails underneath and yanked his hand.
RIP!
The envelope tore open and colorful pieces of paper flew up into the air and slowly floated down like a snow flurry.
Palpatine's laughter filled his ears. "Can't even open an envelope, boy?"
"Well, it would be easier if I had something to open it with!" Luke retorted as he lost his temper. Getting up off the chair, he started to gather all the slips of paper that had fallen to the floor. He had presumed the envelope would hold just some dumb form, but instead there was dozens of shiny, colorful pages. On closer inspection, each page seemed to be advertising some item a person could buy. There was also a long foldout sheet of tiny stamps. What those were for he didn't know, but he'd probably soon figure it out.
Darth Vader walked over and stood in front of Luke, his arms crossed over his chest. "I suggest you double your efforts, son. And use the scissors to open the envelopes."
Dumping the mess onto the desk, Luke gazed at the eyes of his father's mask. As usual, there were no facial expressions; just the shiny highlights from the lighting in the room on the curved surfaces and the blank gaze of the eye area. Pointing to the desk, Luke spoke to his father. "The Emperor couldn't really want me to fill these out! This is ridiculous! It has nothing to do with the Dark Side. Forms can't convert me."
Vader shook a black-gloved fist at him. "I suggest you get busy now if you value your life."
Sighing, Luke plopped down onto the chair and sorted the contents of the envelope. Within moments it made sense. There was an order form one had to fill out and sign. You also had to stick various stamps in certain places on the form if you wanted to be entered to win the other various prizes. For example, there should be stamps that looked like airspeeders and holovision sets and the newly invented turbo-boots. Luke shook his head, laughing. What idiot would want to actually wear turbo-boots? In fact, he had never heard of the things until just now. A person would have to be a reckless speed-demon with an attraction for death to put those on their feet!
"Umm, do you want to order anything?" Luke asked the Emperor. This whole situation still seemed unreal. It was more dream-like, actually. How else could he be sitting here in Palpatine's quarters?
"Let me see what they have." Palpatine said as he leaned forward in the stuffed chair.
Luke got up and gave the shiny merchandise pages to the Emperor.
"Very good, young Skywalker. See, it is not so bad obeying my orders. Continue to do so and you will be greatly rewarded. I can make you a rich man, wealthy beyond your dreams. And powerful." Slowly the Emperor flipped through the pages, glancing at each one with interests. "I will take the Sith Monthly and the Special Edition book of Fire Siths. Strange I have never heard of Fire Siths before, but it will be worth the small amount of credits to learn."
Luke's mouth dropped open in surprise. "Sith Monthly? Fire Siths?"
"See? Now you begin to realize you know nothing of Jedi or Siths. Be my apprentice and I will make sure you are well educated, young one." Palpatine smiled as he handed back the merchandise pages. "I would like very much to be able to produce sheets of flame from my finger tips. It should be very impressive, don't you think?"
"That's impossible!" Luke stumbled backward away from Palpatine. He had never imagined that Dark Jedi had such powers! Why hadn't Obi-Wan or Yoda warned him? What could his lightsaber do against fire? Besides, he didn't even have his lightsaber. Vader had kept it and had hung it from his own belt. Perhaps he could use the force to snag it back but then what? Who knew what other horrible powers the Emperor had? And he couldn't forget the Imperial Guards right outside with their force pikes. It would be impossible for him to fight everyone on the whole Death Star!
"Han, you better hurry up down there." Luke muttered under his breath as he stalked past his father and went back to the desk. Tearing the two appropriate stamps off the large sheet, Luke pressed them to the form.
Nothing happened.
Like magic, he heard Darth Vader's loud breathing right over his shoulder. "You have to lick them, son."
Picking up the stamp for Sith Monthly, Luke licked the shiny back.
"UGGHHH! It tastes terrible!" Pulling the nasty stamp off his tongue, he slammed it down onto the order form, pounding his fist on it for good measure.
"It should." His father replied. "The glue is made from boiled taun-taun hooves, sometimes mixed with duracrete slug matter."
"Eeewww!" Luke moaned as he quickly covered his mouth with his hand. It was utterly disgusting! His stomach was churning wildly and he struggled to think of something else, anything else but slugs. An image of the Endor forest appeared in his mind, cool and green. It was a calm, peaceful scene with slanted sunbeams shining down through the branches of the incredibly tall trees.
"Don't forget to lick the return envelopes shut." Darth Vader reminded him.
Luke bolted for what he hoped was the bathroom, both hands over his mouth.
"A pity he has such a weak stomach," Palpatine commented. "But I'm sure he'll grow used to the taste in time."
Some time later, Luke emerged looking pale. His light blue eyes fell on the tower of unopened envelopes waiting on the desk, his stomach leaped upward and he dashed back into the bathroom.
Now he understood why the Emperor had him doing this work: it was sheer torture!
After emerging from the bathroom a second time, he headed for the desk. He felt like such an idiot! Here he was almost a full Jedi Knight and the idea of a little slug guts….
No, no, no! Don't think about it; whatever you do don't think about it.
How was he ever supposed to face Palpatine if he couldn't handle such a simple thing? He'd seen worse things before. Heck, they were probably even nutritious. Didn't birds eat them all the time? And who knew what weird things Master Yoda had put in that stew he had ate? Feeling better, Luke stuck the other prize stamps onto the form and soon realized one was missing. Now where had that airspeeder stamp gone? "Darn thing must have fallen onto the floor when I tore the envelope open."
Pushing the chair back, Luke got down on his hands and knees to peek under the desk. Was that a tiny square slip of paper way back against the wall? Luke narrowed his eyes to see better as it was dark under the large heavy wooden desk. Yes, there it was. Unfortunately, it was under the side of the desk that had an attached bookshelf. There was a narrow gap between the floor and the bookshelf, just large enough for him to squeeze under to get the stamp. Lying flat on his stomach, he reached for it with his arm.
His arm was too short.
The little stamp was too small and light to grip with the force. Luke was sure Master Yoda could have done it easily, but then he had nine hundred years of experience. It was sad to admit, but his skills just weren't that fine-tuned yet. It was far easier to lift a rock since it had more substance.
That left only one option.
Turning his head sideways, Luke inched forward on his stomach until he was under the bookshelf. The wood pressed against his back, but he used his fingers and boot tips to crawl towards his prize. His fingers closed around the stamp triumphantly. He had done it! It was only when he tried to back out that he realized he was stuck!
Lord Vader stared down at his son, sensing his predicament. Reaching down, he grabbed Luke around the ankles and yanked.
CRACK!!!
The entire desk collapsed on top of Luke in a heap of wood, paper and various other items. The pile of rubble moved and Luke stuck his head out. Glancing up, he saw his father wasn't very pleased at all. His expressionless mask was staring down at him, his arms crossed over his chest.
"I found the stamp…." Luke offered sheepishly.
THUMP!
The Emperor was laughing so hard that he had fallen right off his chair and had landed on the floor, his bony hairy legs kicking in the air.
To be continued…..
