A life worth living
Gater101
There was something about the way that he smiled that made me realise I could do it. Made me realise I could stand up in front of everyone and tell them about Janet's life. About how distraught I was that she was going to miss the birth of my baby. About how angry I was at the Goa'uld for taking my best friend away. I had said everything I could think of and yet it all felt so inadequate.
I laid my head back on the sofa in the recreation room on level twelve. The room – like all the others on base – was grey, a few advertising posters here and there – the "Signs of the Times" poster taking centre stage on the wall behind the pool table. MTV was playing in the background and the lights were dimmed so as not to disturb the few members of staff who were trying to play traditional poker. The atmosphere seemed too jovial for the events that had happened that day: they had just buried one of the bases most valued officers, Janet Fraiser.
I had tried to avoid being around anyone but Jack had caught up with me after leaving the cemetery and told me that there was no way in hell that he was leaving me by myself. I had told him there was some work I needed to do on base and he has said the exact same – though I doubt he had any: he had spent the last week writing up the large pile of paper work that had overtaken his desk in the few short days that he hadn't visited there. There was nothing I could do to keep away from him for any length of time apart from sitting in the darkened room and hoping he was not a normal member of the poker team that were just starting another play.
I slide down the seat and close my eyes and think about Cassie and how she had stared disbelievingly at me when I told her. Daniel was with me but he couldn't muster the courage to tell this young child, who had lost so much in her life already, that she had lost her mother figure and now was going to have to try and fit in with another family. She had pleaded with Daniel to let her stay with him but due to the fact that none of us can ever be sure if we will return from our next mission, he tearfully told her that wasn't possible. She had said to us that it wasn't fair: that I was having a baby and would have to look after it and that the rules still applied. Did we not want her, she asked. Daniel tried, again, to explain it to her but I told him to stop. It wasn't fair. The rules till applied to me as they did to Cassie, and that I would talk to General Hammond. I still haven't.
Sighing, I rise from my sanctuary and wipe the few stray tears from my eyes and leave the room, squinting as I open the door to the harsh light of the corridors. I make my way down the quiet corridors and nod as people wander past, greeting me with "Ma'am" and make my way to General Hammond's office.
"Enter," he commands after I knock quietly and I obey. "Major Carter," he greets me. "What can I do for you?"
I take a seat in front of his desk, knowing that he would have told me to do so anyway and look at him before continuing.
"It's about Cassie, sir." I say at length.
"I see. I was wondering how long it would take you to arrive. Daniel has already been and pleaded his case."
Surprised, I look up at him begging him to continue.
"I told him that all that can possibly be done to ensure that he can care for Cassie is being done. But I can't make any promises. The President may still want for Daniel to work on SG-1 and while he is doing so, I believe it would be highly unfair for Cassie. She has lost too much already, don't you think?"
I knew that this would happen. We were going to have to sacrifice something – whether it be Daniel, or Cassie: both were equally as bad as the other.
"Yes," I respond on a quick outlet of breath. "So much has happened lately. I just... I can't get my head around it." I say without thinking and I drop my head into my hands, feeling that my nose is slightly greasy, reminding me that I need to shower and remove the make up I had applied much earlier in the day.
"You're not the only one. Before Dr Fraiser... died, she made a recommendation that I believe I should follow up on."
I don't look up as I ask my next question.
"What was that, Sir?"
"You are to be taken from SG-1 and not allowed to travel through the 'Gate. After your child is born, I believe you may wish to follow the course that Dr Jackson might end up taking and leave SG-1 permanently."
I don't look up because I know that this is what would happen. Instead I let out a quick laugh and shake my head.
"It's never going to be the same, is it? You should have had us Court Marshalled, sir, but you didn't and I thank you so much for that. But not letting me be a part of what it is that I love so much, I don't think I could do that. I don't want to be the lonely woman who sits at home waiting to see if her partner is going to return from his next mission."
"Major, you will still be working with the Air Force, that is not in question. This... reassignment is not a punishment – it's just the best way to deal with the situation. I'm sorry, but it's the best I could do. I hope you will take the chance that I am offering you and be at peace with it."
I stand up and nod. "Yes, sir." I salute him and he dismisses me.
I try to reach my lab before anyone – namely Jack – sees me, and when I make it there I sit down on the stool in front of my desk and let the tears slide down my face.
TBC
Please Review, because ya didn't give me that much last time! PLEASE!
Next chapter up soon!
Gater101
There was something about the way that he smiled that made me realise I could do it. Made me realise I could stand up in front of everyone and tell them about Janet's life. About how distraught I was that she was going to miss the birth of my baby. About how angry I was at the Goa'uld for taking my best friend away. I had said everything I could think of and yet it all felt so inadequate.
I laid my head back on the sofa in the recreation room on level twelve. The room – like all the others on base – was grey, a few advertising posters here and there – the "Signs of the Times" poster taking centre stage on the wall behind the pool table. MTV was playing in the background and the lights were dimmed so as not to disturb the few members of staff who were trying to play traditional poker. The atmosphere seemed too jovial for the events that had happened that day: they had just buried one of the bases most valued officers, Janet Fraiser.
I had tried to avoid being around anyone but Jack had caught up with me after leaving the cemetery and told me that there was no way in hell that he was leaving me by myself. I had told him there was some work I needed to do on base and he has said the exact same – though I doubt he had any: he had spent the last week writing up the large pile of paper work that had overtaken his desk in the few short days that he hadn't visited there. There was nothing I could do to keep away from him for any length of time apart from sitting in the darkened room and hoping he was not a normal member of the poker team that were just starting another play.
I slide down the seat and close my eyes and think about Cassie and how she had stared disbelievingly at me when I told her. Daniel was with me but he couldn't muster the courage to tell this young child, who had lost so much in her life already, that she had lost her mother figure and now was going to have to try and fit in with another family. She had pleaded with Daniel to let her stay with him but due to the fact that none of us can ever be sure if we will return from our next mission, he tearfully told her that wasn't possible. She had said to us that it wasn't fair: that I was having a baby and would have to look after it and that the rules still applied. Did we not want her, she asked. Daniel tried, again, to explain it to her but I told him to stop. It wasn't fair. The rules till applied to me as they did to Cassie, and that I would talk to General Hammond. I still haven't.
Sighing, I rise from my sanctuary and wipe the few stray tears from my eyes and leave the room, squinting as I open the door to the harsh light of the corridors. I make my way down the quiet corridors and nod as people wander past, greeting me with "Ma'am" and make my way to General Hammond's office.
"Enter," he commands after I knock quietly and I obey. "Major Carter," he greets me. "What can I do for you?"
I take a seat in front of his desk, knowing that he would have told me to do so anyway and look at him before continuing.
"It's about Cassie, sir." I say at length.
"I see. I was wondering how long it would take you to arrive. Daniel has already been and pleaded his case."
Surprised, I look up at him begging him to continue.
"I told him that all that can possibly be done to ensure that he can care for Cassie is being done. But I can't make any promises. The President may still want for Daniel to work on SG-1 and while he is doing so, I believe it would be highly unfair for Cassie. She has lost too much already, don't you think?"
I knew that this would happen. We were going to have to sacrifice something – whether it be Daniel, or Cassie: both were equally as bad as the other.
"Yes," I respond on a quick outlet of breath. "So much has happened lately. I just... I can't get my head around it." I say without thinking and I drop my head into my hands, feeling that my nose is slightly greasy, reminding me that I need to shower and remove the make up I had applied much earlier in the day.
"You're not the only one. Before Dr Fraiser... died, she made a recommendation that I believe I should follow up on."
I don't look up as I ask my next question.
"What was that, Sir?"
"You are to be taken from SG-1 and not allowed to travel through the 'Gate. After your child is born, I believe you may wish to follow the course that Dr Jackson might end up taking and leave SG-1 permanently."
I don't look up because I know that this is what would happen. Instead I let out a quick laugh and shake my head.
"It's never going to be the same, is it? You should have had us Court Marshalled, sir, but you didn't and I thank you so much for that. But not letting me be a part of what it is that I love so much, I don't think I could do that. I don't want to be the lonely woman who sits at home waiting to see if her partner is going to return from his next mission."
"Major, you will still be working with the Air Force, that is not in question. This... reassignment is not a punishment – it's just the best way to deal with the situation. I'm sorry, but it's the best I could do. I hope you will take the chance that I am offering you and be at peace with it."
I stand up and nod. "Yes, sir." I salute him and he dismisses me.
I try to reach my lab before anyone – namely Jack – sees me, and when I make it there I sit down on the stool in front of my desk and let the tears slide down my face.
TBC
Please Review, because ya didn't give me that much last time! PLEASE!
Next chapter up soon!
