"I closed my eyes, and soon woke up, as a completely different being. A human being."

This was the first thing that came out of my mouth since as I said before, closed my eyes because I was about to crash the ship and die a horrid death because I was stupid enough to eat the bomb! What dumb ass eats a bomb?!?

I looked all around me, and I was no longer in my ship. I was lying down on a surgeons' table, in some kind of Irken lab. But I knew this was no scientists' laboratory. We Irkens hate the subject, so we pay Vortians to do their calculations and use their incredible scientific-knowledge-filled thick brains.

"I...can talk! I can talk, woo!!! I can talk, yipeeee!!! I'm so skilled, baby!"

Two figures came into the room, both of them being shorter than my full and regular heights. They starred at me, baffled.

"Uhh....I mean, I can talk normally for once! Because I usually have tubes and chains moving around when I move my mouth, you know? Heh, heh! Ugh..."

"Yes, yes that should be a very interesting experience for you," The taller one said, "but who cares? me, that's not who!! I know that you were Irken the instant I found your hideous self in that cold place known

as---"

He took a moment to look at a map. "Ah, yes! Wit-zer-laan? Sit-zar-la? Set-zer-nalw? Any ways, I had detected your crashed ship when I was navigating countries on my computer at complete randomness!!!"

The shorter, cuter one stepped up onto the table, starring at me, "Where's her head!? I see no head, no burritos for piggy!!!"

"I lost my head?!?!" I shouted, "What am I talking with?!? Where's my vulnerable brain!??! Ahhh!!! My head, my head! My head's gone missing, but how the fuck can I see, hear, think and talk without a head?!? I'm going crazy!!"

I ran around the lab, knocked over some glass jars and got stuck in a small elevator. The elevator went so fast up though that I got shot out of a poopy-chair and crashed down several tiles of the ceiling. I found myself in what appears to be a living room, where Irkens who live in apartments get to sit, eat and watch TV all day. I always wanted one, it seem the most relaxing and entertaining place in the Universe.

The two figures climb out of the poopy-chair, one is very short Irken. I've seen this guy before, I thought, I have seen this little Irken for years. Stupidly I don't know where, but I have a feeling this being will be an important representation of my life in all sorts of feelings. I didn't realize then how right I was, and there were a lot more things to come.

~ WEEKS LATER, LIVING ROOM ~

I got to know these guys pretty well as time moved itself on, and do realize now that I still have my head, and the stupid (but cute) robot name GIR was just saying his own words of "wisdom". GIR's master was Zim, or 'Invader Zim', or 'Superior Earth ruler Zim' or 'Amazing Zim' or 'Zim-rocks-my-world' or 'Zim= better than anyone else', as he would sometimes offered to be called. As soon as I heard his name, I grabbed out my butcher knife, and was about the stab the little bastard who ruined my life, but with a pinch of the neck, I was unconscious for the next several weeks.

"What....Zim! it's you again!! I swear, I'm gonna make you scream as I, I....."

"Hey, you're awake!!" My enemy said, "I was wondering when that stuff will wear off. Since I, apparently, 'rescued' you from your bomb-eating death, I would like you to be part of my henchmen collection."

I refused to get into his 'evil doing'. "You...you...I know exactly what you did 50 years ago!! You ruined Operation Impending Doom One, and mutated me with your zap rays! Zzzzzap! Zap! Zap!"

"What? Revenge is what you want from the almighty ZIM? Ho, ho! You're so dumb, I mean, your hideous disguise made it so obvious that you were an Irken Invader, come to be trained by me!! The Tallests were wise to make this choice,"

"Invader? I'm no invader! And how dare you insult my looks! You made me into a horrible, mutated freak! You made me have this destructive virus! YOU is the one I'll shall kill with much appreciation! And YOU stole my cheeseburger!!"

"Not an invader?!? Than who are you, and why have you've come upon my planet!??! Mine! Miiine!!!"

The moron starts to hug a globe of the Earth, but I kick it off his gloved arms like a soccer ball.

"Hey!"

"I'm Jil, and I've been banned from all Irken property and the whole Irken population, and my ship was locked to flying onto this ball of trash! And I'm going to kill you, AIIIIIIIEEEEEEYAAAAH!!!!!"

I attack him with the butcher knife, but right before I had the chance to get my vengeance for once and for all, that robot of his took my knife away and chewed on it, drooling insanely.

"He, he.....knife good! I'm gonna get drunk now!!" GIR took out a soda can and drank heavenly out of that.

"ARRGH!!! I can't believe it, me, the Universe's Best Assassin, is stopped from killing--"

"Me, the Universe's Most Loved and Powerful Irken ever!"



"--by this...this...android with lint and rubber balls for brains!!

"Don't forget my lucky coin!! It makes me do the moon walk!!"

Of course I didn't know that the moon walk was a very popular jig in the 80's that was created by this 'Lord Of Pop Music And Children Devouring' Michael Jackson. That guy's face is more deformed now than mine ever will be. Ha, ha!

"Wait...you're an assassin?" Zim got up, interested in this well-known fact.

"I sure am! I even got a degree in slaughtering hobos the legal way! You've been looking for one?"

"During my amazing-yet strangely long mission here on Earth, I've met a series of killers from different planets and fans who are just there to get my autograph....But you seem like a ugly figure who can kill without pay! You're hired!"

"Yay! My first pay-less job! But can you cut the ugliness thing out already? I'm pretty freaking looking, but not so horribly created that you have to brag about it!!"

"But you are ugly!!! Well, at least your disguise is. I got a transmission from the Tallests saying that the disguise has been activated on you permanently!!"

"Permanently? Oh, yeah....that stupid chip that's stuck onto my PAK! I have a disguise? Like a human disguise?" How did I know the race on Earth were humans? I didn't even know what galaxy I was in! Must've had magical powers back then.

"Yeah, sure, here's your mirror! And hurry up 'cause we've got some revenge murder plans to create! Meet me in the lab!"

Zim handed me a life-sized mirror, and flushed himself down the toilet with his companion GIR splashing the toilet water.

"Wait! Which lab? There's too many!"

SPALSH! SPLASH! FLUSH!

"Wheeehooo! I'm going down the cookie shack!"

"Great. They left. I guess it's time to reveal my new outer self...".

I looked through the reflecting glass, and was pretty damn surprised to see how freaky humans look. They've got so many pointless, extra stuff on themselves!! They can go around naked without feeling they should be censored by black blocks!

"God, I'm short."