Chapter 52

Alexis was stunned by Sonny's revelation regarding 'his' daughter. How did he know? Had they fought over their daughter. Was that why she was here? Did he threaten her? She began to panic.

"Don't think you can take my daughter from me. I won't let you, Sonny."

Sonny could not have been more shocked by her reply than if she had actually slapped him. He watched as she became increasingly agitated and fear was written boldly across her face. He reached for her and felt pain as she ripped her hand away from him.

"I would never do that, Alexis. I know what the child means to you, just as you know what she means to me. But, I don't want to talk about her just yet. We have to settle what's between us."

"NO. There is no 'us'. There can never be an 'us'. My daughter has already been threatened once by your wife. She has already been subjected to a myriad of verbal assaults against her mother as well as herself filled with innuendo and language unfit for the most hardened person's ears. And don't forget, I was there and witnessed your cave man tactics when you found out Carly was carrying your child. I don't mean to hurt you, Sonny. But, my daughter is not going to live a life full of screaming irrational idiots who don't know any better, nor is she going to be fought over as if she were a rag doll or tossed around like she has no worth at all. I've been there! I know what it feels like. I know what it does to a person emotionally and I won't allow my daughter to go through it. I will not allow my daughter to be damaged like I was."

By the time Alexis had finished her tirade she was crying uncontrollably and she had wrapped both her arms around her mid-section in an attempt to hold her child as closely as she could to protect her from hearing the angry words and tears of her mother.

Sonny couldn't believe what he was hearing. He knew Alexis would have fears where he was concerned regarding their child, but just how deep they went staggered him. In listening to Alexis, he finally realized the damage Carly must have done to Alexis. Initially it was the treatment Alexis suffered at the hands of Helena that began the emotional problems Alexis suffered from, but now it seemed that Carly had taken over where Helena left off. And his behavior was just as detrimental in ways he could not have imagined. In his fervor to have a child of his own, to be a part of raising a child, he had enlisted Alexis' help to do whatever needed to be done to ensure his place in a child's life regardless of who it hurt. That was why Michael was now his. But Michael was safer with him than with AJ... or was he? Michael loved him... but would he if he knew the extreme measures that were taken to keep him from his real father? Alexis knew and Alexis was now afraid of him... of what he would do when he found out the child was his. He tried desperately to try and alleviate some of his worries. And without thinking, he chose the wrong way to begin his defense.

"Alexis, you don't have to worry about Carly anymore?"

It was too much. Just hearing her name come out of his mouth one more time. Alexis stood and turned on him with a heart full of love, hurt and anger.

"Why, because you say so? Pardon me if I don't believe you. You may actually believe that right now, but 'she' is still out there... somewhere. And right now she's doing what she does best... working up some scheme to get you back. I can't do it anymore, Sonny. I won't put my daughter through what I went through. Constantly waiting for a man... a father... waiting day after day for him to come to his senses... to see what's right in front of him. Cringing every time he let's that... that... shrew make a fool of him. You're better than that. You've always been better than that. It was right there in front of you... all you had to do was reach out and take it. But, you chose the fool's route. And she did it to you once again. Only this time I couldn't stand by you. This time when you went south on me you attacked Zander. You knew I couldn't accept that. You knew what the consequences would be, but you did it anyway. You chose to settle... to be the kind of man women like her prey on. You asked me if I gave up on you? Well, the answer is no, I didn't. You gave up on yourself, Sonny. And I can't let my daughter suffer the way I did if you decide to take that route again. Can't you see what you've done, Sonny? Without realizing it, you've put me in the same position Mike put you in all those years ago. I became the one standing at the window waiting for you to come home."

With that last statement Alexis turned and walked away leaving Sonny staring blindly after her. He didn't have a response for her. How could he? She was right. He watched helplessly as she walked out of his life again. He just sat there. There was no place to go... nowhere to turn. The only woman in the world he could be whole with, could be loved by had just walked away for the second time. Out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of one lone flower that lay on the bench beside him. Picking it up he tried to straighten the delicate petals that had been crushed by a hand so tormented that the fate of the flower went unnoticed. Bringing the flower close he inhaled and time stood still for one moment as the scent of one gardenia mingled with her scent and assaulted him.

"Sonny?"

Jumping slightly at the intrusion, Sonny looked up to find Johnny standing beside him.

"Hey, Johnny."

"Something is definitely up with you. You don't look good. Care to talk about it?"

"Alexis just walked away again."

"And you didn't go after her?"

"Can't. She's right. All I'll do is hurt her again. It's time I left her alone, Johnny. She's been through enough. And I don't want my daughter to suffer the way I did and she won't with Alexis taking care of her."

Johnny grew red with anger.

"So, not only are you giving up on the woman you love, but on the daughter that already has her fingers wrapped around your heart. If I had known what a quitter you'd turn out to be I would never have told you she was here or asked you to help out."

"STOP. This is not about me. She deserves better than me. My daughter deserves more."

"Damn, Sonny. Do you always have to be so dense? Listen to yourself. Even now, knowing that when she walked away she took the one thing you've always wanted with her and you're still thinking about her. Don't you get it? That's all she's ever wanted. She's always wanted to be first with you. And now that she is, you sit here and let her walk away."

"I don't want to hurt her anymore."

Johnny threw his hands up into the air totally put out with Sonny.

"DAMNATION, man. Just what do you think is going on right now? The woman is already hurting. You have the one thing that will stop the hurt and here you sit hoarding it. Go tell her you love her you idiot. And if you don't, those threats I made against your person are fixing to be realized."

"And what about when she remembers Kristina? It's just going to prove to her that she was right all along."

"We'll deal with Kristina when she remembers her. But right now, all she knows is that the man she loves doesn't love her and never has. All she knows is that the man she loves found more reasons to be with that varmint Carly than he did her. Geez, I can even see how offensive that would be and I'm a guy. Are you just going to sit here and let her think that you prefer that trash to her? What's wrong with you, man?"

"Ok. Ok. I get your point, Johnny. Lighten up. Not many people can get away with talking to me like that."

Johnny relaxed. Sonny was listening.

"I ain't scared of you, Sonny. At least not since you hooked up with a certain lady lawyer again."

"I can see right now that my reputation has suffered a blow."

"Actually that happened when that varmint showed back up at her funeral. You lost a lot of respect that day."

"So, she actually did make a fool out of me!"

"Truth?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, she made a bigger fool of you than you could ever realize. The boys began to question your ability to make good decisions a long time ago."

"Why did you hang in as long as you did, Johnny?"

"Because I knew that Alexis had your number from the beginning. But then all this happened and I had to choose between you and her. She didn't have anybody on her side. The choice wasn't a hard one. You changed and I couldn't justify trying to protect a man I couldn't respect. Carly did a boner job on you, Sonny. I just couldn't stick it out anymore. I'm sorry, man. I just couldn't do it."

"Don't apologize, Johnny. I don't fault you for the decisions you made. I owe you. You took on a responsibility that should have been mine. Fact of the matter is if I had done things differently she wouldn't have ended up here anyway. I should have been with her at Kristina's funeral. I should have stayed with her, but every time she turned around she was having to look at Carly on my arm. I've hurt her bad, Johnny. I don't know that she'll ever be able to forgive me for everything I've put her through. And now, she has to face the toughest hurt of all."

"She's going to need you, Sonny. She may not know it right now. She may not want to see you right now, but you've got to make her. You have to make her see that you two belong together."

Sonny sat quietly for a moment, thinking. An idea had presented itself to him but he was so unsure of himself now where Alexis was concerned he couldn't tell if it was a good idea or not.

"Johnny, I got this idea we may need to talk to Kevin about. Have you seen him around this morning?"

"No, I think he's still at the hospital right now making rounds. Let's see it's 11:00 now. I reckon he'll be showing up within the hour."

"Good, I'm going to sit here and wait for him. Would you mind going and checking on Alexis? She was in pretty bad shape when she left. I'll call you when Kevin shows and maybe you can slip out to meet us. I want you in on this, Johnny."

"I'll do what I can. But, if I can't, you can catch me up later. I trust you now more than I have in a long time, Sonny. You'll do ok. See ya, later."

Sonny watched Johnny walk away as he had Alexis a few moments before. They both saw something in him worth sticking with. But, he couldn't see it. Reliving the conversation with Alexis earlier he hung his head. How could he have been so blind? Had his bitterness and anger robbed him of his common sense, of his ability to correctly read people. There was a time when he could just look at someone and know what they were thinking or what they were up to, but he couldn't do it anymore. He should have been able to stop Luis Alkazar before it went too far. But he lost his ability to look at the situation objectively... any situation. He had lost that ability a long time ago. He could see why the boys lost respect for him. Looking back over the past couple of years he finally saw the depth of the damage Carly had done to him and the shame of it all came crashing down on him.

"Sonny? You ok?"

Kevin became very concerned when he saw Sonny look up at him. The man was in pain.

"Ok. Tell me what's going on. Something's happened."

"I've never been blind to the fact that I'm a hard man to get along with on my best days. But, I figured I at least had a good grasp on things... you know, my marriage... my business... my friend... that sort of thing. What world have I been living in? Nothing is what I thought it was. I can't understand how I missed so much that was right in front of me. What happened, Kevin?"

'Finally', Kevin thought. A crack in the armor... a break in the arrogance. Maybe now he would listen.

"Ok, buster. Move over. Give me some room."

Looking at Kevin skeptically, Sonny moved over slowly.

"Kevin this is not the time for one of our talks. I'm not in the mood."

"Actually, Sonny I think this is the perfect time. I think maybe now you'll be more receptive to a few truths that have been knocking on your door for a while that you haven't been exactly ready to hear."

"What do you mean?"

"Ok first, let's get something cleared up. Whatever I say from here on in is not meant to be an attack on you. I'm just going to be pointing some things out for you to think about. That being said, the first thing I want to ask you is do you think about how your words will be received by the one you intend them for?"

Sonny was struck. He didn't get it. What kind of a question was that?

"Uh, Kevin. What difference does it make? If I have a point to make... I make it. End of discussion."

"Ok. Is that the way you view it with everyone or just certain people?"

"I'm not following."

"Just think about it a minute. Let's say you want something... uhm... something in general. Like maybe you wanted something done... how would you address the matter?"

"I'd tell the person I was talking to what I wanted, when I wanted it and how I wanted it done... that would be the end of it."

"And if they didn't comply?"

"There would be repercussions. I'd handle it!"

"And if it were Alexis you were speaking to?"

Sonny stilled. Memories assailed him and he smiled.

"Alexis was different. You didn't tell Alexis anything. You asked, you said 'please', you said 'thank you'... Alexis was different."

"Why was Alexis different?"

"Alexis demanded respect. She earned it. I respected her."

"Why?"

"Because she respected me. Not because of the business... and not because of the code I live by... she couldn't stand the business and she hated the 'code'. She made that real clear on more than one occasion. It was something else. I'm not entirely sure what it was. Kev?"

"Yeah?"

"How did she come out of it all better than I did? I mean she survived all the garbage like I did, but she came out clean. What is it that she has within her that I didn't have?"

"She didn't exactly come out of it clean, but I get what you're asking. One thing was money. Somebody backed her. She also made a conscious decision to overcome the past... to be better... rise above it. With you, when the wave hit, you rode with it. Sonny, it wouldn't be right if I didn't tell you that a lot of what you've been through has been of your own making."

"Why because I wasn't strong enough as a kid to stop it?"

Sonny was becoming angry. He felt like he was being cornered and he always came out fighting if his back was up against a wall.

"Sonny, get hold of your anger. Remember; we're just talking. Just trying to figure things out. I'm only stating what I believe. You don't have to buy into it. If it's off... work it out... calmly. But, you need to understand something here. If something I say causes a violent or intense reaction in you, whether you want to admit it or not, if its close to the truth... your subconscious will react accordingly."

"Explain."

"Ok, let's take your last statement and examine it. Based on one statement I made you immediately made it about weakness, about what happened to you as a kid. You have got to get past that Sonny. It's over and done with. But, you're still living it. I imagine your day begins with it and ends with it. Sonny, we've already discussed this. The bulk of your life has been under the control of your past. You gave the past that control over you. You gave it the power to possess you and you've lived under the detriment of it ever since. You chose your path, Sonny. Just as Alexis, chose hers."

"I did the best I could with the cards I was dealt."

"Yes, you did quite well for yourself, given the start you had."

"It wasn't enough though, was it?"

"What more do you want, Sonny?"

"I would think that's obvious."

"So fight for her."

Sonny stood and began to pace slowly. Convincing Kevin to accept his plan wasn't going to be easy. But, he had to do this. He had to do it for her.

"We've got to give it all back to her, Kevin."

"Give what back?"

"Her memories. We have to give it all back to her... now."

"I don't think that's such a good idea and besides how would you propose doing it?"

"I know how to do it. I know exactly what to do. You have to let me do this for her, Kevin."

"Sonny, she's only been back with us a few days. I don't think she's had long enough to recover from what she's already remembered."

"I know her, Kevin. I know what she can handle. She's a strong woman. You know that. She has more strength in her than you and I both do combined. And it's time to give her life back to her. I want to give it back to her. I took it away from her and now I have to give it back."

"And what if you're wrong. What if she can't handle it? Are you prepared for the probable consequence of forcing her to remember?"

"It will only be with her complete consent. If she doesn't want to do it, then we won't. But, it's got to be her choice now. Kevin, I have to give this to her."

"And what happens if she walks away from you again?"

"Then she walks. But, I will know that for once in my life, I gave my best. I gave her all I had."

"Can you live with that? Can you live with the mother of your child walking away and taking the child with her?"

No response came to his question. He watched Sonny kick at a pebble then turn and slowly walk away.