There will be no random randomity for today. Just "Don't you hate it when..."'s! Don't you hate it when...your monitor won't work? Don't you hate it when...you've been murdered? Don't you hate it when...Square Enix owns FFTA and not me? Don't you hate it when...Urby won't hurry up and get on with the story?

WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING! In chapter 6, Kilov says, "Marche killed my father!" Whoops. 'Supposed to be, "Marche killed my grandfather!" Whoops.

Kilov shifted around. Blahh. He couldn't sleep. Bensom opened the door quietly.

"Come in," Kilov groaned.

Bensom sat next to him. "Are you alright?"

Kilov coughed and turned to a cooler part of the bed. "I can't sleep, kupo."

Bensom touched his forehead. "Sleep, Kilov. I command you."

But Kilov heard nothing. He was already deep in slumber. Bensom smiled, covered Kilov in some light blankets, and left the room.

"He 'sleep yet?" Kelly asked Bensom.

"Yes, we can relax a bit," she sighed, fiddling with a string on her habit.

"I'm still worried those assassins will find us," Conner growled. "We can only stay the bare minimum and leave at once." He stared at a claw, as if glaring at it would solve all their problems.

"Chill, friend," another bangaa hissed. "relaxz. Here-try one of my buisciutz."

Everyone agreed they were tasty.

"The name'z Graham," the bangaa said. "Like my buiscuit? Been studying at the zchool of Cookin' here in Cadoan fer a while."

Lester licked the crumbs off his fingers. "It tastes more like a cracker than anything. I like it, Graham."

"Graham cracker-hmm, that sounds kinda...catchy." Kelly said through a mouthful.

The nameless clan had stopped in Cadoan, the nearest city, to get Kilov some medical help. A kind Alchemist had brewed some potions for his wounds, and promised them he'd be okay. Everyone was resting up, taking advantage of this break.

A short nu mou ran around tables, asking, "Do you know anything about birthing babies? Oh dear..." Lester stood up and followed the worried one.

"Wow. Do you think that, like, Lester's a midwife or midhusband or summat?" Kelly said.

"We'll zee. Maybe he'z gonna azk that nu mou where the bathroom iz," Graham suggested.

Bensom twidded with her earring. "Blah. The more I think about it, the less I know about him."

"Like the fact he never takes his hat off?" Conner stated. "was I the only person that noticed that? He always has it on, rain or shine, and he puts a nightcap on when he sleeps. Just saying."

Time passed.

And more time passed.

SUSPENCE!

Finally, Lester returned. He flooped in a chair, mumbling something. Bensom held his hand. It was cold, as if he'd just washed it. Lester noticed everyone was looking at him.

"What?" he demanded. "stop looking at me like that!" Everyone magically found summat else to do.

The day trudged on. Kelly found herself helping Graham make some new cookies, Conner reading his book, Bensom busied herself with a mission about a boy who wanted to get his Couerl, 'Meow' out of a tree, Kilov snored, and Lester napped on the roof.

"Mister?"

Lester turned to face the speaker. It was a young bangaa. Young bangaas had short tounges and did not hiss.

"Yes, what is it?"

"A lady told me to tell you she's very thankyful about what you did." He sucked his thumb.

"How did this lady look like?" Lester inquired, looking up at the sky.

"The one with the baby. She's cute, so small and pink and...I dunno." the bangaa child sat with Lester.

Lester patted the bangaa on the head. "Well, tell the lady I knew what to do and did it. No big deal."

The child smiled, licking a loose tooth. "Okay, mister."

After the child left, Lester flopped on the roof. "Blehg. I never knew I'd have to use those skills ever again. I thought I could just forget and just be an archer with no skills whatsoever in birthing babies and whatnot. I feel so completely...arg." he thought.

"Try him!"

Kilov jumped. He looked behind him. A mob of moogles were chasing him, complete with torches, pichforks, the angry mob getup. He ran. Something told him to.

"Try him! Try him!"

He looked behind him. The mob was getting bigger, faster, still with moogles. He ran smackdab into a rock. He watched as it surrounded him and the mob. There was no escape.

"Kill him!"

"Try him!"

"He killed (screams of other moogles)!"

Kilov shivered. "But...but...I didn't do anything!"

"Oh yeah?" one moogle shouted sheepishly. "Look at your hands, you murderer!"

Kilov felt something cold, and yet wierdly warm at the same time. He looked down. They were not his. And covered in a thick, red...

"Oh...god..." thought he.

"Try him!!!"

He looked at the moogles. Then he realized...they...were...himself.

"Kill him!"

"We should try him first. That way, we won't be charged for murder, 'twill be for justice!"

Kilov walked to the mob of himself's. They growled and backed up a bit, but didn't seem scared. More like disgusted. He stopped and sat on his knees, closing his eyes.

He felt a stab, through his stomach. His eyes fluttered open, and the face of the Fighter gleamed evily. "I see you like your memories," he laughed. "Sweet dreams, whahaha!" the Fighter was smacking him in the face with his blade, but it felt...soft? and smelled like fresh laundry?

Kilov woke up, and saw Bensom drying his face with a towel.

"You were sleepwalking...plunged your hands in a tub of beet juice. Had to splash water on you so you'd wake. I'm sorry."

Kilov shivered. "No, no. Thankyouthankeeyouthankyou, kupopopopo." He hugged her. "Did I ever tell you I love you, Bensom?"

Bensom blinked and nodded unsurely. "Um...yes, we were at the prison, I was thrown in, you came, hugged me, said 'I love you' I think."

"Well, in case I ever die, I love you. I love Lester and Kelly and Conner and Sybil and Mila and those two mysterious bangaas that helped us, kupo, we didn't ask about the names...and Theodore and Chuchu and Zeal and..."

"Stop, Kilov," said Bensom, putting a finger on his lips. "take a breath or you'll pass out. Don't be silly, Kilov, you won't die. Like Monty Python! 'It's just a flesh wound.'"

Kelly looked in the tub of beet juice and shook her head. "Graham, we're gonna have moogle hairs in the soup if we use this boul. Shall I make a new one?"

"Go ahead," responded the bangaa from another part of the kitchen. "and while yer at eet, could you get zome tizzues? Theze onionz are killing me."

Conner looked up to see Lester reading over his shoulder.

"Stop that," he growled. "it's annoying." he shifted. Lester changed his position. Conner closed the book and looked at him. "If you like it so much, I'd let you have it when I'm done. But I'm not, so leave me alone."

"I'm just wondering, what did you do before you came here?"

Conner snorted. "That's none of your flippin' business."

Lester flopped on his back, sighing. Conner got up and left to a quieter place.

The next day dawned lazily. Bensom found a Blue Mage was chugging mug after mug of a strong kind of ale.

"Stop that," she almost screamed, shaking the mage. "you'll die of alochol overdose!"

The Blue Mage hiccuped and went limp in her arms. "I want to shee him again...deer Loo~ki..."

Bensom patted the mage on the shoulder. "It's okay, Loki will come back." she said quietly.

"He'sh dead," the mage said flatly. "Loki ish dead, won't come back, come back..." she started crying. "Rain won't grow up with a father...Loki dead, dead..."

Bensom cast a few recovery spells to clear up the mage's head. "Okay, I want you to tell me about Loki and Rain and whatnot. I have time."

The Blue Mage coughed and started. "Name's Liam. Short fer Linda Issabella Andrea Milinda. Loki, Katarina, Elmon, Morry, and I made up this clan. Turned out Morry became tired of Loki telling 'im whadda do, as he was leader, see. He went mad, and killed Kat and Elmon. Went fer us, too. We ran, ran fast. Away." she shivered, funbling with her Blue Mage scarf. "stumbled into a Jagd...Morry there. Had buddies wid him. Say, 'I cum get'chee.' We fight. I die. Loki, he use Pheonix down on me. Say he wants me to live, raise his child. Morry stab him to death. I cast Night, they all 'sleep. I stab them in the heart, alla them." Liam hugged Bensom, sniffling. Bensom held her reassuringly. "It's alright, I'm sorry..."

"I was so scared..." Liam managed to sob. "Loki, he dead, on the ground..." she looked helplessly at Bensom, then wiped her tears away. "I stay by his side, fer days. Caravan cum, they ask why I'm there. I tell them what happened. They laugh. Say, 'Well, stop sitting next to a pile'a bones and git on'. I look at him, he all bone. Nice black mage, he understand. Say, 'Bring that with you, if you like,' so's I do. He make Loki into powder. See." She held up a jar of ash that was tied around her neck by a peice of rope. "They drop me off here. I had Rain. Kind arrow-boy helped me bring her inta the world." she got up slowly, saying, "I hafta git back to Rain..."

Bensom twiddled her thumbs, thinking. Arrow-boy, that sounds like an archer. Lester? No. Wait...hmmm...maybe...she looked at the candle on the table. It looked more like a fountain of wax, and a new stream of the hot stuff dripped over and landed with a 'ploik' on the table. She wiped it with her finger absently.

A scream rung out. "RAIN? RAIN!!!" Bensom shot out of her seat, following the sound to Liam's room. She lay on her bed, holding a peice of paper, sobbing uncontrolably.

"Rain...dressed up fer the naming ceremony...custom fer our tribe. Dress them in really fancy clothes..." she squeaked.

Kelly was already there, aparantly she knew Liam. She took the paper from her hands. "Oh...those stupid biznatches," she growled. She shoved it into Bensom's face. "It's those jerks, from the feast, again. It asks for a ransom. 'Come to the Nargai cave, at sunset, with 1,000,000 gil. Come alone.' Oh, those...grr!" she looked so mad she could chew up iron and sit out nails.

"Get the others," Bensom told Kelly. "Liam, get up. We'll help you get Rain back, don't worry."

Liam rolled off the bed. "Okay, I'm coming. They'll regret messing with Linda Issabella Andrea Milinda!"

*********

"We bad," the floateye screeched. "We really bad!"

"Heh, wid this dough we cin bust out Wilder AND get us some decent stuff. They rich, they cin give us poor people some money, eh? Eh, what'ssamatter, Istavan?" the Gageteer questioned.

"I have a feeling about this, Nikolai," said the Sage. "A really bad one." Rain gurgled and reached for his nose. "Awww, do we really have to give her away? She's kinda cute!"

The lamia slapped him on the head. "Fool! We need to bail Wilder out. That stupid man-child is no use to us!"

Istavan looked sadly at Rain, who was giggling. "I hope we can steal you again," he said sadly. "you're starting to become really cute and stuff." he passed it to the Gageteer. "Take her, before I run away with her!"

"Aaaaw, you ninny," Nikolai growled. "Fine, I'll tote the kid. You go aroun', whinin' yer ass off about this stupid kid."

They reached Nargai, arguing and shouting.

"Okay Liam, just go to them, and give them the box, okay?" Kelly said. Liam shivered, and nodded. "Awful drafty in 'ere," she commented.

Kilov looked about. "Something's familliar, kupo. Like, really familliar. Uncannily familliar."

"We get the picture," Lester sighed, exasperated. "Shut up already."

Nikolai shouted, "'Ey, anyone there? We got a kid, I'm'a gettin' hungry and we're not afreared of eating it!" Liam squeaked and walked to him.

"Grab her!" Nikolai roared. The feast-ruining clan surrouned Liam and dogpiled her. Lester yelled and shot an arrow into the floateye's wing. A judge materialized, shouting boredly, "No Hunt. No Kantanas. No Knightswords." Kelly darted, hitting the lamia with her rapier. Conner hit the Gageteer with a big book, which connected with a sickening thunk. Bensom peeled Liam away from the melee. Kilov cast Slow on some of the opposistion. The Gageteer cast Dark Ingot, and whadayaknow? the nameless clan got doomed.

Conner growled and kicked the Gageteer soundly on the head. "Great. Just great..."

The feast-ruiners managed to live before Lester and Kilov fell, and they knocked the rest out.

"Hey, there's papers in here! Where's the money?" the lamia screamed.

"And how come the judge is still here?" the floateye said, pulling out Lester's arrow with some difficulty.

"WHO DISTURBS MY SLUMBERRRRRR?" a voice boomed, echoing eerily. Out of the shadows, a Sniper/Summoner stepped out, clad in a nightgown, hair completly uncombed, with a face that clearly not a morning, er, nighttimme person. "STOP FLECKIN' SHOUTING AND FIGHTING IN HERE! CAN'T A VIERA GET SOME SHUT-EYE IN HERE? YOU PEOPLE ARE SO DISRESPECTFUL THESE DAYS!" she got out her greatbow and shot an arrow upward, where it met the ceiling in a clink of flint against stone.

"Heh, she's so tired she can't fire an arrow right," Istavan laughed.

STOMP.

STOMP.

STOMP.

"CHUUUU...CHUUUU...CHUUUUCHOOOO!"

A giant rockbeast tore through the cave wall, glaring at the feast-ruiner clan. "CHACKKACHO, CHUUU! GRRR!!!" it beared its teeth, chomping in an odd, musical manner. Sounds of monster roars echoed across the cave. A mob of panthers, goblins, dragons, blade-biters, and fairies ran/floated/flew/trampled onto the scene, surrounding the unfortunate feast-ruiner clan.

"YOU APOLOGISE RIGHT NOW TO ALL THE MONSTERS!" the viera demanded. "AND SHOW THE NAMELESS CLAN WHERE RAIN IS!" she glared at them. "Because I can tell them to attack."

They stammered out aplogies and helped get the nameless clan on their feet. "She's in there," squeaked Nikolai, pointing to a rock.

"Are you serious?" Conner growled.

"Ummm...there...used to be a cave there...rock covering it...please, dun kill meh..." he stammered.

A kind rockbeast pushed the rock away. Liam dashed into the cave. Her cry of disbelief echoed across Nargai. Conner snatched Nikolai. "If she's not there, we'll see the color of your insides!"

"She's here all right," Liam sobbed, stepping out of the cave. "but...she's not breathing."

Bensom grabbed Rain. She did all she could, but the baby remained limp. "I'm so sorry, Liam. She's dead. I can't revive her, she wasn't in the engagement..." said she.

"Chuchu chakka cho cheu," Chuchu rumbled.

"He says when he tore though the wall, he must of made the rock fall in front of the cave, sealing off the air and stuff," Zeal suggested.

"YOU MURDERER!" Liam screamed, smacking Chuchu's foot with her saber. "YOU...KILLED...MY...RAIN! I WANT 'ER BACK!" she collapsed. "she's all I have left," she sobbed.

Chuchu made some chu'ing noises. "He says you shouldn't hit him with your saber, you'll only break it," Zeal said sadly. "It's a very nice saber," she added.

Istavan picked up Rain. "Hey...umm...lady...that thing around your neck...it's a cremated body or something?"

Liam glared at him. "Mebbe it is, or mebbe not. What do you want?"

Istavan pulled out a small ashen mace. "This here is my late brother. Died in a fight at a pub. I made him into a mace. He's never failed me." he turned to Liam. "I can make her into something...is that okay?"

Liam looked at Rain, at her jar of ash that was Loki, and nodded. She tried to say something, but she choked and cried.

The lamia slithered around, unsure of herself. The floateye shifted nervously. They were surrounded by other monsters-their kin. They were kind of tired of picking on others and all that stuff after all.

Lester gave Istavan a small bottle. "Put her in here," he said. He ran away after he took it. Kelly dashed off after him, shouting, "Wait! Were do you think you're going?"

Zeal prodded Nikolai sharply in the ribs. "I want you to promise me you'll never do anything like this again, 'kay?"

"Wilder's our leader," Nikolai squeaked. "I...won't do nutin' like this ever 'gain, I promise!"

"Good," growled Zeal. "Very good. As soon as Istavan's done, I want you to run, away, from this place. If by morning I find you, I will command these monsters to chop your head off and feed it to your face. Izzat clear?" the Gageteer whimpered and nodded furiously.

Istanvan presented Liam with the bottle, filled with ash. "Here, this is yours." he dashed off with Nikolai, to run away from the cave with the insane viera.

"As for you," said Zeal, turning to the nameless clan, "I suggest you return to your pad. I have to talk to these monsters here." she turned her eye on the lamia and floateye.

And leave they did.

Urby:The end of another chapter. Wheehee. .-.

POTC Crazy Sister:Finally. *cough cough*

Urby:I will admit it was long. You'll see how this all fits together more or less, people. 'Till next time.

POTC Crazy Sister:You know the drill-read, review, and make Urby a happy camper.

Urby:I've heard that before, somewhere...oh well. Do what she says!