So I went up to some guard, froze him up in the chef's deck, and me and Scarlet ran all around the Massive, trying to find the main control room, but it was practically impossible. It was like finding a skyscraper in North Dakota, because there are no skyscrapers in North Dakota!! But being our stupid selves, the whole map of the Massive was clearly posted on every single wall and door in the whole ship, so it took us about 5 hours 'til we finally got there.

Scarlet, on her spider legs, jumped back to my PAK, and my disguise was so clever that you couldn't definitely tell which one was me I sat on the very front of the circular controls, where I got the best view of the outside Universe, right through the windshield.

"Hey, Quenzyne, where've ya been? You been out for like, 10 HOURS TODAY!!!" The Re-eyed one complained.

"Yeah! You have the easiest job of all, by turning the steering wheel left and right continuously, and yet you decided to take a break!!", Wow, talk about luck, good news from the purple one! "That's not gonna happen anymore, lazy Irken!"

"You wanna be our new service drone?"

I didn't know what to say, nor an exceptionally good excuse to make. I mean, every single time I see this kind of situation on TV or something, the main character tells a lie and says that he/she is the missing one. But they usually get sued for saying that, so I went what was in my gut.

"Uh...Quenzyne's dead! Yeah, I saw someone freeze her and I was officially claimed her replacement. Hi! I'm....Gaz! Yeah, and I've come to serve my duties to make you happy, my tallests!"

I cursed myself for saying that. I still do from this day.

Red formed a questioned look, "Gaz? That name sounds so foreign!"

"So weird and freaky, too many Z's and Q's and X's and Y's and J's!" I shook for a second, but never fear, I said in my mind, for my mind is here to save me! "It's um....Swiss! Yeah...the name's from a really, really far planet, not on any map in existence."

"Oh... keep working!!! I want to see effort people, effort!"

"And nachos people, NACHOS!!"

For the next several days I was extremely bored of my duties, which I found out was called 'Ship Stirrer', and half the time I would daydream about what would be hiding up behind the meteors for me to discover, and to dance under the stars with Dib, while a magical tune from a holophoner plays. During the other half was keeping my secret, not revealing my true identity and when I'm REALLY bored, listening to the almost-interesting conversations the tallests had with invaders, sergeants, Meekrob, gay officers at Irk, pizza places, pirates, Mafia, the Armada and even random fans of the tallests who just had happened to find the Massive's transmission code number.

Tallest (*ack*) Red waved his two claws carelessly in command, "Ok, that's enough from you, so... bye bye!"

And Purple added something, to make this Irken's life worser. "You've failed your mission! Mmm hmm!"

"NOO!!! Wait! I can do better!" This apparently was Invader Tenn, a female whom I've met before when we were little Irks in the big city, still as weak and desperate as before. "I have a plan, and months later, you shall be so proud of me that it will go down in history discs. HISTORY DISCS!!!"

And she fainted. Tee hee.

"She may be the most high-honored Irken in the Invader Academy," Said Red, "But I still think she'll get captured by those Meekrob!"

"Yep! I can bet my monies on that!" That was an oddly interesting conversation they had today, but I had this feeling that both Invader Tenn and the Tallests will have their wishes come true. But that's later, so we'll stay here now!!

"You know what?" Purple asked.

"WHAT?!?" No one, not even Purple, can disturb Red when he eats food from his 'Treasure Chest'.

"Zim hasn't called us in a while! No wonder I hadn't have to fetch my aspirins server in weeks!"

"It truly is wonderful, isn't it?" Being half annoyed of having to talk before eating again, such pigs they are!

"Maybe that Jil kid went mad from just living with him, and killed him--"

"And went so insane that she killed herself too, HA HA!"

I opened my eyes wide as they could get, and growled nosily at their insults about me.

But in moments my eyes were distracted upon something else, an alarm signal on one of the computer screens on my control desk, showing a picture of the Massive, and another small ship coming towards us about 15,000 miles away from us. To me I would've of ignored it, it wasn't a big deal, and maybe it was the pizza delivery. But the computer was blaring like crazy, and was SURE that it signaled a form of attack on us.

"Uhh... MY TALLEST!" I shouted, I almost sounded like Master Zim when I said that. "An enemy ship is coming towards us with attack plans, and I think we should--"

"An attack? HA! We can just blast them off with one mini-cannon! No one stands a chance against us!" Purple mocked. That color irks me so.

One of the Irken Officers got the tallests' attention though, simply by tugging them on their robes. "Sirs, a transmission from Earth!"

"HELLOOOOOO, MY TALLESTS!!!! My Tallests! My tallests! My tallests! My tallests! My tallests---" Now who could that be?

"NO!!!!" Their screams echoed and echoed. It was quite an awesome voice effect.

"Zim.......?!?!"

~3 HOURS LATER ~

"Hey, my tallests!! Look at me!! My tallests! My tallests! My tallests!"

Zim shut up, what a miracle. Red twitched and barked at my past Master, "I was curious to see when you'd shut up on your own, but it's been 3 hours Zim. THREE HOURS!! So...what is it?!"

"I just noticed that you're traveling closer to the Earth than EVER before!!" Zim replied awely (is that a word?).

D'oh! The Massive went the other way!! Now I knew I was never gonna get to Vort and see Lard Nar again, unless something disastrous happens, and he did mention that he and his crew were in search for this very ship!! Zim looks funny when he's on the transmission screen, hee hee hee!! GIR just waved at me, and don't ask how he knew it was me under that hideous of mine, but I waved back to him. Zim didn't even care.

Purple twitched a bit too, but with a bit of fear within him. "How do you know that?"

"Oh, I know all kinds of things about you. Pretty creepy, huh? Anyhow, I was--" He really did. He had a file 3 times thicker on each of the tallests than he had of Dib. "Hey! That is creepy," Purple realized, what a dope. "You're creepy, Zim!"

"Hehe...yes, I sure am," Now he's the smart one! "Anyhow, since you're so near by, you could see initiate my newest, most diabolical plan to destroy the humans! I made sandwiches!!" God, that whole set of sandwiches on the plate he was holding looked the most delicious and most exquisite set. He'd always make the best snacks, even occasionally when you find a whole family of Madacasgar hissing crock crouches inside. Plus some goat poop. And dead jellyfishes. And nuclear waste. And toe mails. And a whole civilization of the most advanced species in the Universe nano-sized. Did I mention the spider crabs? God, those things attack on you, and feel like total-

"Uh, look Zim eh, maybe we'll stop by on our way back from....whenever we're going."

"But..."

"Sorry, Zim! Uh, we're being...attacked! By an enemy vessel!" He shoved Purple over to the side, as he does everyday at 12:10 in the afternoon. "Gotta go! Gotta go!"

They cut off the transmission, laughed and went off to stuff their incredibly tiny stomachs with snack foods. I growled at them, and made a threatening fist they didn't glance at. "Jeez, Scarlet," I whispered rather harshly to my buddy, "How long do I have to work for these foolish dictators!? And I would've looked forward to see Zim's plan go into action."

"Don't worry about it, everything's gonna work out fine! Trust me, while you were on duty here, I ran with two End of Time Servers who told me some crazy attack will go on today! Just like you found out on the main computer screen there!"

It was still blinking like crazy, but it gave up and screaming and honking part of it. I heard the tallests come back, each with a nag of doughnuts they kept shoving in their mouths. How revolting, even for a slaughtering rat person!!

"But that doesn't mean anything!! Besides, I bet Lard Nar and his troops got lost in some knid of wormhole or something!! He didn't look the type to lead an actual INTELLIGENT crew. And I bet Dib's gonna come over to Zim's house or something, and ruin his plan for all of us, even on this very ship!!"

"Awww....But I thought you were gonna marry him!!" The female machinery made smoochy faces at me, I wave my fist at her. "Isn't he your TRUE love? Or has Lard Nar taken over the spot 'cause he's hot?!"

"Ugh...I still do, but when I realized how HUMAN he was, I just wanted to move on, but then I met Lard Nar and I started to like him better than Dib even though I did not want that to happen, but Lard Nar is a lot more smart and caring for me than I bet Dib ever was, and, and....."

"AAAAND????"

"I DON'T KNOW!!!!!! It's a hard choice to make!! And am I gonna be an Irken again when I fly out of that Vortian Tech Company? Maybe, because it's the only being where I'm not in love struggle, and plus who shall I claim as the one I love more?? What's the better of myself to be!? Human? Irken? Vortian? Moose? Banana?" I sniffed twice, quite sadly. "I miss that banana!"

"Uhh, Jil---"

"I'm just so confused!! What the fate is for me today, I'll force myself to stay that way! Or, one thing I kept thinking about lately that I really, really, really, really, wanted to be is..."

"JIL!!! Turn around!!!" She pointed her metal tip at where all the other Irken pilots stood under the tallests' feet as they're were eating their doughnuts. They kept starring at me as if they were saying, "Get down here already, you ASS!!" Embarrassed, I went down where the others were, and notice to see Purple had stopped eating. But it was a mere glance though, since I was still having a whispering argument with Scarlet.

"These guys eat like they own the Universe!! Whatever happens to me, I'm gonna make sure those jerks would feel sorry to blow up planets and destroy TRILLIONS of lives in this very empty void of space!! Even Irkens kill themselves along with the less advanced species, just to please these ALMIGHTY tall freaks of nature! I can't believe I threatened them to give me a new body or I'll become the new Almighty Tallest. Jeez, I would kill myself next time I was about to become something so pungent and evil!"

"But Jil, they DO own the Universe!!!! And why did you randomly change the subject, anyway?"

"Hey, I can do what I want, and argue to you about whatever I please!"

"See, you're acting just like them now! Quit the bullshit and move on, girl!"

"I was only imitating them to show these asses how the Almight Tallests REALLY are!! And since when do computer start saying swears?"

"Oh, pleeease!! Stop being so stubborn and confused about your love life and obey their orders! You're about them being the ultimate jerks, but we have to obedient, or we'll be kicked out!!"

"FINE!! I will!!! And when will my lard nar come to me, anyway?!?!"

Scarlet pitied my limited intelligence and made this face-- -_-; I really don't like that face. "He's right up there, bucko!"

Everyone went back to their seats, on duty now, so I flew right on to mine, and looked up upon the screen to see something expectedly surprising.

"Whoa, whoa---WHAT!?!? It's him! It's Lard Nar and he came to rescue me from this hell ship and then we'll get married have five kids sell three of them to a zoo and then eat and vomit out the other two and laugh for joy and dance in the rain and have pneumonia and die and laugh some more cause we reincarnated to our same selves and kill the Irkens and eat a bunch of sandwiches and free the Universe from monarchy power and get a nobel peace prize and kick some random ghost butt and eat even more sandwiches and play parchessi oh this is gonna be AWESOME!!!!!!!!" I babble on and on a lot, do I? Blame Cupid for that.

"See, I told you it was stupid! Why do I keep listening to you?!" Lard Nar raged on the transmission screen, which I finally got a chance to listen to.

"I don't know." One of the other members replied, very tall, many arms.

Red of course had to stop the conversation. "Destroy them!!" The Irken officers and pilots started to act up the cannons and lasers, aimed the target, and my Lard Nar, and his 'Resisty' gang screamed for their lives and begged for mercy.

"Oh my $%^ Jesus!!" I slapped both of my hands against my face, gaping my jaw. "They're gonna blast them off to space!! Nooo!!! I want Lard Nar to win this battle, and carry me back to his ship!! And then eat a couple of Victory Sandwiches!"

"Gaz!! Fire the target already!!! It's YOUR moooooove!!!" A random pilot said, curse that bitch.

"Oh shit, he' right." Why can't I be right for once? I had in my two gloved hands/claws the lever that if I pulled them down, I would say a dear, sad goodbye to Lard Nar and the Resisty, and I haven't even got to know them yet because of my rambling talking! Plus the tallests stood behind to see me shoot the target, and have them filled with EVIL joy."

"What should I do, Scarlet?! I don't want to shoot, everyone's pointing laser guns at me!!"They really were. And those laser guns were bright pink, hee hee! "Uhh... I can't calculate that decision out for ya! Make a choice, get risked being zapped and kicked out of this ship by Irkens, or shoot the Resisty!!

"But once we're out of here, and the Irkens shoot Lard Nar and his army for us, we'll be lost in space FOREVER!!! We'll never meet up with anybody, or anything in this Universe except God himself ever again!!"

"What??? God!?! WE'RE DOOMED!!! Either way, everybody I know will be in grave danger, and it's all because of this stupid Empire...." My computer blazed out green lights, and without thinking whatsoever, I turned the steering wheel to the left really hard, and the Massive flipped over!!

Red & Purple suddenly jumped out of their couch and hit themselves right on the ceiling, screaming. "WHOOA!!!!" Pilots ran all around, flipping over and hanging upside down on to levers.

"WHAT THE FREAKN' HELL???" I shouted, and flipped over, too.

"The computers," Scarlett began, bumping herself over to me. "They've deactivated and been taken over by a new commander!!! NOW WE'RE REALLY DOOMED!!!!"

Everyone screamed. Hee hee, how hilarious and insane.

"Why have we've lost control?!" Purple asked one of the officers, grabbing them by his collar for dear life.

"My tallests!! Our weapons are off line, we're defenseless!!" Another officer said, causing the tallests to scream even more, and the Massive itself acted like a sober robot driving a ship way too low in the sky, while Scarlett did some major computer conversation, and found out something of MY interest.

"You hear that?!" Lard Nar jumped from his seat, the transmission was still on! "Their weapons are down!! After them!! Get those snacks!!!"

I gasped. Woo. "They've come to get the snacks!! And they're chasing us down as if we were the foxes being eaten by the hounds!!"

I sighed with deep compassion, wooing over the little Vortian. "This is such a grand---" It was then that my head just had to hit the wall. Hard "OW!!! FUCK DAMN SHIT NARRG!!!!"

Scarlett patted my head to make the pain better explaining all the boring research stuff she'd just done. "The master computer system here told me their new master in which they're controlling the ship, it's---"

"Johnny Depp??"

"No, you idiot in love, it's Zim! He's bringing over the tallests to earth, and the Massive is going down there with them!!"

THUMP!! CRASH!! BANG! BANG!!

I screamed, wooed and rotated around a bit, screeching and bumping into things. "What was that about? Is Zim a really horrible pilot or something?"

Scarlett shook her two-dimensional computer-generated face side to side. "Guess whose also sharing the pilot controls of the Massive?"

"Oh! I know!! Is it.... Johnny---Depp? Heh, heh?"

"Ugh...It's your old boyfriend, Dib Membrane!!!"

"Hey! His last name ain't Membrane, he told me so HIMSELF!! Wait, how's Dib sharing the controls with Zim? He doesn't have any Irken technology, other than---"

Before I got to find out, the Massive and the Resisty ship chased each other right through the Earth's sun, the transmission screen went off, leaving us with only black and white fizz. We are about 500 miles from the Earth's atmosphere now, going through painful asteroids belts and burning hot comets. Some of the crew has been dead a while already, other preparing themselves to sacrifice their lives to save the injured leaders, or just committing suicide while it's still available. We're doomed, oh yeah.