~ EARTH, MASTER ZIM'S LAIR~
"Is that Irken equipment you're using? That's Tak's ship you're sitting in, isn't it?"
"Yes it is, Zim, it fell from the--"
"Isn't it!?!"
~ While Zim & Dib are doing their li' insanity nonsense, we go back up to you guessed it: ~
"NOOO!!!!" I yelled, as Lard Nar cut the transmission from my grasp. "We're not gonna survive
this madness, we might as well escape now! You open up the tiny sky view window up here, and
I'll carry you as we hitch on to the Resisty ship. Then can all live happily ever after, and I get
myself what I always wanted, A NEW, GODDAMN NORMAL BODY!!!!!!"
Scarlett nodded in agreement, but was only focusing on the dork duet. "Man, those two are
ignoramuses!! They haven't even figured out whose on command here, and when I tried to tell
them five minutes ago, do they listen?! NOOO!!! They're to busy just shrieking as we're flying
through a ball of hot gases to hear what I have to say, that'll really help SAVE THEIR
COMFORTABLE ASSES OF DOOM!"
I wide-eyed her, and dragged her up to the roof of the Massive, and soon we were far from the
scent of bakery treats.
THUMP! CRASH!! BANG, BANG! CHICKA-CHICKA BANG BANG!! SWOOO!!!!
From there the day was a complete disaster. Scarlet and I went out of the Massive through a vent,
and flew off into space. I tried to get inside the Resisty ship, but Lard Nar seemed to be engaged
with the chasing scenes and lasers, so I clenched onto one of the ends of the ship, with Scarlett
tucked in to my PAK. Of course, the evil tallests sent their power core over to the Resisty ship,
which crashed, banged, boomed and swooed just like the Massive.
"AHHHH!!!! I can't hold on!!! I'm---getting-dizzy!"
"The escape pods," Scarlett pointed, sticking only one metal claw out of my PAK. "The Resisty
is flying out of here throughout the escape pods!!" There I saw, Captain Lard Nar, shaking his
fist at the Irkens who sneered and chortled back at them, and got into the most fancy escape ship,
and being me, I ripped off my ghastly Irken Pilot costume off, and hanged on to a bar under the
ship with my very own metal hand.
"We'll be back!!" The handsome Captian vowed to his non-listening audience, "I'll lead my men
out to bring the fall to your monarchy Empire before you can say 'pie'! Then we shall see who'll
be laughing and cheering victoriously!! Freedom to all and all who don't dictate us with our
right to die miserably, with our culture destroyed and out families enslaved by you Irkens!!!"
Those very words sounded like an angel's chorus to me, and also being me, I listened to every
word he had mentioned to his men.
"Congrats to you all, but we need to do much better than that!!! This is war, I'll be declaring
soon, and I'll need more allies and more soldiers to fight in the Resisty against the most powerful
armada in the entire history of this mass of space itself!! My only command for now on this
transmission is to land on Planet Meekrob, they'll definitely probably help us out, being Irk's
worst enemy and all!!"
"And YOU being part of the species that is their best and most trusted ally, and all! HA HA!!"
Laughed one of Resisty members......
......I outta kick that guy's ass!!
"Shut up!!" Lard Nar whined, not wanting to recall that memory again of being part of Irk's
greatest ally.
"Shloontapooxis, I need to talk to you for a second."
A floating cone with a face appeared in front of the tiny screen, saying in his surfer accent, "OH!
Is it about the doughnuts the Irkens have? 'Cause I can steal them off for ya and all the others!"
"......NO! This isn't as important as the delightful treat of their snack treats!" He grudged. I like it
when he grudges, it's funny! "Look, I won't be meeting up with you at Meekrob, I have important
business to do at Planet Vort, I have found a way to free my people.
"Really? Can ya bring me back some caffeee on da way?!"
"Yes, really and no! This is personal, so don't ask about it when I arrive at Meekrob, okay? I'll be
gone about a month or two, so you're in command. I trust that you won't cause the whole planet
to implode like last time I put in the Captain's chair like last time, will you?"
"COOL!! I'm da captian of partay, WOO!!! Someone bring out the nachos and confetti!!"
"Oh dear god....." He groaned, making another of his funky sounds, and turned off the tiny screen
to gaze at the pretty comets, not stars! Stars are stupid and dispensable.
"Yes!" I screeched, trying to smile, "We're going straight down to the place that'll make all my
dreams come true!"
Scarlett jumped out of my PAK, holding two claws onto my back. "Disney World!? You outta be
kidding me...."
"No, Planet Vort!! Lard Nar just told his first mate he'll be staying there for a month or two!!
This will be my opportunity to release out my plan....."
"Plan? What plan do you mean, to be exact?" I whispered to her some random stuff, giggling like
a school girl, though I no longer would want to be one anyway.
~ Planet Vort: Brain Transplant Operation Room, a week later ~
Finally, the day, the moment, the time, that very second of my time in this that'll change my life,
my views, and possibly my self for ever more.
"I closed my eyes, and soon woke up, as a completely different being."
*******
I couldn't believe it. A new, fresh, non-diseased body for me! I never had to see that hideous face
in the mirror again, nor have to see myself as another, idiotic human. No, I was a Vortian! And
best of all, it was free 'cause they were afraid I'll shoot them if they charged me! But because of
the enslavement of all Vortians by Irken law, I escaped.
My skin color was slate, a mix of blue and grey, my eyes were a blood red scarlet color, like my
best friend, whom I know carry in a fancy, mechanical book bag because Vortians didn't have
PAKs, nor did any other species in this world. I wore what the typical female Vortians wore, a
dark blue tunic that had two thick black belts covering it, and a pair of tights that matched the
tunic. The feet to me felt the same one as before, but they were smaller and more flexible.
Scarlett praised me as I got out of the hospital that day, feeling new in just 4 hours. "Ah, you look
fantastic!! Are you sure this is what you want to do for yourself? I mean, the slave drivers will
find you and held captive as a slave here forever."
"Don't worry about that, my dear friend, that is where I come in, and help Lard Nar free his
people from slavery of the Irkens!! And once that's done, I'll make sure no one will ever mess up
on Vortian territory in the future."
"I have a bad feeling about that, is this some kind of scheme to seduce Lard Nar to do
you-know-what-I-mean-you-big-dope-head? You've just barely met him!"
"Why would I do such a thing so soon? I help him fight for resistence first, and bring him over to
my side of the blue chain later. Come! Track him down, and we'll be marked as 'Ambassadors of
Some Planet' the sooner!"
Scarlett grudged (or was it groaned?) at me, knowing exactly what I was going for. "He's at the
Lances building, 30 degrees southwest, about 3 miles away from us."
We flew to the building on my hover-board, and went in, climbing up the mazes of stairways and
elevators alike. It took me three hours to find him because stupidly, I didn't listen to Scarlett's
directions. There I saw him, at last, walking out of a room with a sad look on his face, like a
drooping plant.
"Hello, Lard Nar! Hadn't seen you in a long while." I purred like a cool cat, and sat next to him
on a cushy bench he was sitting on. He gave a shock look in his eyes behind the goggles to see
me look totally different. I slowly pulled out Mr. Bleeder to show him it was really me. A janitor,
the only one left in the building as I suspected since it was nighttime, passed by, and I sliced off a
slab of his skin out, and carved on his head as he was bleeding to death 'J + LN'. Lard Nar looked
confused, and moved a little back from me on the bench. But I moved closer, much closer.
"We've only met about a week ago!" The Vortian tried to explain, yet I did not care for his
excuses. I purred again, wooing. "What happened to you?!? You've got the monies now to buy
yourself a Vortian body to stuck your brain in."
"I was in the Massive when you and the Resisty attacked it. It hurt...a lot!" I said, changing the
subject, as I do ever so often.
"Oh.....heh, heh! I didn't know you were in the ship, it was all part of this plan I had, which is
why I got the directions to find the Massive in the first place! And now I'm here, to free my
people and made a deal with the Irken military to either declare independence on Vort, or war
shall go on."
"So I've heard. I also followed your escape pod, had the operation and WAZZA!!! I found you
here, a Captain of my interest, sitting here on the down-y side of the gallery."
"The what?"
"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. What's wrong? Everything you've been planning here is so well
achieved, do ya miss me? It was okay to put me down like that, I understand, but if there's
anyway I can prove myself worthy of fighting and slaying the entire Irken Armada by your side,
you name it, and I'll do as you please."
"It's not that at all! The deal with the military did not work out, and now they're gonna torment
the Vortians more than ever, just to make me upset!! I want to declare war on them, but I don't
have an army!! And I bet Shloonktapooxis is doing horribly at Meekrob!! I told him to convince
the Meekrob to be our ally, but all that hyper cone is convincing them to do is to chug all their
supplies of nachos down their throats.
"I'm a failure, it's gonna take years to bring those Irkens down to the ground!! I need help, and at
least some advice ...I'm just lucky the Irkens left for an emergency meeting with the tallests, they
would've captured me and force me to work a soda-can maker factory!!"
"Aww, there, there!" I patted his back, very smooth and slick, unlike my old back with it's
deformed hump and tangled spine. "Maybe this will get ya going to shoot those freaking green
heads off, just as I get going when I'm with you...."
Lard Nar moved back a bit, almost pushing me out of the way. "Whoa, what did you say?"
I grabbed on to Lard Nar's right wrist, and together we ran to a nearby closet, and I locked the
door shut. The good thing about it is, there were no lights in there, so the more feeling of it
would be somewhat mysterious, yet exciting for the both of us, as I started it off.
"Hey!" I heard Scarlett yell at me, banging on the door. "What are you two doing in there!! You
have no such right, as to throw me, your innocent little laptop, away in the dumps just to hang
out with this guy...."
"Oh, shut up," I spatted to her, I guess I was in some wild, spicy meany mode today. "You hunk
of circuits and potty-mouthing words!! Like shitty-shit fuck-head!!!"
I never really realized how much Vortian love can make so you full of relaxation and so full of
life more than you'll ever experience again.
~ A MONTH LATER ~
I got to know Lard Nar extremely well, and fell a lot more deeper under his spell as the month
went by. We tried to free the Vortians, but the military was just too powerful, and we head to
have the time of our lives that I had wished I had with my other love, Dib: To have the two of us
flying through space on my hover-board as I played my electric guitar.
We hung out together 24/7, and did the most random things. Playing hide and seek at WalMart,
take a showers inside his old shack that he used to stay in, hunt hoguli, and even do the you know
- what- I- mean- you- dope-head in places you'll never imagine. But unlike Dib, Lard Nar just did
not love enough to stay with me forever. He was creeped out by the way I acted around him. Dib
would've done it a gazillion times, but now being Vortian, Lard Nar would take a big step away
from me. He was too concentrated on the Resisty and the war, so I didn't blame him for leaving
me.
"It's too long of a vacation for me! Without my leadership and order, the Resisty goes through
stages of chaos and insanity! Plus I've come up with new plans to get more allies, since
Shloonktapooxis called me earlier today to say that the Meekrob will love to help, but there is an
Irken Invader on Meekrob that they're cautious about."
"Tell them that she's a total wimp, they'll just need to chase her down and held prisoner!" I
laughed just a little, realizing what we were talking about before. "Aren't you gonna take me with
you? After all I've done for you, and to show you either though I'm a different species, I've still
got the same skill of mass destruction, and the spirit for us to win in this war-to-be?!"
And by all the Gods and the Goddesses that ever existed I prayed, hoped and pleaded that he'll
let me by his side, after all the things I can do for his clan, and all the expressions of love I gave
to him. I knew my fresh heart would ache and rot away if he said no, so I was sure by the
author's predictions that he would allow me to come along.
He paused for a moment, thinking and thinking. Sweating and getting shaky, quite nervous, but
still happy to know that a professional was here willing to help him win the war. The wait drove
me out of my mind.
"Uhh......no!" And that was all. Just that answer, rushing to his escape pod, pushing all the
controls at once and flying faster than a speeding bullet out to the vast distance.
---but that doesn't mean that I wasn't gonna stop him for not marrying me, and still not letting me
in his army!! I knew he would need me someday, some one, desperate day in a battle scene, I'll
come and save the day for Lard Nar, and all would be freed!
"Grrrr.....UGH!! I can't believe it!! He doesn't like me back the way I do for him, and after all
those times of making him encouraged to go out an gather an army and fight, He still doesn't
want me!! Oh......when will love relationships work out, anyway?"
I kicked an Irken soda can that layed on the green dirt, and it flew into the Irken enslavery stone
wall, the stone that releases slavery power to all the species on that planet, except for the Irkens.
It's actually a hynotizer machine, and you can never free the slaves on the controled planet unless
you declare independence on it. Or you can malfunction the hypno-rock or bring a fall down to
the Empire controling it, thus the machine will auotmatically explode, and freedors everywhere
will be singing and dancing under the raining of micochips, batteries and swirly thingys.
"Oh my God, look what you have done!!!!" Scarlett shouted, or yelled, possibly a gasp in great
shock?
I did choice B., and the ray enslaved now the Irkens--while Vortians everywhere were dancing
for joy, and throwing confetti all around. Since accidental miracles like this rarely happen the
cheering, dancing, and executions of the slave drivers went on for about a week. It was glorious,
strangely. It was on the local news on every single galaxy, and the Vortians even made invisable
electric barriors arond the whole planet, so no Irkens could attack and re-conquer it.
It was the most famous news of the pre-war yet, but I didn't think Lard Nar would've heard of it,
because what was even more famous than Vort's Victory, was all the battles occurring on every
other planet. Individual species like the Nhar'Ghok and the Planet Jackers also fought Irkens to
death, but it was the Resisty who did the most work. Every time I saw Lard Nar on the 'net news
or on TV, my heart ached for more of the goggled Vortian, and my brain boiled (?) in anger for
the goggled Vortian who also betrayed me. Again!
As the celebration ended, a young red Vortian came up to me with gifts held up in his arms,
almost eager to see me stand here the same spot I've been standing for the past 7 days. "Ma'am,
we have found out recently, that you have caused this wonderful week of our people's victory
against the Irkens!"
"But, it was just an accidental miracle!" I explained, stuttering over confusion and anger because
of the reason I kicked the can in the first place. "Lard Nar the one who deserves to be awarded--"
The Vortian wavered at my face, continuing his speech, "Vortian: Jil, shall be crowned upon,
Queen of the Vortian Kingdom!"
I didn't expect this at all, awards maybe, but not a throne in the beautiful castles of Vort! A very
large and broad crowd of colorful Vortians bowed down to me, worshiping.
"All hail the queen!! Queen Jil! Queen Jil!! Queen Jil!"
Little reddy placed a fancy tiara on top of my head, dusty and very dirty since their last Queen,
Lardlipsika, who got eaten from a giant blob. I just hoped I wouldn't end my life the same as she
did. They also put on me a long cape to match my crown, and a little girl came up to me with a
long golden box, and opened it for me to give me the pointer of power.
It looked like a gold and silver cane, and had detailed designs and carvings on it, to show that I'm
their Queen. But the most amazing thing about it was the round, black mini-bowling ball on top
of the pointer. And this wasn't just for show, from what I've heard, it's actually a snow globe like
cage, that contains inside a very powerful black hole.
As some of the Vortians gave me the tour of the palace, and told me what to do with this magical
black ball on a cane, I've learned about how much power I really had now, though their
government is strictly democratic, and they only need me to make the ultimate decision making,
make Vortians....do stuff and own all the property of Planet Vort, with all the monies in the
world.
"Is that Irken equipment you're using? That's Tak's ship you're sitting in, isn't it?"
"Yes it is, Zim, it fell from the--"
"Isn't it!?!"
~ While Zim & Dib are doing their li' insanity nonsense, we go back up to you guessed it: ~
"NOOO!!!!" I yelled, as Lard Nar cut the transmission from my grasp. "We're not gonna survive
this madness, we might as well escape now! You open up the tiny sky view window up here, and
I'll carry you as we hitch on to the Resisty ship. Then can all live happily ever after, and I get
myself what I always wanted, A NEW, GODDAMN NORMAL BODY!!!!!!"
Scarlett nodded in agreement, but was only focusing on the dork duet. "Man, those two are
ignoramuses!! They haven't even figured out whose on command here, and when I tried to tell
them five minutes ago, do they listen?! NOOO!!! They're to busy just shrieking as we're flying
through a ball of hot gases to hear what I have to say, that'll really help SAVE THEIR
COMFORTABLE ASSES OF DOOM!"
I wide-eyed her, and dragged her up to the roof of the Massive, and soon we were far from the
scent of bakery treats.
THUMP! CRASH!! BANG, BANG! CHICKA-CHICKA BANG BANG!! SWOOO!!!!
From there the day was a complete disaster. Scarlet and I went out of the Massive through a vent,
and flew off into space. I tried to get inside the Resisty ship, but Lard Nar seemed to be engaged
with the chasing scenes and lasers, so I clenched onto one of the ends of the ship, with Scarlett
tucked in to my PAK. Of course, the evil tallests sent their power core over to the Resisty ship,
which crashed, banged, boomed and swooed just like the Massive.
"AHHHH!!!! I can't hold on!!! I'm---getting-dizzy!"
"The escape pods," Scarlett pointed, sticking only one metal claw out of my PAK. "The Resisty
is flying out of here throughout the escape pods!!" There I saw, Captain Lard Nar, shaking his
fist at the Irkens who sneered and chortled back at them, and got into the most fancy escape ship,
and being me, I ripped off my ghastly Irken Pilot costume off, and hanged on to a bar under the
ship with my very own metal hand.
"We'll be back!!" The handsome Captian vowed to his non-listening audience, "I'll lead my men
out to bring the fall to your monarchy Empire before you can say 'pie'! Then we shall see who'll
be laughing and cheering victoriously!! Freedom to all and all who don't dictate us with our
right to die miserably, with our culture destroyed and out families enslaved by you Irkens!!!"
Those very words sounded like an angel's chorus to me, and also being me, I listened to every
word he had mentioned to his men.
"Congrats to you all, but we need to do much better than that!!! This is war, I'll be declaring
soon, and I'll need more allies and more soldiers to fight in the Resisty against the most powerful
armada in the entire history of this mass of space itself!! My only command for now on this
transmission is to land on Planet Meekrob, they'll definitely probably help us out, being Irk's
worst enemy and all!!"
"And YOU being part of the species that is their best and most trusted ally, and all! HA HA!!"
Laughed one of Resisty members......
......I outta kick that guy's ass!!
"Shut up!!" Lard Nar whined, not wanting to recall that memory again of being part of Irk's
greatest ally.
"Shloontapooxis, I need to talk to you for a second."
A floating cone with a face appeared in front of the tiny screen, saying in his surfer accent, "OH!
Is it about the doughnuts the Irkens have? 'Cause I can steal them off for ya and all the others!"
"......NO! This isn't as important as the delightful treat of their snack treats!" He grudged. I like it
when he grudges, it's funny! "Look, I won't be meeting up with you at Meekrob, I have important
business to do at Planet Vort, I have found a way to free my people.
"Really? Can ya bring me back some caffeee on da way?!"
"Yes, really and no! This is personal, so don't ask about it when I arrive at Meekrob, okay? I'll be
gone about a month or two, so you're in command. I trust that you won't cause the whole planet
to implode like last time I put in the Captain's chair like last time, will you?"
"COOL!! I'm da captian of partay, WOO!!! Someone bring out the nachos and confetti!!"
"Oh dear god....." He groaned, making another of his funky sounds, and turned off the tiny screen
to gaze at the pretty comets, not stars! Stars are stupid and dispensable.
"Yes!" I screeched, trying to smile, "We're going straight down to the place that'll make all my
dreams come true!"
Scarlett jumped out of my PAK, holding two claws onto my back. "Disney World!? You outta be
kidding me...."
"No, Planet Vort!! Lard Nar just told his first mate he'll be staying there for a month or two!!
This will be my opportunity to release out my plan....."
"Plan? What plan do you mean, to be exact?" I whispered to her some random stuff, giggling like
a school girl, though I no longer would want to be one anyway.
~ Planet Vort: Brain Transplant Operation Room, a week later ~
Finally, the day, the moment, the time, that very second of my time in this that'll change my life,
my views, and possibly my self for ever more.
"I closed my eyes, and soon woke up, as a completely different being."
*******
I couldn't believe it. A new, fresh, non-diseased body for me! I never had to see that hideous face
in the mirror again, nor have to see myself as another, idiotic human. No, I was a Vortian! And
best of all, it was free 'cause they were afraid I'll shoot them if they charged me! But because of
the enslavement of all Vortians by Irken law, I escaped.
My skin color was slate, a mix of blue and grey, my eyes were a blood red scarlet color, like my
best friend, whom I know carry in a fancy, mechanical book bag because Vortians didn't have
PAKs, nor did any other species in this world. I wore what the typical female Vortians wore, a
dark blue tunic that had two thick black belts covering it, and a pair of tights that matched the
tunic. The feet to me felt the same one as before, but they were smaller and more flexible.
Scarlett praised me as I got out of the hospital that day, feeling new in just 4 hours. "Ah, you look
fantastic!! Are you sure this is what you want to do for yourself? I mean, the slave drivers will
find you and held captive as a slave here forever."
"Don't worry about that, my dear friend, that is where I come in, and help Lard Nar free his
people from slavery of the Irkens!! And once that's done, I'll make sure no one will ever mess up
on Vortian territory in the future."
"I have a bad feeling about that, is this some kind of scheme to seduce Lard Nar to do
you-know-what-I-mean-you-big-dope-head? You've just barely met him!"
"Why would I do such a thing so soon? I help him fight for resistence first, and bring him over to
my side of the blue chain later. Come! Track him down, and we'll be marked as 'Ambassadors of
Some Planet' the sooner!"
Scarlett grudged (or was it groaned?) at me, knowing exactly what I was going for. "He's at the
Lances building, 30 degrees southwest, about 3 miles away from us."
We flew to the building on my hover-board, and went in, climbing up the mazes of stairways and
elevators alike. It took me three hours to find him because stupidly, I didn't listen to Scarlett's
directions. There I saw him, at last, walking out of a room with a sad look on his face, like a
drooping plant.
"Hello, Lard Nar! Hadn't seen you in a long while." I purred like a cool cat, and sat next to him
on a cushy bench he was sitting on. He gave a shock look in his eyes behind the goggles to see
me look totally different. I slowly pulled out Mr. Bleeder to show him it was really me. A janitor,
the only one left in the building as I suspected since it was nighttime, passed by, and I sliced off a
slab of his skin out, and carved on his head as he was bleeding to death 'J + LN'. Lard Nar looked
confused, and moved a little back from me on the bench. But I moved closer, much closer.
"We've only met about a week ago!" The Vortian tried to explain, yet I did not care for his
excuses. I purred again, wooing. "What happened to you?!? You've got the monies now to buy
yourself a Vortian body to stuck your brain in."
"I was in the Massive when you and the Resisty attacked it. It hurt...a lot!" I said, changing the
subject, as I do ever so often.
"Oh.....heh, heh! I didn't know you were in the ship, it was all part of this plan I had, which is
why I got the directions to find the Massive in the first place! And now I'm here, to free my
people and made a deal with the Irken military to either declare independence on Vort, or war
shall go on."
"So I've heard. I also followed your escape pod, had the operation and WAZZA!!! I found you
here, a Captain of my interest, sitting here on the down-y side of the gallery."
"The what?"
"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. What's wrong? Everything you've been planning here is so well
achieved, do ya miss me? It was okay to put me down like that, I understand, but if there's
anyway I can prove myself worthy of fighting and slaying the entire Irken Armada by your side,
you name it, and I'll do as you please."
"It's not that at all! The deal with the military did not work out, and now they're gonna torment
the Vortians more than ever, just to make me upset!! I want to declare war on them, but I don't
have an army!! And I bet Shloonktapooxis is doing horribly at Meekrob!! I told him to convince
the Meekrob to be our ally, but all that hyper cone is convincing them to do is to chug all their
supplies of nachos down their throats.
"I'm a failure, it's gonna take years to bring those Irkens down to the ground!! I need help, and at
least some advice ...I'm just lucky the Irkens left for an emergency meeting with the tallests, they
would've captured me and force me to work a soda-can maker factory!!"
"Aww, there, there!" I patted his back, very smooth and slick, unlike my old back with it's
deformed hump and tangled spine. "Maybe this will get ya going to shoot those freaking green
heads off, just as I get going when I'm with you...."
Lard Nar moved back a bit, almost pushing me out of the way. "Whoa, what did you say?"
I grabbed on to Lard Nar's right wrist, and together we ran to a nearby closet, and I locked the
door shut. The good thing about it is, there were no lights in there, so the more feeling of it
would be somewhat mysterious, yet exciting for the both of us, as I started it off.
"Hey!" I heard Scarlett yell at me, banging on the door. "What are you two doing in there!! You
have no such right, as to throw me, your innocent little laptop, away in the dumps just to hang
out with this guy...."
"Oh, shut up," I spatted to her, I guess I was in some wild, spicy meany mode today. "You hunk
of circuits and potty-mouthing words!! Like shitty-shit fuck-head!!!"
I never really realized how much Vortian love can make so you full of relaxation and so full of
life more than you'll ever experience again.
~ A MONTH LATER ~
I got to know Lard Nar extremely well, and fell a lot more deeper under his spell as the month
went by. We tried to free the Vortians, but the military was just too powerful, and we head to
have the time of our lives that I had wished I had with my other love, Dib: To have the two of us
flying through space on my hover-board as I played my electric guitar.
We hung out together 24/7, and did the most random things. Playing hide and seek at WalMart,
take a showers inside his old shack that he used to stay in, hunt hoguli, and even do the you know
- what- I- mean- you- dope-head in places you'll never imagine. But unlike Dib, Lard Nar just did
not love enough to stay with me forever. He was creeped out by the way I acted around him. Dib
would've done it a gazillion times, but now being Vortian, Lard Nar would take a big step away
from me. He was too concentrated on the Resisty and the war, so I didn't blame him for leaving
me.
"It's too long of a vacation for me! Without my leadership and order, the Resisty goes through
stages of chaos and insanity! Plus I've come up with new plans to get more allies, since
Shloonktapooxis called me earlier today to say that the Meekrob will love to help, but there is an
Irken Invader on Meekrob that they're cautious about."
"Tell them that she's a total wimp, they'll just need to chase her down and held prisoner!" I
laughed just a little, realizing what we were talking about before. "Aren't you gonna take me with
you? After all I've done for you, and to show you either though I'm a different species, I've still
got the same skill of mass destruction, and the spirit for us to win in this war-to-be?!"
And by all the Gods and the Goddesses that ever existed I prayed, hoped and pleaded that he'll
let me by his side, after all the things I can do for his clan, and all the expressions of love I gave
to him. I knew my fresh heart would ache and rot away if he said no, so I was sure by the
author's predictions that he would allow me to come along.
He paused for a moment, thinking and thinking. Sweating and getting shaky, quite nervous, but
still happy to know that a professional was here willing to help him win the war. The wait drove
me out of my mind.
"Uhh......no!" And that was all. Just that answer, rushing to his escape pod, pushing all the
controls at once and flying faster than a speeding bullet out to the vast distance.
---but that doesn't mean that I wasn't gonna stop him for not marrying me, and still not letting me
in his army!! I knew he would need me someday, some one, desperate day in a battle scene, I'll
come and save the day for Lard Nar, and all would be freed!
"Grrrr.....UGH!! I can't believe it!! He doesn't like me back the way I do for him, and after all
those times of making him encouraged to go out an gather an army and fight, He still doesn't
want me!! Oh......when will love relationships work out, anyway?"
I kicked an Irken soda can that layed on the green dirt, and it flew into the Irken enslavery stone
wall, the stone that releases slavery power to all the species on that planet, except for the Irkens.
It's actually a hynotizer machine, and you can never free the slaves on the controled planet unless
you declare independence on it. Or you can malfunction the hypno-rock or bring a fall down to
the Empire controling it, thus the machine will auotmatically explode, and freedors everywhere
will be singing and dancing under the raining of micochips, batteries and swirly thingys.
"Oh my God, look what you have done!!!!" Scarlett shouted, or yelled, possibly a gasp in great
shock?
I did choice B., and the ray enslaved now the Irkens--while Vortians everywhere were dancing
for joy, and throwing confetti all around. Since accidental miracles like this rarely happen the
cheering, dancing, and executions of the slave drivers went on for about a week. It was glorious,
strangely. It was on the local news on every single galaxy, and the Vortians even made invisable
electric barriors arond the whole planet, so no Irkens could attack and re-conquer it.
It was the most famous news of the pre-war yet, but I didn't think Lard Nar would've heard of it,
because what was even more famous than Vort's Victory, was all the battles occurring on every
other planet. Individual species like the Nhar'Ghok and the Planet Jackers also fought Irkens to
death, but it was the Resisty who did the most work. Every time I saw Lard Nar on the 'net news
or on TV, my heart ached for more of the goggled Vortian, and my brain boiled (?) in anger for
the goggled Vortian who also betrayed me. Again!
As the celebration ended, a young red Vortian came up to me with gifts held up in his arms,
almost eager to see me stand here the same spot I've been standing for the past 7 days. "Ma'am,
we have found out recently, that you have caused this wonderful week of our people's victory
against the Irkens!"
"But, it was just an accidental miracle!" I explained, stuttering over confusion and anger because
of the reason I kicked the can in the first place. "Lard Nar the one who deserves to be awarded--"
The Vortian wavered at my face, continuing his speech, "Vortian: Jil, shall be crowned upon,
Queen of the Vortian Kingdom!"
I didn't expect this at all, awards maybe, but not a throne in the beautiful castles of Vort! A very
large and broad crowd of colorful Vortians bowed down to me, worshiping.
"All hail the queen!! Queen Jil! Queen Jil!! Queen Jil!"
Little reddy placed a fancy tiara on top of my head, dusty and very dirty since their last Queen,
Lardlipsika, who got eaten from a giant blob. I just hoped I wouldn't end my life the same as she
did. They also put on me a long cape to match my crown, and a little girl came up to me with a
long golden box, and opened it for me to give me the pointer of power.
It looked like a gold and silver cane, and had detailed designs and carvings on it, to show that I'm
their Queen. But the most amazing thing about it was the round, black mini-bowling ball on top
of the pointer. And this wasn't just for show, from what I've heard, it's actually a snow globe like
cage, that contains inside a very powerful black hole.
As some of the Vortians gave me the tour of the palace, and told me what to do with this magical
black ball on a cane, I've learned about how much power I really had now, though their
government is strictly democratic, and they only need me to make the ultimate decision making,
make Vortians....do stuff and own all the property of Planet Vort, with all the monies in the
world.
