Author's Notes: I'm so very sorry for not updating sooner. Giant writer's block that I kept running into. Thank you for the reviews, they make me so happy. I've already started writing the next chapter so I will update soon. I mean no offense to Vegans or Vegetarians, some of my good and dear friends are ones.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but Shifra, well I only have her soul for safe keeping while she's away at college; or that's at least what she thinks. Bwah ha ha ha ha ::cough:: ha.

Chapter Three: Plans, Vulcans, and Coconuts

" Trina, it scares me that you're good at this," Shifra said as she sat in the deep green couch of Trina's living room. The only light came from a lamp that made the room seem warm and cozy. Half of the walls were painted with a soft green, while the others were cream. A large stone fireplace took up most up the far wall and contrasted well with the honey-colored wood floor. Shifra set down her glass onto the stone and oak table and looked at Trina.

" What can I say," Trina shrugged, " I've read too much."

Next to the fireplace was a computer chair to which Maya was bound. Her mouth was taped shut.

" So when is your Mom coming back?"

" In a month or so. She finally found a boyfriend with a Winnebago and a retirement plan," Trina pondered a bit, " I've decided that Choo is at your house if she calls."

" Good plan. Now what are we going to do with that," Shifra pointed to Maya.

" I wonder… what would Jesus do?"

" How the hell should we know? You're Wiccan and I'm Jewish."

" Exactly! Jesus was Jewish so therefore you should know what to do."

" Trina that actually made some sense."

" I know it's scary."

" Let's tickle her."

" Oh Shifra," Trina said while rolling her eyes. She stopped her pacing in the room." Let's keep her in Choo's room and deal with her in the morning."

Shifra nodded and they both moved the chair out of the living room, through the small hallway and into Choo's very purple and lavender smelling room. Katrina patted Maya on the head.

" See you in the morning."

* * * * *

" So now, what's this 'Ring'?" Kat asked using her fingers to make air quotations for the word ring.

" It is a thing of evil," Aragorn stated.

" So why did you guys have it?" Greg questioned.

" To destroy it, why else would we have it?" Gimli answered gruffly.

The sun was just beginning to rise over the Misty Mountains when they had arrived back to the camp. They had begun to search for clues and it was Kat who noticed some glitter on the plain some seventy yards away from the camp. Aragorn saw that the tracks started there and headed south, and so here they were two hours later still following the clues of their trails.

" What do you suppose they want the Ring for?" Merry asked.

" Maya," Choo said.

" Hmmm," Gandalf turned around, " You mentioned this Maya before."

" Yea, she's a bitch," Kat said.

Gandalf winced a bit, as did the other companions of the fellowship, at her use of strong language.

" Why would she want the Ring?"

" She wants power…oh…that's probably what she was talking about when we first saw her in line."

" Is she powerful?" Frodo asked.

The group of teens laughed hard, having to stop walking and even falling over a bit. The fellowship looked at them oddly until Aragorn interrupted them.

" She was powerful enough to get all of you here and have two followers with powers as well."

" That was Travis' fault," Nat said.

" It was not," Travis fought back.

" If you had watched where you were running, which you shouldn't have been in the first place, you would not've tripped and pushed us into the portal-thingy," Choo snapped.

" No, this is what happened," he started, " We got there late and everyone was like running out of the building, ok? So I was like ' Hey Sean, we better go help the girls', so we ran and…"

" You TRIPPED AND PUSHED US IN!" Kat yelled.

" Maya tripped me," Travis said.

" You still tripped," Greg added.

" Oh… you guys are mean," Travis pouted.

" Pardon my interruption," Gandalf interjected, " Lady Choo, did you say something about a portal?"

" Yea, we were just dancing to the Time Warp when Maya, I guess, opened this freaky portal."

" Well that explains your strange dress and speech."

" We don't usually dress like this. It was Pirate Night."

" Pirates?"

" You know," Kat started, "Privateers, Freebooters, Picaroons, Rovers, Sea Robbers, Marauders, Looters, Sea Wolves, Buccaneers, Knights of Templar, Corsairs…"

" Oh yes corsairs. Why would you dress as one and have a Night for them?"

" Because," Kat cleared her throat, "When it all comes down to it, wouldn't you rather be a pirate…ummm…corsair?"

" Who plays rugby," Choo added.

" No," the fellowship answered.

" Well screw you then," Kat burst out, crossing her arms over her chest.

" Well maybe," Pippin added, everyone looked at him but he just shrugged.

" I must say, Lady Kat, that you use of language is quite…foul," Sam noted.

" Do I speak chicken language?" Kat asked in confusion, looking at Choo.

" No I think he spoke of Turkeys," Choo answered.

" Score! I speak Turkish," Kat jumped around.

" What is Turkish anyway?" Nat asked, " Is it Arabic?"

" I'm not sure," Greg entered the conversation, " I think it uses a variation of the Roman alphabet."

" Where's Trina when you need her?" Kat asked to the sky.

" Who is Trina?" Aragorn asked.

" Choo's sister, the Trina-meister. She is most likely sleeping or torturing Maya right now," Nat said.

" How do you figure that?" Pippin asked.

" When Maya first opened the portal, she was about to jump in too but Trina stopped her."

" She has a large chest," Kat added. Everyone looked at her, " Well she does! You all know you picture her naked."

" I don't," Choo stated, " That'd just be gross."

" Even I picture her naked and I'm straight," Nat said.

" Ha, ha… I'm a lesbian so I can without questioning my sexuality," Kat said, pointing at Nat.

" The tracks move up that hill," Aragorn said, trying to ignore the insanity, " Legolas do you see anything."

Legolas looked up the hill and saw what appeared to be clothing of some kind. It was an article of clothing Liz had been wearing.

" Yes, I see the maiden's garments but that is all."

Aragorn looked thoughtful and turned to Gandalf.

" Could this be an attempt to divert us from the track?"

" Perhaps, it is quite unclear what has happened at all."

" Maybe there's a clue," Sean said.

" Dude it was Colonel Mustard, in the atrium, with the brandy snifter," Greg said in revelation.

" Atrium," Kat yelped, " What's with the fancy word?"

" I dunno."

" It was Mrs. Peacock, in the kitchen, with the gardening shears," Nat said, " She was trying to throw us off track."

" I knew it!" Choo exclaimed, " I'm hungry."

" Is that all you children do," Boromir said, " Ramble and complain?"

" Yes," they answered.

" We're hungry too!" Merry added while Pippin nodded.

Aragorn sighed and looked to hill, " We will see what is up there and break our fast. Come."

He started a hushed conversation with Gandalf as they walked away.

" 'Break our fast'," Travis pondered, " What does that mean?"

" Breakfast, dumbass," Choo snapped as she walked by him, slapping the back of his head in the process. She followed Legolas and Gimli who were behind Aragorn and Gandalf.

" So I was wondering," Choo said when she caught up with Legolas and Gimli. They both looked at her, " What are you guys?"

" I am an Elf," Legolas stated with pride.

" An Elf," Choo scratched her head, "ummm… shouldn't you be shorter and with a pointy hat?"

Legolas looked shocked but Gimli began to laugh heartily. Choo turned to him.

" And you?"

" I, Lady Choo, am a Dwarf."

" See," she looked at Legolas, " That makes sense, but you are not an Elf, Sidhe perhaps, but not an Elf."

" And how would you know that?" Legolas asked, slightly put off by her statements.

" 'Cause there's an Elf in her house that steals things and hides them, like forks," Kat said joining Choo.

" An Elf would never do such a thing."

" Says you. How would you know crazy Vulcan-guy?"

" I am an Elf," Legolas said in frustration, " What is a Vulcan?"

" A Vulcan… like Spock. Oh that's right you don't have Star Trek here. Poor deprived Vulcan," Kat patted Legolas on the back and walked past him. Leaving him looking confused and annoyed. Gimli the whole while had been laughing and begun to laugh harder as Legolas shot him a dark look then starting up the hill again, as Choo and Gimli laughed more. He reached Aragorn and Gandalf who stared at him then Gimli and then him again. Aragorn smirked.

" Is there a problem Legolas?" Aragorn asked.

" These children are…" Legolas paused, searching for a word in his frustration, " bothersome."

" I would think Master Elf that you would have the most tolerance of them," Gandalf added smiling.

" Yes, well it is quite difficult for any being to tolerate madness. Unless," he looked down the hill again, " One is as dense as a dwarf."

Legolas started up the hill leaving Aragorn and Gandalf smiling and following after him.

At the bottom of the line traveling up the hill were Greg, Pippin, and Merry. Greg was trying to explain the concept of Monty Python.

" So, you are saying that these people were using…coconuts as horses?" Merry asked in confusion.

" What is a coconut?" Pippin asked.

" It is a wonderful object from a paradise of green. They also have milk inside them," Greg answered.

" Is it an animal?"

" No, it's food."

" They were riding food?"

" No, they used the coconut to make the sound of horse hoofs."

" So they were just walking?" Merry asked in more confusion.

" Actually they were pretending like they were riding a horse."

" Why would they do that?"

" 'Cause its funny."

" It is?" Pippin asked

" If you saw it, you'd laugh."

" I'll take your word for it."

" Good. Good."

" Are you truly a King in your world?"

" A King of all the ladies, yeah."

" You wish," Nat called from up ahead where she walked with Boromir.

" Oh you know I am Natalie."

" Yeah, so?"

" You're weird, freakin' hippy."

Natalie pouted and turned back, walking closely behind Boromir.

" What is a hippy?" Boromir asked cautiously, looking back at Nat. She looked up surprised.

" Oh it's a term for people who… are anti-war and eat organic food, and who don't eat meat."

" You do not eat meat?"

" No, I believe that we shouldn't mistreat and slaughter animals for our selfish purposes."

" Selfish purposes? You mean survival."

" A person can survive without meat."

" I would have to disagree with you Lady Natalie."

" How would you know?" Natalie said smugly.

" I have traveled to many places and seen want lack of meat does to people. It is quite unhealthy," Boromir stated gravely.

" Then they aren't eating healthy. One can survive on fruits and vegetables and bread. People who think otherwise are just ignorant."

Boromir stopped and turned, " Where would the poor find these fruit and vegetables in the dead of winter? What happens when the crop fails? What of those traveling over a long period of time through the plains and woodlands? Must they starve so that your precious animals can live?"

" You can live without."

" Let us see if you can withstand this journey without meat."

" I can."

" Have you traveled before?"

" Yes."

" How far… on foot?"

" Uhmmm… on foot?"

" Yes."

" I dunno. This is stupid." Natalie walked quickly ahead avoiding the conversation while behind her Boromir shook his head.

As they all reached the top of the hill, Legolas, Aragorn, and Gandalf looked at the clothing while the others sat down and Sam started to unpack some food to cook. Next to him Frodo sat looking at the ground distracted by his thoughts and did not notice Travis and Sean who sat next to him. Across from them sat Pippin, Merry, Greg, and Choo who were playing Tic Tac Toe in the dirt, while Nat fought with Kat over a rock to sit on. Boromir and Gimli joined Aragorn and the others.

" The tracks continue on from here," Aragorn said to Boromir and Gimli, " After we have eaten we should follow them as quickly as possibly."

" I agree," Boromir said, as Gimli nodded.

" I will scout up ahead some," Legolas said.

Aragorn agreed and turned to face the rest of the now larger group, he sighed and hoped nothing else unexpected would happen.