Chapter 2: Grief

            Even when she knew that Jim Gordon was no more than a few steps behind her Barbara didn't feel as reassured as she had hoped. The man who had raised her after her parents' death had insisted on coming along to meet the latest addition to their family the minute he had heard of Dinah Lance. Barbara hadn't minded at all, her mind filled with fear and confusion about how she was going to handle a mourning child. She stopped in front the office she had been told to go to and took a moment to compose herself. "I am so proud of you doing this Barbara. It will be alright, believe me," Jim said.

"I have no idea what I am doing," she admitted.

"Neither did I. No one does in the beginning," he said and ran a hand through his silvery hair.

"That is reassuring," she remarked and opened the door.

The offices were quiet. A young woman looked up and was soon wandered over to talk to them. "Barbara Gordon, right," she asked and offered Barbara her hand.

"Yes," Barbara said and shook the woman's hand.

"I am Elise your caseworker. That means I will be visiting you and Dinah every once in a while here in the beginning and be helping you cope with having a child around and giving you all the advice I can about handling grieving children," she explained.

Barbara felt some relief at her words and walked over to sit in front of the woman's desk. Soon she was given a few forms and she spent nearly an hour talking with Elise, finding the woman both caring and pleasant to talk to. Every once in a while Elise would check her watch then finally she smiled and rose. "I think that is everything Barbara. We should go pick up Dinah now," she said and guided Barbara out past the waiting Police Commissioner and down the hall to a playroom where another woman was watching a longhaired blonde girl drawing carefully on some paper.

"Now all children react different to grief, so you should adapt accordingly. It is gonna take time before this child is going to be alright again I can tell you that already. It looks like Dinah and Carolyn were very close," Elise explained and opened the door.

"Dinah, would mind you coming here?" Elise asked. The small blonde girl walked over to stand in front of the motherly woman still her eyes and face looked bleak almost as if she was depressed.

"This is Barbara Gordon, she was a good friend of your mother and your mother wanted you to go and live with her in case anything happened to her. Barbara wants to take you to your new home now," she explained.

Dinah looked the two women over and her eyes fell on Barbara. Barbara felt something stir as she looked into Dinah's blue eyes. Acting on instinct she bent down to crouch at height with Dinah's eyes. "I would really like for you to come with me Dinah. I will take care of you," she said.

Suddenly Dinah broke into hysterical tears and yelled, "I want my mommy."

Barbara still channeling instincts she had no idea she had, gently enveloped Dinah in a hug and whispered, "Of course you do. I would never dare to say otherwise. Your mother is gone now, but she is still making sure you're safe. She sent me to care for you and I will. always." Dinah seemed to relax and soon she was holding on to Barbara as well. Barbara easily lifted her up and held her against her chest, looking over Dinah's shoulders at a broadly smiling Elise. The look in the woman's eyes told her that she had done excellently for her first meeting with Dinah. Barbara said her goodbyes and walked back to her dad.

It was raining in New Gotham and that suited the event just fine. A small but very special group of people stood around a casket as the priest held his speech. He barely stuttered even if he was finding it hard to look into the eyes of this gathering of hard-bitten people. Most were wearing long black coats and had a bitter look on their face. One person stood out in the crowd a small girl surely no even 5 years old yet, which watched the people and casket with equal looks of fear. Towering above the girl was a shapely red head backed by even taller two black haired men.

The priest ended his speech and indicated for the family to say their goodbyes. The little girl was the first one to step forward. Her tears were washed away by the rain as she bravely walked to the casket and laid down a small locket of blonde hair probably her own. The other people followed one by one laying down strange items like black feathers, a green arrow, some bat shaped device and pair of earplugs.

Most of the people there stopped to offer their condolences to the little 4 year old girl, but she often just looked past them as the coffin disappeared into the ground.

"See you around, Clark," Barbara heard Bruce say, one by one the superheroes made off towards their cars or walked off to find a quiet spot where they could use their own mode of transport. It had been the first time they had been forced to bury someone whom they had all known. A red and blue blur passed overhead. Barbara carefully guided the mute Dinah towards her car. The girl had been living with her for less than two weeks, but all she had been allowed to do so far was drying the girl's eyes, when she cried or awoke from her dreams yelling for her mother. She made sure Dinah was properly seated and was heading around the car, when Dick Grayson walked up to her.

"How are things?" He asked.

"Hard, I think Carolyn and Dinah were very close. Her death has hurt her deeply and I have no idea how to shake her out of her grief," she said, while keeping half an eye on the little girl.

Dick looked at the small girl for a moment. "Give her time, it can take over a year to make any kind of inroads against grief, I remember how I felt, when my parents died. How are you? I mean, it can't be easy suddenly having a small girl around to take care of especially with the kind of double life we lead," he commented.

Barbara sighed, "Half the time I don't know what to do. My apartment isn't really meant to be the home of a child, even with the help Bruce has offered. I don't know Dinah's habits or foibles yet. I hadn't planned on being the foster mother of some girl I hardly know, heck I hadn't even planned on becoming a mother any time soon. I am not sure how much this is going to cost me?"

Dick gave her a crooked smile, "Who says it is going to cost you anything? I have a feeling that you and I are going to be talking about this conversation in a couple of years and then we can discuss costs and benefits." He walked off towards his car, while Barbara crawled into her seat.

"Let's go home," she offered and started the car. Dinah sniffled a little.

A few weeks passed. Barbara Gordon quietly slipped into her own apartment to avoid waking the girl, who was sleeping in her former guest bedroom. She had decided not to tell Dinah about her being Batgirl at least until she was a whole lot older. She went into her bedroom, opened the secret compartment and slipped off her mask, while musing about the intense battle with a small and mysterious jewel thief she had been involved with that night. The thief had become bolder and bolder these last months and she presumed a major face-off would be in order as soon as she figured out where the thief had her hideout. Barbara was ready to go for a long bath to wash off the sweat and smell of her bat-suit, when she heard a whimper from Dinah's room.

Barbara rushed inside and found the girl locked in what could only be a nightmare. Slowly Barbara walked over and put a comforting hand on Dinah's forehead. The girl kept thrashing for a few moments, and then slowly settled back into comfortable sleep. Barbara felt a pleased smile spread on her lips and a warm glow spread inside. This had been the first time one of those nightmares hadn't woken Dinah and the first time the little girl had accepted her touch as a comfort instead of an intrusion on her sleep.

Nearly a month passed. Barbara Gordon had never been at Dinah's preschool except to drop her off or pick her up. She had been a little distracted from both her job and Dinah lately, because they had been having trouble with one of the Joker's allies called Clay-face. He was a canny bastard and seemingly out to kill left and right as he saw fit. Barbara walked inside; nodding pleasantly to a woman she had never talked to. "Ah, Miss Gordon," one of the male teachers greeted her with a smile.

"Dinah is still playing with the others," he reported as he guided her to a little office. He offered her a chair then sat down too.

"We wanted to speak to you, so that we could touch base on the subject of Dinah handling her grief. She has lived with you for." He looked up at Barbara.

She felt a little defensive as she said, "two months."

"Alright, now I must tell you that we all feel that Dinah seems to be handling her grief well. She seems to be a very resilient child and you have clearly been doing well at home too. However she has been isolating herself from the other children and we think it may be a good idea if she was brought into a grief consoling group. There she would be able to meet children her own age, who have been exposed to the same experiences as herself and therefore who can relate to her problems also this would entail you meeting with the parents and guardians of these children," he explained and handed her pamphlet.

"I will consider it," she agreed and rose again.

Less than a week later Barbara Gordon was apart of a milling crowd of men and women looking out the window at their kids playing with each other. "Hi, I am Anne, I am arrange a lot of our meetings," a tired looking woman stepped up and offered her hand.

"Barbara Gordon, I am Dinah's legal guardian," she said and indicated the little girl, who was running around with two other girls playing tag.

The woman gave her a wan smile, "She seems to be quite happy. Did she lose both parents or."

"No, she lost her mother two months ago. I was a friend of her mother," Barbara explained.

"It is hard. Did you have other children before Dinah or is she your first?" Anne asked.

"She is very much my first. I am only just out of college. I hadn't really planned on having kids for a few years to come," she explained.

Anne nodded, "I lost my husband, when my boy was just 4 years old. We both had a really hard time mourning him, but I moved on a lot sooner than Andrew, my boy," she indicated a six or seven year old, who was talking to some of his friends. "At first I think I did everything wrong. I encouraged Andrew to forget, put it behind him instead of processing his grief and coming to accept my husband's death. Nowadays I make sure to tell every one handling grieving children that they shouldn't follow my example," Anne said, and then she was called away to help setting up some chairs.

Barbara stared out the window for a while and wondered if she had done anything wrong not really seeing what was going on outside, when someone starting yanking at her jacket. She looked down to find Dinah standing there with a bright smile one of the few Barbara had seen. "Barbara, can I have soda with Maria? Her adopted mom says it is okay, if you say so," she looked pleadingly up at her.

Barbara considered it for a moment then decided that it was probably okay. "You may," she said and watched Dinah scurry off.

Then in mid stride Dinah stopped ran back and said, "Thank you very much." The little girl hastened back to a Hispanic girl and her slim and very Caucasian mother. Barbara drifted over just in time to see Dinah gulp down her beverage and run off with the black haired and slightly older girl.

"That is a very well behaved little girl," the woman said to Barbara apparently knowing who she was.

"Her mother raised her well," she admitted unable to keep her own feelings out of her voice.

The woman looked at her and indicated that she should sit next to her. "First of all hi my name is Chris," Barbara smiled to woman as she introduced herself. "And second stop beating you up about anything to do with that girl's mother. I don't know, what circumstances led you to be Dinah's foster mother, guardian or whatever, but I can tell you now from what I heard her say that she appreciates you greatly," she explained.

"Dinah's mother asked me in her will to take up legal guardianship. But I am not sure if I am doing things right. I have no experience with children," Barbara admitted.

"So, neither did a lot of other people in this room. When my good friend and her husband died in a crash and left me to raise my goddaughter I had never expected to fall so much in love with her and her in me that I would apply for permission to adopt her. I can never replace her mother in her heart, but that didn't mean that there wasn't room for me in there. Believe me when I tell you that if you continue to be there, to care and to think before you decide then you will do fine as a parent," Chris said with finality.

Dinah and Maria ran back inside. Maria was crying and Dinah looked inconsolable. "Mom, I hit my knee. It's bleeding," the black haired girl hiccupped between sobs. Chris nodded and quickly rolled up the girl's left trouser leg. Barbara could see with her almost paramedic level of training that it was no more than a scrape, so while Chris poured on a bit of water and then applied a bandage; she turned her attention to the equally sobbing Dinah.

"Dinah, did you fall as well?" she asked.

"No," the little girl admitted between sobs.

"Did you get scared, because Maria was hurt," she asked.

"Yes." The little girl answered with a thick voice.

"Look it is alright, Chris is taking care of Maria. It was just a little scrape," Barbara explained.

"But mommy bled too and she died. Is Maria gonna die?" Dinah asked.

"No, Maria isn't going to die. Look she already better," Barbara paused to allow Dinah to cast a glance at her new friend. "Your mom died, because she was shot by some criminals, who have all been arrested by the police. They won't shoot anybody anymore and you're always safe with me," she promised.

Dinah looked at her for a moment and nodded gravely. "Okay," she mumbled. Then she reached out and caressed Barbara's chin as if to assure herself that she was there and was telling the truth, before going over to talk to Maria, who had been given a cookie for her troubles.

Nearly another month passed. The door bell rang and Barbara opened it to admit Elise. "Hello Barbara," she greeted her.

They walked into the living room, where Dinah was sitting in the couch reading through a book. "I didn't know Dinah could read," Elise commented.

"Carolyn must've taught her, because she really likes her books. Dinah prefers for me to be here so she can ask me about the words she doesn't know yet, but she doesn't need me to read them to her," Barbara explained, having only discovered that fact over the last two weeks. They sat down at the dining table and Elise took out a small notebook and pencil.

"So how have things been going around here," she asked.

Barbara gave her a tight smile. "Well, at first it was hard for both of us. I didn't know what Dinah wanted for breakfast, nor what she wanted and shouldn't get. I hadn't really figured how manipulative kids can be. I guess we forget with age," she said.

Elise chuckled slightly. "Yes, I've spoken with the preschool and heard that you've opted to go with Dinah to a support group for grieving children. How is that working out?"

"Well honestly I think it has helped the both of us. Dinah is able to talk to other kids her age about her problems. And I, well some of the parents there understand my situation and are able to offer me advice and support," Barbara answered.

"Good, good, well it seems everything is in hand. Can I have a look at Dinah's room and then maybe have a short conversation alone with her?" Elise asked. Barbara nodded and led Elise over to Dinah's room.

"It used to be my spare bedroom," Barbara noted and opened the door to the recently redecorated room filled with generous amounts of toys, furniture and big pillows.

"That is a lot of new things," Elise commented.

Barbara lifted an eyebrow then realized that Elise was hinting at her management of Dinah's money. "Actually it hasn't cost us a thing. Carolyn was apparently friends with Bruce Wayne. When he learned that Carolyn had died he offered to take care of any initial expenses with taking care of Dinah and redecorating my apartment to make it suitable for a child," she said without lying. She had struggled with Bruce's offer for weeks before accepting it on the condition that Dinah was not to know.

"Really I wasn't aware of that," Elise said and finished her rounds inside Dinah's room.

"Me neither," Barbara lied and led Elise over to Dinah who was still intent on her book apparently spelling her way through the words.

"Dinah," Barbara asked. The girl looked up.

"Yes," she said.

Barbara indicated Elise. "Do you remember Elise? She would like to speak with you. alone. I will be in the kitchen finishing dinner," Barbara said and left after ensuring that Dinah didn't violently disagree.

The water was boiling, but as the pasta was fresh she waited to throw it in until Elise was gone. She stirred the pot of sauce. She looked at her reflection in the glass doors of her cupboards. "Heh, I am behaving like I am under investigation. Relax Barbara she isn't here to take Dinah away from you," she thought.

"Barbara," Elise asked from besides the kitchen door.

"So did I pass inspection," Barbara said a little to fast. Elise looked at her curiously.

"I am just here to make sure Dinah is alright," Elise reminded her.

"I know. I am sorry, Elise, I just suddenly felt like I was being doubted in my ability to take care of Dinah," Barbara admitted realizing suddenly that she would very much mind if Dinah was taken away from her.

Elise nodded with a smile and said, "You're doing just fine."