Maito Gai came home whistling from a good day of training with his three-man team.  Lee was recovering well, Neji's temperament seemed to be improving, and Tenten was starting to use heavy windmill shurikens—she was dangerous with those.

            As he reached his door, he suddenly stopped.  What's this?  The door… he always placed an invisible seal on it to tell him if it had been opened.  The seal was still there, but… it was all wrong.  It wasn't even a good fake.  Whoever did this must have been totally drunk!  Someone had come in but clumsily tried to repair the telltale seal!  But who, and why?  Kakashi… my eternal rival, could this be a trick of yours?  Or, perhaps assassins from the Akatsuki who I scared away?  There's nothing of value in here, the only reason to enter would be to get to me… meaning, the person who did this is still here waiting for me.  I'll just have to find him… I will not lose to whoever is inside here!  He opened the door.

            His house was dark and quiet.  He moved silently along the walls, senses alert, wondering whom he would encounter.  If it's Kakashi… he imagined Kakashi jumping out from somewhere and surprising him in his own house with some hip little greeting.  How humiliating!  If I let Kakashi catch me by surprise, I will have to hit 100 insects with shuriken by sound alone in one night.  He entered the kitchen.  Was everything in place here?  He looked around.  Hmm… had he left that cookie jar open?  It would be just like Kakashi to steal his food!

            The hall bathroom?  Nothing there.  Hiding behind a drawn shower curtain was an old ninja trick.  Neither Kakashi nor a jounin-level assassin would do such a basic thing.  But the enemy had to be somewhere…

            Suddenly, he heard a noise.  Something moved.  His strained senses finally rewarded him!  It was coming from… his bedroom!

            Kakashi… in my bedroom?  Why would he be there… could he—no! Gai banished the thought.

            As he snuck closer to the door, he heard something else.  Was that a laugh?  More precisely, a feminine giggle?  What was going on here?

            I'll get to the bottom of this.  He placed his hand on the bedroom doorknob.  He listened for a moment.  Then, he flung the door open and charged inside, turning on the lights!

            "Ha!  I have caught you, my eternal riv—Aaaah!"

            Gai's jaw dropped.  "Hokage-sama!  What are you doing in my house?!"
            Tsunade, cheeks pink and kimono hanging tentatively low around her shoulders and chest, smiled at him and drunkenly blew him a kiss.  "I thought I'd pay you a little visit… Maito Gai-san.  A good leader should keep close ties with her… top men, don't you think?  I hope you'll forgive my sneaking in.  You responded expertly."  She walked up to him and ran a finger down his side seductively.

            "Hokage-sama, why are you acting so strange?  This is… definitely wrong!  I don't understand!"

            Tsunade stepped back and ran her hands along the top of her kimono.  "Oh… it's simple really.  I may be a leader, but I am also a woman.  If I can't have fun with my subordinates, then who can I have fun with?  My peers are all old men.  I prefer someone who still retains… a bit of the energy of youth!  I came here because I want you, Gai."  She pulled her clothes down to her waist, assaulting his senses with her genjutsu-preserved body.

            Gai lost his mind.  He covered his eyes desperately, and yelled.  "I should not be seeing this, I should not be seeing this!  Hokage-sama!  Someone has definitely used some sort of jutsu on your mind!  Recover your senses!"

            Tsunade was miffed.  Kakashi, Anko, and Asuma spoke to her through the mind-linking seal they had temporarily marked on the backs of their necks.  "Well… what can I say?" drawled Kakashi.  "I told you he was gay, Godaime-sama.  If that doesn't prove it…"

            "I told you I had tried the same thing," Kurenai said.

            She thought angrily back at them.  "Shut up!  This isn't over yet!  Maybe he's just not a visual person, or not a large breasts man.  I haven't lost just yet!"

            Tsunade softly reached out and took one of Gai's hands from his face.

            "What are you doing…"

            She kissed it softly, then pressed it against her cheek.  "Mmm… your touch feels so good, Gai.  Let me come closer to you…" she leaned forward to kiss Gai on the lips.

What is going on, what is going on, what is going on… is she mad?  Maybe it's an impostor!  Wait…impostor!  That's it!  Kakashi, you nearly outsmarted me this time… but no one would believe such a horribly out-of-character Hokage!  The woman who healed my Rock Lee would never behave in such an immodest way, even horribly drunk!  This is one of your tricks!

            He held out his fingers in the anti genjutsu seal just before Tsunade's lips met his.  "Kai!"

            Tsunade kissed him passionately.  He seemed to be completely rigid and still.  Well, at least he's nervous.  That's a sign that this is at least getting to him in some way.  Wait… what was that he just did?  And why do I feel… so…?

            She pulled back.  Gai's face was the same color as his jumpsuit.  He stared at her face, her body, and just trembled.

            He had dispelled her youth.  Standing before him, and having just kissed him with tongue, was a terrifying old creature the likes of which not even the senior Proud Green Beast of the Leaf could stand against.

            Gai fainted.

            Kakashi, Asuma, and Kurenai had seen Tsunade through her own eyes.  They stood in silent shock.

            "That… was more than I needed to see.  That regeneration jutsu… nothing could be worth such a horrible price."

            "They almost reach her hips!  The horror… for once, thank goodness I'm only a B."

            "That was... well, I've seen worse, at least."  Asuma was thick-skinned to such things, having once walked in on his great uncle the Third taking a bath.  After that, nothing could truly faze him ever again.

            Tsunade renewed her sexy illusion and look down at Gai on the floor.  How horrible.

            "So, do you give up yet?"

            "No, Kurenai.  This wise old woman has a few more tricks up her sleeve.  I've been around the block with enough men to consider myself something of an expert.  This man may not be a raging heterosexual horndog like Jiraiya, but I sense that he has potential.  So no, I do not give up yet… not even after that."