Chapter 3

Frodo continued to toss in his bed that night and finally decided to look out his window, so he could see how the moonlight shone upon the Shire, naturally illuminating the features of the Shire. Not that the moon was overly bright, but it didn't make the place seem so dark. The Shire at night was always a tranquil place to behold, and he wanted to capture that scene in his mind permanently.

Looking out the window made him think about his conversation with Merry and Pippin. Contemplating about that conversation with Rosie, he felt that he probably could have done a better job with telling his dear cousins. He had so much to think about and as he let his thoughts wander, he thought about the fond memories of his childhood, his fun and adventurous times with Merry and his other Brandybuck relatives at Brandy Hall. And then the silly Took came along when he was old enough, and Fredegar Bolger and Folco Boffin were always loyal friends he had good memories with. How he would miss their times at The Green Dragon and the Golden Perch, their adventures stealing mushrooms when they were younger, their pipe weed contests, and their great feasts at Yule and other holidays.

They all had been once so innocent, so oblivious of sorrow and pain. Now they all came out of the War differently: wiser, stronger, more mature, and enduring.

Frodo's thoughts turned to second lunch yesterday when he had given Merry documents that would authorize Sam to be the owner of Bag End starting the month of October. One set of documents was to be given to Sam ultimately, and an additional set was preferably to a "witness" to the appointment. Frodo did not know of any other way of making it obvious that he was departing from the Shire other than to give something that would solidify who the Master of Bag End would be. He thought that this meeting would be the last time he would see his beloved cousins.

Merry and Pippin were visiting Hobbiton because it was soon to be Frodo's birthday. He and Pippin were always traveling in between Buckland and Hobbiton and it wasn't easy to catch them, but Merry and Pippin always made time to eat and spend time with their dear cousin.

The hobbits sat in a secluded corner of the Inn so that they could have privacy. Frodo had reserved that area because he did not want half the Shire to know of his impending departure. Frodo ordered the best foods from the menu and the best ale for what he thought would be the last meal he would have with Merry and Pippin. For the first half of their second lunch at the Inn of Hobbiton, they were just joking as usual and talking about the happenings of Merry and Pippin's active lives.

Pippin told funny stories about how his family had reacted to him growing a few inches, while Merry revealed to them about his improving relationship with Estella Bolger, his potential wife. Pippin kept on teasing Merry and told Frodo how red Merry had become when Estella just appeared one day, catching Merry off-guard.

"Oh Frodo! You should've been there! I couldn't keep a straight face at the scene that I had to leave the room and crack up elsewhere! Estella just came with Freddy and caused quite a stir at the party at Bywater that other day. We didn't expect them to come, since it's pretty far from where they live, and Merry was so surprised at their arrival that he was stuttering through his whole conversation with her! He was as bad as Sam is with Rosie!" said Pippin laughing between bites of the roasted mushrooms he was eating.

"Oh stop it, Pip! Let me not remind you about Celadine at that other party, when you asked her to dance only to find out that she was married!" replied Merry with a wide mischievous grin. "At least I go for unmarried hobbit lasses," said Merry, nudging Pippin, as Pippin looked indignant and pretended to be hurt.

"How would I have known? Heh, she seems too fine to be married with that plain Harry BlowfootÉ and you know, a dance doesn't hurt," Pippin replied, burping as he leaned back on his chair.

Frodo laughed. "I would be very surprised if any girl would like a hobbit who sits funny and burps whenever he feels like it! Amusing stories you tell! But let us not forget that crush you had in Brandy Hall though, MerryÉ though Pippin was too young to remember, I remember that one quite well." Frodo chuckled with the thought of that memory.

Frodo winked at Pippin and Merry looked in between them and said, "Oh well, I see how it is, you guys ganging up on a Brandybuck!" It was Merry's turn to pretend to look hurt, but that didn't' last for long as all three began to crack up.

"Oh you guys É are too much É Sometimes I cannot believe that you survived that journey as well as you didÉ Through Orcs and trolls and Ents, not to mention adverse conditions and fear at every moment É you guys are really something," Frodo said thoughtfully. "The Shire is lucky to have a Knight of Gondor and an Esquire for the Mark, lucky to have had you at the Battle of Bywater, lucky to have such fine, lively folk around

"And we're lucky to have you, our cousin and the person who took up the fate of Middle-Earth willingly in his hands and succeeded in doing the impossible and saving all of us." Merry replied.

Frodo looked away with this reply and felt his heartbeat accelerate and the memory of the loss of the Ring tugged at his semi-conscious. He had wanted the conversation to somehow lead back to the Quest and how he felt, but had not expected undeserved praise. Even now, he didn't quite know how to break the news to them. How would they take it? Would they understand?

"What troubles you, Frodo?" asked Pippin, sensing the sudden tension and seeing Frodo's changed expression. "Out with itÉ we know that you are not yourself at timesÉ we see. We know you have something to tell us. Tell us how we can help you in whatever wayÉtell us how you still feel from that É journey.

Frodo looked at his younger cousin in awe, amazed at his quick wit and perception. He looked at Merry too and saw that he, too, looked upon Frodo with curious eyes full of expectation of an explanation.

"Frodo Baggins, you do not treat us to a feast randomly without having something important to say! Look at this mealÉ almost everything from the menu! And the finest ale there is too!" Merry exclaimed. Now ---

But before Merry could finish his sentence, Frodo thrust the brown concealed envelope into Merry's hands.

"What is this?

But before Merry could open it, Frodo looked at both of them with commanding eyes, took their hands and said, "Promise me that you'll take care. Promise me that you will live up to your names. Be a good Master of Buckland, Meriadoc Brandybuck, and you, a great Thain of Tookland, Peregrin Took. Continue to be the great people that you are, but do not let popularity mask the essence of your humble souls that Shirefolk must retain. Do not let the Shire forget what the costs had been to achieve such victory. Let them rememberÉ" Frodo's voice drifted because he did not know how to continue without hinting to his upcoming departure from Middle-Earth É could he tell them?

Merry recovered first from this sudden outburst by Frodo and said, "What exactly are you saying, Frodo? Why this sudden declaration?" He looked down at the brown envelope and then at Frodo, trying to make the connection.

Frodo replied, "It will all be clear soonÉ but please promise me that you will give these to the Mayor as soon as possible. They're important for we don't want Bag End to fall in the wrong hands, now do we?" Frodo smiled wryly and stood up.

"What are you talking about, Frodo? You live and own Bag End! Always have and always willÉ I don't understand," said Pippin in a slow and quiet voice.

"Unless he relinquishes it to another hobbit, that is," Merry's eyes glared at Frodo, and at that moment Merry and Frodo's eyes locked and an unforeseen understanding materialized between them. Thoughts seem to go telepathically between them:

"But why, Frodo?

"You know why, my wise Brandybuc kÉ I will be leaving soon É you know there will never be real peace for me anymore É you knew ever since those days in Minas Tirith.

" How are you leaving? With the Elves through the Grey Havens?

Frodo gave a quick nod with tears forming in his eyes. He could not say anything without feeling regret and sorrow at the choice that he had to make for his sake and not anyone else's.

Pippin looked confusedly between cousins and cried, "What's going on? Frodo are you really giving up Bag End? My dear hobbit, what's wrong?" asked Pippin anxiously as he put his right hand on Frodo's arm. "What can we do to help you? What drastic changes are you thinking of? Pippin's voice trailed off, as he finally began to piece things together.

Merry was still in a state of shock, even though he felt that this had been coming for quite some time. He had overheard what Elrond said that last day in Rivendell before they left for the Shire: For about this time of the year, when the leaves are gold before they fall, look for Bilbo in the woods of the Shire." *** He had kept this to himself but had always wondered about the significance of these words. Frodo never mentioned this, and Merry knew better than to ask; but Merry always had known about Frodo's bi-annual illnesses, his lessened participation in the happenings of the Shire, and his moodiness and preference to being alone. He and Pippin talked with Sam more than Frodo knew. The cousins knew how Frodo was behaving, how the Quest and the Ring's effect on him had a stronger hold on him than anyone else. But they did not foresee Frodo leaving Middle-Earth with the Elves.

Frodo's face always seemed to show a shadow of the past. Even though he laughed and smiled, if one looked into the depths of his blue eyes, one could see the lasting pain, sorrow, rageÉ agony. The signs were all there. It couldn't be clearer.

Looking in between cousins and registering the somber mood and making the connections between all Frodo's words, Pippin gave an audible sigh, cupped his face with his hands and finally asked the obvious questions, for he did not know how to start to inquire, "So you're leaving Middle-Earth? Is this what all this is about?

Frodo nodded, holding his cup with both his hands. He shuddered as he saw his missing middle right finger, and then a mixture of thoughts of rage and desire for the Ring surfaced, and he looked away towards the window so that Merry and Pippin could not see his pained expression.

Merry noticed the look of pain in Frodo's eyes, and put his hand on Frodo's shoulder, but did not find any words to say.

Whether it was disbelief, despair, sadness or a mixture of many emotions of sorrow, all three hobbits did not speak for a while and were busy with their own thoughts.

Pippin could not understand this decision, did not know how Frodo could leave Middle-Earth. He had so many questions about this but he did not know how to start asking his beloved cousin about this sudden rash decision. Though Pippin knew about the post-traumatic feelings that Frodo had to endure, he could not bear to think about life without Frodo. At that moment, Pippin did not want to understand.

Merry cleared his throat, and opposite of what he wanted to ask, he asked, "Frodo, are you sure?

Frodo nodded and replied in a slow and steady voice, "Yes I am sure that I am going to leave for the Grey HavensÉI've been granted passage by the Elves. I have been too deeply hurt by the Quest É I'm constantly haunted by It. He continued steadily, "The memories never stopÉ the illnesses in March and October increase in intensity every year. It doesn't want me to forget; it doesn't want me to let go. After all that has been done, nothing is the same anymore.

Merry nodded in feigned comprehension, but felt tears forming in his eyes. There was one last question he had to ask while still in a state where he could still coherently form sentences É "Does Sam know?

Frodo looked down upon the floor as he thought how painful it would be for Sam to find out the last day. But nothing could be helped with that. He knew Sam. He knew that with more time, Sam would convince Frodo not to goÉ and already seeing the pained expressions of Rosie, Merry and Pippin, he couldn't bear to spend more time with these long discussions. Sam would have to find out when he rode out with him in two days.

Turning to Merry he said, "No, Merry É I intend to ride out with him the day I leave. I will give him the Red Book as well as all that is needed for ownership of Bag End and its properties. It would be way too hard for me and him to have more than the necessary time É to say É goodbye." Frodo's voice drifted as he could say no more about the matter of finally having to tell his best friend about his decision.

Merry leaned back on his chair with a dull expression on his face. He could understand Frodo's desire to tell Sam last, but also sympathized Sam É Frodo meant the world to Sam, and this parting would be sorrowful indeed É for both sides É Merry knew Frodo and Sam's relationship transcended spoken words; there was never a master-servant relationship that had so much depth, friendship, and love as the relationship that Frodo and Sam shared. Tears formed in Merry's eyes at the magnitude of this decision and how this would so profoundly and emotionally affect each of them.

Listening to this, Pippin could stand no longer and began to sob. He could not help it É he did not mean to make a scene but --- FrodoÉ his dear, beloved cousin was leaving him. Frodo had always been there for him ever since his birth and treated him so well, made him feel special É all the time. His adventures, his wit, his story-tellingÉ so many characteristics of his eldest cousin that he would so sorely miss. Whimpering, he went over to Frodo and gave him a big hug, leaving tears on Frodo's coat.

Frodo hugged back fiercely, as all the memories with Pippin through the years came flooding back to him. His birth, the time he taught him how to smoke his first pipe weed, times at Tookland with his family. Feasts at the Green Dragon and subsequent drunken nights, teasing Pippin about his foolishness É oh how he would miss him he could not start to fathom.

Frodo managed to calm Pippin somewhat and composed himself enough to ask for the check, pay, and then subsequently lead his distraught cousins out of the Inn of Hobbiton.

They walked over to the great mallorn and Frodo said, "There are some things that I do not understand, that I do not expect to fully understandÉ some things that are not meant to have a Ôhappily ever after' attached to the end of a story. But I do not believe this to be the endÉ

"Oh Frodo! I wish this not be the end of your time in Middle-Earth, but seeing how it is, reading all the signs seeing how it can never be the same again, I have no more to say. Merry gave Frodo a big hug as tears continued to slide down his cheeks.

Frodo looked into the eyes of his practical and smart cousin, the future Master of Buckland, and remembered all the sweet memories at Brandy Hall with Merry before he left to live with Bilbo in Bag End. Merry had been the little brother that he never had. All the things he taught him, all the secrets they sharedÉ they were so much alike yet different. He would always remember those special times in Brandy Hall celebrating holidays with his family. His family had shown him so much kindness and care since his parents' deaths. As Merry got older, Frodo and he shared so much since they understood each other on a very deep and special level.

The three cousins shared some last moments of speaking about the memories they shared together. They had so much to talk about and cherish, so much to keep in their hearts forever. Not minding the tears that were wept and the smiles that were shared, they talked well into the night and were loathe to part ways. And before they parted ways, the three cousins joined in a long embrace as they saw the stars twinkle, as if it were a signal that there could be peace once more, even though it seemed that much was sacrificed for the greater good for everyone.

***from Tolkien's Return of the King Book 6 Chapter VI Homeward Bound pg. 966 Houghton Mifflin One Volume Lord of the Rings