Gai awoke from a nightmare in which he was being attacked by two enormous squished raisins.

            "Huh…?"

            Standing over him was the Fifth Hokage, clothed now, and looking as youthful and beautiful as ever.  "Feeling better, Gai?"

            He jumped and pointed at her.  "You, you… who are you?!"

            "You're a bit incoherent, Gai-san.  Take a moment to collect yourself."

            Gai stood up and took a moment to think through what had happened.  He had come home and found that someone had broken in, he had caught the Hokage in his bedroom and she had tried to seduce him.  Then, he tried to dispel the illusion, because she couldn't possibly be real, but she turned into… shiver.

            She smiled at him, concealing her great irritation.  "You really shouldn't use high-level anti-genjutsu against me, you know?  It's just bad for both of us."  She was getting sober now, and beginning to question the wisdom of this bet.  It was too late now, though.  She would just have to be smarter about it, and use her feminine wiles and wisdom.  "You won't do that again, will you?"

            "No, Godaime-sama."

            She patted him.  "That's good."

            Gai looked a bit uncomfortable.  "Godaime-sama… why are you acting this way?  What has gotten into you?  Even in the very warmest springtime of one's youth, such actions are not—"

            "Oh, please.  Gai, you sound like you have a bit to learn about women."

            "…oh?"

            "Look… I'm sorry I tried to be so direct with you.  I thought someone as manly and strong as you would surely be excited at the idea.  I didn't know you as well as I thought."

A bit of flattery seemed to have worked somewhat.  Gai calmed down.  "It's alright, Hokage-sama.  You have been alone and an unhappy compulsive gambler for many years.  It is understandable.  I won't tell anyone about your not-so-youthful indiscretion."

"Heh… thank you, Gai-san.  But, me, alone?  No.  I had Shizune.  That's not what this is about."
            Gai made a fist.  "Shizune… of course!  Godaime-sama… I am sorry.  You had been cut off and separate from your home in the Leaf Village for so long, and now when you return, we are so busy rebuilding and have so much work for you to do as Hokage that you are even more alone now.  Your sole companion has been sent away on mission after mission, leaving you in that empty office until you went mad and tried to put the moves on the Proud Green Beast.  Forgive us for neglecting your human needs so.  I promise that henceforth, we here in Konoha will not only be your army and your people, but your companions as well."  He flashed his 'nice guy' pose.

An awkward silence followed.  What the heck is that pose?

            Kurenai spoke:  "This is ridiculous.  We've made enough of a mess already, it's time to give up!"

            "Not a chance in hell!  I'll win this bet yet!  I'm old, and wise in the ways of men.  I know the way to approach him now."

            "Gai-san, I am so deeply moved by your sentiment.  I know I can count on you!"

            "Of course you can! You know, Godaime-sama, the jounins generally go drinking on Friday nights, like tonight.  I wasn't there this time, but if you're looking for non-professional companionship perhaps you should join us."

            "Ah, good idea... that would be nice.  I have to say, I don't think it's exactly what I'm looking for, though… Gai-san, like I said: you really do have a lot to learn about women."

            "A lot to learn…" he seemed put out again.   "Well, alright then, I can accept that!  For the sake of improving myself… if that is the case, then explain to me, Godaime-sama.  Tell me what it is I need to know, to better serve you and all the women of Konoha!"

"You know, that's very honest of you.  I respect you for that a lot… Gai-san, you're a very noble and chivalrous man and you've taught your student to be the same way.  But you're making one mistake."

"What kind of mistake?  Tell me, so that I can correct this flaw in my otherwise perfect Nice-Guy attitude!"

She touched his cheek gently.  "You try so hard, but hard work has to be well guided.  You put the female sex on too high a pedestal, Gai."

"A pedestal?"

  "Yes.  What I mean is that sometimes, any person needs…" she whispered in his ear.  "More than friendship."

"Yes, of course… love is the most beautiful thing in all of life!  Except perhaps for youth… especially youth in spandex."

"No, Gai!  That's not what I mean.  Sometimes, any human being just needs to have a little fun, do you understand?  You act like that's something wrong, but it's not.  In fact, the Nice Guy thing to do would be to help, right?"  Technically, this was not a lie; she'd been quite some time without a decent mate.  But, would it work?

 Gai remained quiet, wondering what in the world to say to that.  Tsunade waited patiently, knowing this was most likely the moment of truth in whether or not he would be open to an attempt at seduction.

Gai looked in Tsunade's eyes seriously.  He placed his hand on her shoulder.  "Tsuande-sama… I understand this.  I have a certain person who I feel that way about, but cannot possibly be with because of our current relationship… and a few other reasons.  I understand the feeling you speak of, and I apologize for presuming that a woman could not suffer from it and acting as if you were chaste.  But… I can't be with you.  Please understand!  I am very sorry."

No!  "Gai, why not?  We are both single, consenting adults."

"But, Tsunade-sama…" he hung his head.  "I must admit that—"

Tsunade make a quick hand seal behind her back and her sense link to Kurenai, Asuma, and Kakashi broke, leaving them unable to hear the end of the sentence.

Asuma was disheartened.  "It looks like you guys were right… damn.  And I was going to take my team for a barbeque if we won."

Kurenai was just angry.  "She cut the link just as he was about to admit it!  Now she'll probably try to say he said something else and try to call it ambiguous, all bets off.  She's a compulsive gambler, right?"

Kakashi, however, could only think, I really hope Gai's 'certain person' is not me.