Author: Bozcorelli

Title: With Every Beat Of My Heart

Summary: I will get him back, If it's the last thing I do...

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I know you know that!

Notes: Hope you like it. Yeah.

Love. That word had no meaning to me. Hearts, flowers, marriage, and all that other sappy shit. I never wanted to love anyone. It all seemed so stupid to me. Besides, it's impossible to love me. No one ever has. Not my sister, my father, my mother, or any of my so called boyfriends. Sometimes they would say they did love me, but actions speak louder than words. They didn't love me at all.

I accepted that. I accepted loneliness. I had to. I had no one and I was never gonna have any one. Why dwell on something you ain't never gonna have right? So I put on the act. The tough act. I walked around like I owned the place, and awhile later I did own the place. People don't mess with me. And to be honest, I actually believe this tough act was me. The real me. I liked it.

Everything was going great when he came. The problem. He walked into the room and he wasn't afraid of me. I didn't scare him, I didn't intimidate him, and that is what pissed me off. There was no way in hell I was gonna let him take me down. No way. So I did what I had to do, I had to get rid of him.

Murder was way over the line, Kidnapping him and sending him to Korea was also over the line, so it came to me. I would set him up for my fall. The plan was perfect. Simple, easy, and there was no way he'd see it coming.

But there was something I didn't see coming.....

I fell for him. Very slowly, day by day he meant a lil more to me. Then my sister died. My only sister died in my arms. The worst day of my life. That night he came to me. He came to my home, where no one was around. No one around for me to distract myself with. It was just us. As he pushed a strand of hair behind my ear, looking into my eyes, I knew. I knew he wasn't like the other. He's special. I need him.

My twisted mind wouldn't accept that though, so I kept hurting him. I kept putting his name on the papers, I kept pushing him a lil closer to the edge. Why? I honestly don't know. I felt it was something I had to do.

He figured me out. Him and that fucking useless bitch Yokas. They figured me out. One thing led to another and I'm in Aaron Noble's hotel room with two guns pointed at me. He says he shot me. He said it was him. I know he shot at Noble. I know he hit Noble. The bitch, she's the one who got me. But I got her back. Boy, did I get her. Proud of it too.

Time went along. He hated me. I can't say I hated him. Hell, I missed him. But I gotta hate him. It's only right. I still walked around with this tough bitch act. That act got me into some serious shit. I thought nothing could hurt me. Warner did. He hurt me alot.

Rape. I use to feel sorry for women who were raped. I'd say what a shame. Shame. Shame is a good word for rape. I'm ashamed of what happened to me. I know I didn't ask for it, but that doesn't mean it wasn't my fault. But we caught him, we caught warner. I felt good, but sad at the same time.

He asked me out for drinks. Get something to eat. Ya know how it is. I wanted to say yes. I needed to say yes. This is what I wanted. I wanted him back. But I said no. Rape can change you, and can shange how people feel about you. I don't need his pity. I need him.

Time moved on. I got better. I returned to ACU from beat cop sarge. I loved being back. Everything was falling back in place. Almost everythng. I still didn't have him. He was gone to me now. Yokas was back. They were partners again. She's gonna try and brainwash him. She always does. Stupid bitch.

So here I am. All alone. Absolutely no one to hold in my arms, no one to kiss, and no one to love. But I do have something. I have a plan.

I Maritza Cruz, WILL get Maurice Boscorelli back, if it's the last thing I do.