Yes!! Guess what, everybody??? This is 12!!

Hope you like it and all!

I do not own Kare Kano, though I wish I did!

Chapter 12: My Circumstance Part I

Arima Soichiro rolled over in his bed, finally inside the sanctity of his own room. He couldn't stand it. Although he had managed to give himself some time alone to think, the past couple of days had been hard. The school day yesterday had been horrible. Wherever he had gone, people were passing rumors about the school, their empty lies ripping painfully at his eardrums. He didn't understand. Why did he let this happen to Yukino? Maybe if he had asked more questions, maybe if he had objected more persistently to her new tutoring assignment, she wouldn't have gone to that guy's house, and he wouldn't have had the audacity to try and take her away from him.

Yes, that was something that really made him question everything about the world outside of their relationship. Why would anyone try to tear them apart so viciously? First with an attempt to attack her, and then following up with rumors and lies. It was like a fight in a boxing ring, one blow after the other.

She was so special to him, and she had done so much for him, perhaps without even knowing it herself. She invited him out of his shell, and opened the door to his emotions. He no longer had to feel so separate, so alone and confused. He had her. Everything had been perfect. Their love blossomed, and they were always able to overcome the obstacles that stood in their way. So why did other people try to take all of that away from them? He was so angry, angry for days. It had been hard having to look at Yukino during school and see her level of self-esteem drop below the floor. She looked so hurt and lost, it broke his heart and tore him down completely. Right now, he wasn't so angry at her as he was with himself. He should have taken more action to protect her and their relationship. He felt like a fool.

He felt as if her were floating downward, but with no where to land, no where to plant his feet firmly and to kiss whatever would be under his feet.

Arima winced. A light, joyful snowfall danced outside of his window, and it contrasted and clashed frankly with the violent torrent of emotions that had taken siege over his entire body. He couldn't stop thinking about Yukino. He felt as if there was a sort of nothingness inside of him when he was without her gentle countenance. She gave him so much joy. How did he ever survive without her? He couldn't seem to remember what the years were like before he discovered a love like hers. When they united, it was as if he had been born again.

He couldn't take it anymore. He needed to see her again, and soon. He needed to tell her he was sorry for the way he was acting. He hadn't even talked to her! He knew that they needed to communicate in order to find happiness again. It was just that he needed some time alone to contemplate, to go over and analyze their relationship. He couldn't stand to look at her, knowing that he was hurting her. He simply didn't know how he was going to act if he decided to approach her. Would he tell her to leave him alone? Would he blame her for being too kind and open with her tutoring student? Would he, in his blinding confusion, accuse her of sending signals of inappropriate flirtations?

And what would she do? Would she yell at him back? Would she cry? Would she break up with him and tell him she didn't love him anymore?

With all of these things crowding his thoughts, he could only pretend as if he were paying attention to his schoolwork. At school, he wasn't allowed to keep his mind pre-occupied on other things, although Yukino did mean a lot more to him than his daily lessons. Why did he have to pay attention to education when other things were so much more important, anyway?

A small voice deep inside of him asked him, though, that wasn't part of making Yukino happy was presenting her with a man who was smart and intelligent? Sometimes, when he wasn't really thinking straight, he felt that he could do so much more for her with his body, especially since he wasn't really all that smart. At least, he didn't think so. He had no need to slay the demons of his past with over-achieving any longer; not when he had her.

He narrowed his eyes. Love really did hurt sometimes. In the middle of their union, he didn't quite understand what people meant when they said negative things about love. He had tried to, but he didn't. How could something so wonderful cause pain? Foolish people though of love as simply a physical aspect, a little dream full of music and embraces. It could be a dream, but it also had a somewhat nightmarish quality lurking behind it.

He wished he could have talked to Yukino, maybe he should have visited her when she was sick. Then they would have a chance to communicate with each other, to enjoy one another's company. He ran a hand through his dark hair. He was such an idiot! That is exactly what he should have done! Then maybe, she would be with him at this very moment. His parents weren't home. Maybe he could be showing her just how much he loved her, using his lips and his hands, among other things.

He frowned deeply. *But no, I couldn't do that,* he thought bitterly. *Then I would be breaking our promise.*

Arima got up and walked slowly and stiffly over to his window, watching the particles of snow float and lilt toward the white, sugary earth. He sighed. It was fortunate for him that it was the weekend. He could stay locked in his room to mull and marinate in the pitiful situation that was his life. The weekend was always good to him. This weekend made last weekend seem so far away. It was confusing to think that just several days ago, Yukino was locked in his arms, shutting his brain down with her long, loving kisses.

*She is so beautiful.*

This week was slow and confusing, but at least he didn't have to deal with school right now. Nothing had been more hurtful as when that student of Yukino's had approached him right before class with his pocketful of lies. The bell had rung right after he had told him that Yukino was with him, now that she knew of all the things he could do to her, and had enjoyed what he had already shown her. Arima had been forced to enter the school building, forced to keep his anger locked away within the confines of his heart. That anger was released violently after school that same day. He was glad that Yukino hadn't been there to see the carnage he had caused, but inflicting pain on her student was something that he didn't regret.

At the time, his jealousy had allowed him to believe the boy's idiotic lies, but after awhile, Arima concluded that it couldn't be true. Back then, Yukino had loved him.

Now that he had time to himself, he was able to think and question the situation, and find his place in it all. Now that he had time to himself, he was eager to see her again, but he had to come to her in the right way, so that she would know that he wasn't feeling so peculiar anymore. He felt like begging her to love him again, despite his failure to protect her from the outside forces who couldn't understand the amount of love and joy in their relationship. He wanted to beg her permission to take her. He wanted her to know that he wanted her; needed her. To know that he wanted her to need him, too. He wanted her to know that he only wanted to please her.

Mmm-Hmmmp. Sorry it was so short!! It was all I could do! And please, don't forget to review!! Chapter 13, coming soon!