Author's Note - I have learnt one thing in this FF site readers and that is Tin-Tin Kyrano is a very popular young woman. Some very poignant requests for this young lady's life! But one has to go on! I have decided to divide this chapter into two parts after a harrowing few weeks! Thanks to Lady Viva for her encouragement yet again! mcj.
CHAPTER TWELVE - PART ONE - A LIFETIME COMMITMENT - MEETING LUCY JOSEPHINE
The last time he had witnessed a sunset as brilliant as this one was three weeks ago as he left earth onboard Thunderbird Three headed for the satellite. Both he and his brother Scott had marvelled at the magnificent colours nature produced at this time of the year. November sunsets were breathtaking on Tracy Island and even more breathtaking from the air.
Actually as he thought about it, it had probably only been Scott who had marvelled at the colours. He had merely looked at them half-heartedly as Scott commented on their brilliance. His thoughts had been elsewhere, more specifically remembering the tearful face of his heavily pregnant wife as she watched him leave her at a time when she needed him the most.
Scott, not knowing where his thoughts lay, had berated him for his lack of application and concentration during blast-off and reminded him in no uncertain terms to focus one hundred per cent on piloting the rocket ship.
"In case you haven't worked it out Alan, this is exactly why Dad won't allow you to solo pilot Thunderbird Three." he had chided him in his military sounding voice. "You simply can't be trusted to keep your mind on the job. Now for goodness sake pay attention to what you're doing will you?"
Alan Tracy stopped watching the sunset from the hospital window and shrugged his shoulders as he turned to sit down. Who in the hell cared about piloting Thunderbird Three anyway? He wouldn't be taking that spaceship anywhere ever again. He'd soon be back on the racing circuit making a living. He felt his stomach bum with the unexpressed fury trapped inside him as he reminded himself of the reason why.
"Tin-Tin." he swallowed angrily as his mind swam with physical and mental exhaustion, "I know deep down in my gut my Father said something to you about those kids dying in that mine. I can't believe he won't admit it to me or anyone else. He's gone and blamed you so you would perform for him. That's what he's like. He does it all the time and I can't handle his relentless expectations of you and me anymore. I'm telling you baby, you, me and Lucy are off that island when this is over no matter what he says to either of us."
He tapped his feet impatiently as the fury inside him still tried to find a way to release itself.
"I'm trying to do what you want and control my temper." he fumed in silence. "But the more I think about things, the more I wish I'd have just cut loose in there and decked him for how he's treated you. I swear if he comes anywhere near me again today trying to justify himself to me, I'll do just that."
He felt his eyes starting to close despite his boiling anger. He had been awake for nearly thirty-five hours and his body was starting to shut down with fatigue.
"Please baby, "he whispered as he rested his head against the wall. "You've got to pull through for me now. Our little Lucy Josephine is lying in there. I haven't seen her but I know how much she needs you. I need you too if we're going to start again away from Tracy Island. I know I said to Dad I could do it on my own but I realise I can't. I don't even know where to start with a baby, let alone a baby girl."
The door of the special care nursery opened. His opened his eyes, fear gripping his whole body. He rose from his position in the corridor and looked in the direction of the door. It was a simply a nurse finishing her shift. His heart sank. He desperately wanted it to be Doctor Sommerville.
"Excuse me ma'am," he said anxiously as he followed the nurse down the corridor. The nurse turned to him.
"Yes?' she asked.
"Urn... my baby daughter is in there.. .she was born by caesarean section earlier this morning. Can you tell me if she's all right?"
"What's your name Sir?" she asked.
"Alan Tracy ma'am." he replied hopefully.
"Baby Tracy? No I'm sorry." she responded carefully. "You'll have to wait for Doctor to comment on Baby Tracy's condition. Doctor is still with her at the moment."
She turned and continued to walk down the corridor. Alan stood helplessly in the centre ofthe floor watching her go. Doctor Sommerville had been with Lucy all day and nothing had been said to him about her condition other than it was critical. This was not looking good and there was still no word from theatre. Tin-Tin had been in that theatre for almost ten hours.
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KINGSLEY: "Dr Chan... I don't know what to say."
CHAN: "There's nothing you can say to soften a blow like this Doctor."
KINGSLEY: "One of us has to break the news to Mr. Tracy."
CHAN: "You are her Doctor."
KINGSLEY: "You are her Surgeon."
CHAN : "It won't be easy for either ofus."
KINGSLEY: "I suppose with time..."
CHAN : "So hard ... caring for a baby alone. . ."
KINGSLEY: "Mmmm."
CHAN: "Kingsley; you can't blame yourself. She had every care during the pregnancy."
KINGSLEY: "I know. I'm simply thinking of that poor young man outside."
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His finger traced around the dainty outline of the tiny pink heart as he held the bracelet in the palm of his hand. His tired eyes tried to focus to read the inscription.
"Lucy Josephine."
His eyes welled with tears and he lifted his chin and closed his eyes to stop them falling. Why couldn't someone tell him something, anything about his baby daughter?
His eyes remained shut but the tears had escaped and ran silently down his cheeks. His anger had now been replaced by a new emotion he had never experienced before; the special worry a Father feels for his daughter.
He was fast losing hope of seeing either of them alive now. Thoughts of arranging funeral services had started to linger in his mind. The tears increased.
"Lucy Josephine, please pull through for Daddy." he whispered in despair. "I don't want to have to bury you little baby. Not you and your mommy too."
"What's all this then young man? Surely I haven't lived to see the day when I'm witnessing tears falling from the eyes of a Tracy son?"
He opened his eyes. It was Grandma. He looked at her dolefully, the tide of silent tears refusing to be stemmed by the family expectation he was a Tracy son and Tracy sons never cried.
She sat down beside him and took his hand firmly in hers. She felt his grip tighten. She saw his lips trembling and knew her youngest Grandson well enough to recognise he was going to do more than simply cry in a minute.
He was about to break down.
Wild as he was or had been in the past Josie Tracy knew more than anyone of the depth of love Alan felt for his beloved childhood mend Tin-Tin Kyrano.
She gathered him tightly into her embrace and encouraged him to release his emotions. He needed to get his feelings out somehow she figured and this was better than having him vent them in the form of anger at his Father.
"There there now. Come on sweetie." she soothed gently, patting his heaving shoulders. "Grandma's here. Hush now. You need to pull yourself together and stop all these tears and nonsense. Tracy sons know tears don't change things."
Despite her words, tears continued to run down the pale, listless face of Alan Tracy. Josie stroked his blonde head as she had done many a time in the past as she sadly remembered how this son of Jeff Tracy had been forced to be a man before he was out of diapers. She remembered him at the age of three being told by his Father in no uncertain terms that he had to be a man and stop his crying when he fell and broke his arm badly. Josie still pictured her little grandson holding his arm, biting his lip until it bled as he tried not to cry in front of his Father as they waited for the ambulance to arrive.
"Tracy sons are strong, "she remembered Jeff saying to him and in the back of her mind she knew where he'd gotten that notion from.
His own Father.
Grant Tracy had been hard nosed and as tough as they came. There was no room for weakness with Grant around. Tracy men were tough. They didn't feel anything. Josie sighed. Grant had raised Jeff like that. No wonder he had snapped shut emotionally when Lucy died.
She continued to try to soothe him.
"Hey now, where's that brave and fearless young Astronaut who risked his life jumping out of a rocket ship to be beside his little girl in her time of need huh?"
He tried to pull himself together and smile at her but even his usually brilliant smile had evaded him now.
"That Astronaut isn't here anymore Grandma." he replied unhappily moving from her arms and wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.
He started pacing the floor, periodically wiping a stray tear from his cheek as he looked anxiously towards the door of the nursery.
Josie shook her head. Even she had to admit to herself she didn't know how in the hell she was going to fix this one between Alan and his Father. It was like dealing with the rocky father-son relationship between Grant and Jeff all over again. She hadn't managed to handle that one too well either if the truth was known. Grant Tracy had possessed a powerful personality, so powerful at times she at been at a loss at how to cope with it. This youngest Tracy son was becoming more like the domineering Grant Tracy with every day that passed.
"God help us all in another six months." she shuddered.
"Grandma, they won't tell me anything about my baby." he said. He swallowed and then snapped in a frustrated voice. "All this waiting about, not knowing anything. It's killing me. Don't they realise all this is a hell on earth for someone like me?"
"I know how you must be feeling sweetie." she sympathised. "Please come and sit down. You must try to stay positive. Hopefully the baby is all right and so is your little Tin-Tin."
Alan heaved an exhausted sigh and went to sit down but suddenly remembered he still held the tiny bracelet for Lucy in his hand. Grandma didn't know she had a great grand-daughter behind those closed doors and he didn't want her knowing yet either. He went to drop the bracelet into his top pocket before she saw it.
It was too late. He should have known nothing would get past his Grandmother's eyes. Grandma noticed everything.
"What have you got there then?" she asked with interest.
"It's nothing Grandma." he replied guiltily. His face started to redden.
Josie told herself he looked like he used to look when she caught him out with his hands in the cookie jar years ago as a naughty little eight year old. "Where have the years with this young man gone?" she thought to herself. Well he was guilty then and he was guilty now. She held out her hand.
"Come on." she demanded good-naturedly. "Hand it over whatever it is Alan."
Alan noticed his Grandmother was looking exactly like she used to look when she caught him doing the wrong thing as a child. Her reaction back then was right how it was now; domineering and imperious. Still, he had nothing but the utmost love and respect for the woman in front of him. Despite the fact she would now know about the baby, he accepted he had no option but to show her the token of love he had purchased for his baby daughter.
He reached back into his pocket and pulled out the gold bracelet. Wordlessly he opened his hand for her to see it.
Josie looked at the tiny gold bracelet and read the inscription. Her eyes travelled disbelievingly to his face. She was silent. For the first time in her life Josephine Tracy did not know what to say.
"Lucy Josephine."
She felt her eyes fill with tears at the news.
"Alan Shepherd Tracy," she finally said unsteadily despite attempting to speak in her usual no-nonsense voice. "Are you telling me by what I'm seeing that the result of your lovin' with that little Kyrano girl has been a great grand-daughter?"
"Yes ma'am." he admitted quietly. "The baby is a girl."
"How long have you known that?"
"About eight weeks Grandma."
"And you didn't tell me child?"
"No ma'am." he continued. "Tin-Tin and I wanted it to be a surprise for everyone. "
After a few moments he added. "Especially for you Grandma. Tin-Tin and I both know how much you've always wanted a girl in the family."
She was silent again. The Grandson she had raised from a baby had named his tiny daughter after her. She didn't know what to say or how to react as the reality of it simply refused to sink in. The birth of this child had been her dream for fifty-five years. She had yearned to nurture a little girl bearing the Tracy surname her whole married life. Grant had refused her any more children after Jeff's birth and as a result she had never had the opportunity to produce a daughter of her own. Her hopes had risen as Lucy's babies came but those hopes had been dashed too with the arrival of five grandsons one after the other.
Now a little girl had been birthed courtesy of an accident of timing by this wild youngest Grandson of hers. Josie could only believe she was a gift from Lucille. The son who had taken the life of Lucy Tracy had now unwittingly given Lucy Tracy back.
It was Josie's turn to feel tears sliding down her cheeks.
"Lucy Evans I'd a feeling you've been watching over my Jeff all these years." she reflected with fondness. "And I think I knew you well enough to believe you've had a hand in the happenings in this house that have brought this child into the world. You put those strange ideas into Jeffs head twelve years ago didn't you? Ideas I was too old to cope with things and needed outside help from someone like Kyrano. You introduced that little Kyrano girl into this house for a reason didn't you? You also made that youngest son of yours wild and careless when the rest of your sons were nothing like that. You knew your youngest son would bring you back to us. Today would have been your fifty-fifth birthday little girl and you, young lady are still giving yourself to that son of mine. "
She paused and mouthed her silent thanks to the beautiful girl her son had loved so completely and lost.
Then her face brightened as she looked at her Grandson.
"You come right here this instant and hug your Grandma young man!" she exclaimed happily, wiping her eyes and holding out her arms. "This is the most wonderful news a Grandma could ever be given."
"Yes ma'am." he said despondently as she squeezed him tight, "Lucy's birth was supposed to be a happy day for all of us."
Josie held him at arm's length and shook her finger at him.
"Now you stop that negative thinking right now." she said. "You and Tin-Tin have given this family something it hasn't been able to produce in eight-five years; a Tracy daughter. I'm sure that little baby of yours knows how special she is. She'll fight for you. All Tracy babies fight."
She eyed him as he shook his head miserably.
"So you don't believe me? Is that it? " she continued. "You only had to see how that red-haired brother of yours fought to survive on a respirator after he was born. You saw for yourself how he overcame his injuries in that hydrofoil accident a few years back. Now that was real fight and if that isn't enough for you to believe me, take a long hard look at yourself. You were downright dead inside your mother and yet here you are standing in front of me now as large as life and every bit as tall and strong as your Father. Neither of you young men would be gracing this world with your presence at the moment if you didn't have the Tracy fight inside of you. "
"I guess Lucy has fight in her Grandma." he admitted quietly. "I saw her monitor stop before Tin-Tin went into theatre and she's still struggling on against the odds they gave her."
"Well then, as her Daddy you should be sitting here expecting to hear some good news about that brave little baby, not moping around with tears pouring down your face."
"It's only the waiting Grandma. I can't take it that's all."
"Well," she said carefully, "Talking kills the time and the way I see it you and I need to do some serious talking anyway."
When he looked at her quizzically she added. "About what just happened between you and your Daddy."
Alan fired up immediately at any thought of his Father.
"No ma'am." he snapped with all the stubbornness of Grant Tracy rearing up inside him. "I don't want to talk to you about what happened with Dad. I'm not backing down. I meant every word I said about taking Tin-Tin and Lucy to the mainland."
"Alan Tracy," she frowned. "I'm not entering into arguments with you at a time like this. You're a Father yourself now and whilst you might not think so, I'm telling you you're going to make a lot of stupid mistakes raising that little girl of yours. Mistakes happen despite the best laid plans to the contrary. It's about time you understood and appreciated that your Father can make mistakes like the rest of us."
"Yeah well it's about time Dad understood and appreciated things about me too Grandma." he flashed. "Things like the value I place on Tin-Tin and Lucy and their well-being when I'm not there to see to it myself. Things he chooses to ignore when there's something more important on his very one-eyed agenda; like his damned drill."
Josie heard the tone of Grant Tracy again. It was plain to see this young man needed to be sorted out and the only way she was going to be able to do it was to try to bring him around slowly as she'd had to do in the past with Grant. Grant had been stubborn as a mule once he had a set about something and there had only been one way to win with him; slow, quiet persistence.
Doggedly she set herself on the same path she'd followed over forty years before. She didn't care how long it took. She did not want to lose her Grandson and that precious little baby girl of his because of an error of judgement by her son over a stupid piece of rescue equipment.
"Yes what you're saying's true Alan," she agreed, "but in pointing the finger at your Father you yourself have to remember how small a value you placed on the well-being of Tin-Tin and your little Lucy seven months ago."
"What do you mean by that Grandma?" he glared looking annoyed. He didn't like her tone or the message it conveyed.
She looked directly into his tired blue eyes.
"Y oung man, I believe you know exactly what I mean. You took that innocent little girl into your very experienced bed with no intention of taking care of the things that should be taken care of when that type of loving happens between a man and a woman."
She saw his expression alter.
"Don't you look at me like that Alan Tracy." she continued. "I'm your Grandmother and shouldn't know what you're like in these matters but because of your antics in the past unfortunately I do. You went ahead with your physical loving of that girl, not giving a damn about what the consequences could be for her. You gave her that baby at the height of it and then had the nerve to turn around and blame her for not preventing the result of your own stupidity."
"It wasn't like that Grandma." he began defensively. "I did give a damn about her. I loved her."
"Well if that's the case did you see fit to protect yourself as your Father said you had to if there were no unwanted Tracy babies to be had? Don't you worry, I was outside the door the night you and your brother gave him grief as youngsters when he was telling you about the need for extreme care in these matters. Well did you protect yourself? Answer me this instant!"
"No ma'am." he admitted. "But I didn't blame Tin-Tin for what happened because of it. I just wasn't too pleased that's all."
Josie folded her arms. Who was he kidding? They all knew about his efforts in San Diego.
"Alan Tracy don't you think for one minute I don't know about your words to her down in that hangar when she told you that your reckless lovin' had left behind a Tracy baby to grow inside her. Those words were callous and unfeeling and not the words of a man who was in love with her at the time."
Alan hated how Grandma could always make his wrong-doings sound so much worse than he thought they were. But she hadn't finished with him yet.
"If that wasn't bad enough you flew one very frightened and upset little girl down to San Diego against her will with every intention of ending that baby's life."
"Grandma I know I made mistakes when I did all that." he said in embarrassment. "But Tin-Tin's forgiven me now after a lot of pain and soul-searching on my part."
"Yes she forgave you and you deserved every moment of the pain and soul-searching in the meantime. What you did was mighty damn wrong and could have cost you your family. You made one hell of a big mistake in dealing with things that day didn't you?"
"Yes ma'am I did. But I was under a lot of stress Grandma."
"There are no excuses to be had son. You made a very big mistake and your little Tin-Tin still found it in her heart to forgive you."
She allowed those words to sink into his head before saying carefully, "Having said that Alan don't you think you could accept that your Father is also capable of making mistakes with his family and might also need forgiving?"
Josie knew she could only say enough to make her point, just as she had been forced to do in handling Grant. Any more than that would undoubtedly cause an explosion of that dreadful Tracy temper.
Alan said nothing for a few moments.
"I admit my mistakes Grandma." he finally said stonily. "My Father doesn't. I had to admit to Tin-Tin I was wrong before she'd even consider forgiving me for how I treated her."
Josie saw a small glimmer of hope in those words. Maybe, just maybe if Tin-Tin pulled through, little Lucy was all right and his Father apologised Alan might find it in his heart to forgive him.
"Plus." he added firmly as if sensing what his Grandmother was thinking. "I had to change things about myself. Completely. "
Josie nodded. Well it went without saying Jeff would have to change how he handled Tin-Tin and Alan's relationship within International Rescue if he wanted them to stay.
The two of them fell into another tense silence. After a while Josie moved on.
"Alan. Your Father is a human being." she said gently. "Don't get me wrong I'm not offering excuses for him because what he did was very wrong. But Alan I do know one thing about that Daddy of yours. He's shedding real tears in that waiting room at the moment over what's happened between the two of you. He loves you and young Tin-Tin very much and doesn't want to see you leaving the family."
Alan remained stubbornly silent.
"Alan I want you to look at me please."
Josie waited for Alan to obey. When he did, her dark blue eyes met his and held them steadily in her sight.
"Alan, your Father forgave you for taking twenty five thousand dollars of his money not so long ago. He could have come down on you much harder than he did for being so dishonest with him. In case you have forgotten, he didn't. He didn't because he loves you sweetie. You haven't given him an easy life and even you can't look me in the face and deny that. He's been very patient with you over the years in many things and the money was only one of those things. You and I both know what I'm saying is true, don't we son? "
Alan still remained silent but his Grandmother's words rang in his ears. What she was saying to him was true and he did love his Father but there was still no excuse for what had happened to Tin-Tin and Lucy. Josie saw his mind working and continued to appeal to him.
"Sweetie I'm saying this to you from the bottom of my heart. You are my grandson and I have raised you from a defenceless little newborn with bruises all over your face to the fine young man you are today. I also guided your Tin-Tin from a little girl to become the beautiful young woman you now call your wife. I've seen both of you grow from young children who knew nothing about matters of the heart to young adults who took matters into your own hands and made me a great grand-daughter. I'm asking you son not to deny me the opportunity to watch my great grand-daughter grow up."
Alan's eyes filled. He loved his Grandmother deeply and at that moment didn't want to deny her anything.
"Please sweetie." she pleaded. "Make peace with your Daddy for Grandma."
Josie knew it was now time to be silent if how she'd handled Grant was anything to go by. She simply smiled at him tenderly and patted his hand.
"Well. I'll leave you alone to think about things for a while sweetie. I'm going to freshen up and check on your Father and Kyrano."
Their eyes locked one last time. Josie instantly knew she had achieved what she wanted. As she turned to walk away the anticipated response came. This boy acted so much like Grant right down to the timing.
"Ma'am wait."
She turned back to face him.
"Yes son?"
"Is my Father really upset about what's happened between us?" he asked with a directness he had never used before. "Or is he only worried because he's going to lose key staff in International Rescue if! don't back down?"
Right as she expected. He was offering his last angry defence of his opinion. "You are most certainly your Grandfather young man," she acknowledged silently. "And I was the wife who shared his bed for nearly thirty five years. If you want to act like my Grant ,Alan Tracy, I know how to handle you don't you worry."
Josie knew she needed to overcome Alan's last barrier to reason. Grant's last defence in any disagreement had usually been the toughest. She suspected Alan would be the same. Well she had an answer to that.
"I don't believe I care for what you just said about your Daddy young man young man." she replied crossly.
"What I said is how I feel Grandma," he replied, quite astonished her manner towards him had changed so rapidly." And Dad's the one who made me feel it."
"Young man, I'm telling you straight to your face that your Father is upset because he loves you and your young wife from the very bottom of his heart. International Rescue is the last thing he's thinking about out there at the moment. How dare you question me otherwise."
"I...I'm not questioning you Grandma." he stammered.
"Well don't then!" she snapped. "Your Daddy is truly upset about all of this and do you want to know how I know he is?"
Alan stood helplessly as she stared him down.
"I'll tell you then!" she thundered. "Your Grandfather would have called it a disgrace but I'm glad I lived long enough to finally witness it because it's been a long time coming in this family. I have at last experienced seeing not one but two Tracy sons give over to listening to their hearts for a change and cry openly right in front of my eyes. You are one of them and the other one is your Daddy. Do you think for one minute that Father of yours would ever let his guard down and shed a tear over anything if it didn't matter to him?"
Alan continued to shake his head astounded.
"Well he's shedding tears over you." she sparked. "And let me tell you in no uncertain terms the only other time I saw your Daddy cry like he is at the moment was twenty-one years ago when he lost your sweet little mother at that maternity hospital."
Alan lowered his head as she delivered the final blow to any argument he had.
"And you may not have personally witnessed how much he loved your mother young man but I certainly think you are aware of it." she finished.
"Yes ma'am." he whispered shame facedly. "I am very aware of how much he loved her."
Josie stood silently.
Mission accomplished.
Just in time.
As the two of them acknowledged they understood each other, the door to the special care nursery opened. Alan Tracy's face again riveted to the door. This time he felt terror grip his heart as he recognised the face.
It was a very tired and drawn Dr. Sommerville.
His eyes desperately searched the Doctor's face for some inkling of what he was about to say.
"Mr. Tracy?" he asked quietly.
"Yes Sir." Alan swallowed. "I'm him."
"Come with me please."
Alan glanced back at his Grandmother seeking her reassurance.
"Go with him child." she nodded. "I'll be here for you if you need me."
He nodded and she saw him bite his bottom lip apprehensively. She felt her eyes glancing upwards towards the heavens and heard herself mutter.
"So help me as my name is Josie I'll not tolerate you inflicting any more pain and suffering on this family. You just remember I'm saying that to you before you do anything to ruin the life of my Grandson."
Alan followed the Doctor into the special care unit and was led into a small semi-darkened room to the left of the main body of the nursery. He looked about nervously. He saw a tiny gold cross on a stand on the small table. There was a painting of an angel on the wall. Two comfortable looking chairs were in the comer of the room. There was a camera there. It suddenly dawned on him what this room was for. It was the room where they brought the babies who weren't going to make it to spend their last moments of life. Alan stood motionless clenching and unclenching his fists, his chest tightening. He felt a lump forming in his throat.
Dr Sommerville looked at the desperate, face of the young man who stood in front of him. It was immaterial that he was the son of a billionaire. Money didn't matter when it came to human life.
"Sit down Mr. Tracy. " the Doctor directed, motioning him to the nearby chair.
Alan shook his head. "If you don't mind Dr. Sommerville; I'll stand." he managed to say with extreme difficulty as the lump grew bigger.
"Well I hope you don't mind if I do." Dr. Sommerville replied. "I've been on my feet for quite a long while now.".
"Yes Sir I know." Alan acknowledged trying to hide the fear in his voice. "And I'm truly grateful for all you've done. I'm sorry. Of course I'll sit down if you want to talk to me."
They both sat down in silence.
Dr. Sommerville cleared his throat.
"Mr. Tracy...about your daughter. I've specifically requested she be brought in here to be with you after we speak. "
Alan's lost his self-control as those words were uttered.
"No Sir." he heard himself sobbing. "Please don't tell me you have brought me in here to say goodbye to my baby."
Dr. Sommerville looked confused and then realised the reason for the young man's despair. A private room used for babies about to pass over was obviously not a good place to bring the worried Father of his tiny patient but there were no other place for him to discuss her condition. He placed his hand on Alan's arm.
"No. Mr. Tracy calm down. Please... I certainly haven't asked you in here to do that." he assured him. "You looked exhausted outside and I thought you would like some privacy while we discuss the situation as it stands with your daughter."
Alan breathed a sigh of relief as he looked around the room and imagined the sadness which was normally experienced between these four walls. For a moment there he thought he had been about to experience it too.
"Please Sir." he said, managing to pull himself together. "Go on. I'm listening."
Doctor Sommerville began.
"Mr. Tracy I won't lie to you. Your daughter is very lucky to still be with us. Eclampsia is an extremely dangerous illness. It can be fatal for a young baby and I have to admit to you I nearly lost her in theatre. I had a great deal of difficulty with her breathing after delivery and I will warn you she is still on a respirator which I believe makes things look much worse than they are. To be honest with you I was hopeful of removing it by this evening but still have concerns her breathing is not quite well enough established to attempt it. She is also very small and extremely undernourished for a neonate at full term. This is primarily as a result of your wife's illness."
Alan looked horrified. Grandma wouldn't like hearing a Tracy baby was under-nourished with her in the house. He struggled with that thought for a few moments before asking.
"How small is she then Sir?"
"She was finally stable enough to remove from the incubator and weigh a short time ago. "Dr Sommerville said. "She is currently slightly under four pounds; half the body weight I estimate she was three weeks ago. I've had to insert a nasal drip to feed her. Again this makes her situation look worse than what it is. She's certainly had a tough time of it in there these past two to three weeks. "
'Two to three weeks"; Alan acknowledged silently, his temper again beginning to fester. "Exactly the same amount of time I was forced to be in Thunderbird Five by my Father."
Heheard his Grandmother's words. "Don't you think your father's capable of making mistakes just like the rest of us?"
His resentment subsided again as Dr. Sommerville continued.
"She's a tough little thing." he acknowledged. "A real little fighter. I thought I was losing her there a few hours back and was getting ready to resuscitate, but the next thing I knew she was fighting to breathe again. Doesn't like me fooling with the respirator though. Cries every time I adjust it."
He saw a faint smile appear on the young man's face.
"It is my intention to keep your daughter...does she have a name by the way?"
"Yes Sir." Alan replied. "Lucy Josephine Tracy"
Sommerville nodded. "Well it is my intention to keep young Lucy on the respirator for at least another twenty four hours. Once I remove her from it I'll assess whether she'll be able to commence normal feeding. This will of course depend on whether her weight stabilises and of course on the condition she shows no other after affects from your wife's illness. Do you have any questions for me Mr.Tracy?"
"Only one." Alan replied anxiously, "It's nothing about her condition. I want to know when I'll be allowed to see her Sir."
"Would you like to see her now?" he asked benevolently.
Alan's face lit up with relief "Oh yes Sir."
"I'll have her brought in for you Mr. Tracy." he replied with a smile.
Alan watched him turn towards the door.
"Dr. Sommerville." he faltered.
The Doctor looked back and saw the genuine appreciation in the young man's eyes.
"Thank you Sir." he said. "I know how long you've been here for her."
He nodded. "You are very welcome Mr. Tracy. She is a beautiful little baby. Congratulations on becoming a Father. "
A FATHER MEETS LUCY JOSEPHIINE
He motioned to the nursing staff who obliged by promptly wheeling in the incubator. They were all aware of the quiet and lengthy vigil this young man had kept outside the doors of the nursery waiting for news of his daughter. Alan looked at the identification card on the side.
Tracy.
Alan's stomach lurched with emotion as he found the courage to look into the incubator and experience the awe of seeing his baby daughter for the first time. He couldn't see much of her face owing to the respirator and the tubes in place to feed her. She looked so fragile and helpless. He remembered Doctor Sommerville saying not to worry as she looked worse than what she was. He was glad he had been warned. She certainly looked bad.
"You poor little thing." he breathed as tears welled up in his eyes. "You shouldn't have to be subjected to this in your first day of life. "
His eyes scanned every part of her. He noted with relief she had two arms, two legs, a little pink body and a tiny little head.
She was so perfect.
Before he knew what had happened to him, Alan Tracy found himself smitten. In less than thirty seconds he had fallen totally and utterly in love with his baby daughter.
"How could someone like me have possibly made something as perfect as you." he whispered in wonder. "Next to Tin-Tin you would have to be the most beautiful and perfect human being I have ever set my eyes on."
His mind lingered back to the night of his birthday. The night he and Tin-Tin had swept aside their childhood friendship and admitted to each other they both wanted more. They wanted to become one. It had been the night this little girl had been conceived. In the half-light of his bedroom he had touched Tin-Tin Kyrano in a way he had never dared to touch her in the past. He had never experienced passion like the passion he had experienced with Tin-Tin Kyrano as he fulfilled his dream of making love to her for the first time. He had knew he had experienced women in the past but had never risen to the heights he had with Tin-Tin Kyrano that night as he felt nothing but pure ecstasy. That ecstasy had made Lucy.
Now Lucy lay in front of him. The perfection and beauty of this little girl only served to re-iterate to him what he had experienced that night in March when they had loved together so completely.
"Lucy, how could I have not wanted you." he thought with shame. "How could I have wanted to see your life ended in such a cruel and inhumane way? I'm so sorry baby. Please forgive me."
He watched as she opened her eyes and closed them again as the respirator pushed her little chest outwards.
"You're a fighter aren't you." he acknowledged. "Just like Grandma said you would be. That's because you're a Tracy baby. I need you to fight hard for me because I'm not sure Mommy's doing the same for me down the Hall. Now that I know you are all right I'm going to have to leave you for a bit and go and see after her. I'll ask your Great Grandma to come and sit with you while I'm gone OK? You'd better behave yourself once Great-Grandma is in charge of you Lucy. She won't tolerate any nonsense from you so don't even think about stopping your breathing. You do what she says and you'll stay out of trouble. Take it from Daddy. Believe
me, he knows about trouble."
He stood in silence as he gazed at his daughter. He stretched out his hand and reached through the hole in the incubator to touch her. His strong young hand closed over her tiny fist. Her eyes opened instinctively at the touch of another human being. They closed again as he began to stroke her gently.
For Alan Tracy that touch was the final catalyst in the chain of events he had been forced to endure over the past thirty-six hours.
Emotionally exhausted he felt his self-control break. He sobbed silently holding his daughter's hand.
He knew it was time for his last and most precious vigil.
Tin- Tin's.
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The twilight was beautiful tonight as it had always been each year on her birthday. He'd loved nothing more than to walk with her on her birthday, holding her hand in his and teasing her about what it was going to be like growing old with him. Another birthday meant she was another step closer. Closer to grey hair and wrinkles.
She had given him a stubborn look and tossed her beautiful chestnut curls. She had no intention of ever growing old. He would be the one growing old.
She had smiled mischievously and added in a cheeky voice that even if she did have grey hair and wrinkles, she would always be two years younger than him and hence he was the one who would be old, not her.
Those magical twilight walks they had experienced in Houston as a young couple were in his memory now as he stood alone on the steps of the hospital. Their first November walk together had celebrated her twenty-third birthday. They had nothing but each other back then. She had been beautiful and effervescent and he knew he had fallen madly and overwhelmingly in love with her.
The twilight walks at Cape Kennedy when they were at the height of their passion were equally as memorable. Their first walk had seen her celebrate her twenty seventh birthday. They had a reluctant fame back then, brought about by his impending moon landing but they were still able to shut out the world and feel they had nothing but each other. She had been stunning and vibrant and he had loved her with a fervour that sometimes even he could not control.
The perfect twilight walks in Boston were even more special as their three eldest little boys grew and were joined by their fourth. Their first walk in Boston celebrated her twenty-ninth birthday. They had everything in Boston. They had money, their babies and each other. She had been radiant and energetic and he had loved her even more deeply than he had in the beginning. Her last walk in Boston celebrated her thirty-third birthday. Then they had been joined by their fifth son and he lost everything. He lost her.
She had been right. She would never grow old. She had died before her time leaving him to grow old without her.
Hey Luce." he whispered as he pushed his hands into his pockets and began to walk alone. "Happy birthday baby. Fifty-five huh? Boy you're getting old now. Yeah I know I'm still-two years older than you. You'd be enjoying the fact I'm fifty-seven now and a grandfather into the bargain wouldn't you? Don't you worry I know if you were here with me in person I'd be getting nothing but grief from you over it."
He paused for a moment and instinctively ran his hands through his hair. He reminded himself he needed a haircut.
My hair's greying a bit though these days Luce and I guess it must be finally starting to happen. I really am growing old. But you.. .my little English Princess with those beautiful lavender curls.. .your hair will ever turn grey. You will always be thirty-three to me no matter how old I am.
He breathed in the warm San Diego air as he ambled through the gardens of the hospital.
Baby, I'm pretty tired out at the moment so I'm not going to walk far tonight if that's OK. I've been sitting up in that maternity ward for almost fourteen hours now waiting to hear news of some kind. I'd forgotten just how hard sitting around is for a man waiting for news that matters to him. I haven't done that since I waited to hear the news about you. Even then you only made me wait five hours before they had the guts to break it."
He looked around him, worried that someone would be passing by and think Jeff Tracy billionaire had finally lost his marbles. But he needed to talk to someone and she had been the only person he had ever felt comfortable to be himself with. He had trusted her completely. She had been his best friend.
"I've got a confession to make to you Lucy and this isn't easy for me to admit, even to you." he whispered.
He paused as if preparing himself to face her.
"I've made a huge mistake with our youngest Luce and I don't know what I should be doing to try to fix things p."
He waited as he knew he would have waited if he were speaking to her face to face. She would have looked at him carefully with those deep velvet brown eyes before saying what she thought.
"I know what you'd say to me. You'd tell me to climb down off my high horse again and admit to my son I wasn't perfect. You'd tell me I should apologise and ask that we move on. I'd like to but I simply can't do that his time baby. It seems what I've done is past apologising for."
He looked up at the darkening sky and towards the evening star; the star his middle son had always believed was his mother.
'The kid's leaving me Luce." he said sadly as he looked at its brightness. "He's packing up and leaving me because of the rules of International Rescue. My rules weren't that unreasonable, at least I didn't think they were until now. You know how deeply I believe in the order of things. There's got to be rules or there can't be my sense of stability."
He reflected for a few moments. He knew what she would say to that.
"Sure I know. Rules are made to be broken if it's for the better of something. It's typical of you to think that way Lucy. You said it far too often to me when we were married. You were always trying to get me to bend the rules and if you want to know, I think those boys got away with murder half the time around you. You were too soft when it came to disciplining our sons."
He smiled fondly as he recalled some of those times; him furious and in full flight about to spank an out of control little boy and her making excuses as to why he shouldn't do it.
"Lucy you know why I'm like I am. You know I've got the military in me. I've got to have rules and enforce them if I'm to run things right and I can't run International Rescue without them. "
He stopped and gazed at the star.
"I've often wondered about the comfort John took in looking up here and pretending to see and hear you. But tonight...I think I finally understand. I'm feeling your comfort right now standing here. Please Luce I need you to help me figure out how to make Alan understand why I needed to keep my personal feelings for Tin-Tin out of operational matters."
The air was becoming chilly. It was obvious twilight was now done and night had fallen. Normally when this occurred, the twilight walk ended. But tonight, tired as he was, Jeff Tracy did not want it to end. He had allowed his heart to open and release his memory of their time together as one and the deep and special love they had for each other. The memory that reminded him of her simplicity and honesty, her encouragement and advice. The beautiful soul that was Lucille Evans. He had recognised it the first time he met her. Confiding in her had been the only emotional lifeline he had been willing to take when she was alive. He still reached for that lifeline now.
"You see Lucy he was not meant to fall in love with the Kyrano girl in the first place." he explained. " A relationship inside International Rescue can't work in my thinking. I honestly need them both to focus on what they're doing."
He knew she wouldn't have bought that one. She would have frowned and taken great pains to point out the precedent he had set for himself . She would have told him not to forget what it was like when they had been in love. His commanding officer was always telling him to focus on what he was doing as she remembered it. She would have added he must be getting old if he couldn't remember the trouble he used to get in about that.
"Yeah yeah I know. I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you either was I Lucy. A live-in relationship between two people who've only met three times won't work, isn't that what your parents said? But we proved them wrong and made it work. It wasn't hard for me baby believe me. 1 loved you that's all there was to it. But 1 guess in saying that there weren't any rules in place for us were there?"
He paused and acknowledged honestly. "Not like the rules I have set in place for our son."
Once she heard him say that she would have folded her arms and surveyed him with that look only she could give him. He'd never felt comfortable with that careful, calculating look. It reached in and examined the honesty of his very soul. After a few minutes she would have said bluntly that he was exactly right to feel bad about the rules he had forced upon her son and if she were him, she'd be feeling more than only bad about it.
She would have reminded him how comfortable the two of them had felt expressing their love for each other anywhere and anytime. She would have him recall the day his Father had walked into the farmhouse and witnessed him kissing her more than just passionately. She would force him to admit to the fact that neither of them had cared that his Father had frowned upon it. She would point out he himself had said "If Dad can't deal with the sight of my physical love for you Lucy then that's Dad's problem not mine."
She would tell him he had a problem himself now. It was all right for him to put rules in place and enforce them if needed. However rules were made to be broken and rules should have been broken particularly when there was a baby involved. She would say she wasn't being soft because it was her son. She would say it was simply the right thing to do and he should have known that. Her look would have become more insistent. She would have then made him admit to her that the rules he had put in place for Alan and Tin-Tin were wrong.
She wouldn't let it stop there. The honest little English voice would be firm and also make him admit he should have asked Tin-Tin to stand down. She would take him back to the days when she carried his precious sons within her and the level of care he had expected for her.
"OK baby I hear you." he sighed. "I'm wrong on every count. I guess I'm only trying to justify things to myself aren't I? I guess you want me to admit to Alan what I said to Tin-Tin and somehow try to make things right between us if he'll listen to why I said it. Sad bit is though Luce, he's so like Dad now and you know Dad never listened to anything I had to say."
He looked back up at the sky and gazed tenderly at the evening star for a long time in silence.
"Thank you Lucy." he whispered. "I knew I could depend on you to hear me out."
His eyes welled with unshed tears as he thought how different things would have been if she hadn't left him to grow old alone.
"I'll always love you my Princess. Don't you ever forget that."
The star sparkled, outstanding in the dark San Diego sky.
He brushed aside the tears that lingered on his cheeks and started to walk with a new purpose towards the stairs of the hospital. Pausing on the stairs he looked back up at the sky and said loudly and with a half-amused smile.
"You know it's just as well you're not here turning fifty-five and becoming a grandmother all at once Lucy. " he teased. "I honestly don't think you could have handled it."
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Josie Tracy still continued to hold heaven to ransom as she waited for her Grandson to return.
"It's all your fault." she silently accused the almighty from her seat outside the nursery. "This mess between my Grandson and my son. If you'd have left little Lucy here and selected someone else for your damned kingdom up there those two Tracy men wouldn't be warring now. My Jeff was the best Daddy there ever was for little boys and then you decided for some insane reason to go and ruin things for him by taking away his wife. Then you just about ended him by nearly taking away his son in that accident as well. Now you're inflicting this debacle on him. What's Jeff Tracy ever done to you? That's what I'd like toknow."
She frowned and pursed her lips with determination. "I've accepted your doings until now but not this time." she heard herself say. "You go and find another family to heap your misery on."
"Who are you talking to Mom ?" asked a deep voice from beside her.
Josie looked up to see the tired face of her son. Her frown returned as she surveyed him. '
"No-one that's who." she replied. "Where the heck have you been anyway? You were in a right mess when you left the waiting room an hour ago. "
Jeff bit his lip and said stiffly. "I went outside to get some air and think about things for a while."
"Humph and here I've been trying to hold your son up for you as he falls down in a emotional heap. Supporting your son is your job so I hope your fresh air has put you in a frame of mind to now be able to do it."
Josie knew of Jeffs twilight walks with Lucille. She knew he would have been outside the hospital walking and "talking" with the only person who had ever been able to reach both his head and his heart and make him see sense.
"Mom." he said quietly. "I've been wrong."
Josie knew she was right when those words were uttered. He'd have to have been "talking" to Lucy for him to say that.
"Of course you've been wrong. " she snapped. "What is it a revelation to you? I've been telling you for months you've been wrong about how you've been handling those two youngsters."
He nodded woodenly and sat down beside her.
"Well?"
He turned to look at her. "Well what?"
"Well what are you going to do about it?" she demanded.
He sighed. "Admit what happened with Tin-Tin for one thing even though it was not intended to be like that. As for the rest of it; it will depend on what happens in the theatre I suppose."
Josie was pleased at his change of heart. She looked up to the heavens she had been threatening. "Now that's more like it." she flashed. "I'm glad you've got the message this time."
"Where is Alan anyway?" Jeff asked in a tired voice.
"He's been called to be with his child." she said. "Poor child looked frightened out his wits when he went in there."
"Is the baby all right?" he swallowed cautiously.
Josie shrugged.
"Your guess is as good as mine at the moment. No doubt we'll both find out soon enough."
A nurse stood at the entrance to the nursery and looked in their direction.
"Mrs Tracy?" she enquired.
Josie stood up and walked over to the young woman. "Yes I'm Mrs. Tracy."
"Your grandson has asked for you Mrs. Tracy. Please follow me."
Josie looked again to the heavens. "Do you hear me? I'm trusting you so don't you dare take me in here to let me down."
As she went to enter the nursery she turned to look at Jeff's anxious face.
"I'll tell your son you're out here." she said. "So start thinking about what you're going to say."
A GREAT GRANDMOTHER MEETS LUCY JOSEPHINE
Josie Tracy felt her stomach drop past her feet as she was led into the small room. Dear God no. This room was similar to the room Lucy had been left to die in. She looked around and noted how simple, uncluttered and private it was. She saw the gold cross, the painting of the angel on the wall, the chairs in the comer of the room; the camera. That quiet room at the end of the hospital corridor in Boston had been like this and in the centre of it had been her precious daughter in law; about to die.
She stopped and held onto the wall to steady herself as she wavered. Not again. She couldn't go through this again. Even she wasn't strong enough to face the death of a child. She started to sweat. The room began to spin. However a strong young arm slipped around her waist to balance her. It was her Grandson.
"Grandma are you all right?" he asked, his eyes wide with worry. "Maybe you should sit down for a moment."
"Stop fussing over me son. I'm all right." she said in a washed out voice, totally unlike her own.
"1 dunno Grandma." Alan replied walking her towards one of the chairs. 'You don't look too good."
He eased her into the chair and sat next to her. He reached forward and took her hand squeezing it reassuringly. After a few minutes her colour returned. She looked at the incubator and heard the respirator. She steeled herself to hear the worst. Alan saw her worried expression and held her hand tighter in an attempt to set her mind at rest.
"No, Lucy's OK ma'am. You had the same thoughts 1 did when they brought me in here. But despite the tubes and the respirator the Doctor says she's eventually going to be fine; well he's pretty confident she will be anyway. Grandma..." he said. "She's so beautiful."
"Well then I should be seeing her then." she said indicating she wanted Alan to help her up.
Alan came forward but before he helped her up he lingered before crouching down to look directly at the face of Josephine Alice Tracy.
"Grandma, before you see her I want to say something to you please. I'd planned on having Tin-Tin by my side when 1 said this to you but she ... well... as you know she can't be here right now."
His voice faltered as his thoughts returned to Tin-Tin. He should be outside the theatre waiting and he really had to go.
"Child what do you want to say to me?" she asked.
He took her hands in his.
" Grandma I wanted to say that Lucy Josephine has been named after my mother and after you for a special reason ma'am. You see whilst 1 know 1 haven't ever seemed grateful to anyone for anything,- I am. I am particularly grateful to both mother and to you and this is the way 1 want my appreciation remembered. My mother went through terrible suffering because of me and died to give me life. I also know you've gone through almost as much suffering, maybe more to raise me. I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you ma'am."
Josie looked into the eyes of the "wild child." No it hadn't been easy. It had been down right draining most of time but somehow Josie Tracy didn't think she could have imagined it any other way. Her eyes filled with tears at his totally unexpected words of gratitude. She reached out her hand and touched his cheek.
"Sweetie," she said lovingly. "Don't you go thanking me now. It's been my pleasure to see you grow into this fine young man I'm seeing in front of me right now."
They smiled at each other but then her attention focussed back to her great grand-daughter.
"But there's someone else I'm wanting to see right now and that's this troublesome young lady over here. "
Alan nodded and helped his Grandmother to her feet.
"Lucy Josephine I have someone here who wants to meet you." he said as they crossed the room.
As they stopped in front of the incubator Josie Tracy took a sharp intake of breath as her eyes fixed for the first time on the tiny little Tracy baby she had yearned after for years. Her first great grand-child.
"Lucy this is Great-Grandma Josie." Alan said looking at the baby." She's the one I warned you about before. Grandma I'd like to introduce you to my daughter Lucy. She's being good at the moment Grandma by not dying on me so please don't go giving her one of your reality checks straight up for being troublesome."
Josie smiled but she had only half-heard her Grandson. She was in a daze of happiness.
"Oh my." she breathed in adoration. "Look at you then little girl."
Another breath." I know a certain Grand-daddy who's going to be mighty happy to see you. "she added.
After a few moments, Alan's words sank in. She frowned and looked up at him.
"What do you mean she's the one I warned you about before? Don't you go putting ideas in that little girl's head before I even get to hold her and tell her about what's expected in this family. And as for a reality check, I'll give you one in a minute young man if you keep that type of talking up around me. "
Josie waited for him to smile but his expression was distant as he looked in the direction of the door. He had just given himself a reality check. His wife still might not pull through and he needed to be nearby.
"Sweetie. Go and wait with Kyrano." she said gently. "I'll stay with the little one for you."
His eyes gave her his silent thanks. She always could read what he was thinking.
He placed his hand inside the incubator to stroke Lucy's head and her eyes opened again at his touch.
"Lucy, Daddy has to go away for a little while. I have to go because it's for Mommy and she's kind of special to him you know. Now you be a good girl for Grandma, else you'll be dealing with me."
He turned to leave the room but stopped before he opened the door. He turned back to his Grandmother.
"Grandma... "he began, "If Tin-Tin doesn't make it ... would you please help me care for Lucy until I can work out how to do it for myself?"
Josie Tracy shook her head. This boy was so headstrong and so determined but he would definitely need help. But it wouldn't come down to that. Of that she was certain.
She glanced upwards towards the heavens and frowned.
'You needn't worry about caring forthat baby yourself Alan." she said in a threatening voice.
'Tin- Tin's going to make it. Trust me."
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CHAN: "All right Kingsley, let's get this over with."
KINGSLEY: "Are you going to tell him or am I?"
CHAN: "It would be best coming from both of us."
KINGSLEY: "Very well Doctor."
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Author's Note: - Sorry this chapter has had to be divided into two. It would be too big otherwise!
NEXT CHAPTER - PART TWO - A LIFETIME COMMITMENT - Part 2 -MEETING LUCY JOSEPHINE
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