CHAPTER TWELVE - A LIFETIME COMMITMENT
MEETING LUCY JOSEPHINE - PART TWO
"You know I rather fancy myself as an Uncle," said Virgil Tracy as he sipped his coffee and eyed the last biscuit on the plate in the middle of the table.
"Yeah...Uncle Virgil." he mused. "You've got to admit it has a certain ring to it."
He grinned at his three brothers who sat with him on the balcony overlooking the ocean.
It was a beautiful night. "By the way does anyone want that?" he asked. No sooner had they shook their heads than Virgil reached forward eagerly and emptied the plate.
"Uncle Virgil!" Gordon scoffed watching his chestnut haired brother dip the biscuit into his coffee. "It sounds more like a name out of a Brer Rabbit story if you ask me."
"Actually that was Uncle Remus as I remember." John corrected him.
Gordon rolled his eyes. "Uncle Remus. Uncle Virgil. What's the difference John?"
"There's a pile of difference." John said firmly. "Uncle Remus was nothing like Virgil."
Gordon hated it when John started being difficult. He was always so politically correct in everything he said and did.
"Well you'd know Johnny boy, "he said sarcastically. "Grandma read that stupid book to you often enough as a child."
John Tracy glared at his younger brother.
"Yeah she did and who happened to be right next to me being a three year old pain in the proverbial each and every time she did it?" he growled.
"Who?" Gordon asked innocently.
"You that's who." John frowned.
Gordon smiled and took a large gulp of his own coffee.
"Uncle Gordon. Now you have to admit that's a good name for an Uncle." he reflected. "Especially as I will undoubtedly be his favourite Uncle." he said with a little too much emphasis on the word "favourite" for everyone else's liking.
Virgil eyed his brother good-naturedly.
"Don't get too comfortable with that notion squirt." he threatened. "My nephew's going to be educated very early in life to be extremely wary of Uncle Gordon and his antics."
"I don't play practical jokes these days Virg." Gordon sulked. "You know that."
"Yeah … well you wouldn't want to." Scott said sternly despite his cobalt eyes sparkling with mirth. "I'm still getting over the cat-food you served up to Addy and me."
"Not to mention what you did to my astronomy notes in Junior High." John scowled. "I still haven't forgiven you for that Gordon."
Gordon gave his middle brother a mischievous smile.
"Bet you don't forgive the kid for that one either." he grinned referring to John's right eye which had been getting progressively blacker and more swollen as the day progressed. "It's an absolute beaut."
John reddened and grimaced.
"The little upstart caught me off guard." he protested.
Gordon dissolved into laughter causing John to frown in aggravation.
"You have no idea how much this hurts Gordon, "he flashed."You wait until I see that brat again. I risked my ass flying at that speed to get him back here and this is all the thanks I got for it. Don't you worry; he'll be getting more than a black eye from me when I get my hands on him."
Scott leaned back in the chair and surveyed his blonde-haired brother. The events earlier that morning had totally changed his opinion of John and his abilities. Scott had always acknowledged John was a brilliant astronomer and a fine young astronaut but until today he had only ever appeared to be a quiet achiever who did his job thoroughly and efficiently. Today he had become a Commander as he took control, made the hard calls, and brought Thunderbird Three and their brother back to earth in record time. He had to admit he was very impressed with John at the moment despite his usual sarcasm and complaining.
However he was still one of his four annoying little brothers none of whom ever stopped teasing and aggravating each other no matter how old they were getting.
"The trouble with you "Uncle" Johnny," he began, his authoritative voice shaking with amusement, "is the simple fact you refused to listen to me when I warned you Alan wasn't a kid any longer. If you would have paid attention to what I said this wouldn't have happened."
It was John's turn to glare. He frowned and looked in his eldest brother's direction.
"What so you actually think he got the better of me up there do you?" he snapped. "You didn't even see what happened."
Scott couldn't stop a huge smile stealing across his features. John might not admit it but his fuse was nearly as short as Alan's. No-one could tease John Glenn Tracy and fail to get a reaction. Scott patted him on the back.
"I saw enough to know he did get the better of you old boy. Gordo's right. That eye's an absolute beaut. I'm surprised you can see out of it."
John pursed his lips and folded his arms before muttering. "Yeah well I can't see out of it if you must know. I don't get it. Alan never had a left hook like that when he was younger that's for sure."
"So by that are you saying Uncle Johnny isn't up to teaching his nephew how to fight?" Gordon teased. "Don't worry. His favourite Uncle is."
"Don't you go and pay out on Johnny squirt. You couldn't even defend yourself in the third grade." Scott pointed out. "I had to put myself out to save your ass more times than I care to remember."
"Yeah but I went down fighting every time you did." Gordon protested. "Johnny didn't. He just literally went down… "
Gordon couldn't hold himself together any longer. He burst out laughing again.
"I can't believe the kid finally belted you one Johnny," he teased. "It's simply made my day."
"You watch your mouth shortstuff." John snarled. "Or you'll get some of what's coming to Alan."
They all laughed at John's disgruntled tone and the obvious damage that had occurred not only to his eye but to his ego.
Virgil stopped laughing first. His face fell and his unique features became intensely serious. At the sight of his solemn face, his brother's faces did likewise.
"You'd think we would have heard something from one of them by now." he said in a worried voice. "They've all had their wrist communicators turned off for hours."
Scott allowed the niggling feeling he had been pushing to the back of his mind all day to surface. He'd been uncomfortable about things since leaving Grandma in San Diego. He knew after talking to her in Thunderbird One that something was going to go wrong. Grandma had been uneasy the whole flight and when she was uneasy, he knew he had every reason to be uneasy too.
He looked directly into Virgil's deep brown eyes.
"I'm really worried about this whole thing Virg…Tin-Tin's health; the baby's survival; Dad's mental state; Kyrano's; and you had to see Alan to believe it." he said quietly. "He was an absolute mess when he ejected from Thunderbird Three."
After a slight pause he added grimly. "I'm also really worried about Grandma if something bad happens."
Virgil looked surprised. "Grandma?" She's the least of your worries. She's probably taken over the hospital by now."
Scott's laconic look silenced him. The look said it all. Virgil knew his grandmother had been looking forward to the birth of this baby since she found out it was on the way. She had fussed over Tin-Tin for months, argued with their Father regarding her care in Alan's absence and generally taken the law into her own hands to ensure her Great Grandchild had a safe arrival into the world. If anything went wrong…
"All jokes aside I'm worried about things too." he said quietly.
Gordon looked out to sea and sighed.
"Count me in as well. I'm nervous as hell for Al. We all saw the condition Tin-Tin was in earlier and I can't get it out of my head that she might not make it."
John sat deep in thought but it was plain to see from his pensive mood he was as worried as the rest of his brothers.
"You know none of us will cope if anything happens to Tin-Tin don't you?" he said almost inaudibly. "It's not just Alan."
The four elder Tracy brothers sat in silence as each of them dwelled on that statement.
How they would cope if they lost the girl they had treated as their little sister for twelve years. How their baby brother would react if he lost his best friend Tin-Tin Kyrano.
They had all grown up with Tin-Tin Kyrano. She had touched the heart and soul of each and every one of them in her own way.
Scott was drawn to her gentleness and timidity. It brought out his protectiveness and Fatherly instinct; attributes he desperately needed to satisfy as a man. She was his lifeline as she allowed him to protect her.
Virgil loved her quiet appreciation of his talents both artistic and in the air. They often shared their thoughts on music and art together far into the night. She was amazing. One minute she could discuss Chopin, the next she could discuss Engineering details of new equipment.
John appreciated her compassion and concern for him as he sat alone up in Thunderbird Five enduring yet another night alone. She would often call simply to chat. She would try to talk about the stars but while he was thankful for her efforts to talk about his interests he mainly took comfort in listening to her tell him about the daily life he was missing on the island. She made him feel like he was still with his family, especially as she recounted Grandma's latest exploits.
Gordon enjoyed her sense of humour and her willingness to go along with whatever escapade he had planned next. She would give him her shy but knowing smile when he was up to no good but say nothing. She would also give him her look of empathy when she knew his back hurt from the accident or his heart ached for Jezzica Parker. She was a friend and a good friend.
But she had totally won the heart and soul of the youngest Tracy son.
Alan had given her his heart the very first day he met her. She had given him hers not long after. She liked his blonde curly hair which never seemed to be tidy. He liked her long black plaits which always sat perfectly. She thought he was cute even though he was a revolting boy. He thought she was pretty even though she was a disgusting girl. She admired his mischievous ways. He liked her soft, sweet shyness. At nine and ten years of age, separated by only nine months, they were best friends and their friendship ran deep.
Now they were adults and had married. They were still best friends and their friendship still ran deep. She still held his heart. He still held hers. She loved his brashness. He loved her gentleness. His stunning blue eyes took her breath away. Her physical beauty blinded him. Despite his wildness she loved everything about him. He simply loved everything about her.
She was everything to him and it was obvious to everyone; most of all to his brothers.
They had watched Alan and Tin-Tin's relationship develop over the years and all of them knew how much he loved her and was at stake for him at the moment in San Diego.
"You know it will be like watching Dad try to cope with losing Mom all over again." Virgil said grimly. He looked at Scott again.
"I don't think I can face that pain again Scott."
Scott and Virgil exchanged anxious glances. They both remembered how awful things had been back then as their broken Father tried to cope with running a business and raising them without their mother.
"To make matters worse today is Mom's birthday." Scott added apprehensively. "Not a good day for things to go wrong again in the Tracy family."
"Mmm." Virgil murmured. He hadn't realised the date. He had simply been thinking of the way things used to be during that dreadful period in their lives when Jeff Tracy silently blamed himself for what had happened to their mother and shut down his own emotions to deal with it.
Both brothers remembered their loving, affectionate "Daddy" changing to a hard-working "Father" almost overnight. The rough-housing and fun with him on the floor before bed changed to a terse instruction to clean teeth, visit the bathroom and go to sleep. The laughter and sharing of daily activities with Mom and Dad around the dinner table changed to a grief-stricken silence and an eventual run-down on what was expected of them the next day to keep the household running. The words "I love you." disappeared. They were replaced by a single word barked at them every single day; "responsibility."
The little Tracy sons listened to their Father and had risen to the occasion. They became responsible as instructed despite the fact they would have preferred to hear "Daddy" tell them things were going to be all right again even though Mommy had gone. They continued to hope "Daddy" would stop expecting them to be responsible and let them be little boys again. They wanted the happiness and security they had felt when their mother was alive to return.
But "Daddy" didn't allow them to stop being responsible even though they knew deep down inside he loved them. Their real happiness and security never came back as their Father buried himself in his work to try to forget their mother and deal with the fact he had to raise them alone.
Both Scott and Virgil silently agreed Alan wouldn't cope with the death of his wife any better than their Father did.
John on the other hand had fears of his own.
Alan wouldn't be able to cope with a child.
"He'll grieve like Dad did, "he thought to himself. "But unlike Dad, Alan's just a kid. He won't know what to do with a baby."
Only Gordon Tracy really knew his youngest brother well enough to know what Alan would do if Tin-Tin Kyrano died. Unbeknown to them all the youngest Tracy son had already threatened to do it.
He wouldn't break down emotionally.
He wouldn't walk away from his child.
"I know how he thinks. " Gordon worried. "He'll totally blame Dad for how things have turned out for him."
"And then he'll walk and take the baby with him."
"Son you're not listening to me!" he yelled.
"Dad you're not listening to me either!"
"I'm telling you you're wrong. You can't do that. I won't let you!" he yelled.
"I'm old enough to do what I want Dad. I can make my own decisions."
"You can't son. Your decision is wrong. What you've decided to do is not what this family is all about." he yelled.
"It mightn't be what the family is about Dad but it's what I'm about."
"It's her isn't it? She's the real reason for all of this. Your involvement with that girl has caused nothing but trouble around here from the beginning." he yelled.
"You leave her out of this Dad. It's got nothing to do with her. This is between you and me."
"You're not walking away from here son." he yelled. "I won't let you do it."
"Dad get this in your head once and for all. I've got no intention of ever taking over this farm from you. I mean it. Not now. Not ever. "
Jeff Tracy opened his tired eyes and felt the sweat on his brow as he recalled the dreadful argument he had endured with his Father when he had been still only twenty-five years of age.
After six years in the Air Force and five months as a Major in the NASA Space programme he had decided he definitely would never return to the farm in Kansas. He had come to tell his Father. He wanted to explain why.
His Father did not want to hear him. The two of them stood at an identical height as they confronted each other in the back field of the farm. The back field was as far away from the house as they could go. Jeff did not want his mother to hear him speak his mind to his Father. She would say he lacked respect. Grant Tracy did not want Josie Tracy to hear him tell his son what he really thought of his aspirations. She would say he lacked respect. When they argued in her hearing she usually gave them both a piece of her mind irrespective of who ended up being right. Father and son had never gotten on but they had one thing in common. Fear of Josie Tracy's reaction to family discord.
Grant Tracy, tall, imperious and insistent.
Jeff Tracy; young, ambitious and talented.
Grant Tracy; unwilling to listen.
Jeff Tracy; determined to be heard.
Jeff Tracy had won the day.
"But not today." he reflected quietly. "Today I am the Father not the son. It is my own son who is now standing up to me and demanding to be heard. I know how Dad felt now and I don't like it one little bit."
Jeff closed his eyes again and remembered the devastation on his Father's face as he made his intentions regarding the farm very clear. He also remembered Grant Tracy having his usual last words in the argument.
"I never thought I'd see the day when a Tracy son would turn his back on his Father and walk away." he fumed.
"Dad I'm not walking away from you. I just don't want to follow in your footsteps and be a Farmer. Please hear what I'm saying to you Sir. " he had pleaded.
"I'm not going to stand here and let you do this to me Jeff. Not after everything I've sacrificed for you over the years. You hear what I'm saying to you. You owe me boy."
Jeff Tracy had stood there unrelenting.
"Dad, no matter what you say to me I'm not coming back to the farm. I owe you nothing Sir; nothing except my respect and you will always have that. "
They had eyed each other, neither prepared to back down. His Father had turned on him.
"What sort of answer is that coming from a Tracy son? Between bringing shame on the Tracy family living with that damned English girl and this stupid idiotic dream to walk on the moon you've forgotten everything I've taught you."
"My moon mission is not a stupid idiotic dream Dad. It's real. You're the one that's stupid if you think I'm changing my mind about anything. Now I'm saying this to you for the last time. I'm going on the moon mission because I choose to do it, I'm not taking over the farm from you because I don't choose to do it and I'm living with Lucy not only because I choose to do it but also because I love her. What we're doing is not something dirty or immoral Dad. You know she's agreed to be my wife. "
Their dark blue eyes mirrored each other's. Both as determined as the other.
"Well stay shacked up with her in Houston and go to the blasted moon Jefferson if that's all you want from your life, his Father had roared. "You'll hear no more about anything from me. As of this moment I'm the one walking away from you."
With that Grant Tracy had turned on his heel and pushed his way through the wheat crop a bitter and angry man.
Jeff's stomach churned as he remembered that moment. It made him relive the earlier confrontation with his own son.
"I'll never walk away from my son the way Dad walked away from me that day." he thought resolutely. "And I'm not about to become the first Father a Tracy son turned his back on either."
"Don't worry Lucy," he said aloud. "I'll right things between Alan and me I promise."
How he was going to do it was another matter. He really didn't know how. He thought back to his Mother's words to him that day in Kansas after he returned to the farmhouse alone; words which saved his relationship with his Father.
She was sitting on the porch mending one of his Father's shirts when he approached the house. He assumed she was unaware of their confrontation and tried to act normally.
"Hello momma." he said quietly trying not to sound upset at what had just occurred.
"Hello dear. I was wondering where the heck you'd gotten to. Where's your Father?"
He had reddened a little and muttered uncomfortably about his Father having things to do.
"Fair enough. Why don't you get us both a cool drink and come and sit with me for a bit." she replied without looking up. "It's a lovely afternoon for it."
"Yes, the weather is very pleasant ma'am."
He went and poured two glasses of lemonade and returned to the porch. He sat down next to her and remained silent. She continued to sew as he sipped his drink.
"You're leaving aren't you?" she said in a low voice as she pulled the thread through the flannelette material. It was more of an accusation than a question.
He had been amazed. How could she know he intended to pack his things and return to Houston three days early because of what had happened with his Father? He had only decided it would be best to leave as he walked back to the house.
"Yes ma'am." he admitted quietly. "I'll be leaving before supper."
"Missing that little girl of yours then are you?"
"No Mom. I'm not leaving here because I'm missing Lucy." he replied curtly. "Lucy's got nothing to do with it."
She still didn't look up and never made a sound. The only sound was the rustle of material as her sewing continued.
"Jeff" she said firmly without looking up. "You and I both know you never intended to take over the farm from your Daddy in the first place."
He said nothing.
"So I'd be right in saying you only found the courage to break the news to him today." she said.
"Yes Mom. That's the main reason I came to see him."
"And he walked away from you when you told him the news I have no doubt."
"Yes ma'am. He walked away all right."
"So now I suppose you feel justified in walking away from him."
She allowed him to think about her words before raising her eyes and looking directly at him.
"Tracy fathers and their sons need each other Jefferson. It's the very fabric of this family. Remember that."
He had looked into her honest and direct eyes.
"I know Dad needs me here and I love him very much momma." he said. "But if he thinks I'll come home to take things over or work for him again just because he's my Father he's wrong. I want to make my own way now and my own way is not his way by my own choice. Momma, he's going to have to learn to deal with the fact that I want something else."
He had lowered his voice and added. "Plus deal with the fact I intend to continue to express my love for Lucy before I marry her."
The last sentence was a threat rather than a statement of the obvious. He knew his Father disapproved of the fact he and Lucy Evans shared the same bed. He knew he also disapproved of her strong will and unwavering support of his commission in NASA. He didn't care whether his Father approved or not. It was the way it was going to be.
"As I said dear; Tracy fathers and their sons need each other, "his mother had re-iterated. "Go from here today if you must but I'm asking you not to turn your back on your Daddy even if it looks like he's turned his back on you. It would be the wrong thing for a Tracy son to be doing."
Jeff shuddered as he remembered those words, uttered thirty years ago. The situation he was facing right now was almost the same except this time he was the Father with the expectation and his own son was the one saying how things were going to be and threatening to be the one to turn his back.
But Jeff remembered taking his mother's advice and returning to the farm a month later to try to patch things up with his Father. He had brought Lucy with him making a silent statement in itself that he had meant what he said.
They had pulled up in front of farm house and saw his Father standing by the barn. Grant Tracy had seen them and turned away. His mother's words rang in his head.
"Do not turn your back on your Daddy Jeff even if he turns his back on you."
Lucy had smiled at him and squeezed his hand reassuringly as he looked at her beautiful young face. He had squeezed hers in return. As he did he looked at the engagement ring on her finger. It strengthened his resolve that what he was doing was right. The two of them got out of the car and after a cursory visit to his mother, he had asked Lucy to stay in the house with her and strode out towards the barn.
Grant Tracy stood inside the barn expecting him.
"Dad." he acknowledged as he walked inside.
"Son." he was his curt and angry reply.
Jeff Tracy startled from his thoughts again as his youngest son strode past him on his way from the special care nursery to the operating theatre.
"Son." he acknowledged.
"Dad" was Alan's curt and angry reply.
"Alan…" he began with humility. "There's been a misunderstanding between us and I want to right things before it goes any further."
His own son, a replica of Grant Tracy, opened his mouth to say no. Then he closed it, courtesy of the influence of Josie Tracy.
"Later Dad." he said abruptly. "I've got other more important things on my mind."
He turned and began to walk away towards the operating theatre.
He stopped and turned back.
"The baby's a girl Sir. For what it's worth to you I've named her after Mother."
"Congratulations Son." he said offering his hand.
Alan looked at it and leaned forward to shake it grudgingly.
"Thank you Sir. " he replied icily.
"Son I would like to see her."
"Yeah right." Alan replied turning around on his heel to walk back towards the theatre. "You do that Dad. And you make sure you take a good real look at what's happened to her too."
His tone reminded Jeff Tracy of how his Father had treated him in the barn.
Grant Tracy had stood silently waiting for him to speak.
"Dad. There's been a misunderstanding between us and I've come back to make it right Sir." he had begun with the same humility. His Father had eyed him angrily.
"You needn't think you're sleeping in the same bed with that Evans girl under this roof." he said bluntly. "I won't have it."
He had surveyed his Father with calculating eyes. His Father was forty-eight years old then, weathered by years of toil in the sun, an honest, decent man with only one desire in his life. To see his son take over what he had worked for his entire life.
"Rather how I now see myself." he mused again distracting himself from thoughts of the past. "Fifty seven years old, weathered by overwork and losing Lucy so young, an honest, decent man with only one desire in his life. To see his sons continue with the fine work he had started in International Rescue."
He shifted uncomfortably in his chair.
"All my sons, " he mused. "Including the youngest."
He hadn't wanted to start another argument with his Father in the barn that day. He had come back to the farm bearing an olive branch hoping to sort things out. He hoped his Father would listen but trying to make peace was proving difficult when the very first thing his father chose to do was attack his private relationship with Lucy.
"Dad I respect your feelings about that." he had said carefully. "And I know Lucy does too. But I'm not here to talk about Lucy Sir."
"Well; state your business here then Jefferson. "he snapped. "I've got work to do."
"Dad please don't…" he swallowed.
"I said state your business boy."
"Don't push me away Dad."
"You're not listening to me Jefferson. What in the hell do you do you want?"
At his tone Jeff Tracy had lifted his head resolutely.
"All right Dad I'll state my business if that's what you want . I came back here hoping to clear things up with you Sir."
"Clear things up? As far as I'm concerned there's nothing more I care to say on the subject. You made yourself very clear to me last time you came here carrying on like you were someone all high and mighty. You're too good for the farm now and you owe me nothing. I think I understood you right boy."
"Please Dad that's not what I meant at all." he pleaded.
"Is that all you wanted Jefferson?"
"Dad…Sir …. Please… I don't want to leave here with this unresolved."
"Like I said I have work to do."
Grant Tracy walked away from him a second time, still bitter and still very, very angry.
But Jeff Tracy refused to endure a third confrontation. It was all or nothing this time. He had nothing whatsoever to lose.
He followed his Father out of the barn feeling his own temper rising.
"Now you listen here to me Dad." he began angrily.
Grant had swung around on him with fury, his dark blue eyes flashing dangerously.
"Don't you dare dictate to me boy."
Jeff stood his ground equally as furious.
"I'm not your boy. I'm a man. A man like you Dad; a man who will bring honour to you and this family when I walk on the moon."
Grant Tracy continued to walk away.
"Honour.. bah! " he mocked. "Your head is still in the clouds Jefferson where it's been for the past six and a half blasted years."
Jeff continued to follow him towards the fields.
"My head isn't in the clouds Dad. I'm telling you the Tracy name will be remembered with honour because of my so called stupid dream. I'm good Dad. I wouldn't have been asked to resign from the Air Force if I wasn't."
He caught up to his Father and grasped his shoulder. Grant shrugged his hand away. Jeff Tracy stood still and stormed .
" So when people around here start talking about the moon landing in five years time and ask you if the astronaut from Kansas is your son Jeff, what are you going to say Dad? He used to be my son until I cut him out of my life because he wouldn't follow the path I laid out for him?"
Grant Tracy stopped dead in his tracks. The son had stood his ground and now too would the Father. Grant turned to him slowly, his face white with fury.
"There was nothing wrong with the path I had laid out for you boy." he snapped. "The Tracy men have all been satisfied with being Farmers up to now."
Jeff Tracy continued to stand his ground.
"I don't care if the other Tracy men felt satisfied being Farmers Dad. I wasn't and it's me we're talking about. I've only ever wanted to fly and because I do instead of ploughing a damned field for a living you're saying to me I am no longer worthy to be called your son."
He eyeballed his Father whose look was becoming more dangerous with every word he said. His Father was ready to explode. For once in his life Jeff Tracy didn't care what his Father would do or say to him. The words continued to tumble out of him like molten lava.
"No longer worthy." he spat. "What a joke that is Dad. I've been chosen to go into space for my country for God's sake. My country finds me worthy enough. It's a pity it's not good enough for my Father. Well let me tell you Dad if I ever have a son of my own there is no way in hell I will ever force him to do anything he doesn't want to do. I'll love him for who he is and what he is not for what he owes me or anyone else."
He swung on his heel to head back to the house. He stopped suddenly and swung back.
"And for what it's worth any son I bring into this world will be as result of the love I have for "that girl" as you so rudely refer to her. You accept Lucille into this family Dad and you treat her right because I swear if you don't, you won't ever get to see me or my family again. And I'll leave it to you to explain why to momma."
With that their dark blue eyes locked. He had said the magic word.
Momma.
Even his Father wasn't brave enough to risk Josephine Tracy never seeing her only child again.
They continued to stare each other down. Jeff's chin remained determined and resolute. His Father's did likewise but his steely resolve was weakening. Family was seriously at risk and he knew his Father knew it.
"I'll leave it to you to choose the ways things are going to be between us Dad." he thundered powerfully. "I've done all I can to try and right things with you."
He began to walk away but then stopped one last time to add.
"I'm taking Lucy back to Texas within the hour and if you don't accept things and make the peace before I go I assure you neither of us will be returning. Momma said you and I need each other and I agree with her but if you think otherwise I can certainly learn to live with it if you can. Good day Sir."
Jeff Tracy frowned and looked in the direction of the operating theatre.
The words he had said to his Father that day pounded in his exhausted head.
"If I ever have a son of my own there is no way in hell I will ever force him to do anything he doesn't want to do."
He had given his Father an hour to think about how to right things with him.
He now gave himself an hour to right things too. But first he wanted to see his Grand-daughter.
A GRANDFATHER MEETS LUCY JOSEPHINE
His Mother looked up as he was shown into the tiny room. She sat by the incubator, her eyes tenderly fixed on the tiny little girl that lay inside.
He paused nervously at the door until Josie Tracy frowned.
"For goodness sake come over here Jeff." she snapped. "Since when have you ever been frightened of seeing one of these? You've had five of your own."
He swallowed as he heard the respirator and saw the monitors.
"Mom. Is she all right?" he asked without moving forward.
"Yes Alan tells me she's going to be." she mused. "I wonder about it myself but that's what the Doctor told him."
"Doctor Sommerville is the best in the business Mother. I'm sure he is right."
"Still gave me one hell of a fright when I saw her." Josie continued. " Dear God Jeff come over here. She's not going to bite you."
Jeff Tracy moved forward until he came to stand beside his mother. Almost reluctantly he forced himself to lower his eyes to look at his Grand-daughter for the first time. As he stood there he felt his heart fill with an emotion he had not felt for a long time. The love of a man for a newborn child. Instinctively he reached his hand out to touch the side of the incubator.
Josie Tracy watched him remembering he had reacted with exactly the same awe when he saw each of his own sons after birth.
"You forget how small and helpless they are." he said quietly. "And she's very small isn't she?"
"She's a Tracy baby. She'll be fine." Josie sniffed. "Gordon was smaller than she is and look at that boy now."
"Yeah he was. I had quite forgotten ... "
He continued to look at the baby.
"A girl huh." he smiled sadly. "What my Luce wouldn't have given to have one of these."
"Yes ... we both remember how disappointed she was with all boys." Josie mused remembering Lucille Tracy's face as son after son was birthed despite continued optimism that each pregnancy would produce her longed-for and eagerly awaited daughter.
"It was the only thing I couldn't give her Mom in all the years we were married you know."
"Don't I know that." Josie replied. "You certainly got into enough trouble over it too didn't you?"
Jeff's eyes were distant as he fondly remembered Lucille's reaction on every occasion she gave birth to one of their boys.
"Yep don't remind me. Virgil Ivan should have been Amanda Josephine but she forgave me for that one. But John Glenn definitely should have been Amanda Josephine and there was no excuse for Gordon Cooper not being Amanda Josephine and Alan Shepherd ... well she knew he was a boy before he was born ... but he started out as an Amanda Josephine too. I guess I just didn't have it in me to produce daughters."
"Well...I did tell you a long time ago going to the moon changes a man's constitution." she said cocking her eye at him. "But for what it's worth Jeff I don't think Lucille would have changed any of her boys for girls after the fact and neither would you."
"No most likely not." he agreed. "I couldn't have raised a little girl on my own. I would have found myself in all sorts of trouble."
"Well it looks like we've got trouble now." she smiled indicating the tiny baby girl who had already been the cause of so much anxiety.
The two of them lovingly watched her as her eyes opened and closed.
"So is your son talking to you yet?" she asked quietly without looking up.
"Not really." he replied with real sadness as he walked around the other side of the incubator to get a better look at the baby's features.
"Give him time Jeff." she soothed and watched him as he carefully studied his Grand-daughter. "You know what your youngest boy is like."
"Mmm," he replied deep in thought.
"Alan has informed me her name is Lucy Josephine." she added. "I feel very honoured by my Grandson's sentiment towards me."
He nodded. He too was delighted at the baby's name.
"She's a pretty little thing isn't she." he mused. "Long hands ... dark hair ...dark eyes ... nothing like Alan. "
"No." Josie said carefully. "She'll have curly hair though like him. This little one's hair is like Scott's as I remember."
He nodded.
"And her hands and colouring... very much like Virgil's wouldn't you say." she continued.
He nodded again.
"Very un-Kyrano like." she added.
"Mom what are you getting at?" he finally asked. "I know you're trying to make a point to me."
"Am I? Well we'll see. Jefferson I want you to look very carefully behind that baby's left ear."
He frowned. What was she on about now?
He peered to look as he was requested. His eyes widened and instantly filled with tears. No he had to be mistaken. It couldn't be. The co-incidence was too great.
But there it was ... the unmistakable strawberry mark. The mark he had kissed with passion more times than he cared to remember.
Only Lucy Evans had possessed that mark and only he and his mother knew about it. She had seen it when Lucy wore her hair up about the house. He had seen it during his passion for her.
His mind reeled back to when he dismissed the idea she was speaking to him in his head all those months ago.
"I WILL RETURN BECAUSE OF MY SON"
Today would have been her fifty-fifth birthday.
She would still have had pretty curly chestnut hair, greying like his own but well disguised. She would have had beautiful brown eyes which shone with love for him. Her long fingers would have caressed the keys of the piano as she played for him before dinner. After dinner he would have run his hands through her hair and planted kisses on that strawberry mark as he made love to her.
However she was gone. Or was she?
Today his Grand-daughter had been hurriedly brought into the world.
She would eventually possess pretty curly hair when her tufts of dark hair grew longer. She had sweet little brown eyes which would shine with love for her Grandpa. Her long fingers would one day play a piano for him under the expert tuition of her Uncle Virgil. She had the strawberry mark behind her ear, the mark he would see when her hair was tied back. The mark that would always make him remember with fondness the love he made to her Grandma many years before.
"Oh my God " he breathed leaning against the wall.
"Lucy..."
He ran his hand across his roughly bearded chin and worried what people would think about his dishevelled appearance. He also remembered he had not bathed or groomed in almost seventeen hours and cringed at the thought of it. This had never happened before. Jeff Tracy's Retainer was always meticulous in his personal appearance at all times.
Immaculately dressed, standing in the shadows, always available to attend to a request no matter how big or small. This was his life and he had loved every single moment of it for the past twelve years.
Until today.
Today had seen his eyes opened to the ways of the Tracy family, more so the ways of Jeff Tracy, the man he called his friend.
He had befriended him at the Paris Hilton over a drink at the end of the evening, when, whilst supervising staff cleaning up the dining room, he had smiled politely at the tall friendly looking man who sat alone in the corner of the restaurant sipping a scotch. The man introduced himself as Jefferson Grant Tracy, former United States Astronaut, now a businessman from Boston who was in Paris to discuss aerospace technology.
He, in turn introduced himself simply as Kyrano, stating his family surname was the way he preferred to be addressed. He explained whilst he was currently Head Chef at the Paris Hilton, he was originally from Malaysia and had travelled extensively across the continent. In addition to his culinary skills he admitted he had interests in botany. He had been living in England until he had secured his latest position.
Jefferson Tracy invited him to share an informal drink afterwards in the bar downstairs. It was obvious he was lonely and wanted to chat. Kyrano had felt a chat to the pleasant man would do him good. He was rather lonely too.
The no-nonsense American had shown a genuine interest in him and asked about his family. Kyrano told him he was a divorced Father. His wife had left him when his baby daughter was less than one year of age. His daughter's name was Tinarda but he called her Tin-Tin. The little girl was nearly eight years old. She was currently upstairs alone. He said he would have to leave soon and attend to her. The little girl was very responsible but didn't sleep until he came in from work in the evenings.
He asked Jeff Tracy about his own family. The tall dark haired man became guarded. He quietly told him he was a widower and had been for seven years. He had five sons ranging in age from sixteen down to seven. His wife died after giving birth to his last son, a seven year old named Alan. His wife's name had been Lucy, an English girl he had fallen in love with not long after he had resigned from the Air Force and taken up his commission in NASA. His mother had moved in with him from Kansas when Lucy died and she was currently caring for the children whilst he was in Paris. He told him he was thinking about moving to New York where his main Offices were located so that he got to spend more time with his boys. He said family life was important to him and he wished he had more time on his hands to enjoy it.
Kyrano told him he felt the same.
The two of them enjoyed each other's company immensely that night and parted late in the evening never expecting to meet again. However, fate intervened.
Almost a year and a half later, Kyrano received a message from the concierge of the Paris Hilton stating a telephone call had been received from a Mr Jefferson Grant Tracy in the United States. He wanted him to return the call.
Kyrano made the call never believing for an instant the result of the call would change his life forever.
The American businessman with the friendly disposition and honest eyes made him a proposition. He wanted him to leave Paris, come to America and reside in New York as his Retainer. His mother was turning sixty four and he wanted her to retire from running the household and enjoy what was left of her life. He could name his price and it would be met. In addition to his price, his daughter's education and upkeep would be paid for from grade school until she finished University.
Catch? Despite his discreet enquiries, Kyrano found there was none. The American was as honest as he was direct and it appeared there was no hidden agenda. The offer was straight down the line. He merely had to accept.
He did.
He resigned from the Paris Hilton and packed up the belongings of his little girl and himself to begin a new life in America. Their belongings were transported to New York onboard Jeff Tracy's own private jet. He arrived in New York the day his daughter celebrated her tenth birthday.
The first night in the house Jefferson Tracy had arranged a tenth birthday party for his daughter Tin-Tin.
Tin-Tin had never had a birthday party before and she was absolutely delighted.
Her eyes opened wide as she was surrounded with balloons, streamers and presents. Jefferson Tracy himself presented her with a small box wrapped in silver paper and tied with a red ribbon. In it was a pretty silver charm bracelet. It was wrapped in a cheque for almost eight hundred thousand dollars; his estimated cost of her education.
Kyrano remembered how he felt that night when Tin-Tin had handed him the cheque with a puzzled look on her face. Jefferson Tracy was making a statement of his sincerity up front. It was obvious he was truly grateful he and Tin-Tin had come to live in his household.
He himself had been truly grateful to Jefferson Tracy.
Until now.
The man who was Jefferson Tracy the friendly young businessman with a focus on family had grown over the years to be Jefferson Tracy, the man in charge of International Rescue. The man who approached his daughter to work for him as his Assistant Engineer after her education was complete. The same man who asked his Retainer to remain with him saying he needed him more than ever in his dual role as Head of Tracy Industries and Head of International Rescue. The two of them became part of International Rescue, she in an important and exhausting role, he still in the role of Retainer. Tin-Tin loved her work despite its intensity and he continued to enjoy his.
The Organisation was important to Jefferson Tracy and he had very definite ideas on how things should be run.
His ideas had not taken some very important things into account.
His youngest son falling in love with Tin-Tin.
Tin-Tin falling in love with his youngest son and the two of them consummating that love to unexpectedly create a child together.
His youngest son marrying Tin-Tin without any reference to him.
The two of them working side by side in International Rescue as husband and wife.
The fact they were both very young, expecting a baby and trying to cope with the continued stress of exhaustive work commitments and performance deadlines.
Their very basic need to be together as the birth approached.
Jeff Tracy hadn't taken any of these factors into account when launching International Rescue... and now... this.
Kyrano had reeled in shock as Alan accused his Father of blaming Tin-Tin for what had happened to the children in the mine shaft. He had never thought he would resort to such measures to get his daughter to meet his deadlines and had prayed Alan was mistaken. He simply did not believe it of Jeff Tracy. Jeff Tracy loved his daughter dearly and would never do such a thing. Or at least that is what he wanted to think.
Alan had to be wrong.
He listened with devastation as Alan angrily told his Father he was walking away from International Rescue and taking Tin-Tin and their child to the mainland. He heard him say irrespective of the outcome for Tin-Tin and the baby he was leaving anyway.
"That young man will most likely not leave this island alone." he thought. "If I lose my daughter and her child I will be tempted to leave with him."
He looked up to see the same young man walking towards him with a cup of coffee in his hand. Kyrano saw the worry and anxiety on his face.
"Mr. Alan." he acknowledged.
Alan offered him the coffee. "Here Sir, I got this for you from the vending machine. It's not like the coffee you make but you looked like you could use some anyway."
Kyrano gratefully accepted the cup and offered his thanks.
"Any word yet Sir?" Alan asked as he sat down next to him.
"No. I have not seen anyone and I have not left this place since Tin-Tin was taken into theatre."
Kyrano felt Alan Tracy's unspoken anguish as he sat beside him looking at the floor.
Suddenly Alan's lips moved.
"I'm sorry for all this Sir." he said quietly without looking up.
"Sorry Mr. Alan?" he enquired. "You are apologising to me?"
"This whole thing is entirely my fault. If I had been ... more adult... none of this would be happening to Tin-Tin right now... or to you Sir."
Kyrano shook his head. He was a firm believer all things happened for a reason. If nothing else, Tin-Tin's unplanned pregnancy and their hurried marriage had forced the youngest Tracy son to take stock of himself and grow up.
"I am a firm believer that fate takes us in the direction we are destined to head Mr. Alan." he said. "Fate allowed me to meet your Father and it brought Tin-Tin and myself to America where she met you. This day is the result of that fate. Please do not apologise to me. You have made all the right decisions regarding my daughter since I entrusted her into your care."
Alan gave him an exhausted nod of the head, an acknowledgement tempered with sadness, potential loss and regret. He saw the tired, worried expression on Kyrano's face. He reached out his hand and squeezed the older man's.
"Kyrano, you look worn out Sir. I really think you should rest. Can I make a hotel reservation for you somewhere?"
"Mr. Alan, like you I will not rest until I know my Tin-Tin is out of danger... or has gone to a better place."
Alan cringed as he heard Kyrano say what he was thinking.
"A better place." he thought bitterly as he gripped Kyrano's hand tighter. "After what I've put Tin-Tin through why wouldn't she want to go to a better place?"
"You have not yet given me news of my grand-daughter." Kyrano said, changing the subject completely.
Alan looked at him startled. How did Kyrano know about the baby being a girl? Only he, Tin-Tin and now Grandma knew about it. Kyrano could not help but notice the astonishment on his face.
"You look at me with surprise Mr. Alan, "he said. "Surely you must understand by now that Tin-Tin confides in me in most matters."
Alan nodded. He often envied the close relationship Tin-Tin had with her Father. He wished sometimes he had been able to develop one with his own Father but knew back when he was small there was no time for them to develop anything. His Father was never home long enough to talk to let alone get close to. As a result he had grown up believing his Father had very little time for him.
"Lucy is still on the respirator Sir. I've been with her for the past hour and Grandma is with her now. She is very knocked about but the Doctor said he is hopeful she will be okay."
He stopped and smiled sadly at Kyrano. "She's a beautiful little baby Sir. She looks just like Tin-Tin."
Kyrano nodded. He had no doubt the handsome young man in front of him and his stunning daughter would create an exquisite child together.
"You and my daughter have selected your mother's name for my grand-daughter?"
Alan looked surprised again. Obviously Tin-Tin hadn't told him everything.
"I'm sorry Sir. I thought you knew that too. It was Tin-Tin's idea to call her after mother. Her name is to be Lucy Josephine Tracy. I selected her middle name to thank my Grandmother for raising me all these years. "
"A most fitting and sentimental name, "Kyrano acknowledged. "Tin-Tin would not tell me the baby's name, only that she carried the first Tracy daughter in eighty-five years under her heart and it was the most important thing in the world to her."
"I know Sir. We were both extremely happy to learn the baby was a girl; especially for Grandma's sake. She's over the moon in the nursery right now."
"Hence your brave decision to save your child was correct Mr. Alan. Tin-Tin's heartfelt wish was to bring your daughter to birth and no matter what else happens here as a result of it you must remember you did as she would have wanted you to do."
"Sir, I believe what I did was the right thing to do even though ... even though I look like losing her."
"Yes Mr. Alan...you and I look like losing Tinarda but at least we both know you did what you thought was right."
Alan felt his eyes welling again as he thought of Lucy Josephine on the respirator. Yes he had allowed his daughter to live and yes he knew Tin-Tin would have wanted it that way but now the two of them were talking as if she was already dead.
Kyrano looked directly at the youngest Tracy son.
"Mr. Alan, the child being birthed was very important to me. She may be all I have after this day."
Alan nodded. He knew Tin-Tin was all her Father had. He also knew she was the centre of his universe, his world, the apple of his eye, his reason to live. He knew he would not cope with losing her and would need Lucy Josephine to cling to if he did.
Kyrano continued without averting his eyes.
"Mr. Alan. I am asking you as Tin-Tin's Father not to take my grand-daughter away from me."
Alan Tracy bit his lip and lifted his face with an angry determination. His jaw set. Now Kyrano was asking him not to leave the island just like his Grandmother. Didn't anyone understand how angry and upset he was? The volcanic emotions of Alan Tracy began to surface again. However Kyrano continued to speak quietly, his low, insistent voice powerfully commanding the Tracy son to listen.
"Mr. Alan. I understand your anger towards your Father. I myself feel somewhat the same way. What you believe he said to my daughter was not acceptable in my eyes and may or may not have led to this situation we find ourselves in. However I have considered many things these past hours and I invite you to share these thoughts with me."
Alan nodded reluctantly, his jaw still clenched. "Go on then Sir I'm listening."
"I have thought much of your Father's generosity to my daughter and to me over the years we have been part of your household. He invited us, almost sight unseen, into his home, treated us as members of his family and removed the financial burden of my daughter's education from my shoulders. I believe this generosity can only come from a man with a kind and sincere heart Mr. Alan.
Kyrano paused for a few moments as if allowing Alan to absorb what he was saying. Alan said nothing. He had never disputed the fact his Father was a generous man. He always had been in material matters. He donated money to charities and never hesitated to help others.
"It's matters to do with people's feelings Dad's hopeless at." he muttered discontentedly.
Kyrano continued.
"I have also tried to understand on more than one occasion why it appears he quietly disapproves of your marriage," Kyrano continued. "After much soul-searching today I believe this perceived disapproval also comes from his heart."
"No Sir." Alan said adamantly. "Forgive me but you're wrong there. Dad doesn't have a heart when it comes to anything to do with Tin-Tin and me being together. "
"No Mr. Alan I do not think I am wrong. Please hear me out. I truly believe your Father's heart was badly broken many years ago as you well know and somehow he has managed to continue on in his life by trying to deny his own feelings of love still exist. I have watched him over many years and I know more than most how he turns his back on anything if it reminds him of the time when he had love of his own. Your marriage to Tinarda has raised those feelings of loss inside him in a big way Mr. Alan and your openness in your love for her distresses him greatly. I believe him seeing you express your love for my daughter reminds him of when he was able to express the same love for your mother. That is his true problem Mr. Alan; not you and my daughter."
Alan Tracy nodded in quiet understanding and his defiant look altered a little. Maybe Kyrano was right and he had misjudged why his Father had made the rules so inflexible.
"Yeah well…maybe Kyrano." he said begrudgingly.
"Mr Alan please excuse my directness to you at this dreadful time; but I also believe your Father hides his greatest fear of all behind his mask of disapproval."
"And what's that Kyrano?" he asked.
"The fear he has in his heart that you too may end up hurt as he was hurt when he lost your mother and that you too may be left alone in this world as a grieving man with a newborn child."
The two of them sat in silence as the true impact of Kyrano's words sank into Alan Tracy's head. Twenty four hours ago he would have dismissed the idea he would end up like his Father did with disdain. Now it was fast becoming a stark and very real possibility.
"Mr. Alan. I have considered leaving Tracy Island too if I lose Tinarda but in hindsight I now believe it is not in the best interests of our two families for either of us to leave. I am very aware it is your right to do as you please and know you will follow the path you believe is best but I ask you to stop and reconsider your stance not only for the sake of your Father but for yourself. You need each other Mr. Alan. "
"Sir, I know Dad knows everything about raising children and I don't know anything," Alan confessed, "But if he doesn't admit to things or if Tin-Tin dies rest assured I will learn for myself and it won't be from him. I'm sorry Kyrano, call me arrogant if you like but that's just how I feel about it."
Kyrano shook his head at the fierce stubbornness of the young man who had married his only daughter.
"Yes my son," he thought. "You will do as your Father did before you. You will grit your teeth with determination and learn to care for your child by your own tenacity as your Father had to learn to care for you. You will bring up my grand-daughter feeling disillusioned at the world that allowed Tin-Tin to be taken away from you just as your Father raised you frustrated at the world that deprived you of your Mother. You will attend to my Grand-daughter's physical needs as your Father attended to yours. But you will not be able to teach her the important things. Things your Father did not teach you. This is where you will fail my grand-daughter just as your Father failed you. You will mask your pain from your daughter as he masks his from you. It is not good for you young Tracy. You will do a fine job in raising my grand-daughter but you will do a much better job if you allow yourself to be guided by myself as well as your Father as you do it."
"My son… Alan, " he began. "Your Father raised you with the help of your Grandmother. I raised Tin-Tin alone. Neither of us had a choice when we lost the women we loved. You, on the other hand, have that choice. If you remain on the island we are both here for you if you need us. It would not be good for you to be alone in this important task."
His eyes pleaded with Alan's.
"It is my heartfelt wish to ensure the fruit of your love for my daughter grows into someone Tin-Tin would be proud of Mr. Alan. If she cannot watch Lucy grow for herself then I must insist you allow me to watch it for her through my own eyes. If you love her, please do not deny Tin-Tin this."
Alan lowered his head. Kyrano knew his ultimate weakness. He was asking him to stay for Tin-Tin's sake and Alan Tracy had never been able to deny Tin-Tin Kyrano anything.
"All right Sir," he sighed in defeat. "I'll make an effort to right things with Dad. However he needs to make an effort to right things with me too."
The door to the theatre opened.
Both men looked at each other in fear as Doctors Kingsley and Chan walked towards them.
They were about to be told the fate of Tinarda Jane Tracy.
"Mr. Tracy, Dr. Kingsley and myself have left this for as long as we can."
Thus began the words of the Chief Surgeon Michael Chan as he stood wearily in the middle of the corridor facing an exhausted Alan Shepherd Tracy. The young man looked even younger than before, baby-faced, inexperienced and vulnerable... and he was about to give him news that had the capacity to completely shatter his life.
Alan acknowledged his words with a tight bode of thanks.
"Yes Sir. I understand how tired you must both be feeling."
"Mr. Tracy ... Alan … the news I have for you is not good I'm afraid."
Alan Tracy felt hot tears burning in the back of his eyes and braced himself to hear the news.
"Say it to me then", his heart cried out. "Say I've lost my best friend because you couldn't do anything to save her. Say she died all alone after you took my daughter from her at my instruction. Say she is lying in there lifeless before I had the chance to make things right for her. Say I have to raise my little girl alone. Say it's all my fault. I can take it. I've been preparing myself for it all day."
"No Sir." he said, swallowing with difficulty because of the massive lump in his throat. "I'd supposed things weren't good."
Alan glanced sideways as Kyrano. He looked pale and distressed.
"Your daughter has been stabilised Mr. Tracy?"
"Yes thank you. I am very grateful to you Doctor Chan. You saved her life." he replied cringing as he waited for the blow.
Chan smiled sadly. This young man was polite to the core but he knew all he really wanted was news of his wife.
"Mr. Tracy...about Mrs. Tracy." he began.
The hot tears brimmed in his blue eyes.
No... he didn't want to hear him say it. He didn't want to hear him say he had lost his best friend because they couldn't do anything to save her. He didn't want to hear she died alone after his daughter had been taken at his instruction. He didn't want to hear she was lying in there lifeless before he had the chance to make things right for her. He didn't want to hear he had to raise a little girl alone. He didn't want to think it was all his fault. He couldn't take it even though he had been preparing himself for it all day.
This wasn't just anyone. This was his best friend Tin-Tin. Once the expected words left the Doctor's lips he knew he would not want to live any more and he had to. He had a responsibility now.
Lucy had to be considered no matter how distraught he knew he was going to be.
The tears spilled over his eyelids and down his cheeks. Alan brushed them away as Dr Chan began to speak with extreme difficulty.
"The operation was very long, very dangerous and very difficult Mr Tracy. Your wife put up a good fight in there. She is certainly a very brave young woman."
Alan Tracy had now reached the limit of what could he could endure. He was used to the directness of his Father when being told anything. He didn't need them to try to break the news gently by telling him how brave she was. He knew how brave she was. They'd nearly died together trying to save the Sun Probe over a year ago for God's sake. He didn't need to be patronised. He simply wanted to hear the words he was dreading and be left alone to grieve and deal with the fact his treasured relationship with Tin-Tin Kyrano was over.
"Just tell me she's dead and be done with things will you." he lashed out in a devastated voice as the tears ran down his face unabated. "I won't blame either of you. I know you did your best for her."
Dr. Chan shook his head. If only he could make the blow that clean.
"Mr. Tracy... Mrs Tracy remains dangerously ill in intensive care." he said carefully. "Unfortunately it is a waiting game to see if she does or does not survive. Errr…you see she survived the caesarean section but during the latter part of it she suffered an intracranial haemorrhage."
Alan merely stared dumbly at the Surgeon. This nightmare never seemed to end. Eclampsia... intracranial haemorrhage... his fear of having to sit beside Tin-Tin in the final stages of labour paled into insignificance compared to what was happening to him now.
"Can you explain what that is to me please Sir?" he finally choked. "I'm sorry but I'm not familiar with medical terms."
"In plain English Mr. Tracy, your wife has suffered a stroke whilst in theatre."
Alan swallowed helplessly and felt his shoulders hunch with the crushing weight of Dr. Chan's words. Tin-Tin was only twenty-two years old. Surely she was too young to suffer a something like that. Strokes were reserved for sick and old people, not a beautiful young woman in the prime of her life.
"She'll be all right though won't she Sir?" he almost begged. "I mean … she's going to pull through with no permanent damage right?"
Dr Chan watched the young man's hands as he twisted them together trying to keep calm.
"Mr. Tracy… intracranial haemorrhage is extremely serious. We won't know the prognosis for several days. Mrs Tracy needs to recover from theatre before we proceed any further." Dr. Chan knew his words said clearly he preferred to wait and see if the stroke was fatal before the damage was assessed.
The young man was too preoccupied to pick up on it.
Doggedly he continued.
"Mrs Tracy will undergo a CT scan if she recovers from theatre and be given further tests to assess the extent of the damage. Mr. Tracy, I'm not going to lie to you…her blood pressure was dangerously high and the resultant haemorrhage was major. If not fatal, the damage may well be extensive …and permanent."
Alan lifted his chin resolutely.
"Explain permanent." he said in a voice which sounded like his Father's for the first time.
Chan shook his head. Why couldn't this young man take one step at a time just as he himself had been forced to do all day? At present he should simply be grateful he still had his wife. He didn't want to say anything further. The boy looked exhausted and he was too. He didn't want to give him any more bad news but Alan Tracy stood expectantly waiting to hear it.
"Mr Tracy, it's hard to say much more with any accuracy. In my time I've seen patients who sustain memory loss, paralysis, and speech impairment. There are also resultant emotional difficulties she could experience…" he began in his shrinking ears.
He stopped himself as the young man's tears intensified and he lowered his head in defeat and began to cry silently.
"Mr. Tracy, please don't…" he floundered as he witnessed his distress. "This is not my area of medical expertise and I am truly not in a position to discuss it further. I assure you I will continue to monitor Mrs. Tracy's condition for the time being primarily as a result of the Caesarean Section. However I am sure you support me in my decision now to call in other medical professionals to offer a prognosis as the result of the haemorrhage."
"I'm sorry Sir, " he gulped as he tried to pull himself together. "This has all been too much for me these past few hours. Please give me a moment to compose myself and absorb what you're saying to me."
Alan took a deep breath and steadied himself before continuing. "Doctor Chan, please tell me the truth.
Could my wife still die on me after all this?"
"I'm very sorry Mr. Tracy. Yes, there is an extremely big risk she may still die."
Alan Tracy's lips crumbled again. Tin-Tin Kyrano now had to deal with this too...because of him.
He knew she wouldn't cope with memory loss. She was too brilliant a girl to tolerate that. She would cry herself to sleep in sheer frustration. She wouldn't cope with being paralysed. She was so active and vital and alive. A speech impediment would break her heart. She would lower her head and refuse to communicate. The emotional problems would then come and place a strain on their marriage. The eventual breakdown would happen.
Alan Tracy didn't know if he was strong enough to shoulder the responsibilities of raising a baby, deal with a strained marriage and work for International Rescue.
Alan wiped his eyes and fought to remain in control. He didn't have a choice. There was no turning back. He had a little girl now. His marriage was for keeps and International Rescue wasn't going to go away. He had to shoulder it. He swallowed hard and stood up straight.
"Assuming Tin-Tin survives this Sir, how long do you think it would it be before I can take her home?"
"Mr. Tracy, in all reality Mrs. Tracy will require specialised care for several months if major damage is detected and on-going therapy after that." Dr. Kingsley said honestly. "This of course leaves the issue of caring for your daughter.
Alan lifted his chin.
"There is no issue there Dr. Kingsley, "he replied with determination. "I will make arrangements to care for her myself."
"You will be able to make those arrangements?" asked Reginald Kingsley recalling Jeff Tracy saying the delay in his son arriving at the hospital earlier was due to his extensive work commitments.
Alan Tracy opened his mouth to speak but before he had the opportunity to say anything, a big, powerful voice boomed from behind him.
"My son works for me. I'll make sure he is able to take all the time off he needs to care for the baby."
Alan felt his temper rise at his Father's words, words uttered in total support of his situation but not heard by him in the way his Father meant them. Jeff Tracy's tone towards Dr. Kingsley was absolute and not to be argued with. To Alan, tired, exhausted and worried, it was the very same tone he had used with him when he wanted to miss his rotation to be with Tin-Tin.
He looked at Kyrano and remembered his words.
"The fear he has in his heart that you too may end up hurt as he was hurt."
He forced himself to calm down.
Jeff Tracy moved forward to shake the hands of Doctors Chan and Kingsley.
"Thank you gentlemen for your excellent care of my daughter-in-law. Please; you must both be exhausted and in need of some decent food and sleep. Perhaps I could discuss what's needed to be done for Tin-Tin in the morning."
The two Doctors nodded. Dr Chan looked at Jeff Tracy and said,
"Mr. Tracy please let me assure you that Mrs. Tracy is being very carefully monitored and I have left instructions for me to be called if necessary. I suggest in the meantime we all try to get some sleep. I will speak with you in the morning."
Something suddenly snapped in Alan Tracy as Dr. Chan uttered those words to his Father.
This was Tin-Tin's life they were talking about and Tin-Tin was his wife. Lucy was his child and he would be attending to her care. What the hell did his Father have to do with any of it? As far as he was concerned he'd caused this mess in the first place and now he was trying to take over the situation and band-aid it like he band-aided everything.
How dare his Father dismiss the Doctors before he'd finished with them? How dare the Doctors now speak with his Father and simply ignore him like he didn't exist.
"No you will not speak to my Father." he flashed in absolute fury. "If it's anything to do with my daughter or Mrs Tracy you will have the courtesy to speak only to me."
Both Doctors looked at each other in surprise. The young Tracy son had been so agreeable until now. Jeff Tracy heard his Father in the voice of his son and turned to Alan in surprise.
Josie Tracy took a sharp intake of breath from where she stood in the corridor as she saw Alan's chin lift.
"Alan." he reiterated firmly his eyes clearly showing his disapproval. "I am sure you will agree the Doctor's understand that my position is our family's position as far as Tin-Tin and the baby is concerned."
"No Dad. They understand your position not mine." he sparked. "You didn't allow me to give mine."
"Our position is the same Alan."
"It's still up to me to state what my position is Dad."
"Sweet Mother of God," Josie prayed. "Keep quiet Jeff. Don't you remember your Father's temper."
"Son... you're exhausted. This isn't the time for confrontation... enough now. " he said gently.
Alan Tracy lifted his chest and his eyes dilated.
Despite everything Kyrano and his Grandmother had said he had taken all he intended to take today.
He fixed his eyes on his Father.
"Oh no." Josie Tracy breathed. She's seen that look before. The look of Grant Tracy's absolute fury.
His face coloured red as his temper hit boiling point. He shook his head angrily as he turned on his heel and began to storm down the corridor.
"That's it. I've had it. I'm leaving. I'm not hanging around to be subjected to this disregard any longer."
Her eyes filled with tears as she shook her head blindly and followed him down the corridor.
She thought he understood. She thought she had talked him into quietly sorting things out with his Father. She thought he would think before he acted after their long and emotional discussion. She thought he had seen sense. Now it appeared he was prepared to throw everything out the window.
"Sweetheart... no please.. wait...you're not thinking straight." she begged.
She finally caught up to him as he reached the end of the corridor. Her arm reached out to him causing him to momentarily pause in the doorway.
"Please don't walk out on your Father sweetie." she pleaded. "He loves you."
He rounded on her, forgetting himself and how much he loved her, and began to rail.
"Loves me? I must have lost something in the translation then given what's been happening this past month. My Father wants to control me and everything about me and around me. To him I'm some sort of puppet to bow to his every whim... do whatever he says whenever he says to do it. It's his way or nothing and to hell with me and everything else. He doesn't care how the two of us feel about anything."
"You're making a dreadful mistake. He needs you. Please stop and listen to me. Don't leave here like this. It's the wrong thing to do and you'll regret it for the rest of your life."
"You mean he'll regret it. It's no skin off my nose if I don't come back here."
She tried to get him to look at her knowing he would calm down if they made eye contact. He refused.
"You will regret it darling. Please listen to me. Your little baby will never know the love of its Grandfather if you leave. A Grandfather's love is important. You can't deny your child that. I won't let you."
His eyes riveted on hers, angry at her referring to the child. The baby had nothing to with this. Her eyes searched his desperately for some sign he might back down and change his mind. She simply couldn't allow him to walk out on the Father who had raised him to be such a wonderful decent young man.
There was no sign of remorse in his blue eyes.
"Lucy I asked you not to mention the baby here until after the wedding. "he snapped. "Now get your things and get in the car. We're leaving. He can explain things to momma himself."
His dark blue eyes never seemed to show any feeling whatsoever and he was always being criticized by Josie Tracy for it. Those dark blue eyes were the eyes of a Tracy man, cold steel and seemingly unemotional. They were also the eyes of a Kansas Farmer about to watch his precious son walk out of his life.
He'd made a mistake in his judgement and he didn't know how to bring himself to admit it and make amends.
He loved his son more than his own life, had raised him to know right from wrong, to be a gentleman, to care about others. He had tried to lead him by example and teach him the value of hard work and the ultimate reward at the end of it. His son had grown up to be a decent young man and he was very proud of him.
He had given him values and morals, some of which he had chosen to ignore with the young lady involved but nevertheless she was special to him and he knew that. He had no right to disapprove of their relationship when it was obvious the two of them were very happy.
Now his son was leaving. He was walking out of his life because of a stupid misunderstanding. He knew once the boy left he would lose contact with him for good and Josie would never forgive him.
He desperately wanted to see his grandchild grow up and be fondly referred to as Grandpa.
But he knew his son only too well. This son was a Tracy son to the core. Strong-willed, tough and determined; and very capable of making it on his own.
"Son…" he said gruffly. "Wait…"
His son turned to face him.
"I've got nothing I care to say to you now Dad. It's done. Things won't ever change and I'm not subjecting my family to your expectations any more or your disapproval that we don't meet them."
"Son…listen to me..."
"No Dad you listen to me. You find someone else to run things for you. I'll make it on my own. You can follow my career in the newspapers from now on. If people ask you if I'm your son you can acknowledge me if you want. If not that's fine by me."
Their eyes met and their chins lifted defiantly.
"I don't want things to be like this son." he said his dark blue eyes softening. "You know I love you and I'm proud of the man that you are. I know you can make your own decisions but I worry they may not be the right ones."
"I'm not stupid Dad."
"I never said you were son."
"Well why can't you accept things especially my choice of a wife."
"I have no right to disapprove of your choice son. Deep down I've always known that."
"Well you admit you were wrong then. Take back the things you said and apologise to her in my hearing. Do that and I'll believe you."
The ultimatum had been issued. The Father had heard.
"All right son… I owe her my apology …provided you calm down … and let me talk to you."
Jeff Tracy placed his arm around his son's heaving shoulders. It was time to make amends.
They had been allowed to see her on the sole condition that their visit was brief. The private room was dark and very like the room Lucille Tracy had died in. Josie Tracy thought she'd better keep that little snippet of information to herself as she and Kyrano were shown in.
Josie Tracy simply refused to believe little Tin-Tin Kyrano's life hung in the balance.
She'd warned the almighty and had so far bluffed her way through the day without losing either of them. She'd sat with little Lucy Josephine until the nurses had taken her to be checked. Now she sat with Tin-Tin and quietly supported her Father.
Her condition was critical. The level of care made that obvious to the two of them. Nurses came and went, some glanced nervously at monitors, others checked drainage, another simply rearranged her pillows and checked for some sign she might be waking up.
"My poor sweet little girl." Josie Tracy swallowed running her hand across her forehead gently. "Look at the mess all this has made of you. It's going to take months to mend the damage this has caused to your constitution."
"She looks at peace Mrs. Tracy." Kyrano whispered as he held her hand in his. "Let us hope if it is meant to be and she is to leave us that she quietly slips away with the same peace."
"What do you mean if it is meant to be? "she frowned. "Kyrano let me inform you right here and now that Tin-Tin leaving this world before her time is not meant to be thank you. This little girl is the centre of my Grandson's life and if he wasn't so busy arguing the point with his Father outside about who's boss around here, he'd be telling you so himself."
"Mrs. Tracy. There is much you do not know about Tinarda's condition." Kyrano said gently.
"What do you mean much I don't know?" she replied stonily. "I know enough. I know this little girl has birthed me a great grand-daughter and had a mighty tough time of it. I also know she's had some fancy name for a stroke in the process. In addition I know she's fighting hard to stay in this world with her little one. And how do I know? Because I just do. You mark my words Mr. Kyrano. She'll make it."
"Mrs Tracy the Doctors said…"
"Now you listen here to me. You'd be better served going down that corridor and meeting your grand-daughter than sitting here being negative around me. I've had to speak to just about everyone in this family today and the last person I want to have to say my piece to is you Mr. Kyrano."
Kyrano nodded sheepishly. She was such a strong woman. He could feel life and warmth coming from within her as she sat there stroking his daughter's head and speaking to her; willing her to wake up.
"Now young lady. The first thing we have to do is get you to open those eyes of yours. If you can see that baby of yours it'll make you feel better, not only you either I might say. That poor son of mine is in worse condition than you are worrying about that baby."
Nothing.
"He's outside with his son now trying to talk him out of leaving home and taking your sweet little Lucy car racin' when she should be in her nursery. Have you ever heard the likes of it? I'm sure that young man of yours has rocks in his head sometimes. You need to be setting his head straight before that little girl of yours ends up as one of the pit crew or worse still hanging around bars until all hours of the night."
Nothing.
"Alan loves you sweetie and he needs you. I need you. Your Daddy needs you. Your little one needs you. You have to pull through for Grandma."
Nothing.
"Mrs. Tracy.." Kyrano began. "It's no use…"
She rounded on him.
"Of course it's of use. Now go and ask at the desk for me if they'll bring the little girl down here." she insisted.
"Mrs. Tracy…" he interjected.
"You hard of hearing or something Kyrano?" she snapped.
He shook his head and went to do as she asked. Now he knew how Jeff Tracy felt but never had he been more grateful for it in his life.
Josie turned her attention back to Tin-Tin.
"Now I've gotten rid of that negative Father of yours and sent for your little one. It's time you and I did some serious talking. I'm insisting you to wake up this instant and meet your daughter young lady. You got no right birthing this baby and calling her after me if we don't get to love her together. Lord knows she's going to need the both of us living in that household of mindless men. You know what they're like. None of them have a clue about women including that husband of yours. He should be here with you not arguing with his Father. I'll tell him so too when I see him."
Nothing.
Kyrano returned and informed her that the special care nursery would allow the baby to be brought down for a few minutes.
Josie nodded.
"Good then. It's what this child needs."
A GRANDFATHER MEETS LUCY JOSEPHINE
Despite the monitors and his fear for his daughter Kyrano could not contain himself as the incubator was wheeled in by the sister in charge of the special care nursery. He peered anxiously inside to see his grand-daughter.
"Mr. Alan was right." he worried as he looked at the tiny little girl and listened to the respirator. "She is extremely small." he said aloud.
"Mmm." Josie mused. "Small perhaps but tough enough. I've already told her other Grandfather that."
Kyrano looked at Josephine Tracy with an enquiring look.
"Mrs Tracy?"
"She's a Tracy baby in a nutshell Kyrano. I don't know about the Kyrano babies but from where we come from in Kansas our young ones are bred tough. And she's tough too."
Josie looked through the glass at the half open eyes of Lucy Josephine Tracy.
"That's right isn't it little miss. You and I have already had words over you thinking about going anywhere other than home with me to Tracy Island to meet your Uncles."
Kyrano gazed lovingly at his grand-daughter before looking to where his daughter lay. He remembered the first time he had seen her too. She had been a tiny, red little scrap of a thing and he had been totally in awe of her. He was reluctant to hold her fearing he might drop her. His wife had told him he was being silly. Babies were resilient and the sooner he realised it the better.
"And you had to be resilient didn't you my little Tin-Tin." he thought sadly. "For your Mother left you to fend for yourself not long after."
His head lowered further.
"You must not die Tin-Tin and leave this little one to fend for herself too. Mr Alan is too headstrong to do it without you. She will need your guidance as he will." he whispered. "You must find the hearing to listen to Mrs Tracy and wake up now. Please my little one."
"About time you listened to me Mr. Kyrano. "Josie nodded with satisfaction. "Now bring that grand-daughter of yours over here where she can see her if she wakes up. Like I say I won't tolerate hearing anything from you that says Tin-Tin isn't going to make it.
"Son. There's lot I want to say to you."
"There's a lot I want to hear you say to me Sir."
"You and I have never been very close and that's bothered me for more years than I care to admit."
"It's just the way it panned out Sir. You had to work very hard when I was a child."
"I know. It wasn't easy for me back then."
"You were always good to me Dad. I'm not disputing that. A little tough sometimes but you always provided me with everything I needed."
"That's what a good Father does son."
"I know that. I hope I'll be the sort of Father you are Sir."
"You will."
"I hope so Sir."
"Well you've made a good start. You've got yourself a lovely girl."
"Well then why are you so against us Dad."
"I'm not against you son."
"Dad…"
"All right son. I suppose it looks that way. I suppose I want to protect you from something I'm not quite sure of."
"Dad the two of us love each other. I've loved her from the first moment I saw her. You know that."
"There's always a risk in love son."
"That's no excuse for how you've treated her. You owe her an apology for those things you said Dad."
"Yes I do I guess."
"And I expect you'll give it to her."
"You have my word son."
"And I'm asking you to support me. I've got a lot of responsibility to shoulder now."
"Tracy Fathers and their sons always support each other. It's the very fabric of this family. You will always have my support."
"Yes Sir. Thank you Sir."
"Son."
"Yes Dad."
"You make sure you continue to love that young lady like I love your Mother. Till death us do part means something."
"Yes Sir. I will."
He offered his hand.
"Friends?"
He took it.
"I'm your son Sir." he replied as he shook it.
"Son."
"Yes Dad?"
"You're a fine boy."
"Thank you Dad. I've tried to mirror myself on you Sir."
Jeff Tracy felt a shiver run down his spine as he remembered making peace with his Father.
It had taken a lot of courage for his Father to swallow his pride and admit he was wrong.
Jeff Tracy knew how his Father felt. He and Alan had just had exactly the same conversation.
However their conversation had ended with them agreeing they needed to get back to Tin-Tin's bedside in case she woke up.
His own conversation with his Father had ended with the words he had finally craved to hear.
The two of them had stood looking at each other awkwardly at the front gate, neither wanting to show any outward sign of affection.
"Well then Major Tracy." his Father began gruffly. "I suppose you'll be needing to head back to Houston now."
"Yes Dad." he had replied uncomfortably. "I'd best be off."
"I guess then the next time I'll be seeing you will be at your wedding."
"Yes Sir. I guess so."
"Then straight back to training for the mission I suppose?"
"Yes Sir. There's still much I have to learn."
The awkwardness continued.
"Well pay attention and you'll learn it. I gave you that advice when you were here with me."
"Yes Sir. I've always remembered your words and applied them."
He held out his hand to his Father.
"Well goodbye Dad."
Suddenly and without warning Grant Tracy came forward to embrace him, something he had not done for over twenty years.
"Follow your dream son." he whispered as he held him close. "Remember your Daddy is proud of you."
Josie Tracy frowned and looked up at the clock. It was almost ten o'clock. No wonder a woman felt tired and washed out. She tried not to think about the fact she had been awake for twenty hours in what had been one hell of a day.
"What's keeping those two Kyrano." she said impatiently. "The two of them would surely have to be all yelled out by now."
Kyrano shrugged as he continued to hold Tin-Tin's hand.
Josie was unhappy. They had come and taken the baby away despite her demands that she be allowed to remain. Having the baby nearby had been of use. Both of them had witnessed Tin-Tin's head move slightly in the direction of the incubator when Lucy let out a tiny whimper.
"Stupid Tracy pride." Josie growled. "Like a pack of lions the men in this family. Close as they can possibly be to each other but always wanting to be in charge and argue the point."
"Mrs. Tracy. Would you have issue if I asked something of you?" Kyrano asked carefully.
Josie looked at him expectantly.
"You can ask me anything you like Kyrano as long as it isn't requiring a negative answer. I've had all the negativity I can take from all of you today."
"Mrs. Tracy … do you truly believe Mr. Tracy placed blame on Tin-Tin's shoulders as Mr. Alan indicates."
Josie frowned. That was still a sore point with her.
"Kyrano he'd have said something about the design delay I've no doubt but I don't believe he would ever lay blame on anyone for anything. You and I both know how much he treasures that girl. I know he can be tough when he has to be and sometimes being tough is his only way to get his youngsters to perform in some situations. And he treats her like one of his own both in this organisation and outside of it. You know that. "
"Yes I do know that. That is my feeling also."
"Well let's hope he's gotten that notion through the head of that fired up Grandson of mine. Flying off the handle. Too headstrong to listen. He's too much like my Grant that boy. His temper will be his undoing one of these days and so I've told him."
"Despite that he loves my daughter very much Mrs. Tracy." he replied. "His outburst appears to have only been in her defence."
"You're not telling me anything I don't know Kyrano believe me." she replied turning her head towards Tin-Tin. "And that's why he can't afford to lose her."
They fell silent until Josie finally said in a low voice.
"I've always felt guilty about that you know Kyrano."
"Mrs Tracy?" he enquired. "I am not quite sure of your meaning."
"I'm meaning me not being at that hospital with Jeff when Lucille was fighting for her life all those years back."
"I believed you were there Mrs. Tracy." Kyrano replied with surprise. "Mr. Tracy has told me you were of great comfort to him."
"I was only there for the end Kyrano. I came only when there was no hope at all and Jeff called me to bring his sons to her."
Kyrano watched as the elderly woman tenderly stroked the forehead of his daughter.
"You see Kyrano. I've always felt that I should have been there with Jeff doing for Lucille what I'm doing for Tin-Tin now. Being positive, willing her to recover, and telling her how much trouble that man of hers was going to get himself into without her. Making her see she had to fight to stay in this world if only for his sake. But I didn't do it for that sweet little girl. All I did was stand there stupidly and say goodbye."
She lowered her head.
"I often think if I had my time over again Kyrano I'd have gone with my gut instinct that something had happened to Lucille during Alan's birth and gone to the hospital earlier. I'd have insisted the Doctors brought that baby of hers in for her to touch and love as soon as they brought her out of theatre not just before she died. She'd still be here now Kyrano if she'd held that little boy. I swear."
Tears welled in her eyes.
"And my Jeff would not have been left alone to cope without her."
Kyrano now understood the reasoning behind Josie Tracy's sometimes rebellious actions and her unwillingness to take no for an answer. Jeff Tracy's mother harboured a deep-seated guilt for not doing more for her daughter-in-law as she died.
"Mrs Tracy… You must not feel anything was your fault." he said gently. "Please come and sit down. You are exhausted as am I and these thoughts come only as a result of this."
But Josephine Tracy continued to stand and continued to focus her attention on Tin-Tin.
"My Jeff loved that beautiful girl so much." she continued tearfully. "She was the centre of his life.
I watch him struggle through day after day knowing he loves her as much now as he did then but he can't bring himself to discuss it or admit to it. Not to me and not to his sons."
She fixed her tired eyes on Kyrano..
"That child was intelligent and vibrant and such a wonderful mother to those little boys of hers. She didn't deserve to die like she did. Her babies didn't deserve it either… and neither did Jeff.
Kyrano nodded. His observations of Jeff Tracy over the years, so recently voiced to Alan had indeed been correct.
"That is why I need to do what I'm doing for this little girl. My grandson has loved her for more years than I care to remember. She will be a wonderful mother to my little great grand-daughter. She does not deserve to die and her baby doesn't deserve for her to die either. And my Grandson doesn't deserve it. He is still a baby himself."
"Mr. Kyrano." she sobbed as she broke down. "I cannot allow Alan to lose Tin-Tin as Jefferson lost Lucille. I will not forgive myself if it happens again."
She felt strong arms envelope her as her body crumpled with exhaustion. Jeff Tracy moved quickly from where he and Alan stood silently in the doorway to support her as she broke down. Her body fell against his; weak, exhausted and devastated.
"Momma." Jeff Tracy whispered as he cradled her. "Don't blame yourself for anything. You couldn't have done anything more for Lucy. Please ma'am are you all right? Do you need the Doctor?"
"No Jeff, you don't know that. "she continued to sob. "She would have fought for me if she would have held her baby. I know she would."
"Mom … no … please … don't think that."
"Our Lucy was such a precious, wonderful girl."
"Momma…I know she was …"
"And we just stood there and let her die on us."
"The Doctor couldn't do anything to make things right. What else could we do? Please …Momma …Leave it…" he swallowed. "I don't want to talk about it …I "
"But we do have to talk about it … Don't you see? Jeff we're letting it happen again … this time it's your son's wife."
It was Jeff Tracy's turn to snap then. Hot tears poured down his own cheeks as he rebuked himself angrily.
"I didn't know what else to do for Lucy momma. She was dying in front of my eyes for God's sake. I tried to be strong for her and tell her everything was going to be OK but it wasn't. Lucy knew it wasn't too. I couldn't lie to her. The Doctor told her she was going to die. What could I say to her? You're not? All I could think to do was hold her and tell her I loved her. I know it wasn't enough but it's all the comfort I could give her. It was so hard with the boys there crying for their mother not to die. They expected me to be some sort of God and make things right. I was Daddy … I was their hero. I made everything right … but I couldn't save their mommy."
He glanced in the direction of the doorway and saw Alan's pale and distraught face. He shook his head and fished about awkwardly for his handkerchief.
"Please …ma'am… Don't drag my feelings for Lucy up. I can't deal with them. I need to be strong for the boy…"
Alan stood quietly at the entrance to the room watching in despair as his Grandmother and Father broke down in each other's arms releasing years of carefully hidden grief and pent-up emotion. The two of them had always been his rock and now could not cope themselves. What hope did he have?
He looked to Kyrano for reassurance.
Kyrano walked towards the doorway and placed a comforting hand on Alan Tracy's shoulder.
"Your Father's love for your mother still is as I said, is it not Mr. Alan? We must let them be to finally deal with it." he said quietly. "Come outside my son. This sadness is not meant for your eyes."
He was over it now.
He'd let his feelings of inadequacy and devastation finally be released after nearly twenty two years.
Feeling foolish and weak he had needed to throw himself into his usual position of authority to forget his outburst. He'd forced his Mother to check into a Hotel to rest telling her she had broken down in the face of exhaustion. He had sent Kyrano and his son with her before they did likewise.
Alan and Kyrano had gone reluctantly but he had promised to call them if anything changed.
He had called the base and spoken briefly to Scott. Scott, whilst relieved to hear from him immediately offered to fly out and be with them.
"I can be by your side in an hour Dad." he had said anxiously. "By the sounds of things you need me."
He had disagreed with his eldest son and given instructions that International Rescue was to remain fully functional. His tired mind went through how Scott would handle operations.
"He'll remain Chief Pilot and run things from the air. Virgil's there. John can fly Thunderbird Three and Gordon's right for Thunderbird Four. Brains can fly Thunderbird One if Scott needs him to. The auto-pilot will have to be checked in Thunderbird Five. John can do that in the morning. Brains can go with him… Yeah …things are OK at the moment."
He leaned his head back against the wall feeling totally drained.
But he would force himself stay awake until he knew she would pull through. He always stayed awake whenever he worried his boys were in danger. He felt the same way for Tin-Tin.
His mother had always said talking helped and he knew from experience that it worked. He'd held Alan out in San Miguel by simply talking about everything and anything as his brothers raced the clock to save him. He'd needed to be firm when things got bad to help him focus.
Jeff Tracy had to admit things for Tin-Tin were as bad as they could possibly get and he would need to be even firmer than normal. They needed her to wake up.
He looked about to ensure no-one would hear him. He sat close to her at head of the bed and took her hand in his.
"Miss Kyrano." he began in his deep powerful voice. "I am in charge of this organisation as you are very well aware and it has come to my attention that you are thinking about leaving it on a permanent basis. I am informing you that I'm not prepared to accept your departure. I have invested a lot of money in educating you and I need your talent and expertise at the base is that clear?"
Silence.
"It's also my understanding that you and one of the other members of this organisation are fraternizing and have been doing so for a while now. You know my policy about fraternizing in the ranks don't you? It leads to discord and inefficiency Miss Kyrano and cannot be tolerated. You have a responsibility to this Organisation young lady and I cannot afford to have you distracting my Astronaut when I require him to be fully focussed on the job at hand."
Silence.
"Miss Kyrano, I am giving you a direct order. Under no circumstances are you to leave without my permission. I am holding you as my Assistant Engineer and my son as my Astronaut personally responsible for introducing another person into the ranks of International Rescue without my permission. As a result both of us must carry out an induction of this person into operational matters. She is to be carefully shown the base and informed in no uncertain terms of the need for absolute secrecy. I expect you to acknowledge my order Miss Kyrano and obey it."
Silence.
"Tin-Tin, your continued failure to acknowledge me is not going unnoticed. Are you not aware of the importance of rules and obeying orders?"
A tiny breath like voice whispered in the darkness.
"Y…Yes…Mr… T.."
Jeff Tracy's eyes widened as he realised Tin-Tin's lips had responded to his command.
He looked at her more closely.
"My orders are to be obeyed at all times Miss Kyrano." he continued. "You know that. And if I am not there to give them you will obey Scott or any other individual I leave in charge."
Silence.
"Miss Kyrano!" he said imperiously. "Answer me."
"Y…Yes …S…'
Jeff Tracy raised his lips to his wrist communicator. He did not notice the tears that fell unabated from his eyes as he did so.
His tired voice echoed through the room.
"This is Jeff Tracy calling Alan Tracy … Come in Alan …"
Author's Note - Sorry for the angst. Two Chapters to go. Thank you. mcj
NEXT CHAPTER - CHAPTER 13 - A NEW COMMITMENT
