"Lily!" James exclaimed. "Why, you're crying!"
Suddenly taken over by a wild angry hysteria, I threw myself into James's arms.
"Lily?" He sounded shocked, but pleased and he gingerly put his arms around me.
"My answer is 'yes,'" I told him, "to what you asked me after I bumped into you in the hallway."
"'Yes'?" he puzzled. Then a few second later -- "Oh! Lily, are you serious? Lily?"
He stared into my eyes. I looked back into his dark brown ones and felt the surge of anger diminish, replaced by revenge that would hit hard.
I wiped my tear-streaked face and smiled at James. "I'm serious," I said and slipped my hand into his.
* * *
Severus wasn't at breakfast the next day. Nor was he present at lunch or dinner. In fact, I didn't see him in any of my classes when classes started on Monday.
My anger hadn't faded. Every time I thought of Severus, the rage boiled up inside of me. It left my stomach kind of sick. I kept remembering the tormented expression on his face.
He didn't accept your apology, I told myself, trying to block out the image by replacing it with James's grinning face when I told him I would go out with him.
* * *
When I stepped into the common room, the same boy who had told me Severus was sulking walked up to me.
"He wants to talk to you," he informed me.
I knew immediately who "he" was.
"Tell him I don't want to speak with him," I replied curtly and turned away. "If there's anything he needs to say he should have said it before."
"But he--"
I scoffed. "He supposedly wants to talk to me, but he can't even approach me by himself. He has to have his little messenger boy run up to me first."
He glared and ran up the stairs.
Good, he's gone, I thought to myself. I began to walk up to my own dormitory.
Halfway up the stairs, a voice called to me.
"Lily!"
I stopped and turned around. It was Severus.
My anger flooded back.
"What do you want?" I hissed.
"Lily, come back down. I can't talk to you if you are standing there."
Reluctantly, I complied because I didn't want everyone in the common overhearing us shouting across the room.
I walked over to him and with each my heels dug into the floor.
"Lily, I know you're mad and you have a right to be. I was the one who was being irrational and stupid. I apologize."
"Oh yeah?" I retorted. "That's a bit late."
"Please, Lily," he begged, "I've spent the whole day thinking about what you said. I know I jumped to conclusions. There was nothing you did wrong, I'm so sorry."
"When I apologized you screamed at me. And now you expect me to accept your apology?"
"Lily, please, I'm hoping we're both thinking reasonably now."
"Severus, I'm never going to forgive you," I snarled.
"Please don't do that to me--"
"And furthermore, I'm going out with James Potter!" I spat the last bit out with relish, enjoying the look on his face.
"So I was right!" he yelled, his face like a storm cloud. "I was right all along and--"
"No, Severus," I said softly. "You were wrong. I did love you then."
I turned and walked away.
* * *
"James," I began.
"What is it, my dear Lily?" he asked, reaching out to stroke my face. We were sitting outside, by the lake. In fact, it was quite near the spot I had broken my leg.
"Stop touching me all the time," I muttered. "But, no - that's not what I was going to say."
"What is it?"
"You'd do anything for me, wouldn't you?"
"Yes, of course I would." He reached out to touch my face again. "I love you, Lily."
I brushed his hand out of the way. "Stop bullying people," I said quietly.
"Lily, but some people's existences just scream out for me to."
"That's not funny," I admonished. "James, don't ever do it again."
He began to protest, but I quickly cut him off.
"If you ever do it again, I'll break up with you."
"You mean we're dating? We haven't even gone out yet."
I glared at him. "I mean it," I said seriously. "Don't do it again."
"If my lady so insists," James sighed. "But why, Lily? Don't tell me you actually like that slimeball Snivellus."
I froze. James would never find out about the relationship Severus and I had had. No, he couldn't! If he did, he would be smart enough to realize the real reason I had come running to him.
"No!" I exclaimed, a little too loudly. "No, I don't at all. But I can't stand seeing people tormented..."
A little voice in my head said, How hypocritical you are, Lily. I silenced it.
"I don't care if they are my enemies or not," I said firmly, "I don't want to see you bullying anyone."
Why then, did I relish the look on Severus's face every time he saw me holding hands with James?
* * *
I caught occasional glimpses of Severus. His hair had become oily again and his robes looked like they hadn't been washed in a while. How could I possibly have loved a person like that? I wondered.
There never was just one voice in my head. There was always the opposition, my conscience.
He wasn't always like that, it said. You made him become that.
I quickly brushed away these thoughts and tried to bring back the anger that would swell up inside me and make me loathe Severus more than anything in the world. It was gone.
What? How could it be? Did I not hate him any more?
It doesn't matter, I said to myself. You're already with James.
* * *
It was now spring and James and I were going steady. Whenever I wondered why I was still with him, I remembered how terrible break-ups were.
James showed me a secret way to the Shrieking Shack. We would go there for privacy. He even told me that his friend Remus Lupin was a werewolf. Remus overheard him telling me and was very annoyed.
"You can't tell everyone, James," he muttered angrily.
"It's not everyone, it's just my beloved Lily," he replied grinning. "You'll never leave me, will you, Lily? You'll never tell Moony's secret."
I smiled and agreed, though my mind screamed "No, let me go."
James started kissing me, but I pulled back. "James, you're not a gentleman," I said.
"What do you mean? There's no one more gentlemanly than me, is there, Moony?"
"Well, actually James, I'm afraid she has a point... It's not actually polite to be kissing like that in front of me."
"That wasn't the worst part," I added. "You were kissing me before we're engaged? Why, how dare you do such a thing!"
I laughed to show I wasn't serious, but both Remus and James stared at me strangely. Remus gave a little cough, nudged James, and then left.
"I was kidding," I protested. "James?"
He gulped loudly and began fishing in his pocket. "Close your eyes, Lily," he commanded. I did so.
When I opened them, I saw him kneeling in front of me opening a small box. I should have gasped like the archetype of a fiancée-to-be, but I just stared.
"Are you serious, James?" I whispered.
"Lily," he began, looking up at me, "will you marry me?"
"You can't be serious."
"But I am..."
"This is the least romantic place in the world to propose, James." We were in the Shrieking Shack.
"I love you and want to be with you always. Marry me."
"James we haven't even finished school."
"You're telling me you don't want to show off this beautiful ring to all the other girls? We can get married after school ends." He gazed up at me. I sat on the dusty bed. This situation would have been ludicrous, I thought, if only he weren't serious.
"I..." I began.
"Lily, I am going to kill myself if you don't marry me." Frighteningly, he looked serious.
I had broken enough hearts already, I decided. I wouldn't add James to the list.
Suddenly taken over by a wild angry hysteria, I threw myself into James's arms.
"Lily?" He sounded shocked, but pleased and he gingerly put his arms around me.
"My answer is 'yes,'" I told him, "to what you asked me after I bumped into you in the hallway."
"'Yes'?" he puzzled. Then a few second later -- "Oh! Lily, are you serious? Lily?"
He stared into my eyes. I looked back into his dark brown ones and felt the surge of anger diminish, replaced by revenge that would hit hard.
I wiped my tear-streaked face and smiled at James. "I'm serious," I said and slipped my hand into his.
* * *
Severus wasn't at breakfast the next day. Nor was he present at lunch or dinner. In fact, I didn't see him in any of my classes when classes started on Monday.
My anger hadn't faded. Every time I thought of Severus, the rage boiled up inside of me. It left my stomach kind of sick. I kept remembering the tormented expression on his face.
He didn't accept your apology, I told myself, trying to block out the image by replacing it with James's grinning face when I told him I would go out with him.
* * *
When I stepped into the common room, the same boy who had told me Severus was sulking walked up to me.
"He wants to talk to you," he informed me.
I knew immediately who "he" was.
"Tell him I don't want to speak with him," I replied curtly and turned away. "If there's anything he needs to say he should have said it before."
"But he--"
I scoffed. "He supposedly wants to talk to me, but he can't even approach me by himself. He has to have his little messenger boy run up to me first."
He glared and ran up the stairs.
Good, he's gone, I thought to myself. I began to walk up to my own dormitory.
Halfway up the stairs, a voice called to me.
"Lily!"
I stopped and turned around. It was Severus.
My anger flooded back.
"What do you want?" I hissed.
"Lily, come back down. I can't talk to you if you are standing there."
Reluctantly, I complied because I didn't want everyone in the common overhearing us shouting across the room.
I walked over to him and with each my heels dug into the floor.
"Lily, I know you're mad and you have a right to be. I was the one who was being irrational and stupid. I apologize."
"Oh yeah?" I retorted. "That's a bit late."
"Please, Lily," he begged, "I've spent the whole day thinking about what you said. I know I jumped to conclusions. There was nothing you did wrong, I'm so sorry."
"When I apologized you screamed at me. And now you expect me to accept your apology?"
"Lily, please, I'm hoping we're both thinking reasonably now."
"Severus, I'm never going to forgive you," I snarled.
"Please don't do that to me--"
"And furthermore, I'm going out with James Potter!" I spat the last bit out with relish, enjoying the look on his face.
"So I was right!" he yelled, his face like a storm cloud. "I was right all along and--"
"No, Severus," I said softly. "You were wrong. I did love you then."
I turned and walked away.
* * *
"James," I began.
"What is it, my dear Lily?" he asked, reaching out to stroke my face. We were sitting outside, by the lake. In fact, it was quite near the spot I had broken my leg.
"Stop touching me all the time," I muttered. "But, no - that's not what I was going to say."
"What is it?"
"You'd do anything for me, wouldn't you?"
"Yes, of course I would." He reached out to touch my face again. "I love you, Lily."
I brushed his hand out of the way. "Stop bullying people," I said quietly.
"Lily, but some people's existences just scream out for me to."
"That's not funny," I admonished. "James, don't ever do it again."
He began to protest, but I quickly cut him off.
"If you ever do it again, I'll break up with you."
"You mean we're dating? We haven't even gone out yet."
I glared at him. "I mean it," I said seriously. "Don't do it again."
"If my lady so insists," James sighed. "But why, Lily? Don't tell me you actually like that slimeball Snivellus."
I froze. James would never find out about the relationship Severus and I had had. No, he couldn't! If he did, he would be smart enough to realize the real reason I had come running to him.
"No!" I exclaimed, a little too loudly. "No, I don't at all. But I can't stand seeing people tormented..."
A little voice in my head said, How hypocritical you are, Lily. I silenced it.
"I don't care if they are my enemies or not," I said firmly, "I don't want to see you bullying anyone."
Why then, did I relish the look on Severus's face every time he saw me holding hands with James?
* * *
I caught occasional glimpses of Severus. His hair had become oily again and his robes looked like they hadn't been washed in a while. How could I possibly have loved a person like that? I wondered.
There never was just one voice in my head. There was always the opposition, my conscience.
He wasn't always like that, it said. You made him become that.
I quickly brushed away these thoughts and tried to bring back the anger that would swell up inside me and make me loathe Severus more than anything in the world. It was gone.
What? How could it be? Did I not hate him any more?
It doesn't matter, I said to myself. You're already with James.
* * *
It was now spring and James and I were going steady. Whenever I wondered why I was still with him, I remembered how terrible break-ups were.
James showed me a secret way to the Shrieking Shack. We would go there for privacy. He even told me that his friend Remus Lupin was a werewolf. Remus overheard him telling me and was very annoyed.
"You can't tell everyone, James," he muttered angrily.
"It's not everyone, it's just my beloved Lily," he replied grinning. "You'll never leave me, will you, Lily? You'll never tell Moony's secret."
I smiled and agreed, though my mind screamed "No, let me go."
James started kissing me, but I pulled back. "James, you're not a gentleman," I said.
"What do you mean? There's no one more gentlemanly than me, is there, Moony?"
"Well, actually James, I'm afraid she has a point... It's not actually polite to be kissing like that in front of me."
"That wasn't the worst part," I added. "You were kissing me before we're engaged? Why, how dare you do such a thing!"
I laughed to show I wasn't serious, but both Remus and James stared at me strangely. Remus gave a little cough, nudged James, and then left.
"I was kidding," I protested. "James?"
He gulped loudly and began fishing in his pocket. "Close your eyes, Lily," he commanded. I did so.
When I opened them, I saw him kneeling in front of me opening a small box. I should have gasped like the archetype of a fiancée-to-be, but I just stared.
"Are you serious, James?" I whispered.
"Lily," he began, looking up at me, "will you marry me?"
"You can't be serious."
"But I am..."
"This is the least romantic place in the world to propose, James." We were in the Shrieking Shack.
"I love you and want to be with you always. Marry me."
"James we haven't even finished school."
"You're telling me you don't want to show off this beautiful ring to all the other girls? We can get married after school ends." He gazed up at me. I sat on the dusty bed. This situation would have been ludicrous, I thought, if only he weren't serious.
"I..." I began.
"Lily, I am going to kill myself if you don't marry me." Frighteningly, he looked serious.
I had broken enough hearts already, I decided. I wouldn't add James to the list.
