"So, Lily, can you talk to him?" Dahlia asked me excitedly.

"Oh, all right," I sighed. "I'll try to get you a date with Sirius."

"Oh, thank you, Lily! You're such a good friend."

I wondered what kind of a friend I would have been if I hadn't agreed. However, I already knew the answer.

Dahlia began babbling on about how adorable he was and how she just loved his hair and his eyes and –

I groaned.

"You'll be Mrs. Black before we know it."

* * *

I was working late into the night on homework in the common room. Everyone else had gone to sleep hours ago and I wondered to myself why I had to take so many honors classes.

I scribbled frantically, trying to finish up my essay so I could at least get four hours of sleep. Besides the scratching of my quill and the soft crackling of the fire, the room was silent.

Soft footsteps fell on the stairs. I looked up, startled.

A dark figure stood on the stairs. Though he stood in the shadows, I recognized him immediately. "Severus!" I whispered, surprised and struck by guilt to meet him again.

He walked slowly down the stairs. I noticed how his robes hung loosely on his frame and his hair was a tangled mess above his shoulders.

"Lily," he said hoarsely.

"What are you doing?" I asked. "Are you experimenting with more potions?"

"No," he said harshly. "I have finished with that nonsense."

"Then why are you here?"

"I must study." I suddenly noticed the big book he carried. I stared at its spine. Why did it look familiar? Then it hit me – it was from the Restricted Section. I remembered staring at its spine when I was in my first year, shivering but excited by what horrors it might contain.

He sat down at another table and began to read, muttering under his breath. I tried to return to essay, but I couldn't focus.

"Severus," I called softly.

He did not look up. "Do not distract me from my studying."

Silence. Then I blurted out, "I don't love James."

He looked up now. His lips curled back from teeth and his eyes stabbed me with his glare. "Why do you do it, Lily? Why do you tell me this?" he demanded loudly. My eyes began to sting. The emptiness inside me was swallowing me up. Then Severus said quietly, "My heart is already broken."

Suddenly I remembered the ring. I tried to move my hand to cover it, but the diamond caught in the light. I saw his face and my stomach felt like it were falling into a bottomless pit. I am a complete hypocrite.

I whispered to cover the tears in my voice. "I'm sorry." I gathered my schoolwork in my arms and ran up the stairs before he could shoot another sarcastic cold comment at me.

I crawled under the covers with warm tears rolling down my face. I hadn't even changed into my nightgown, but suddenly neither it nor the fact my essay was unfinished mattered at all. As I cried myself to sleep, nothing mattered anymore.

* * *

As I walked out of the door of my last class that day, James leapt out. "Boo!" he shouted. I jumped and then glared at him. "You scared me," I complained.

"Then I achieved my purpose." He grinned childishly.

I scowled. It hadn't been a good day. James wasn't making it any better.

"Aw, Lily, cheer up," he sighed, throwing a careless arm around me. "Come, let's take a stroll outside."

"Fine," I relented, walking with him down the hallway.

"That's my Lily," he said, smiling. He leaned over and kissed my cheek.

Anger flooded over me, like hot lava. I shoved him away and stopped walking. He stared me, hurt filling up his brown eyes.

I gave him a smart slap across the cheek. "Stop it!" I exclaimed shrilly.

"Whoa, what happened to you?" he asked. He was trying to joke and keep the anger and hurt out of his voice, but I could see it in his eyes.

You deserve it. I glared harshly. People were stopping to stare.

"Sure, flock here to look!" I screamed at them. "Why don't you make a tabloid about it? 'Lily's Love Life' – everyone would buy it!" The crowd scattered.

James grabbed my hand and pulled me outside. I resisted, but he was stronger. He dragged me to a bench. "Sit," he commanded. I followed.

Sitting down next to me, he stared into my eyes. I turned away, my anger fading to humiliation.

"Stop treating me like that," I said under my breath.

"Like what, Lily?" he asked seriously. "Every time I show affection for you, you pull back."

I cringed. "Today was a bad day--" I began.

"No, Lily, it's always been like this. You've never given me any affection back. I just haven't even mentioned it before. I thought I'd just deal with it. But after that, that slap" – his voice shook – "I knew I had to sort the matter out. What is it?"

I couldn't look him in the eye. "I'm sorry, James. Please forgive me."

"Lily, you're going to be my wife. Are you going to start loving me then?"

"What?" I exclaimed. "I do love you."

"Perhaps you keep it inside, because I've never seen you act like you do. I always have to find you – you never come looking for me, you never say anything sweet, you--"

I blushed. "James, I love you!" I burst out.

He stared at me. "I love you with all my heart, but I'm not sure you return any of it."

"I do, I do," I argued. I pulled his face close to mine and brushed his cheek with my lips. "I love you," I whispered in his ear.

He smiled gently. "I hope you're telling the truth, my darling Lily, because that's all I want in life."

* * *

Every day after classes, James and I would walk outside to sit and work on homework. We didn't share a common room and the librarian had snapped at us to leave when we had begun kissing. Actually, I had begun that one, to show James that I could show affection for him. He had needed no encouragement responding to it, but then the librarian had walked up.

Now I sat on the grass, leaning my head on James's shoulder as I read about the creation of the first wands in my history book. Surprising myself, I now liked him more than ever. Perhaps it was being in his company so often, but being with him gave me a warm secure feeling inside. Not all of the kisses I started were just to assure him I loved him; at certain moments, I even convinced myself of it.

James's quill stopped scribbling and he put his piece of parchment down. "I'm done," he said and leaned back into the grass.

I sighed. "Care to proofread my essay for Charms?" I asked hopefully, still not finished with my own homework, even though James took as many classes as I did.

He grinned devilishly. "That's not my idea of fun," he said and leaned towards me. As our lips meet, I was happy for a distraction from memorizing years for History of Magic. James was a much better kisser than Severus, but he had had a lot of practice, I suspected.

Sirius, who was sitting with us today, let out a loud cough. We ignored him, but he coughed again. I pulled back and stared at him.

"What is it, Padfoot," James teased, "are you jealous of us because things aren't going so well with Dahlia?"

Sirius brushed a strand of black hair out of his eyes carelessly. "No, things are fine. It's just fun to make you two uncomfortable." He grinned and James lifted an eyebrow.

"I think it's making him uncomfortable," he said in a loud whisper. "He's not used to seeing people so in love as we are, darling." He winked. "Let's make him uncomfortable."

I laughed and wrapped my arms around James again.

* * *

"Lily Evans, do you take James Potter to be your wedded husband?"

My heart beat rapidly. As I looked into James's brown eyes, which almost glowed with happiness, I realized the truth.

"I do," I said aloud. I had to say it or I would explode inside. "I love you!" I whispered quietly so the whole church wouldn't hear.

James gazed back at me and the smile that filled his face had no trace of suspicion. Surprised, I felt no different. It must have been there all along, I realized, I just never let myself believe it.

I smiled back at James, unable to contain the complete joy and freedom I now felt.