1. pancakes

The surest way to dispel a frown is by kissing it away. 

It was early morning and a heavy rain was beating a deep, steady rumble all over the smial roof.  You were making pancakes for second breakfast and I was sitting at the table, eating crumpets.  I was telling you about an old, hollow log where I could snuggle up and take a long nap so no one could find me and I would not have to learn my numbers with Pearl, she was a mean teacher, you know, you should see her when she found that I had drawn her face on my paper with two horns on each side of her head and smoke coming out of her nostrils, but the log was not all that safe, you know, because one day I went there and found that I was sharing it with a skunk…

You had been listening to my chatter with an occasional chuckle and Hmmm and Really, Pip? amid the hiss of the batter on the hot skillet and the zing of the spatula and the slap of pancakes being flipped.  The pile of pancakes stood higher and higher on the big plate you kept warm near the fire and even though I had done nothing but nibbling since first breakfast, I was once again hungry.   Then you scooped the last pancakes, plopped them on the plate, picked it up, whirled around, and saw the empty chair where Bilbo used to sit at the head of table. 

You were smiling when you turned toward the table, your eyes shining, your face slightly flushed and sweat-slicked from the heat of the fire and your mouth was open a little as though you were about to say something.  But in the time that it took you to see that empty chair, the smile disappeared, your lips clamped shut and the light in your eyes dimmed until all I saw was twilight and mist.  And you frowned.

Cousin Bilbo left three days ago, on Thursday, the day of your birthday.  On Friday you and Merry had had a hectic and exhausting time with the presents Bilbo left for friends and relatives, and maybe it was all that kept you from thinking about Bilbo.  When Mamma and Papa came yesterday afternoon, to put me in your care while they spent Sunday and Monday with Mamma's family in Michel Delving, you looked so relieved and happy to welcome us, cook for us and stay up talking with us before taking me to sleep on your bed where you told me a tale that only kept me wide awake and excited until you sang me that long, slow, lazy lullaby that you said was in Elvish. 

I noticed that we never did once mention Bilbo, perhaps because you always became suddenly quiet when we brought up the topic of his disappearance.  Mamma and Papa had been really careful and they even warned me not to say anything about Bilbo to you because it might hurt you.  They also told me to be good and keep Cousin Frodo company because right now he was sad and lonely.  I promised them I would do my best.

So I had been careful and had talked about everything and anything except Bilbo.  But how could I tell the empty chair to be mindful of your heart?

You sighed and went to the table setting the plates before me.  The stacks of pancakes were mountainous, dripping with butter and sending a powerful smell that made my stomach growl.  I knew you always added cream to your batter, but somehow your pancakes always turned out fluffy and smooth and much, much tastier than the ones our cook made in the Smials.  No one loved your pancakes more than Bilbo.  He could eat three, four stacks of five pancakes in one sitting.  You never made pancake batter in the smaller bowls; you always used the biggest one.  You did that this morning, too.  I glanced at the bowl, its lip dripping with creamy batter.  You must have prepared enough pancakes for Bilbo and you and me.  Only now there were only you and me.

The clouds still hung on your face when you sat and started eating in silence, still wearing that frown on your brow.  I smiled brightly and smacked my lips, slathering raspberry jam all over the topmost pancake on my plate. 

"You'd better eat fast, cousin," I said, "before I finish off these pancakes all by myself."  I wanted to fold my pancake in half and stuff it into my mouth, to further show the seriousness of my threat, but it was hot and started to break along the fold, letting out tiny puffs of steam.  Reluctantly I reached for my knife and fork.  I knew you were watching me all the time.

"You can't eat so many pancakes, Pip, you'll only upset your stomach," you said with a small smile.   "Eat slowly now.  You don't want to choke."

I said something with my mouth full of pancake.  You stopped eating and shook your head, your smile widening.  "I did not catch that, Pip.  Swallow first so I can hear you without ducking bits of pancake."

I grinned and chewed faster; swallowing that warm mouthful of rich, soft, sweetness before requesting "Can I have sausages and mushrooms with my pancakes?"

You raised your eyebrows and sparkles began to shine in your eyes as you shook your head.  "Pip, you have not stopped eating since first breakfast.  How can you still have room for mushrooms and sausages with your pancakes?"

I could limit my elevenses to tea and toast or stay in my room, sleeping off the full belly.  Besides the pancakes were so good.  And the frown and the gloom in your eyes were fading away.

"I'm growing, Frodo," I informed you.  "There's always room because I keep growing.  Don't worry.  Now, can I have mushrooms and sausages?"

You shook your head and suddenly laughed.  Rising from your chair, you reached to muss my hair, and I caught your wrist.  You looked at me with one eyebrow raised, but I said nothing and with my other hand I beckoned you to bend closer.  You dutifully lowered your head to hear whatever ridiculous things you thought I was going to say.  But this time I only kissed you on the brow, one last stroke in the battle against that ugly frown that should not have dared to come into your face. 

You blinked and looked at me.  My kiss smeared a ragged circle of red stickiness between your eyebrows.   There was even a bit of jam on the lock of hair that went under my puckered lips when I kissed you.  You straightened up, smiled, stroked my head and with a laugh went to fry me some mushrooms and sausages.  You were no longer frowning.

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