Disclaimer: I don't own LoK.
This story is based on a real story. Okay, it's not, but it could have been a real story. It was made so that FF writers of all kinds may remember that the powers they have must be treated with responsibility. Think of that when the evil writers block comes across your way and you're like 'Oh God, I have to write something before it gets me! Argh!', because if you're not careful it can have consequences!! Terrible consequences!! You are warned....
(Scene opens in a great, dusty cellar room. There are red banners covering the walls, and a thousand candles lights the room. Though this could be the place for a gathering of some weird cult ceremoni only two persons are standing in the room.)
Old bearded man: You have passed your test, child. I will now give thee the powers that are yours. Behold!
(The old bearded man raises his hand. The figure kneeling beneath him shields herselfe.)
Tenshi: Wait!
Old bearded man: Huh?
Tenshi: ...just before you go into any might-be dangerous stuff, can I have one question?
Old bearded man: One question, child.
Tenshi: Ok....who the hell are you?
Old bearded man: ?
Tenshi: I mean, one day I've suddently found this weird 'Easy Learn AP Internet Course! Three first months for free!' and the next thing I know is my room has changed into this creepy place, and you pop out of my computer screen!
Old bearded man: Well, I thought it was pretty obius. But very well, child. I will tell you. I am the Beginning and the End. I am the Vision of Time, the Creator of Light. I am known as the Almighty.
Tenhsi: Uhh......Jesus?
Old bearded man: ....What? No, not Jesus! Jesus has the powers of love and joy and good stuff!
Tenshi: ....which you don't.
Old bearded man: Exact.......er.....um.....anyway, I will now grant you the powers of the AP, child, for you are worthy.
Tenshi: The what?
Old bearded man: For gods sake....A P. Author Powers.
Tenshi: Ah.
Old bearded man: Now.....behold!
(Old bearded man waves his hands in the air to create some glowing magic, which he promptly casts on Tenshi.)
Old bearded man: Voilá!
(There is a glowing white flash which illuminates the room, and when it ceases we see that Tenshi has been turned into a wardrobe. Tenshi looks on the old bearded man in disbelief.)
Tenshi: What??? What the hell is that supposed to mean???
Old bearded man: Oops, my mistake. Heh heh, um I guess that was a bit of a screwup on my part...
Tenshi: ....who the hell shouts 'voilá' when casting spells??? I mean, seriusly!!
Old bearded man: ....Um, you do realize you've been turned into a wardrobe.
(Tenshi looks down herselfe)
Tenshi: ....Oh. Crap.
Old bearded man: Don't worry, I know how turn you back. Touché!
(Tenshi is her own self again)
Tenshi: Are you part french or something?
Old bearded man: My mother was a worker on the moulin rouge.
Tenshi: She was a cancan dancer?
Old bearded man: No, her biceps were too big. She was a stagehand.
Tenshi: Well, thanks for turning me back. Now I'd like to know what special powers you said you've given me.
Old bearded man: Allright, the AP powers are very special. Whenever you write something on a piece of paper it will become real.
Tenshi: ...and?
Old bearded man: Nope, that's it.
Tenshi: Oh. Well that'll do just fine. I was afraid that it would be something complicated that takes years of practise and I'd screw something up which would have catastrophic consequenses to all of the earth.
Old bearded man: That's a bit unrealistic, don't you think.
Tenshi: Oh yeah.
(Tenshi grabs a piece of paper and a pencil, then scribbels something down)
Old bearded man: What are you doing?
Tenshi: Shhh, wait a second....
( She releases the paper and holds it forward, then stands up and wait)
Tenshi: .......
Old bearded man: ?
Tenshi: Why ain't anything happening??
Old bearded man: ......give me that.....
(Old bearded man takes the paper)
Old bearded man: Hmmm........'and then all the characters of the Legacy of Kain series came from Nosgoth and to Earth and lived there instead.'
Tenshi: Why does'nt anything happen now??
Old beared man: Because you did'nt write where to send them, so generally they can be everywhere on earth now.
Tenshi: What?? NOOOO!!!
(Tenshi grabs the paper)
Tenshi: Dammit, dammit!! What have I done??!!!
Old bearded man: Heh, kinda ironic really. You said you were afraid that you'd make some major screwup and then you actually did. Heh heh.
Tenshi: You're not very upset as one who has just been told that the most bloodthirsty and powerhungry vampires of all time have been spread around the planet.
Old bearded man: No. I was only afraid that this fan fiction would not have anything to do with the LoK at all.
Tenshi: Tell me what to do!!! I've let a hundred maniacs loose in the world!!
Old bearded man: Aqtually, according to my calculations, you've only managed to send part of the characters to earth, that is all those who appeared in the Soul Reaver series.
Tenshi: How'd you know that?
Old bearded man: Hello? The Almighty??
Tenshi: Oh yeah. But then you can help me bring them back!!!
Old bearded man: Sorry, no can do. I have to be leaving to my yearly trip to Funderworld.
Tenshi: What the hell is that?
Old bearded man: It's like Disneyworld, but it's much more fun. I'd gladly go for Disneyworld, but that could be one of the places the vampires might be now.
Tenshi: But that makes no sense at all!
Old bearded man: No, you're right, it does'nt. Now that you've begun using your powers, you'll rarely see anything that does.
(The old bearded man summons a suitcase which sucks the candles, the banners and generally the whole room into it. Tenshi is standing in her own bedroom as the old bearded man takes the suitcase under his arm.)
Old bearded man: Well, see you, child.
Tenshi: No!!! You must help me!!! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE!!!!!
(The old bearded man with the suitcase jumps into her computerscreen and dissapears.)
Tenshi: Crap! I'll get you back for this, I swear! I refuse to pay for the last two months worth of AP lessons! Hah!!
(The old bearded man pops his head out of her screen)
Old bearded man: You already send the paycheck.
Tenshi: Oh, yeah. Damn.
(Later, Tenshi has been writing a piece of paper)
Tenshi: There! That's the list of where everyone of the characters I know from the LoK series. They include Raziel (All three of them) Kain (vampire) Dumah, Rahab, Zephon, Turel, Melchiah (Vamps and SF), Ariel, Janos, Vorador, Moebius, The Elder God, and the random citizens of the world.
(Tenshi wipes her brow)
Tenshi: Allright, and now all I have to do is find them...
(The door is opened, and Tenshis mom steps inside)
Mom: Time for school, hon!
(The door is shut)
Tenshi: .....or, save the world after school. Yeah that's more likely.
(At school. Tenshi sits down on her seat as the inspector walks in)
Inspector: Kids, today we're gonna introduce to you your new teacher, because the old teacher has been victim of a very cruel joke. He was found drained of blood this morning. Now whoever finds the ones responsible for this can come to me and have chocolate. Have a nice day.
(The inspector leaves)
Tenshi: (To herselfe) Hm, how odd.
(The new teacher walks in. Everyone gazes with open mouths, all except Tenshi whose eyes are just litterally about to pop out. The teacher sits down, smiling.)
Janos: Hello. I am your new biology teacher. Today we are going to learn each others names and generally get to know each other. Any questions so far?
(One of the students raises a hand)
Janos: Yes?
Student: Are those wings real?
Janos: Yes, they are.
(Another student raises her hand)
Janos: Yes?
Student: Why are you blue?
Janos: Because I used to live on a snowy mountain where it was cold all the time, and I had not windows on my great balcony, so it always snowed inside.
(A third student raises his hand)
Janos: You over there?
Student: Are you related to Papa smurf?
(All the students burst out laughing at that stupid joke.)
Janos: (calmly) No.
(Janos jumps up from his chair and down on the student, then drains him before he can even yelp)
Student: (falls down with an odd thump)
(All the laughter cease)
Janos: (smiling) Now let us continue. Today we are going to learn about the small, green spotted bird named....er, yes?
Tenshi: I was just wondering, could you come out with me for a second?
Janos: Why?
Tenshi: Err.....because, I think I broke somethng out in the hall, and I was hoping you could fix it.
Janos: Why don't you find one of the other teachers, or the janitor, so he could help you fix it?
Tenshi: Because......er, it's my leg I broke!
Janos: Oh. Well I guess I'm most qualified helping you. Allright children, sit still while I take your friend outside.
(Tenshi and Janos walk out, followed by the eyes of many students who'd like to know how it's possible to walk with a broken leg.)
(In the hallway)
Janos: So, how did it break?
(Tenshi pulls Janos down)
Tenshi: My leg is NOT broken! You better listen to me now, Janos. By mistake I've send you and all the characters of the Soul Reaver games to earth, you being one of them.
Janos: Um, I think you're mistaking. See, I'm your new teacher....
Tenshi: For god's sake, NO! You're from a world called Nosgoth!
Janos: Where?
(Tenshi puts her hands on her hips and sighs)
Tenshi: Allright, this could take some time. But the main point is, I have to find all of you and get you all back to Nosgoth so you're not causing trouble here.
Janos: I see.
Tenshi: Now I found you first which is a good thing, since you've got your wings. If we fly we can much faster find the others. You think you can carry me on your back?
Janos: Allright, but you must tell me why to go to Nosgoth. See, I have a classroom full of students, and I'm going to get fired if....
Tenshi: Forget the classroom!! Ah, okay, you said something about your mountain when you were in there, right? Don't you wanna go home to your mountain? Huh? Don't you??
Janos: (sighs) I miss my mountain....
Tenshi: Allright! Then let's get out of here before someone notices we're gone!
Storyteller: Tenshi and Janos left in a hurry. Though none of the teachers had ever seen a winged vampire before none began to pursue them as they rushed away from the school. They stopped just by the road and Tenshi said;
Tenshi: Er, hello? Who are you?
Storyteller: Huh? Me? I'm the storyteller, of course!
Tenshi: You can't be the storyteller! This story does'nt even have a storyteller!
Storyteller: It does now.
Tenshi: NO, it does'nt! And besides, a storyteller would have been there throughout the story! You were'nt even here in the beginning!
Storyteller: Well I'd like you to find someone else with a disembodied voice who'd do a better job than I!
Tenshi: Fine! I will!
Storyteller: Fine!
(The voice dissapears)
Janos: Um....what was that supposed to mean?
Tenshi: Nothing, really. Must be what the old bearded guy ment when he told me about things not making sense anymore.
Janos: Who's that?
Tenshi: The guy who gave me the author powers.
Janos: Ah. But, if you have author powers why don't you use them to get the characters back?
Tenshi: Because I want this story to last more than one chapter, that's what.
Janos: I see.
Tenshi: So, Janos, would you have ANY idea where one of the others might be?
Janos: You know, I might know where one of them is.
Tenshi: Yes!! Then let's get going!
(Janos smiled brightly and grabs Tenshi, then leaps far up into the air)
Tenshi: .....or flying, whatever.
That's it! That was the first chapter!
Turn back in some time and see if I find all of the LoK SR characters!
Any feedback is warmly welcome. Remember I've got Janos with me now. You better say something nice or we might search your home for all the LoK characters you've hidden there. Yes, we know! Don't think you can fool me with your innocent eyes! I've seen you, how you act weird, especially after 11 pm! Hey, don't try and run away!
Anyway, thanks for reading this chapter!
This story is based on a real story. Okay, it's not, but it could have been a real story. It was made so that FF writers of all kinds may remember that the powers they have must be treated with responsibility. Think of that when the evil writers block comes across your way and you're like 'Oh God, I have to write something before it gets me! Argh!', because if you're not careful it can have consequences!! Terrible consequences!! You are warned....
(Scene opens in a great, dusty cellar room. There are red banners covering the walls, and a thousand candles lights the room. Though this could be the place for a gathering of some weird cult ceremoni only two persons are standing in the room.)
Old bearded man: You have passed your test, child. I will now give thee the powers that are yours. Behold!
(The old bearded man raises his hand. The figure kneeling beneath him shields herselfe.)
Tenshi: Wait!
Old bearded man: Huh?
Tenshi: ...just before you go into any might-be dangerous stuff, can I have one question?
Old bearded man: One question, child.
Tenshi: Ok....who the hell are you?
Old bearded man: ?
Tenshi: I mean, one day I've suddently found this weird 'Easy Learn AP Internet Course! Three first months for free!' and the next thing I know is my room has changed into this creepy place, and you pop out of my computer screen!
Old bearded man: Well, I thought it was pretty obius. But very well, child. I will tell you. I am the Beginning and the End. I am the Vision of Time, the Creator of Light. I am known as the Almighty.
Tenhsi: Uhh......Jesus?
Old bearded man: ....What? No, not Jesus! Jesus has the powers of love and joy and good stuff!
Tenshi: ....which you don't.
Old bearded man: Exact.......er.....um.....anyway, I will now grant you the powers of the AP, child, for you are worthy.
Tenshi: The what?
Old bearded man: For gods sake....A P. Author Powers.
Tenshi: Ah.
Old bearded man: Now.....behold!
(Old bearded man waves his hands in the air to create some glowing magic, which he promptly casts on Tenshi.)
Old bearded man: Voilá!
(There is a glowing white flash which illuminates the room, and when it ceases we see that Tenshi has been turned into a wardrobe. Tenshi looks on the old bearded man in disbelief.)
Tenshi: What??? What the hell is that supposed to mean???
Old bearded man: Oops, my mistake. Heh heh, um I guess that was a bit of a screwup on my part...
Tenshi: ....who the hell shouts 'voilá' when casting spells??? I mean, seriusly!!
Old bearded man: ....Um, you do realize you've been turned into a wardrobe.
(Tenshi looks down herselfe)
Tenshi: ....Oh. Crap.
Old bearded man: Don't worry, I know how turn you back. Touché!
(Tenshi is her own self again)
Tenshi: Are you part french or something?
Old bearded man: My mother was a worker on the moulin rouge.
Tenshi: She was a cancan dancer?
Old bearded man: No, her biceps were too big. She was a stagehand.
Tenshi: Well, thanks for turning me back. Now I'd like to know what special powers you said you've given me.
Old bearded man: Allright, the AP powers are very special. Whenever you write something on a piece of paper it will become real.
Tenshi: ...and?
Old bearded man: Nope, that's it.
Tenshi: Oh. Well that'll do just fine. I was afraid that it would be something complicated that takes years of practise and I'd screw something up which would have catastrophic consequenses to all of the earth.
Old bearded man: That's a bit unrealistic, don't you think.
Tenshi: Oh yeah.
(Tenshi grabs a piece of paper and a pencil, then scribbels something down)
Old bearded man: What are you doing?
Tenshi: Shhh, wait a second....
( She releases the paper and holds it forward, then stands up and wait)
Tenshi: .......
Old bearded man: ?
Tenshi: Why ain't anything happening??
Old bearded man: ......give me that.....
(Old bearded man takes the paper)
Old bearded man: Hmmm........'and then all the characters of the Legacy of Kain series came from Nosgoth and to Earth and lived there instead.'
Tenshi: Why does'nt anything happen now??
Old beared man: Because you did'nt write where to send them, so generally they can be everywhere on earth now.
Tenshi: What?? NOOOO!!!
(Tenshi grabs the paper)
Tenshi: Dammit, dammit!! What have I done??!!!
Old bearded man: Heh, kinda ironic really. You said you were afraid that you'd make some major screwup and then you actually did. Heh heh.
Tenshi: You're not very upset as one who has just been told that the most bloodthirsty and powerhungry vampires of all time have been spread around the planet.
Old bearded man: No. I was only afraid that this fan fiction would not have anything to do with the LoK at all.
Tenshi: Tell me what to do!!! I've let a hundred maniacs loose in the world!!
Old bearded man: Aqtually, according to my calculations, you've only managed to send part of the characters to earth, that is all those who appeared in the Soul Reaver series.
Tenshi: How'd you know that?
Old bearded man: Hello? The Almighty??
Tenshi: Oh yeah. But then you can help me bring them back!!!
Old bearded man: Sorry, no can do. I have to be leaving to my yearly trip to Funderworld.
Tenshi: What the hell is that?
Old bearded man: It's like Disneyworld, but it's much more fun. I'd gladly go for Disneyworld, but that could be one of the places the vampires might be now.
Tenshi: But that makes no sense at all!
Old bearded man: No, you're right, it does'nt. Now that you've begun using your powers, you'll rarely see anything that does.
(The old bearded man summons a suitcase which sucks the candles, the banners and generally the whole room into it. Tenshi is standing in her own bedroom as the old bearded man takes the suitcase under his arm.)
Old bearded man: Well, see you, child.
Tenshi: No!!! You must help me!!! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE!!!!!
(The old bearded man with the suitcase jumps into her computerscreen and dissapears.)
Tenshi: Crap! I'll get you back for this, I swear! I refuse to pay for the last two months worth of AP lessons! Hah!!
(The old bearded man pops his head out of her screen)
Old bearded man: You already send the paycheck.
Tenshi: Oh, yeah. Damn.
(Later, Tenshi has been writing a piece of paper)
Tenshi: There! That's the list of where everyone of the characters I know from the LoK series. They include Raziel (All three of them) Kain (vampire) Dumah, Rahab, Zephon, Turel, Melchiah (Vamps and SF), Ariel, Janos, Vorador, Moebius, The Elder God, and the random citizens of the world.
(Tenshi wipes her brow)
Tenshi: Allright, and now all I have to do is find them...
(The door is opened, and Tenshis mom steps inside)
Mom: Time for school, hon!
(The door is shut)
Tenshi: .....or, save the world after school. Yeah that's more likely.
(At school. Tenshi sits down on her seat as the inspector walks in)
Inspector: Kids, today we're gonna introduce to you your new teacher, because the old teacher has been victim of a very cruel joke. He was found drained of blood this morning. Now whoever finds the ones responsible for this can come to me and have chocolate. Have a nice day.
(The inspector leaves)
Tenshi: (To herselfe) Hm, how odd.
(The new teacher walks in. Everyone gazes with open mouths, all except Tenshi whose eyes are just litterally about to pop out. The teacher sits down, smiling.)
Janos: Hello. I am your new biology teacher. Today we are going to learn each others names and generally get to know each other. Any questions so far?
(One of the students raises a hand)
Janos: Yes?
Student: Are those wings real?
Janos: Yes, they are.
(Another student raises her hand)
Janos: Yes?
Student: Why are you blue?
Janos: Because I used to live on a snowy mountain where it was cold all the time, and I had not windows on my great balcony, so it always snowed inside.
(A third student raises his hand)
Janos: You over there?
Student: Are you related to Papa smurf?
(All the students burst out laughing at that stupid joke.)
Janos: (calmly) No.
(Janos jumps up from his chair and down on the student, then drains him before he can even yelp)
Student: (falls down with an odd thump)
(All the laughter cease)
Janos: (smiling) Now let us continue. Today we are going to learn about the small, green spotted bird named....er, yes?
Tenshi: I was just wondering, could you come out with me for a second?
Janos: Why?
Tenshi: Err.....because, I think I broke somethng out in the hall, and I was hoping you could fix it.
Janos: Why don't you find one of the other teachers, or the janitor, so he could help you fix it?
Tenshi: Because......er, it's my leg I broke!
Janos: Oh. Well I guess I'm most qualified helping you. Allright children, sit still while I take your friend outside.
(Tenshi and Janos walk out, followed by the eyes of many students who'd like to know how it's possible to walk with a broken leg.)
(In the hallway)
Janos: So, how did it break?
(Tenshi pulls Janos down)
Tenshi: My leg is NOT broken! You better listen to me now, Janos. By mistake I've send you and all the characters of the Soul Reaver games to earth, you being one of them.
Janos: Um, I think you're mistaking. See, I'm your new teacher....
Tenshi: For god's sake, NO! You're from a world called Nosgoth!
Janos: Where?
(Tenshi puts her hands on her hips and sighs)
Tenshi: Allright, this could take some time. But the main point is, I have to find all of you and get you all back to Nosgoth so you're not causing trouble here.
Janos: I see.
Tenshi: Now I found you first which is a good thing, since you've got your wings. If we fly we can much faster find the others. You think you can carry me on your back?
Janos: Allright, but you must tell me why to go to Nosgoth. See, I have a classroom full of students, and I'm going to get fired if....
Tenshi: Forget the classroom!! Ah, okay, you said something about your mountain when you were in there, right? Don't you wanna go home to your mountain? Huh? Don't you??
Janos: (sighs) I miss my mountain....
Tenshi: Allright! Then let's get out of here before someone notices we're gone!
Storyteller: Tenshi and Janos left in a hurry. Though none of the teachers had ever seen a winged vampire before none began to pursue them as they rushed away from the school. They stopped just by the road and Tenshi said;
Tenshi: Er, hello? Who are you?
Storyteller: Huh? Me? I'm the storyteller, of course!
Tenshi: You can't be the storyteller! This story does'nt even have a storyteller!
Storyteller: It does now.
Tenshi: NO, it does'nt! And besides, a storyteller would have been there throughout the story! You were'nt even here in the beginning!
Storyteller: Well I'd like you to find someone else with a disembodied voice who'd do a better job than I!
Tenshi: Fine! I will!
Storyteller: Fine!
(The voice dissapears)
Janos: Um....what was that supposed to mean?
Tenshi: Nothing, really. Must be what the old bearded guy ment when he told me about things not making sense anymore.
Janos: Who's that?
Tenshi: The guy who gave me the author powers.
Janos: Ah. But, if you have author powers why don't you use them to get the characters back?
Tenshi: Because I want this story to last more than one chapter, that's what.
Janos: I see.
Tenshi: So, Janos, would you have ANY idea where one of the others might be?
Janos: You know, I might know where one of them is.
Tenshi: Yes!! Then let's get going!
(Janos smiled brightly and grabs Tenshi, then leaps far up into the air)
Tenshi: .....or flying, whatever.
That's it! That was the first chapter!
Turn back in some time and see if I find all of the LoK SR characters!
Any feedback is warmly welcome. Remember I've got Janos with me now. You better say something nice or we might search your home for all the LoK characters you've hidden there. Yes, we know! Don't think you can fool me with your innocent eyes! I've seen you, how you act weird, especially after 11 pm! Hey, don't try and run away!
Anyway, thanks for reading this chapter!
