Part Ten
Despite the sword strapped to her back, Phoebe caught up to Cole fairly quickly. "Cole, I need you. You're the only one who can do it."
"I will not kill you," he practically shouted as he spun to face her, "and don't you ever ask that of me again!"
"Cole, please," she entreated, "my sisters can't, Leo certainly won't, and I'm not sure that Chris has it in him either."
"And you think I do?" he growled indignantly before he stalked away.
She grabbed his arm and stopped him, "All you'd have to do is let Belthazor in for just a moment. He'll take care of it in an instant and then you can turn back."
"Do you have any idea what you're asking?" he snapped.
"Yes," Phoebe replied as she looked down at her feet, "I know exactly what I'm asking and I'm sorry but I don't have any other choice." She brought her chin up and declared, "I'm not afraid, Cole."
"Well maybe I am!" he shouted. "Listen," he assured her in a calmer tone, "we're going to find a Dracken to track the Dark Starling and then we'll destroy it. You'll be free so stop worrying about what might happen."
"I have to be prepared," she reasoned. "I don't want to be responsible for doing evil."
"You won't be," he reminded her. "As a minion, you'd simply be following orders without any conscious thought of your own."
"We're all responsible for our actions," she whispered, "whether they're consciously done or not."
Strangely enough, Cole didn't feel insulted by that dig. He knew she was terrified of the fate awaiting her if they didn't succeed but he still shook his head and apologized, "I can't help you."
"I'm begging you, Cole," she tearfully implored, "if I ever meant anything to you, if you ever truly loved me, then you'll help me now."
"And if you ever truly loved me," he countered, "you wouldn't ask this of me."
"Promise me you'll do this," she urged. "I won't let my sisters interfere and I swear there'll be no consequences."
"For you perhaps," he softly said. "What about those of us left to mourn?"
"Better to mourn me," she retorted, "than be forced to vanquish me!"
In that moment, Cole knew exactly what she had gone through. "I'm sorry," he sincerely apologized once again, "I never meant to put you through that, to force you into it."
"I don't want an apology," she sharply stated, "I want an answer."
He reached out and caressed her cheek, relieved when she didn't pull away. "I will do as you ask," he quietly promised. "If the time comes, I won't let you turn."
Phoebe exhaled in relief and smiled gratefully, "Thank you."
But Cole couldn't reconcile himself with what he'd just promised and abruptly ordered, "Come on, we're not there yet."
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The cavern they'd just turned into was deserted and Cole was relieved. They'd already run into two separate crowds of demons and managed to fool all into believing Phoebe was a fellow bounty hunter. But he had a terrible feeling that their luck was going to run out soon. Other than during those confrontations, he and Phoebe walked side-by-side in silence. With a glance to the underground stream to his left, he cleared his throat and commented, "You've changed."
Startled from her thoughts, Phoebe looked at him before she turned her eyes back to the path ahead of them. "I had to," she replied thoughtfully. "I had to find some way to move on."
He chuckled unexpectedly, "I expected a slap to the face or worse when you first saw me in the attic."
"I can make up for that if you'd prefer," she teased.
"That's okay," he chuckled again, pleased things seem to have changed between them for the better. At least they had moved in the right direction. "I guess I also expected you to be bitching the entire time we're down here, incessantly reminding me of how I hurt you and ruined your life."
She kept her eyes on the path and quipped, "Nothing like becoming a mindless slave to evil to keep it all in perspective."
"Too bad your sisters don't share the same opinion," he warily mentioned. "Maybe you could give them some lessons in letting go of the past."
"I never said I let it go," she murmured. With a sigh, she added, "But I suppose I was able to bury it for a while. My sisters, well, I guess they've still got their own issues to deal with."
"I'll say," he griped.
She glared at him and chided, "They're scared, Cole. You of all people know what it was like after Prue died. Do you really wish them the same pain now?"
"I never wished any of your sisters any pain," he quietly said.
"Nevertheless," she responded in a softer tone, "you did cause it, whether you intended it or not." When he didn't comment, she stopped walking, and timidly asked, "Can I ask you a question?"
He gazed at her a moment before he replied, "Only if I can ask you one in return."
"Agreed," she nodded. "Why'd youI mean, why"
Even though he was reasonably sure what she was about to ask, he realized she needed to ask the question as much as she needed to hear the answer. "Why'd I what?"
With sudden determination, she looked him straight in the eyes and asked, "Why'd you do it? Pick that point in time and create a new reality? Did you really think we could be evil together? Why couldn't you leave well enough alone?"
"That's more than one question," he teased.
"I'll owe you," she smirked. "I want an answer," she added in a serious tone. "I need tounderstand, I guess."
He glanced at the bubbling stream and muttered, "No, definitely not frozen over." He walked to the edge of the path, nearest the water, and informed her, "I didn't deliberately plan on us being evil, not after that disaster with the Nexus, but it was an unexpected consequence. I thought if I established a new time after Prue died, but before Paige entered your lives, when we'd been our strongest, we'd still be happy. That's all I wanted. A world where we were happy."
Phoebe considered his explanation. "Paige told us what it was like. What went wrong?"
"I'm not sure," he sighed. "I suppose I hadn't anticipated that there'd be a time lapse from the time I chose. If I had known"
"Maybe it was another sign," she sadly suggested, "that we weren't meant to be."
"I won't believe that!" he spun toward her. "I can't"
"You have to let go," she softly spoke as she approached him and hesitantly took his hands in hers. "Don't be afraid of it, Cole, it's all right."
"If I do," he whispered, "there'll be nothing left of me."
"That's not true," she shook her head. "I know you're scared, I was too, but you have to move on."
"You were my safety net, Phoebe," he exclaimed, "my reason for being good. Without youwell, look how quickly I screwed things up after you told me it was over."
"You always had it within you to be good," she calmly insisted. "You only needed to believe in it yourself."
"I was lost without you," he argued.
She shook her head with tears in her eyes, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry"
Surprised, Cole pulled away, "For what? I'm the one who's caused all the pain."
"No," she finally acknowledged, "I caused much of it myself. You have to understand, Cole, I was so hurt, so angry, so filled with bitternessI needed to hold on to it or I'd've truly fallen apart and never found my way back."
"Oh, baby," he murmured while he wrapped his arms around her, "I never meant to scare you or hurt you."
"I know," Phoebe mumbled into his chest, "I can feel it. But it was a nightmare that I almost couldn't handle. I didn't want to blame you but I did, I needed to, and then, when I needed space from you and everything"
"I couldn't give it," he admitted, "because I was afraid that giving it would mean giving up and I couldn't do that."
"I loved you," she sobbed, "I never wanted to lose you. God, I loved you so much. I love you"
Cole wasn't sure she even realized what she'd said. "Phoebe, I" He quickly supported her and he lowered her to the ground when, overcome by emotion, she suddenly sagged in his embrace. "I love you, too," he whispered while he gently rocked her in his arms.
After a few moments, once she was calmer, Phoebe suddenly felt as if a great weight had been lifted from within her. She carefully disentangled herself from him and wiped her eyes. "For what it's worth," she confessed, "it wasn't all pain and misery. Some of the happiest times of my life were spent with you."
Surprised by that admission, Cole simply said, "Thank you." He kept his gaze on her for a moment before he got to his feet and reached out a hand to her. When she accepted it, he helped her stand but he frowned when he noticed the tip of the star on her chest had turned a deep red.
She followed his gaze and softly said, "Leo said the added stress might cause the transformation to happen faster." She reached for his hand and squeezed it tightly, "But I didn't come all this way to give up now. Let's go."
"That's my girl," he murmured as he led her down the path.
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