Part Twelve
"I felt it, you know," Phoebe quietly announced after they'd walked for a bit in silence. The silence hadn't been as painful as before but it was still a reminder of the awkwardness remaining between them. She caught his expectant stare and sighed. This whole journey was her opportunity to find closure with Cole and it wasn't easy. She'd been able to deal with her feelings for her sisters and family by writing them last letters but there was no letter for Cole. She'd sat in her bedroom, forced to accept the fact that she'd be leaving her life with one empty hole in her heart. She unconsciously touched the star on her chest and, lost in thought, missed Cole's sudden look of concern.
"Phoebe?" He gently removed her hand and let out a breath of relief when he saw that the star was still the same shade of deep red it had been before.
"So powerful," she murmured while she stared at the hand holding hers.
Cole quickly pulled his hand away so she wouldn't think he was trying anything with her. But she smiled at him and he was thrown completely off-balance.
"Your emotions, just like everything else about you," she wistfully explained, "so powerful. It's partly why I ran twice from the attic, y'know. Sensory overload."
She didn't seem to be blaming him and yet he couldn't help but feel that he had somehow hurt her once again. "I'm sorry," he apologized in a mix of sincerity and confusion.
"Don't be," she shook her head with a slight chuckle, "you didn't do anything wrong. You --"
"Stop!" he excitedly demanded. She looked stung and he told her, "I just want to shimmer out and bring back a recorder so I have that on record."
"I've got no idea," she warned him, "what you're talking about."
But her eyes were sparkling and he returned her tease with a smile. "Come on, let's get going again," he said, "unless you need to rest for a few minutes."
"I'm okay," she assured him as she moved forward. She grew more serious, though, when she continued, "About the attic...I knew there was a good chance my sisters would succeed with the spell. I knew you'd be brought back but I still wasn't prepared for seeing you standing there and feeling all you felt. You didn't know to put up any barriers so I was hit with it all. And I mean all. I felt everything." She hugged herself as she remembered the emotional onslaught. "It was all thereyour confusion, your anger, your bitterness. Your fear for meand your love." She lowered her voice and warily added, "And your shame and regret." She gazed up at him and touched his arm, "I know it's all real. I know you're being completely honest."
"It's too bad you needed a power to make you believe," he quietly said when he deliberately looked away.
They continued in awkward silence before Phoebe apologized, "I deserved that." Cole merely grunted in acknowledgement and she admitted, "You should know that tonight I'm facing a lot of truths. About meabout youabout us. And it's been more painful than I expected but, at the same time, it's been surprisingly enlightening. And the most important thing I've come to realize is that, deep down, I've always believed in you, Cole. And I'm sorry, but it was easier to keep that belief buried deep inside than deal with it and the pain of failure."
"Failure?" he uttered in confusion and stopped walking.
Unable to look at him, she nodded and spoke quietly, "Failure to be strong enough to support you whenever you needed it. Failure to save you after you constantly risked everything to save me and my sisters. Failure to act when I simply stood by and failure to hold back when I acted instead. Failure to hold onto something that was so precious to me"
"Love," Cole acknowledged.
"Love," she sighed.
"It wasn't all your fault," he insisted.
"And it wasn't all yours either," she conceded.
"You think you'll succeed now," he warily asked, "with this new guy?"
"Jason?" She reluctantly began, "Cole, I --"
"I'm glad for you," he interrupted.
"Do you really mean it?" she whispered in disbelief.
"What does your power tell you?" he challenged.
"I'm not using it," she declared. "At least not consciously when I'm with the people I"
Cole smiled when her voice trailed off. He knew what her next word would've been and he knew she knew that he knew. But he lost his smile when he realized something else. "You love this Jason?"
Phoebe began walking ahead but, with him keeping pace at her side, realized she had no choice but to be honest with him. "Yes," she replied in a quiet voice, "I do. It's not the same as the love we shared but it's there just the same." She couldn't look at Cole and kept her eyes on the path before them. "Jason's in Hong Kong on business for several months and II've given serious thought to joining him there permanently."
After a few moments of digesting the information, he wondered, "You'd really leave your sisters?"
"I did for you," she gently reminded him. Suddenly, she sighed, "But the point's probably moot because this morning I told him the truth about my being a witch and now I'm pretty sure it's all over for us. Jason's got an open mind about so many things, even magic it seems, but I'm not sure he's prepared to deal with the consequences of living with the extraordinary on a regular basis."
"Then he's a fool," Cole whispered before he strode ahead several steps.
"Cole!" Phoebe cried out when she was suddenly grabbed from behind.
Cole spun at the sound of fear in her voice and immediately prepared to fire two energy balls at the demon holding her.
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"Piper" Paige knocked on Piper's bedroom door, opened it, and froze in shock when Piper quickly pulled the bed sheet up to her chin. "Oh, God," Paige uttered in sheer embarrassment as she quickly squeezed her eyes shut, stepped back into the hallway, and closed the door behind her. "I'm so sorry," she called out as she tried to block out from her mind the image of a bare-chested Leo buttoning his jeans.
"Give us a few minutes," Piper shouted back.
Paige still had her eyes shut when she heard Chris ask her, "What's wrong?"
Startled, she jumped back and quickly pulled him away from the door. "Nothing," she told him, "absolutely nothing."
"Did you tell Piper the potion's ready?" he asked.
"She just needs a minute toput herself together," she told him.
"Why?" he pressed. "What's wrong with her? Don't tell me she's still seething over Cole."
"It's got nothing to do with Cole," Paige assured him as she tugged his sleeve to make him move.
"Then what --" Chris began before he turned at the sound of the door opening. "Leo? What's going on?"
After a quick glance to Paige, he awkwardly told them, "Piper'll be ready in a minute."
"Leo, I can't begin to tell you how sor--" Paige stammered.
Leo quickly interrupted while he glanced up to the ceiling, "Gotta go. Be back soon."
As soon as Leo orbed out of the hallway, Chris turned to Paige. "What was that about?"
"What's what about?" Piper asked when she exited her bedroom. Busy straightening her top, she didn't notice the look of realization on Chris's face.
"We're in a life or death situation and you pull Leo away for a quickie?" he shouted.
"Quiet," she hissed, "or you'll wake Wyatt."
"What is it with women?" he exclaimed with annoyance. "You think sex solves everything?"
Paige glanced at Piper and remarked, "Isn't that a line the woman usually says?"
"You've got some romanticized notion that sex during a crisis is a good thing," he criticized.
"Isn't that something a guy usually thinks?" Piper remarked to Paige.
"Fine," Chris threw up his hands and stalked off, "whatever. I knew we'd have to be more concerned about your distractions rather than Phoebe's. Let me know when you're both ready to deal with the crisis at hand."
"Sometimes he's a worse nag than Leo," Paige muttered. "It's none of his business what you do in the privacy of your own bedroom."
"Still, we shouldn't keep getting on his case whenever he's trying to help," Piper decided. "And he has been a big help to us over the past couple of months." Paige nodded sulkily and Piper worried, "Have you heard anything from Phoebe?"
"No," Paige assured her, "and I'm sure that's a good thing."
"Leo said she's got an aura of peace around her," Piper informed her.
"Stuck with Cole?" Paige asked suspiciously. "Leo told you? He's sure?" Her sister nodded somberly and she wondered, "What're we gonna do about him? Cole, I mean."
Piper shrugged, "I'm not sure we can do anything until he tries something."
"What if Phoebe wants him back?" Paige anxiously wondered.
Piper shook her head, "I don't think she'd risk her happiness with Jason for the dangers that being with Cole brings."
"But?" Paige warily asked.
"But if Leo's right and there still is love between them," Piper explained, "then Cole might become a part of our lives again whether we want it or not."
"That's what scares me, Piper," Paige quietly admitted. "Even if he is only Belthazor now, he's still a demon and he's still a dangerto us, maybe even to himself."
"It scares me too," Piper sympathized. "But I'm not sure we're even entitled to do anything to him if he doesn't do anything to warrant it."
"Well, I've made sure that we're protected," Paige announced, "and I'll be quite happy to let Cole know." Piper shrugged in confusion and she explained, "I prepared the vanquishing potion for him, never mind the how."
"I hope it doesn't come to that," Piper sincerely wished. Paige looked at her in surprise and clarified, "Oh, I'm glad you have it, it couldn't hurt to let Cole know we mean business. But, I don't knowLeo seems to think we should let the past go and --"
"Chris gave me the same lecture," Paige interrupted. "You think they're right?"
"Maybe," Piper considered in a voice barely above a whisper. "Think about it, Paige, in the past year, how often have we really given Cole a second thought? It wasn't until he came back that all these memories came rushing back and maybe that's part of the problem."
"You've lost me," Paige told her. "How can his return not be a problem?"
"What I mean is," Piper thought aloud, "that, once we accepted Cole's part in Phoebe's life, we never really feared him. Sure, Belthazor was a demon, but he acted on our behalf, and the truth is, while he did use his powers, he rarely turned into Belthazoruntil that last time."
"And then he was simply mortal-Cole," Paige continued, "without any powers. Pain in the butt, sure, but not dangerous."
"And then came the Source," Piper shivered, "and we still didn't know enough to be afraid until the end and thenthat last night when he tried to kill us."
The memory of that night flooded her mind and Paige's eyes widened when she realized, "And even then, it was more a show for Phoebeto force her to choose"
"Us," Piped nodded. "And when he came back from the Wasteland, we were so angry but not really afraid, even with all those powers he had."
"Phoebe was," Paige insisted.
"More of falling into old habits with him," Piper argued. "It wasn't until he started getting desperate that he became scary."
"So, what're you saying, Piper," Paige asked, "now that he's back to being good-ol' Belthazor, we've got nothing to worry about?"
"I'm saying," Piper carefully explained, "what I said before. That we watch and wait. If Cole steps one toe over the line, he's history, again, no regrets. But, until then, we live with whatever decision Phoebe makes."
Paige nodded in agreement. "God, I'm glad the guys aren't here to gloat."
"Our little secret," Piper whispered with a chuckle, "they don't have to know when they're right." Paige laughed for a moment too before Piper reluctantly changed the subject, "Is the Dark Starling potion ready?"
Paige nodded somberly, "And I was thinking that maybe creating a spell would help reinforce the potion's power. It's why I wanted to see younot see you, see youI mean I wanted to ta--"
Piper giggled over her sister's embarrassment, "It's okay, Paige, but maybe this'll cure you from entering before you hear the words, Come in.'"
Paige drew an x' over her heart but then asked, "So, you and Leo?"
"I don't know, I'm so confused," Piper groaned before Paige hugged her.
"Leo didn't" Paige inferred.
"No, of course he didn't," Piper quickly said as she pulled back. "It was me," she softly admitted. "I had this awful nightmare but Leo was there to comfort me and listening to his voice and being in his armsAll I wanted was to be with him again, like the way it used to be."
Paige gently brushed away a few of her sister's tears and wrapped her arm around her sister's shoulders. "C'mon, sweetie, let's go downstairs and you can tell me all about it."
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