Part Nineteen

Six Weeks Later…

Phoebe lay back on the patio's lounge chair and stared up at the twinkling stars and made a wish, or, rather, two. As had become her routine for the past few weeks, she closed her eyes and thought of him. Of them. Two men so completely different. But two men who loved her completely. Two men she loved in return. Two men who had broken her heart. She sighed, opened her eyes, and pulled the blanket tighter around herself. Even with her eyes open, her mind replayed the talk with Jason three weeks before.

"It's just not working," Jason paced on the other side of the hotel room's coffee table.

"It's only been three weeks," Phoebe desperately told him from the edge of her seat on the sofa. "You've been exposed to so much in such a short amount of time and you still need to get used to it. We weren't used to it after three weeks, how could you be? Hell, after three years, we were still questioning our lives."

"That's not it, Phoebe," he shook his head. "I just can't compete with all this."

"All what?" she asked in confusion. "What are we in competition for?"

He sank into the lounge chair and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. "How can I tell you about a three million dollar bonus I made in a board room deal when you've just come back bruised and scraped after saving the life of some innocent?"

"Because it's important," she insisted. "Because it's important to you. I want to hear about your successes. I want to share it with you."

"It's not the same," he told her. "And even if we just talk about helping people…Phoebe, I can help as many needy people as I can through whatever means I have and it will never be the same as what you can do."

"Would it be any different if I was saving lives as a doctor or a firefighter?" she challenged. "I'm not trying to be better than you and I'm not trying to prove anything to you or anyone else."

"It's just hard," Jason hung his head. "In three weeks, you've left me three times in the middle of public dinners. Once, you had Paige orb me to you because you were recovering at home from some attack. And twice I've had to create excuses to Elise for why your column was faxed in at the last minute from Paris or some other city when I was actually elsewhere at the time."

"I never meant to put you in those positions," she apologized.

"I'm not," he replied with sincerity, "because it explains so much of the mystery about you that existed in our relationship. But I can't deny that it's also made me see the reality of being involved with a witch."

Phoebe stared at him as a great weight of sadness settled upon her, "I know it's hard, but it's what I do. It's who I am."

"I know," he acknowledged in a choked voice. He stood up, walked to the sofa, and sat on the coffee table in front of her. He took her hands in his and told her, "And I love you for it. Phoebe, I love everything about you, even your being a witch."

"But you can't be with me," she tearfully realized.

He kissed her hands and squeezed them, "I'm sorry."

Phoebe gently tugged her hands free and stood up. She gathered her coat and bag and walked toward the door before she turned around. "I can make you forget," she offered.

Jason stood, "What do you mean?"

She stepped forward and confessed, "The night I told you the truth about me, I almost asked Paige to bring me back to you so that I could cast a spell on you." He seemed stunned and she quickly told him, "It wasn't to do evil or anything. I thought, well, I thought that what I told you was too much for you to handle and I wanted to take it away. There's a spell that would make you forget all about magic, all about my being a witch."

"You could make me forget about you?" he wondered.

"If that's what you wanted," she replied in a choked voice. "I'd work into the spell whatever explanation you wanted."

Jason quickly shook his head, "I don't want to forget you. I don't want to forget a single moment of our time together."

"I tried so hard to make this easy for you," she insisted. "I wanted this relationship to last. I thought it could."

"I know," he smiled sadly, "I did too." He reached out and lightly gripped her upper arms before he pulled her close and kissed the top of her head.

Phoebe leaned into him and wrapped an arm around his waist, "I love you, Jason."

"And I love you, Phoebe," he assured her. "I always will. But sometimes love isn't enough."

"Where have I heard that before," Phoebe wondered bitter-sweetly as the memory with Jason faded. "You're probably thinking I deserved it," she whispered to the heavens, "that it serves me right to get a taste of my own medicine." But the stars seemed to mock her by twinkling even brighter. "Dammit, Cole, where are you?" she whispered back to them.

Leo continued to stand quietly on the patio and watched Phoebe for a moment more before he decided to interrupt her privacy. As he approached, he asked, "Make a wish?"

Phoebe gasped in surprise before she nodded. "Not that it matters much. I don't think I ever had one of those wishes come true. Or, at least, stay true."

He gazed up at the stars, "But it doesn't stop you from wishing, does it?"

She shook her head. "Is there trouble?" She sat up and sighed, "It's been a long day and I'm not really in a vanquishing mood."

"No," he assured her, "no trouble. I just wanted to see Wyatt."

"It's late," she acknowledged, "and he's probably asleep. Piper, however, hasn't left for the club yet."

"I'm not exactly her most favorite person these days, am I?" he sighed as he sat down on the foot of her chair.

Phoebe smiled sympathetically, "She's not mad at you, not really. She told me it's practically her fault for throwing herself at you."

"She didn't throw herself," Leo quickly said. "And I should've stopped it from happening but I didn't."

Phoebe smiled at his defense of Piper and patted his arm. "It's not anyone's fault. It's a miracle and was meant to be. Just like Wyatt. It's just that this took her by surprise. Wyatt's barely a year old, you're not here, Paige is living with Richard, and she's stuck with her younger mopey sister living at home. She doesn't think she's ready for this and she's scared."

"It's not easy for me either, Phoebe," he complained. "I didn't ask to be an Elder. I didn't want to be an Elder. But I can't…I can't ignore my calling. Not even for her or my sons."

"I know," she hugged him, "and Piper knows too…You'll figure this out." She pushed back and, unable to look him in the eyes, gazed at the stars while she asked, "Is he okay?"

"Phoebe…" he warned in a tone of concern rather than anger.

"I want to talk to him," she demanded as she turned to him. "I've tried calling for him and he won't come."

"He needs to adjust to his new powers," Leo answered simply. "When the time comes, if it comes, he'll answer you."

"What does that mean?" she worried. "Leo, please, I have to know. We've barely seen you since it happened and you don't talk about him. Or you won't. But I have to know, is he okay? How is he managing? Did they do anything to him?"

"They haven't done anything to him," he replied. "It's not like that."

"Then how is it?" she questioned in frustration. "Did they send him off somewhere to prove himself? To test his powers? What are his powers, anyway? We never knew what Chris could do as a witch. Did they give him a charge? Or are they going to abandon him?"

"Of course not," he muttered, "much as they'd like to."

"What does that mean?" she groaned as she stood up.

It was near impossible keeping anything from the Halliwell women so Leo gave up and admitted, "He's driving everyone insane." Phoebe paled and he quickly added, "Not literally." She seemed only slightly relieved so he explained, "He's not like any other Whitelighter."

"Paige is half-witch/half-Whitelighter," she commented with confusion. "It's entirely possible there are others out there like them."

Leo chuckled but shook his head, "That's not what I mean. You have to remember, Cole is still part-demon. Maybe not physically any longer but that life is still ingrained in him. His past, his heritage, didn't simply vanish along with Belthazor."

"So he's not quite the angel," Phoebe understood with a wry smile. "Serves 'em right," she gleefully added.

"Phoebe!" he admonished.

"Sorry," she sheepishly grinned, "guess I still don't really consider you one of them." She considered thoughtfully for a moment, "Guess the ones up there now with you aren't even the same ones that gave us so much grief while we were learning about our powers. Are they at least showing him some understanding? Are they giving him a chance?"

"He's done some pretty amazing things," Leo acknowledged, "in such a short amount of time. Almost too much, all things considered. I don't think he's trying to prove anything to them as much as he is to himself." He sighed, "But he goes about it all in very unorthodox ways and that…concerns them." He stood up, faced her, and quietly instructed, "Don't call for him. It's not what he needs right now. Or wants."

"I'm just worried about him," she whispered with a touch of sadness by Leo's words. "For him."

"I know," he nodded, "and so does Cole."

Phoebe was taken aback. "He talks about me?"

"No." But upon seeing tears in her eyes, he reluctantly confessed, "Once. He asked about you. He knows about you and Jason. No, I didn't tell him but he's pretty resourceful so I'm guessing he's been keeping an eye on you. On all of you." He pulled her into a hug, "You'll be okay, Phoebe."

Phoebe nodded but hugged him tighter, "We both will…It's not easy, is it? Letting go."

"If that's even possible," he murmured.

"Da?"

Leo and Phoebe pulled apart to find a pajama-clad Wyatt standing before them holding a stuffed unicorn.

Phoebe whipped off her blanket and wrapped Wyatt in it causing him to squirm and reach out for Leo.

Leo picked up his son and quietly chastised, "You belong in bed right now. No more orbing."

Phoebe smiled at Wyatt's giggles but told Leo, "You'd better take him in before Piper discovers he's missing."

Just then, Piper came running out of the house in a panic. "Wyatt's gone! He's gone! I've checked every--" When she suddenly realized Wyatt was safe in Leo's arms, she pressed a hand to her heart and caught her breath. "Thank God," she whispered as she practically grabbed Wyatt from Leo and squeezed the boy tightly in her arms. "You have to stop doing this to Mommy," she told her son.

Wyatt merely reached for Leo. "Da…"

Leo shrugged and apologized, "I had some time and wanted to check on him. I thought he'd be asleep but he must have sensed me and come looking."

"Great, he can sense you," she complained. "We're gonna have to put a block on his room to keep him from orbing out. No more orbing, Mister, unless it's an emergency." But she was unable to keep a stern face for her son and placed the happy boy back in Leo's arms. "How about if you put him back to bed and stayed with him for a bit. I'm running late."

"Sure," Leo grinned before he acknowledged both sisters with a nod. He bounced his son and, when Wyatt giggled, he orbed them from the patio.

"You okay?" Phoebe asked Piper when the sparkles faded. "You know you're gonna have to talk to him sooner or later. Plan for the future."

"I can't even think about that," Piper confessed as she sank onto the chair, "without wanting to throw up."

Phoebe smiled and teased, "That's just morning sickness."

"What a mess," Piper muttered. "Wyatt's still a baby, Leo's an Elder, Paige isn't here, and we don't have a Whitelighter."

"But you've got me," Phoebe declared, "and I'll take care of you." Piper didn't answer, didn't even smile, and Phoebe shamefully realized, "You're still mad at me."

Surprised, Piper turned to her, "Why would I be mad at you?"

Phoebe glanced up at the stars. "Because I still care about him and you still blame him for what happened to Chris."

"Chris was my son," Piper practically shouted, "and he's dead."

Phoebe spun to face her, "Don't you think I know that? Don't you think that's haunted me since you discovered you were pregnant and we put it all together?"

"How am I supposed to carry him inside me," Piper cried, "and know that he's fated to die before he's even twenty-five?"

"We don't know that," Phoebe exclaimed, "because the future is always changing."

"Not my son's future," Piper stated. "Chris is going to grow up only to go back to the past and come here. And he's going to die here."

Phoebe shook her head and sat next to her sister. She wrapped her arm around Piper's shoulders and told her sister, "Chris went back to the past to change it. Yes, he lost his life but it wasn't Cole's fault. And, more importantly, Piper, Chris did change the past. He saved us. And he saved Cole."

"He's still dead," Piper whispered as she rubbed her belly. She wasn't showing yet but she knew he was growing inside her and it was breaking her heart.

"Not necessarily," Phoebe insisted. "Chris changed everything by having you bring back Cole. Cole wasn't around in Chris's original past. Whatever happened that Chris was trying to prevent may not happen now that Cole is here. And if Cole can prevent whatever it is from getting Wyatt, then Chris won't have to go back in time so he won't die here."

A spark of hope lit Piper's eyes. "That does make sense, doesn't it? The future's always changing, right?" Suddenly, she frowned, "Then all this rests on Cole's ability to stay good. He's still a demon, Phoebe, no matter what powers he has. How do we know he won't turn evil, become a Darklighter?"

"He won't," Phoebe assured her older sister, "because he wants to be good and leave all that evil in the past. And because he's got a responsibility to make sure Chris didn't give up his powers and die in vain. And because…well, if you think about it, if he's got Chris's witch powers then that means he's got Halliwell powers…" Piper gasped and Phoebe chuckled, "Sorta kinky if you think about it."

"Phoebe!"

Phoebe's smile faded and she seriously told her sister, "After everything we've all been through, Cole would never do anything to taint our line with evil. I know it. Give him a chance, Piper. Please…"

Piper acknowledged her sister's words with a nod but said, "I don't want to talk about this anymore." She stood, "I've gotta get to the club. Why don't you go back inside? It's freezing out here and I'm sure Leo has to leave soon."

"Jason called," Phoebe suddenly admitted. "While you were giving Wyatt his bath."

"What'd he want?" Piper asked with concern as she immediately sat again next to Phoebe. "Are you okay?"

Phoebe shrugged, "He wanted to let me know he was back in town. That he'd be staying for a while and that I'd probably be seeing him a bit more at the office." She shrugged again, "It's not any easier for him, I guess…I still love him. I still wish it was different, that we were still together. I miss him, Piper."

"Of course you do," Piper sympathized with a hug. "Those feelings aren't going to just go away. You know that."

"Only too well," Phoebe whispered. "He made me believe again, Piper. In love, in myself."

"I know, sweetie," Piper comforted. "You'll be okay. You both will. It just takes time."

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